“Love is patient…”
“Love suffers long…” 1 Cor. 13:4
“Love is strong as death…” Love is unquenchable and priceless. Solomon’s Song of Songs 8:6-7
The reason Solomon wrote the Song of Songs was to help us get a right idea and sense of what love is.
Do you want to know what love is then this Love Song does it better than any other, thus the title that God gave it “Solomon’s Song of Songs 1:1″
We know what love is by seeing it in action and sensing it.
We know what love is by watching the bride in the Song of Songs love her beloved bridegroom, the daughters of Jerusalem, her enemies and the watchman of the walls of Jerusalem.
“The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
they took away my covering,
those watchmen of the walls!” Song 5:7
In Song 5:6 the watchman beat the bride and take away her covering in the night. Yet her love is patient, suffer’s long and could not be quenched. Her love has a superlative strength to it that will draw her closer to him even in the toughest times, for her “love was as strong as death,” perfectly capable to accomplish its purpose of bringing about a stricter union or closer relationship with the one she loves no matter what the opposition.
The couple had been married and the husband came home at a time when his wife was sleeping but her heart was awake. She delays opening the door due to what looked like a backwards situation. In order to show some love to her Messiah she would have to go through some trouble by putting on her clothes she just took off and getting her clean feet dirty again, only to have to wash them again. He leaves and her heart sinks. She frantically looks and calls for him but no answer. He is gone and she is feeling the cruelty in her heart because she is Jealous for him, who is hers, but is not in his most delightful presence.
Hating the feeling of being separated from the one she loves is what drives her to seek him in the night for “Jealousy is as cruel as hells fire.” Song 8:6
He was outside in the night suffering and wanting to be close to her in 5:2-3 and then the situation reverses and she is suffering outside in the night looking for him. She suffers beating and discomfort from the watchmen of the walls!
Every good love story must have suffering in it in order to illustrate the meek, humble and patient characteristic of love. He also suffers longer in damp night due to her selfishness in the marriage. Love is faithful because love promotes or enlarges faith. Love believes in the truth in all situations including suffering. “Love believes all things.” She is his, this is truth. He is hers, his desire is for her good only. This is truth.
The new Gentile bride is a friend of the king, his bride and loves those in the holy city of Jerusalem, but she gets treated like an enemy due to her looking like a prostitute looking for a lover in the night. Imagine a beautiful woman out late at night and alone, without her husband by her side. She is looking for him and should know where he is but doesn’t. Prostitutes in the holy city would be disciplined by the watchmen who’s job it was to protect the holy city. Which meant keeping it holy and its people holy. A prostitute was not a holy person. She should be leaning on her beloved and not out alone at night in the holy city. Love acts becomingly and she is not acting like a holy queen of Israel so the watchmen beat her and with an unveiled face she exposes her identity to the watchmen. The most beautiful woman is looking like she is a prostitute in the night when the watchmen make their rounds, so they beat her and took away her “covering” or “veil”. She is being treated as if she is not holy and lovely inside.
“The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
they took away my covering,
those watchmen of the walls!” Song 5:7
What is her response after being beaten, bruised and shamefully exposed in the night apart from her husband?
Does the queen of Israel take revenge? No. Love does not take revenge after suffering harm but love suffers long. She is meek, for meekness, as it respects injuries received from men, is called long suffering. Love is patient. Love suffers long.
She patiently endured suffering with love only growing in her heart, for his names sake and proclaimed his name and excellencies in 5:10-16
The desire in her heart for her beloved increases! Nothing could separate her from loving him! Nothing could separate her from loving him for true love, over time, only increases in quality, and intensity or degree.
We know this because she greatly desired him and was so lovesick that people who didn’t know her husband like she did knew he was a beloved above all other beloved’s and wanted to join her in her pursuit of a closer relationship with Israel’s Messiah, the king of peace.
Look at what happens from her perspective in the narrative. Looking beaten and bruised in the night she meets daughters of Jerusalem that don’t have such a high view of their Messiah as she does, but wants them when they find him to tell him that she misses him soooooooooo much. In her words she is “love sick” or “faint with love”.
She tells them,
“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—
if you find my beloved,
what will you tell him?
