The Child in spiritual growth Song of Songs 2:8-3:5
1 John 2:12 “I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake. 13 I have written to you, children, because you know the Father.”
Phases of Growth
- Basics of the Babe phase 1:2-1:7
- Basics of the Child Phase 2-3:5
- Young man 3:6-5:1
- Strong young man 5:2-8:4
- Father/Mother fully adorned 8:5-8:14
Characteristics a the Child
The child has changed from a babe to a child and is in between the babe and young man. The child needs to learn how to put on his armor. So if you think you are a child then read the young man phase as well because you need to know that phase to become a young man.
The Child’s experience with the Love of God
- The Spirit of Truth convinces you that you are a child of God, a rose of Sharon.
- They changed in God’s timing. Song 2:7
- You have learned to hear His voice Song 2:8
- Your relationship with God is blossoming “in bloom” Song 2:15
- You know the rains are over and gone Song 2:11,16 “Your sins are forgiven” It feels like heaven on earth! and is Your Greatest Interest.
- “For his Names Sake” 1 John 2:12
- Obedience is happening more sooner than later in many area’s Song 2:13
- You learned that God loves to hear you sincere prayer/confessing sin, but hates the sin. Song 2:14 “Your voice is sweet and your face is lovely”
- The child has learned to be sincere, not coating over any evil, and you do this without fear of punishment in prayer (Song 2:8-2:15)
- Your doves eyes have proven themselves and now you are His dove. “My dove” 2:14
- Your clinging closer to God for help in catching the foxes. Song 2:15
- Your learning that God disciplines those “children” He loves. Hebrews 12:5-7
- You look forward to being able to be “Coming up out of the wilderness of sin” Song 3:6
- You look forward to crowning Jesus King of your whole life.
1 John 2 :12 “I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake.” You have assurance of this!! You know for sure that your going to heaven not because of anything you have done but because your sins have been forgiven for His Names sake. Praise the Lord, some babes never get assurance that someone could say this truth to them (1 John 2:12) “I am writing to you, little children, because your sins have been forgiven you for His name’s sake.” “My beloved is mine, and I am His.” Song 2:16 You are sure of this! Praise the Lord!! You are His child!!
The Transition from Babe to Child
So your becoming a child, you have grown in your understanding of God and His love for you, and you have been growing in your understanding of the Bible, prayer, witnessing, basically you are continuing in obedience. Assurance of salvation, assurance that you are a child of God only belongs to the continually moving forward repentant believer.
As you got closer to God by reading the Bible and obeying you saw your sin (When you see your sin it’s because you saw God better, mainly His Holiness and Majesty. You would sometimes fear God’s wrath when feeling guilt for you sin yet you grew in your understanding of Christ’s love and grace to you. Your sins are forgiven no need to fear punishment, Christ paid it for you and imputed His righteousness to your account. “No greater love has anyone than this, that He lay His life down for His friends” would cast out this fear of punishment. Though sometimes you went long periods of feeling condemnation you are now getting over that or need to. You have been growing in your virtues and keep remembering the cross not forgetting that you have been cleansed from your past sins. 2 Peter 1:5-10. If you claim He elected you then you make your calling and election sure by doing 2 Peter 1:5-10. You have assurance of your salvation. Or maybe your just starting to come to the conclusion that Christ really did die for you and that you really have been forgiven for His Names sake. And you are living for Him, not perfectly but your life is diferrent, your thinking about life is different and you are a new creation. Old things are passing away and new things keep coming.
You have been joyfully drinking up the Bible all the time so you can grow. You still want to grow. You have a thirst for it. I want to be like my older brother is your thinking so you read and obey. Reading more and more and obeying.
You have been memorizing various scripture and thinking about them throughout the day so that you can obey God. Your stating to think more often about what would please God rather than yourself. Not only external obedience but the Word of God is also cleansing you thoughts and emotions. Your more and more wanting to know God and thus you purify your heart so you can see Him.
As His bride you have been gathering many and better jewels or rather commands of God understood and obeyed from your heart, Song of Songs 1:10, and Christ has been faithful to Song 1:11 in making you more beautiful. God has given you some sort of assurance that you really are His child. This is the joy of your salvation. Knowing that you are saved and forgiven for His Names sake and not because of anything you have done. This is a great joy for you, and you are sure of this because you know what Jesus has done for you, is doing for you and promises to do in the future. Having the assurance that He really is yours and you are His you will experience of joy like never before!! Yet sorrow for disobeying Jesus may be mixed with the joy because you now see your sin. This is good, you should forever see your sin as dark, darker, really dark, the darkest of hearts is your own, you are “the sinner” so grieve, confess and change your mind about how you think and live, you repent, repentance has been the mark of your life since you were born again and thirsted for His Word. Since you have been doing a lot of reading your Bible and obeying then you have changed your mind about quite a bit of things in your life and heart. This done by the power of God’s Spirit in you and thru a growing understanding of His love for you, this makes you very swift, fast and fearless like a “mare” in battle (Song 1:9) in your pursuit of the closest and most intimate relationship with God as fast as possible, it’s like you are in a “hurry” Song of Songs 1:4, you see the truth and you know the Bible to be the Word of God, convictions are getting stronger, and you know the Bible guides you and you don’t want to waist any time whatsoever getting close to the one you love. Yes, you stumble and fall and may seem to be going backwards sometimes, and you haven’t the “graceful legs” of the strong young man in Song 7:1 yet, but you persevere despite how bad and ugly things may get.
