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Part 5c “Spiritual Desertions”

The spouses estate in desertions though seemingly miserable, is indeed profitable.


4.  Fourthly, these desertions are profitable to try the truth of our love.

And the trials of our love shows us the faults of it,  and showing them calls up on us to amend them.  The husband of the soul will see wether his spouse love him with a wife, or of a harlot.  The love of a harlot loves a man only for his gifts, and so in truth loves not the man, but the gifts.  And though this be secretly true, when by outward fashion she seems to love him, yet it is manifestly true, when the gifts cease, for then her love to the man also ceases.

But the true wife loves her husband, even for himself and by him without gifts, yea she loves his gifts for his sake, for she would nor take the same gifts from another man.  Yea the true love of a wife goes some degree further; for she does not only love her husband when he gives no gifts, neither does she only love his gifts for his sake, but she loves him when he is absent from her, even when she is without both his presence and his gifts; for even then the memory of him is precious to her.  Song 5:10ff  She calls to remembrance his perfections, his virtues, and his loves.  And yet the true love of a wife goes further; for she loves her husband, even when he chides her, though in that case a husband seems to be more absent being at home, than a husband pleased being from home, Page 145

All these do the true spiritual love of the spouse perform unto Christ, and Christ delights to see them performed.  Christ Jesus loves his wife with true love, for he has laid down his true blood and life for her.  John 15:13  and greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his beloved.  Now Christ thus truly loving his wife, he expects a return of true and unfained love from his wife:  And that it may be tried to be true, or amended and made true if it be not so, these trials are sent to her in these desertions.

And indeed in most of the degrees of love are we often faulty, the flesh having often too great a part and influence in our love.  For the flesh as mainly for things present and palpable, and like Thomas is wholly for seeing  and feeling.  And hence it is that our love dotes so much on the gifts of Christ Jesus, that it cools even to Christ Jesus himself, Without his gifts.  We are all for Christ light, and knowledge, for his kisses and embracements, for his honey and his wine, for his sweetness and ravishings: and without theses Christ is a dry and loathed husband, as Manna to the fleshly Israelites was dry and loathed food.  But when it is so with us, how far are we short of those higher degrees of love, even of that love that loves Christ being absent and hid out of sight, or that loves him being present in that utmost absence of anger, chastisement, and seeming enmity.

How far short are we of that cannanite woman, that kissed rid rod of discipline, and made love out of those reproaches, whereby Christ seemed to drive her away:  But since it is so, is it not high time for Christ to remove his gifts, to whom our hearts are removed from Christ, that so our hearts ma again be removed to Christ from them;  It is a right proper cure of this adulterous love, to remove those things with which love did adulterate, that so the right object of our best love may be sought and found, and constantly proposed.  And surely this cure is profitable to our souls, as it is pleasing also to the husband of souls, for by it Christ has more interest in  the soul, and the soul in Christ.  And if this be the fruit of desertions, then you are a gainer by desertions.

But that you may be sure to gain by them, be sure to learn that which they teach you:  they teach you that Christ is better than His gifts, and that Christ’s love is better than the gifts of his love.  Therefore learn especially to fasten they love on Christ, and next on his love; and think yourself happy enough in having them, though you have nothing but them:  yea know also that you have them, even when you have them not; they are yours when you see or see not that they are yours.  He and his love see you, when you see them not, yea they love you, when you feel them not; and he and his love are better than the seeing and feeling of him and his love; and it is better for you that they are yours, than that they do appear to be yours.  Yea, it is good for you sometimes, that they do not appear to be yours, that you may love them better then their appearing to be yours; and this love do you learn even from their not appearing.


Yea, further, Christ and his lover are yours, even when he chides and chastises you, for it is his very love that chides and chastens you,  And he does it to purge you blemishes, to try and exercise you virtues, and among others, this excellent love which loves him chastening.   Therefore though he kill you, do you trust in him and love him, for He that loves you does so to manifest his love to you and gave His own life for you,  may well be trusted with your life.  For his own life was infinitely better then you life; and he that gave so precious a life for thy good, will not take so mean a life from you but for thy good.  Hence it is that even by loosing you life you will find it, and you will find it with him, for whom you looketh it for, for you will find it hid with Christ in God.  And when Christ which is you life shall appear then will this hid life appear with Him; but not such a frail, and base life as that which you gave for him; but a glorious, immortal, and incorruptible life, will that be which he will give unto you.

