Cycles of Growth in True Love!
Love in marriage goes through cycles. There is one big cycle of becoming one, then you have smaller cycles or phases within the big one then you have microcycles within each phase.
Macro, Meso and Micro cycles in the Song of Songs.
Macro cycle includes all 3 phases or cycles of learning how to be more one in marriage. From this perspective you can get an overall idea of how to reach oneness. A bird’s eye view of this whole cycle helps us to see the bigger picture of marriage. Oneness is the goal and love guided by wisdom is the means through each and every cycle. Teaching, Correcting and rebuking. The cycles are in the context of the first date, engagement/wedding and life after marriage. Each phase can also be categorized as times and contexts in which love happens or as she puts it, “under the apple tree” there is a progression in the Song from “arousal” to “conception” of the marriage to “laboring” in love that gives birth to oneness. This is seen in Solomon’s Song of Songs 8:5
“Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? She Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth.”
First phase or mesocycle is Teaching,
Second phase is correcting and
Third phase or cycle is rebuking
Then continuing in love because trained to do so.
It’s interesting to note that these phases the woman goes through in the love Song as she grows in her love to her husband are also similar to the phases a Christian goes through in his growing love for God. There are Christians that when first born again are called babes that have a lot of learning to do. Though all Christians are children the next phase of the Christian life is when the child of God has assurance that he is a child not because of any work he has done but knows he is saved for Christ’s names sake. 1 John 2:12-14, then you have the 3rd phase the Strong Young Man, then the highest level of spiritual achievement is the Father, fully mature, who “knows him who is from the beginning“.
I detail these phases more here if your interested, Phases of Growth in the Christian life. Babes, Children, Strong young man, Fathers.
These same phases that the woman goes through as she grows in her love to God and her husband that are similar to that of a Christians growing love to Jesus Christ are also similar to the growing love Israel had for God. The similarities are so close that the Jews easily see the Song as an allegory of God’s love to Israel and Israels love to God.
Example of how a Macrocycle works in the area of communication or sweet communion with your beloved.
So lets take a specific example in the Macro cycle. Communication. Couples must learn how to communicate with one another in love so that they can become one. Couples may be taught how to communicate, timing in communication, motives etc. Proverbs is full of how to speak wisely. Also the example of how Solomon spoke to his wife in order to draw her closer to himself is seen in the Song of Songs. He is the ultimate example of a wise communicator in marriage. So much so that his wife said that his mouth was “sweetness itself“. Song 5:16
So there is learning to communicate, then practicing to communicate better and correcting what didn’t work, then there is God, the watchmen, pastors, friends or spouse rebuking those who know how to communicate but aren’t doing it. Once communication is taught, correct or rebuked where needed, at some point there won’t be need of teaching, correcting or rebuking but only continuing in good communication because now both are properly trained in righteous communication. Thus Scripture is also profitable for teaching, correcting, rebuking and training in righteousness.
Within this Macro Cycle other things are learned as well. The man learns to wisely lead. The woman learns to submit. Their respective roles must be learned. Both grow in an understanding of God and their relationship with Him. Finances must be worked out. Likes and dislikes. And on and on til they are one.
Each Mesocycle is divided up by the same phrase thus making it even easier to distinguish or outline the Love Song as a whole. The same phrase, “Do not arouse or awaken love until she so desires.” is repeated 3x. Song 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4. Thus dividing the book up into 5 parts. A beginning, arousal, engagement, the married life then conclusion. With the main sections being arousal, engagement and the married life.
The sections can also be explained another way. Imagine you meet a couple where there is what looks like perfect harmony between them. They have been married quite a while and they are holier and happier. They are one. They are on the same page, he knows her and she knows him. Both are doing their part in the relationship. And you ask the question,
“How did that happen?” “Start with how did you guys meet.” And the woman answers, “It all started at his anointing when I saw him and smelled his anointing oils for the first time. I knew of him but then I saw him and wanted him. I was in love. This is what it felt like…
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the young women love you!
4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.” Song 1:2-4
So the woman goes on explaining from her perspective through out the whole Love Song what it was like to fall deeper in love with her husband. She explains how they became one from her perspective with some narrative here and there. So the Love Song is bits and portions of times when their emotions for each other grew. When did they grow.
First meeting. First date. Proposal. 1st bad night. Wedding. Wedding night. 2nd bad night. The married life.
