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A Wise Husband Leads by Giving Clear Instructions

Open to me, my sister, my friend, my dove, my flawless one.” Solomon’s Song of Songs 5:2

A husband and wife will say some of the sweetest things to the one they love.  They often praise each other.  They adore one another.  He says what is beautiful about her, she says what she loves about him.  In this section of the love poem the husband speaks to his wife through a locked door late at night while she is sleeping.  He says some of the sweetest things to encourage her to get out of bed and answer the door so that they could be together.  He is clear in his instruction, patient with her in her sleep and uses sweet words to woo her to express her love to him by answering the door.


What would the worlds wisest man say to his wife in such a situation?  Solomon was gifted with unmeasurable wisdom 1 Kings 4:29.  He spoke the wisest and loving things to her.  His wife said “his mouth was sweetness itself.” Solomon’s Song of Songs 5:16

My blog post defining wisdom.

She heard the sweetest mouth wooing her to open the door while she was sleeping.

Often times when a wise loving husband wants something from his wife he may preface his words with something like “Sweety, Darling, My Love, My dear, Babe, love of my life, sweetheart, honey, sunshine etc.”

Saying the sweetest things is crucial to keep the love growing and intimacy sweet.  Husbands must learn how to speak to their wives in a wise and loving way in order to please God and his wife.  These sweet nicknames tell the bride what her beloved knows and feels about her.

Solomon, the king of Israel came home late one night, his wife was sleeping and the door was locked.  He knocks with importunity and says some sweet things to encourage her to get up out of bed and go through a little trouble and open the door for him.  The bride is awaken out of her sleep by hearing the voice of her beloved and the knocking yet she pauses not eagerly willing to go through the trouble of being able to be near or closer to her husband.  Her account of the start of a bad night that later brings about reconciliation and praise goes like this.

I slept but my heart was awake.
    Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my friend,
    my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.”
I have taken off my robe—
    must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
    must I soil them again?
My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
    my heart began to pound for him.
I arose to open for my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.

I opened for my beloved,
    but my beloved had left; he was gone.
    My heart sank at his departure.
I looked for him but did not find him.
    I called him but he did not answer.”  Solomon’s Song of Songs 5:2-6

Lets take a closer look at the words he uses to encourage her to open the door for him in 5:2.  The suffering beloved husband with head drenched and locked outside says,

Open to me, my sister, my friend, my dove, my flawless one.”

What do we notice about these words

  1. His words were clear
  2. The sweet words she hears are from a familiar voice.
  3. The one knocking loves her
  4. He uses sweet and not harsh words
  5. He woo’s her using titles that remind her that she is his.  “My”  “My”  “My” “My” 4x times he uses the word “my” in one sentence
    1. My sister
    2. My friend
    3. My dove
    4. My flawless one
  6. He gives his current suffering condition as reason for her to open the door in his words, “My head is drenched with dew,
        my hair with the dampness of the night.”

She has much reason to open the door because his words were clear.

First, his words are clear “open to me”.   There is no mistaking what he wants.  He wants to be near her more sooner than she is willing to go through some trouble to be near him.  He is outside and she is inside.  The locked door physically separates the two.  His instruction for her is obvious.  She even knows what he said and repeats it to us.  She can’t say I didn’t hear him or understand what he wanted.  It is plain to see and evident what he desires her to do for him.  “Open to me“.

Yes, we wouldn’t say open to me, but “open the door for me”.  Or “let me in”.  Open to me gives the idea that the opening of the door is to his benefit.  It’s what he wants.  His will is for her to please him by answering his request.

Use of information for the husbands, wives and believers.


Husbands ought to communicate clearly what they need from their wives.  So important to have clear communication in marriage.  Things ought not to be vague and sometime terms must be defined and we must say what we mean!  Here it is obvious that he wants her to open the door so they could be together.  Other places in the Song her love is on fire and she is willing to do anything in order to be near him but here her love is more like a smoldering flax than a flame of fire.