Therefore at all times and in all estates, even in darkest desertions, and greatest sufferings, trust him whose love turns all things to good, unto his beloved, even death unto life.  For be thou assured that this Almighty Husband, out of this eater will bring meat, and out of this strong one will bring forth sweetness. He himself broke the gates and bars of death, and carried them away, and so made a way open for us to eternal life.

He quickened himself when he died a universal death, even when all our deaths were included in his death.  And as we all died in his death, so in his quickening and rising, do we all rise again; as the universal death of the head is given particularly to all the members, so shall the universal resurrection of the Head, be also particularly communicated to the members.  Much more easily in the desertions of this life, which are a kind of sowings, plowing the heart, and seeming deaths, will he give you life again, when you have learned by them that which you would not learned without them.  When you love Christ alone,  when you love him hiding himself, and chastising you, then he that said to the woman, o moan great is thy faith, be it unto you even as you will:

He will say to the spouse, o woman great is your love, be it unto you as you will.  Thou willest him most, be it unto thee as thou will.  For when you will him most, you will have him whom you wiliest most.  He will come to you, He will come much unto you.  And your later end will be more than the beginning.  By wanting him, will you have him more, then you  had before you wanted him, Because by wanting him, you do love him more, then you did when you had him.


5.  Fifthly, these Desertions are profitable to the soul, by teaching her patience; and by making patience to bring forth her kindly fruits waiting and attendance.

The husband of the soul is a King of Glory, and he will sometimes expect the honor and service of patient attendance.  he is a free agent, and his Spirit bloweth when, as well as where he wishes.  And to a free agent there is due a waiting patience:  He that gives freely, gives when himself will give, and not still when the receiver will have.  In this case, he will answer his spouse, as he did his mother, Woman, my hour is not yet come.  There are times and tides, wherein the Spirit Moves; as it is said of Sampson, The spirit of the Lord moved him at times in the camp of Dan:  The angel of the Lord, not always, but at a certain season went down and moved the waters.

Now these times and seasons are in his own hands, and it is not in the souls power, to know and appoint them.  Therefore as the eyes of the handmaids are to the hands of her mistress, so must the eyes of the spouse be to her Lord, until he regard her.  Her part is patience and attendance, and the patient abiding of the righteous shall not perish for ever.  Psalm 37:34  When the soul has submitted her will unto his will, the Lords hour will shortly come, wherein the bitter water will turn sweet when the wood is present.  The water of cold desertions will be turned to warming comfortable wine of joyful visitations.

When your Lord has the honor and service due to a most free  and wise giver, then will you have the crown of your patience and attendance.  For God has given his word, that those which honor him he will honor: and again, “wait on the Lord, and commit your way to him, and he will bring it to pass”  A blessed waiting which honors the Lord, and blesses his handmaid: and a blessed absence, that procures this waiting which draws his presence, accompanied with blessedness.


But take heed that your patience be not the effect of dulness or neglect, nor a cause of idleness: be not patient in the absence of our husband, because you care not for his presence: desire his presence above all earthly joys Song 1:2. and the shining of his countenance above all corn and wine.  But let your patience be merely grounded in a submission to his will; and let his will be the cause that you will is content to want that which above all the world it desires. and this desire you may express in prayers, praying to drink the cup of salvation, as Christ prayed not to drink the cup of his passion; but with Christ’s reservation, even with a will submitted to the will of God: not when I will, but when you will.  You may say unto him, my soul theists for God, even for the living God. Psalm 42:2

And you may fight out this longing unto your Saviour, When will you come unto me?  And you may look for him more than they that watch for the morning, even more than they that watch for the morning.  For blessed will you be if when he comes he find you watching;  that so when he knocks you may readily open, and he may readily enter; and that buh your slackness he does not turn away tot he flocks of your companions.

And in the second place take heed that you give not yourself over to a desperate idleness, to doing nothing, because you can not do as you would.  This were a double offense, bothe because it is impatience, and because it is idleness.  This is to cut off the hands because they are feeble, Hebrews 12:12.  and because the feet halt, to turn them out of the way.  But it is far better to strengthen your weak hands, and that you may do by exercise, though it be but weak exercise: and it were better for you to halt in the right way, than to run or rest in a false way.