So how did the bride and groom become one. If I were to speak for her I would say, “We met at his anointed and I immediately fell in love, we had the most wonderful first date where I was so overwhelmed by his expression of love to me that I passed out in his arms, then when the timing was right he sang the sweetest proposal song to me, before engagement we caught the foxes that would ruin the growing intimacy of our relationship, then there was the ultimate wedding and wedding night, then we denied ourselves and labored in love in marriage. Yes, we had a few bad nights but all in all we kept growing closer and closer together, holier and happier for our love was as strong as death, it’s jealousy as cruel as the grave, it is a flame above all other flames which couldn’t be quenched, and if either one of us would offer money in exchange for love we would utter scorn the thought.”
The mesocycle represents a specific block of training that is designed to accomplish a particular goal.
Teaching is a mesocycle within the macrocycle. Within the teaching phase there are microcycles. The first role of the husband illustrated for us in the Love Song is that of the man being the authority in the relationship. Similar to how a king has authority of his people so also a husband has authority over his wife. He is the head and she is the body.
Headship. Authority. What does this mean? The man must learn his Biblical role in the marriage. Some men know more than other’s but the first step is to get the information so that he can do his role.
The second step once he knows what to do then he is to do it. In the second phase he will not be perfect in leading in every way. He may lead well in one area, somewhat okay in others and really bad in some. So correcting will be needed in the ways that he knows what to do, is trying but not getting it right. In this phase both sincere communication 2:13 and “catching the foxes” that ruin the blossoming relationship is important. A man could be told all the ways he is supposed to lead and know what they are but have a hard time doing them.
Foxes that could hinder proper leadership that is pure gold could be pride, selfishness, not using Scripture, letting her lead, not leading at all, laziness, a domineering attitude, impatience and on and on. These evil foxes must be caught in order for a growing happiness, holiness and harmony in the relationship.
Lets take one fox for example. Not using Scripture. Scripture is our guide for a happy holy marriage. Not using Scripture as your guide is a fox that will destroy the blessing of a good marriage. Using unbiblical advise will destroy a relationship! A husband may know to go to Scripture in order to make wise decisions as the leader but may fail to go to the Bible as often as he should. Correction in this are may be needed. When the relationship is not blossoming a good leader may ask himself, “Are we doing this part of the marriage the way God wants us to?” Then he will search the Scriptures to make sure.
Once he knows he should go to Scripture, has been corrected where wrong, then if he doesn’t go to Scripture when he knows better then God may discipline him in love and or there will be consequences. But once he knows to go to the Bible for wisdom in the relationship, has been corrected when using unbiblical advice, was rebuked where needed, then hopefully sooner than later he will have this part of his role in the marriage down pat. He has been trained on going to Scripture for wisdom and has no problem going there to find God’s revealed will in each and every situation. He may not apply it right or fully understand God’s will but he knows do go to Scripture and is consistently doing it.
Now the bride in the Song has an advantage here because she has a husband who was a prophet, knew “the law of Moses” 1 Kings 2:3 and was gifted with unmeasurable wisdom 1 Kings 4:29. Our advantage is that we have “the mind of Christ” for we have the Scriptures that are filled with wisdom from God.
Teaching. This is the teaching phase for she asks a question and doesn’t know the answer. He answers her sweetly saying “If you do not know…” 1:8. You could call this the getting to know one another phase. When meeting someone early on in the relationship there is a whole lot of getting to know one another, that is needed less and less as time goes on. Not to say that there isn’t any learning in the other phases but there is less and less of it. Yet the more one a couple is, you will often hear the husband say, “She knows me so well she can finish my sentences.”
Teaching includes learning each person. Knowing their “name” which includes past remnants of sin brought into the relationship. Where she can find him and rest. Learning to follow his lead. He says how he see’s her, desires her and values her, she follows that lead and says how she feels about him, thus they learn how to communicate or commune one with another for the first time on their first date during courtship from Song 1:2-2:7. The first mesocycle.
The teaching phase involves learning things about God, salvation, sanctification, roles in marriage, important preferences etc. Anything where something is not know that needs to be in order for a happier and more harmonious union.
Microcycles. Within the first Mesocycle is a Microcycle. A smaller cycle or section of teaching on love in marriage. The first Mesocycle goes from 1:2-2:7. Within that section of courtship or arousal phase of the relationship we have smaller sections that deal with each part of that phase of oneness. Because the Song itself delineates each Mesocycle they are easy to identify but each microcycle is more difficult for me. Its categorizing these microcyles within each mesocycle that I would like to do sometime in the future.
Each microcycle has a context where the woman is separated to some degree and is drawn closer to the king, his people and other nations.
Song 1:2-4 Desiring spiritual and physical oneness with the king.
Song 1:5-6 Desiring spiritual oneness with his people.
Song 1:7-8 Oneness with the shepherd.
Song 1:9-16 Sweet unifying communion with the king.
Song 2:1-2:7 ?
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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.
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