Proverbs is full of verses on communication or our use of words.  What we say must not be harsh, should be thought out, clear, with a sincere heart, give grace to the hearer and on and on.

A wife or child can’t be to blame if his words were not understood or weren’t clear.  In this situation his words were clear and she had no excuse.


Be like minded.

Be of the same mind.  He knows your are his and your mind should be on the same truth that you are his and you have lovingly given yourself to him so prove it by your love and deny yourself in order to please your husband.  His mind was on her opening the door for him.  Her mind should be on her opening the door for him.  Her will is not her own.  She is not to be abused or taken advantage of but her will is not her own.  The wife signs her will over to her husband when she gets married same as a Christian has no will of his own but Thine be done.  Jesus had no will of his own but he came to do the will of the Father.  The same is true in marriage.  The husband has no will of his own and does the will of the Father and the wife has no will of her own and does the will of God which is for her to love her husband by giving herself, both mind and body to her husband fully in every way.

Exactly what do you want her to do is sometimes needed.  Some things needed may be vague like “Can you go get some food for lunch”  and he leaves it up to her on what to get.  The out of love she asks “What do you want”  Now is the time to be clear because she wants to please the husband.

Think of Israel’s love to God and the churches love to Christ.

The wife is to be thinking “How is the Bride of Christ supposed to love Jesus?”.  Jesus Christ and His Bride are united in love similar to how a husband and wife are one.

The wife is to love her husband the same way the church loves Christ.  Jesus Christ gives us His Bride clear instruction in His Word as to what His will is for us and how we ought to love Him.  We ought to love Him joyfully, sacrificially, immediately, eagerly, sincerely, in faith, all the time, in every way and with the whole heart.

In the OT the wives were to get their understand of love and submission from Israel.  How was Israel as the bride of God supposed to love God?  In the same way they should love their husbands.


Obey Gods clear instructions

Husband’s ought to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.  Here Solomon is an example of a wise leader.  Solomon’s leadership was “pure gold” Song 5:11.  A wise and loving leader gives clear instructions that are not obscure.  God also gives us clear instructions in the Bible.  He gives us clear instructions or commands as to what He wants of us.  We may not understand it all but what we do understand is required of us.  What do you know that is clear that God wants you to do?  Do it.  Don’t dilly dally around trying to figure out everything when you are ignoring what is clear.

If you know God wants you to witness, give to the church, read your Bible or pray and you are ignoring what is clear then you won’t know what job to take if you are deciding between this job or that job.  What God’s wants for us is clear.  Love.  You may think, I don’t know what God wants me to do, its not clear.  At that point I suggest you ask yourself “What is it that is clear that God wants me to do?” Then do those things then Im sure you will be able to use wisdom to decide which job will best match your skills, talents, time and situation and glorify God.

Praise the LORD for clear commands!

Again, you may not fully understand all the will of God but what you do know to do should be clear to you.  Thank God for clear commands so that we can do them out of love!  Thank God for clear commands so that when we do them we know we have done what God wants!  We don’t have to go around guessing what God wants of us.

Confess the clear commands you have disobeyed.

God commands you to confess your sins.  This means that you clearly knew what God wanted and didn’t do it.  What do you clearly know that God wants of you that you didn’t do.  Confess your sin.  Be reminded that Jesus Christ died for you sins, repent and do the things you clearly know God wants you to do!


Here we looked closely at the husbands clear instructions or request of the bride.  The next blog will focus more on the familiarity of his sweet voice that should have encouraged her to open the door.


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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.

I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.

I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.

If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28

I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.

If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.

About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.

As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.

Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.

I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.

I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.

I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.

I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.

I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.

I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.

California at age 26.

I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.

One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.

By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.

I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."

So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.

After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.

I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.

I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.

I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.

The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.

About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.

I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.

Then this life changing advice came:

A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.

In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.

I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.

About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.

I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.

So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.

I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.

Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.

About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.

Then a mission trip to Croatia.

Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.

About 3 years saved now.

I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.

Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.

I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.

Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.

My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!

I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.

God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.

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