Tell him I am faint with love.” Song 5:8
Seeing her deep desire for her beloved and knowing he must be worthy of such great love they ask,
“How is your beloved better than others,
most beautiful of women?
How is your beloved better than others,
that you so charge us?” Song 5:9
The bride starts to think of her beloved which is better than any other beloved. She thinks of who he is, what he is like and his relationship to her. She has a right and high view of her beloved and friend and says to the women who were a product of the holy city,
“My beloved is radiant and ruddy,
outstanding among ten thousand.
11 His head is purest gold;
his hair is wavy
and black as a raven.
12 His eyes are like doves
by the water streams,
washed in milk,
mounted like jewels.
13 His cheeks are like beds of spice
His lips are like lilies
dripping with myrrh.
14 His arms are rods of gold
set with topaz.
His body is like polished ivory
decorated with lapis lazuli.
15 His legs are pillars of marble
set on bases of pure gold.
His appearance is like Lebanon,
choice as its cedars.
16 His mouth is sweetness itself;
he is altogether lovely.
This is my beloved, this is my friend,
daughters of Jerusalem.” Song 5:10-16
She responds to the beating and questioning with a humble heart. She doesn’t backlash and talk bad about her husband behind his back but she speaks highly of him because she loves him. Love highly values the object of its affection.
Humility is a right view of ourselves in relation to other’s with a proper heart response. She is humbled by a right view of her beloved and friend, which is a view or understanding of him being greater than any other beloved. Well of course, a Love Song with a superlative title, Song of Songs, must have a superlative lover in it! Solomon was the greatest type of Christ alive at the time and she knew what he was like and had experienced being loved by him, which was more delightful than wine.
Her feelings were moved toward him by the thoughts of the excellencies of her beloved husband. Think of the excellencies and great things of your beloved’s/Beloved’s character and watch your love for them grow!!
A right understanding of a type of Christ humbled her to the point that she was willing to give all of herself to him. “I am his...” She says later on. Every husband is a type of Christ or like him/Him, one way or another and to varying qualities and degree’s.
“Love is not proud…” 1 Cor. 11:4 She was proud when her love slept, before she was beaten, when he knocked and she didn’t answer. She thought less of him, higher of herself and comfort when her heart was awake but her love slept.
Pride, selfishness and unbelief are at the root of all her sin when her love slept but her heart was awake. But now she is humble thinking highly of her Messiah. She is selfless in her pursuit of him and draws other’s closer to him as well, in their respective relationships. Meaning she gets closer as a wife to the king. The daughters of Jerusalem get closer to her husband as their beloved king, friend and brother.
Here is also a good illustration of trials bringing about perseverance and a proven loving character.
Similar to how all Christian should be able to rejoice in trials and tribulation as Paul says in Romans 5:3-5 because we have love in our hearts.
“we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.“
“Love doesn’t fail” 1 Cor. 13:4-8
I see way to many couples promise to love their spouse in the good times and
Yet when the bad times come they say the relationship isn’t working. Well, make it work. Keep your promise to love them in the bad times!! You promised it! Keep your word. When the going gets tough those who truly love get closer.
When the bad times came for the bride her love only increased and she thought highly of her husband even when he was gone and she was suffering!!
Are you in a bad time now, then love you spouse! Prove your love!! Now I know you didn’t say at the altar ” I promise to love you in the good times but when the bad times come I will forsake you.” I mean who says that at the wedding? But so many couples forsake each other in the bad times. READ Song 5:2-6:3 together in the bad times. Learn from the bride what love is and isn’t.
Love does not fail to act lovingly while suffering. Those who love have patience under suffering and will have love in their heart in the bad times and the good. Love under suffering is meek, humble and not proud. Love under suffering is not selfish and will not speak evil of the other person. Love will pray for them.
From the watchmen’s point of view they were doing no wrong and were showing love to God and the holy people in Jerusalem by disciplining a woman who has temporarily forsaken her husband and has left him to suffer in the dark while she was comfortable.
“Love is not self-seeking” Here, the wife seek comfort over discomfort. She doesn’t want to suffer a little for the sake of her Christ. She should get out of bed, pick up her cross or rather go to work and get dirty again so that her beloved could get what he wanted.