The Babes Experience with the Love of God
- Song 2:1 Assurance of who you are. “I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys” “Sharon” was an evil town. I am a rose who once lived in an evil place. I am beautiful like a lily yet I came from a low valley, poor and wretched slave. She is not giving her history here, although that could be. She could be saying she was literally from Sharon. But the metaphor is there to communicate an evil place. Sharon was an evil place. So she is morally beautiful now like a rose, washed in the blood of the Lamb from a very morally evil place. “A lily of the valleys”
- Song 2:2 “Like a lily among thorns” She is a morally beautiful lily and her life is fragrant with love and grace, even among those “thorns” who would harm her. Before people would gossip, grumble and swear and she would also, but now she is a lily among those thorns. She is not like them. She is the Lily and they are the thorns. What she used to do she now hates to do because she is looking forward to crowning him King of your whole life, heart and soul. She is an adorable flower full of glory and beauty, but the thorns are to be avoided, they are dangerous, yet they also serve to protect the beauty of the rose.
- Song 2:3 A citron/Apple tree and Solomon. She thinks about Solomon and she thinks about sitting in the shade of an apple tree. She draws some similarities between Solomon and the tree. Protection and nourishment for spiritual growth is what she see’s he could do for her. She is the little Lily among thorns. And he is this great citron tree. He can provide for all her needs. He is all sufficient to her.
- Song 2:4 The child has experienced God’s love and wants more of it! Let me experience it to the fullest. Experiencing God’s love through Solomon was wonderful. Let me have more, higher, deeper, longer and wider. She keeps asking for more and you should also.
- Song 2:5 Here the child experiences it to such a degree that they can’t handle it. They grow faint. They need God to sustain them. This is so that the child that wants to experience the Love of God to a greater degree will realize that the reason they aren’t experiencing it to the fullest is because of their own weakness. The fault lies in them not God. So he overwhelms them. She can’t handle it. Back it Song 1:2 she wants more of it and in Song 2:4 she wants more of it and now she can’t handle it once it is poured out into her heart to such a degree that she is asking for anything to help strengthen her. Ephesians 3:16
- Song 2:6 Now she realizes that the only way for her to be where she is now is to have his powerful arms holding her there. Now if you know this is possible and you desire the closest most intimate relationship with God and want to experience His Love then you will want this ASAP, this is why you have the warning in the next verse.
- The child is changed in God’s timing. Song 2:7
- Do not arouse or awaken love til it so desires. 3:5 This is a warned to not go to far to fast or to use umbilical means to try to awaken God’s Love and Grace. Go Here to learn more about this verse.
- You have learned to hear His voice. Song 2:8 “Listen, my beloved” John 10:3 “the sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out.”
- Your relationship is “blossoming” and he is proposing. Song 2:12-13 and 2:15 Solomon promised in Song 1:11 that He would make her more morally beautiful. She learned and obeyed. Learned some more and obeyed. This made her more beautiful. She grew and applied all diligence 2 Peter 5-7 “applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, 6 and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, 7 and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. 8 For if these qualities are yours and are increasing” you will be assured of His calling and choosing you. 2 Pt 1:9
- You know your sins are forgiven. “the rains are over and gone”Song 2:11. This also is what helps the child be sincere in prayer. Song 2:10-2:14. They have assurance that they are saved (Song 2:16) They are assured Christ is for them, and Christ is not against us, He is revealing His wrath to them, and Grace to us.
- “Your sins are forgiven For his Names Sake” As a Child you know your sins are forgiven for His Names Sake. For His Glory. Not by your supposed good works. No one is good only God.
- Obedience is happening more sooner than later in many area’s. Song 2:13 “the fig tree forms it’s EARLY fruit”
- You learned that God loves to hear you sincere prayer/confessing sin. Song 2:14 Psalm 51 is a good example of confession
- They have learned to be sincere without fear of punishment in prayer (Song 2:8-2:15) Be sincere in letting him hear your inner most thoughts and feelings as he proposes and desires a closer with you. Song 2:7-2:15. Draw near to him and he will draw near to you. No coating over your sins, say them for what they are and speak to your Lord who loves to hear your sweet voice and see your lovely face. You see He says lovely face when you are thinking its not, remember you are dark yet lovely, both, you will learn to balance these out. In so doing you grow closer to God. You are in a safe place so talk to God He hates the sin but loves to hear your confession. This confession will also bring to clearer reality the truth. Some people prefer to write it out and then confess. When you confess your sin and open your heart toward God, Remember to put whatever darkness He reveals to you into the idea of your darkness, dark and I yet lovely, yes dark am I, I chose to sin, I did it, I disobeyed God, dark am I, I am evil, wretched, destitute of righteousness, I am not good, black am I like the tents of Kedar and getting darker, I see it darker as the Sun reveals it to me.