Wherefore if you can’t do the higher works, do the lower; for doing is you way, though you go but softly in it, but idleness is a false way.  And when you master, Lord and Husband comes, and finds you doing according to that which you have, you will be blessed in you deed, by him, who accepts our work, if it comes from a will mind, 2 Cor. 8:12, according to that which we have, and not according to that which we have not.  If you are faithful in little, he will make you ruler over much; you masters joy will shortly enter into you, and you will shortly enter into you masters joy.  But contrarily look for no gain from idleness, but the gain of loss and punishment.  You may lose the one your heart loves temporarily, and though you may lose him the longer, the less you do please him; yea he may come unto you with a rod, when you expect him to come with the Spirit of meekness and consolation.


To the workers he comes with a penny, even with a reward, favor, and a good eye; but to the idlers he comes with a frown.  Why stand ye all the day idle?  Rather do that which may win him to come, do the works at first or by doing nothing you will keep him from coming, or make him angry when he comes.  And if you ask what you will do;  the most ordinary work is the work of you ordinary calling, yet may you give times and turns to those works that more immediately concern you heavenly calling, even such as immediately call for you heavenly Lord to come into you soul:  sigh and pray, and read and hear, and by heavenly meditations let you soul be trimmed as a bride that looks for her husband: yea with you earthly labors may you mix these heavenly thought; you may work and sigh, work and wish, work and pray in short ejaculations:  and thus working, and thus waiting, working in profitable duties, and waiting with submissive patience, he that loves both your works and our patience will come to you, and say, I know your patience and your works:  yea he will come with such an increase of grace, that he will also say, your last will be more than the first.

6th finally, These desertions are advantageous to the soul, while they draw her eye and affection from this world and place of interruption of joys, to the place of incessant and everlasting joys.

The Bridegroom here does but look upon the soul as through a lattice, through a lattice, and the soul beholds his beauty but by glimpses, but in His Kingdom she will see him face to face; and this beholding as it is full, for it will also be perpetual.  The soul is here walled up in a house of clay, and the traffic between her an her husband is but by some chink which the Spirit has bored.  But this clay which is now in itself nothing but darkness, and keeps out light, shall hereafter be made all glorious and lightsome; Yea whereas the soul is now much carnal, then the body shall be made spiritual; and if the body be spiritual and lightsome, how pure and spiritual will the soul be which is now a Spirit; Surely then will we be as it were all eye, even all clarity and purity, and so most capable of light and glory: and according to the capacity of our receiving, shall the light, and glory, and joy of our husband enter into us, and fill us:

And of this fulness of joy and glory there is no end, no interruption. Wherefore our husband wisely and profitably, draws us by these desertions, from earnests unto full fruition; from broken pieces to whole and entire joys.  If the soul might still have these glimpses, she would perchance be contented with them: and this were no other than to be contented with perpetual star-light, eve a light fitted for this life of vanity, which is but a night, being compared to the bright day of eternity.  Yet laying in the bed of love, she would be content to look on her beloved by this lesser light, and would not desire the perfect day, whirring the Sun of glory might arise unto her; and by a large and glorious light, make her largely and gloriously to see him, who is the fountain of that large and light, by which she sees him.

Wherefore this lesser light is profitably taken from her, to stir her up to the seeking of the greater; and her beloved does chastise her by desertions, to beat her away from resting in lesser, and interrupted joys, and to beat her unto the seeking of fuller loves, mightier joys, and everlasting fruitions.  And indeed the earnests should have taught her this lesson, but because they did not, these interruptions are sometimes sent to teach it her.  The earnests should have taught her, to look out for the full exhibition of that whereof they are earnests; but because the soul instead of looking by them, beyond them, fastens and stays her eye on them, they are taken from that eye which was unduly stayed on them, that so by lacking them it may look beyond them, which it should have done, but did not by them. and now the soul seeing that these earnests are not only but drops and parcels of an infinite fulness, but with all drops and parcels, set forth;  and his actions are answerable to his name.

This is page 133-179

Page 179-237  Five Benefits of the earnests, visitations, more light etc.



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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.

I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.

I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.

If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28

I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.

If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.

About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.

As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.

Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.

I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.

I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.

I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.

I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.

I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.

I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.

California at age 26.

I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.

One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.

By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.

I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."

So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.

After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.

I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.

I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.

I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.

The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.

About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.

I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.

Then this life changing advice came:

A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.

In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.

I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.

About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.

I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.

So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.

I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.

Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.

About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.

Then a mission trip to Croatia.

Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.

About 3 years saved now.

I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.

Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.

I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.

Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.

My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!

I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.

God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.

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