Was she interested in pleasing him? No. Yet love is not self-seeking. But here her love sleeps. In a good love Song, love is better illustrated by a back drop of what love is not. Love is not self seeking, therefore an illustration of a woman seeking her own over her husband needs to be seen.
What love is
Illustrations or examples of love are in the left brain. Facts, actions, the context.
The feelings are in the right brain. Love, joy, peace. Delight. Joy. Happiness. Grief. Anger. Jealousy. Etc.
The left will collect the facts about the context. The right gets the idea that the bigger context of what is illustrated is two people who love each other are getting closer and closer together to the point that their hearts were one and completely inseparable. The right side of the brain then feels or senses. The bible often uses the word “taste”. “taste and see that the LORD is good.” As pleasure is felt by the tongue so also delight is sensed and felt in the heart.
Love is in the heart, the inner invisible man but felt or sensed in the material brain or body.
The left has a certain idea and the right is the seat of the emotions. Our emotions. Or affections. Affection are affected by something. They are affected by the presentation of some idea or truth in the mind. When that idea of her beloved is put in her mind on the left side of the brain the right side or side where the emotions prominently are will have a holy or sinful response.
Satan brought thoughts and ideas to the mind of Jesus Christ in the wilderness. Satan wanted Jesus Christ to wrongly apply truth to the situation. It was a test of love and wisdom whereby the Truth is that Jesus is the Son of God and that he has power to turn a stone into bread and end his hunger and suffering. But it would not please God for Jesus to use the power God gave him for selfish reasons. The idea that satisfying his own self over and against the will of God did not set well with Jesus in His heart. His heart didn’t have neither agreement with nor affection for the idea of choosing his own will over his Father’s.
Love is a feeling yet it is based on objective truth. Meaning feelings change but objective truth doesn’t. Who he is will never change, who we are in Christ will never change. These are objective truths in the mind that will always delight our heart because they will not change and are objective. Subjective things or feelings change. Love and delight is felt when the beloved is in mind. Hatred is in mind when thoughts of Satan are present but felt in the heart of the right brain as anger due to its great offense against such a Holy, Holy, Holy God. A holy Jealousy for the most complete possession and closest union with the one we love is felt when too great a distance apart from the beloved is either real and true or a lie perceived.
Someone thinks of facts about Jesus in the left brain and responds in a mix of unbelief, pride and selfishness. The other who’s heart is flashing with love will respond with faith, humbleness and love to the thought or idea of a type of Christ or Jesus Christ!
Solomon is only a type in the things in which he is like the coming Christ.
Even after all this she learns to give herself completely to him and he most sweetly praises and adores her for it saying,
“O my love, you are as beautiful as Tirzah,
Lovely as Jerusalem,
Awesome as an army with banners!
5 Turn your eyes away from me,
For they have overcome me.
Your hair is like a flock of goats
Going down from Gilead.
6 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep
Which have come up from the washing;
Every one bears twins,
And none is barren among them.
7 Like a piece of pomegranate
Are your temples behind your veil.
8 There are sixty queens
And eighty concubines,
And virgins without number.
9 My dove, my perfect one,
Is the only one,
The only one of her mother,
The favorite of the one who bore her.” Song 6:4-9
Dont forget the daughters of Jerusalem whom she loved also and helped bring closer to the king by speaking truth about him. They called her happy, blessed and even the other queens praised her for shining bright and lovely in the dark times.
“The daughters saw her
And called her blessed,
The queens and the concubines,
And they praised her.
10 Who is she who looks forth as the morning,
Fair as the moon,
Clear as the sun,
Awesome as an army with banners?”
We are commanded by God to think of things that are “worthy of praise” Phil 4:8
The initial actions of the pride when she was sleeping were not worthy of praise but her thoughts, feelings, words and actions afterward were. So think about the bride and how she responded in suffering, see how beautiful it was and do the same. See how she spoke to other’s about her husband and do the same!
Husband see how he praise his wife who was worthy of it and do the same!
See how much she loved her husband and thought highly of him and think of Jesus Greater than that and humble yourself with such thoughts and watch your love grow higher, wider, longer and deeper for him/Him who loved you and died for your sins!
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.