- Your doves eyes have proven themselves and now you are a called “My dove”. Song 2:14 yea you are His dove (she had doves eyes in Song 1:15), Her faithful focus on Him prompts Him to call her “My dove” 2:14. He calls you this for the first time, Dove, meaning Love, He calls her “My Love”, How could Solomon be meaning that it is God wanting him to call her “my love” because God did and wrote it down, Solomon had the love of God in Him, She had the love of God in her, I doubt Solomon to be a liar, so He calls her what she is to Him “My dove” therefore he could call hers “my love” “My Dove” they both had the very flame of God in them (Song 8:6) so that the Love that was what she wanted shown to her over and over again could happen. Both having the flame of God in them and then uniting them to be one. Growing in the image of God, His renewed image on their hearts, she saw His Glory in the temple, she saw His Glory reflected in the courtship. She saw His glory reflected in the Kingdom of Jerusalem. The glory of the Lord being revealed to her and everyone around her. Beholding His glory is where her eyes have learned to focus and stay focused. Doves eyes, so beautiful so lovely are her eyes focused faithfully only on the one she loves. Your doves eyes have proven themselves by His Grace, so you are His Dove. So Christ on the cross is calling you “My dove” Keep your focus here, the wounds in my hands and nail in my foot. My sins in His Hands on the cross and the serpents nail bite at His heal and the cup of God wrath poured out and swallowed up by the love of Christ during those 3 hours and dying and rising. Death could not stop the very flame of God from accomplishing its purpose. No greater Love than Jesus dying for his friends. Your His dove keep your eyes focused on Him and His Love, shows of affections, kisses, Your doves eyes are focused on receiving His love kisses.
- Your clinging closer to God for help in catching the foxes. Song 2:15 Your relationship is in bloom but there are some foxes ruining the blossoming. Your recognizing your inability to catch the foxes on your own so for the sake of the “us”, for the happiness of the both of you, it is best to work together to catch the foxes. Your learning to “lean more on your beloved” by Song 8:5, being fully mature you will have mastered this, but for now it is good that you know it is His desire and yours that you will work out your salvation with fear and trembling because it is Him that You still lean much on your own understanding.
- Your learning that God disciplines those “children” He loves. Hebrews 12:5-7
- Your learning how the loving yet painful Hand of God’s discipline works. Your learning that you can’t get away with things that you could before. You know better now, God will discipline you now and you know it. He is treating you as a son Hebrews 12:5-12
- You look forward to being able to be “Coming up out of the wilderness of sin” Song 3:6 Your not “up out of the wilderness” yet till you are a Young Man. You are coming up out, but not out. The child should have assurance of this coming up out of the wilderness of sin because their life is changing and God has given them assurance of this they are moving forward. But if you are continuing in sin then you shouldn’t have this assurance of coming up out of the desert wilderness.
- You look forward to crowning Jesus King of your whole life. You hate sin and it seems to be reigning in an area or two of you life. Look upon your King, crown Him King in all area’s of your life, just like you earned by His Grace your doves eyes so now the business of your life is to crown Him King, catch all the foxes, hold onto Christ tightly and don’t believe the lies the devil tells you.
- Romans 8:14 For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
- When you get assurance of your salvation, you get the spirit of adoption, meaning the holy spirit will communicate to you the truth that you are forgiven for His Names sake, you will be assured of this, not saved by anything you could ever do, but forgiven for His Names sake, His Glory. The Spirit of Adoption will convict you of your adoption, meaning you were not a child and now he accepts you as one by assuring you of the fact that he Chose you and loves you, like an adoption, you understand this metaphor and it gives you assurance, great conviction with joy that this is true, the fact that you are adopted into the family of God at your engagement in Song 2:16
Romans 9:8 In other words, it is not the children by physical descent who are God’s children, but it is the children of the promise who are regarded as Abraham’s offspring.
- But those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.” The Spirit Desires to do His Role. Reveal the Glory of Christ to my sole. Set your mind on what the Spirit desires.
- Children should have a testimony. They were Babes but now are Children, they should remember what it was like as a Babe even though there still is much of a babe in a Child. And it seems like the more mature you get then the less of the earlier phases show up. You have learned those lessons and your moving on even though the same lesson may repeat in duration, frequency and intensity.
- Some could stay children and never mature to overcome the evil one.
Further detail about the Child Phase is in my commentary on Song 2:1-3:5 (not yet online)
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.