A Happy Marriage has Love not Revenge or Bitterness of Spirit
Love is patient or suffer’s long under all sorts of evils. Love is kind and desires the good and happiness of the object of its affection.
Love is not revengeful for if after we are offended, injured or treated unjust, we may speak reproachfully to anyone, or of him to other’s, with a design, goal or motive to lower, injure or hurt them, and that we may gratify the bitter spirit we feel in our hearts for the wrong done us = this is revenge.
Some women in the same situation that the woman was in would respond with bitterness and revenge rather than love.
Look at the context of Song 5:2-16
Its sometime after the marriage.
He is coming home at a time in which she wasn’t expecting him.
She is sleeping but her heart is awake.
She is in bed and has just taken off her clothes and has washed her feet when her husband comes home and knocks on the door. She hesitates in answering due to her lack of a little self denial or comfort and suffers for it. After suffering she meets the daughters of Jerusalem and she doesn’t speak low or talk revenge or harbor bitterness to him but look at what she does…
The bride in bed sleeping with her husband knocking.
Song 5:2 “I was asleep but my heart was awake.
A voice! My beloved was knocking:
‘Open to me, my sister, my darling,
My dove, my perfect one!
For my head is drenched with dew,
My locks with the damp of the night.’
The bride’s lame excuse
3 “I have taken off my dress,
How can I put it on again?
I have washed my feet,
How can I dirty them again?
The bride awakened
4 “My beloved extended his hand through the opening,
And my feelings were aroused for him.
5 “I arose to open to my beloved;
And my hands dripped with myrrh,
And my fingers with liquid myrrh,
On the handles of the bolt.
6 “I opened to my beloved,
But my beloved had turned away and had gone!
My heart went out to him as he departed.
Painfully seeking and not finding
I searched for him but I did not find him;
I called him but he did not answer me.
7 “The watchmen who make the rounds in the city found me,
They struck me and wounded me;
The guardsmen of the walls took away my shawl from me.
In her search for her beloved she is love sick when she runs into the daughters of Jerusalem and adjures them…
8 “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
If you find my beloved,
As to what you will tell him:
For I am lovesick.”
The daughters of Jerusalem are aware of the brides extremely deep love for her beloved so much so that her feelings give the daughters the impression that her husband is a lover above and better than all other beloved’s.
9 “How is your beloved better than others, most beautiful of women?
How is your beloved better than others, that you so charge us?“
The Bride’s high and right thoughts of her beloved and friend.
10 “My beloved is dazzling and ruddy,
Outstanding among ten thousand.
11 “His head is like gold, pure gold;
His locks are like clusters of dates
And black as a raven.
12 “His eyes are like doves
Beside streams of water,
Bathed in milk,
And reposed in their setting.
13 “His cheeks are like a bed of balsam,
Banks of sweet-scented herbs;
His lips are lilies
Dripping with liquid myrrh.
14 “His hands are rods of gold
Set with beryl;
His abdomen is carved ivory
Inlaid with sapphires.
15 “His legs are pillars of alabaster
Set on pedestals of pure gold;
His appearance is like Lebanon
Choice as the cedars.
16 “His mouth is full of sweetness.
And he is wholly desirable.
This is my beloved and this is my friend,
O daughters of Jerusalem.”
Although there seems to be an endless number of lesson to be learned here in this section of Scripture but my focus of this post is to look at her love to her husband in one of the most trying times of their relationship. She goes from not being on fire to being fired up and her love spoke no evil of her beloved and friend.
She speaks extremely highly of him even in the context of her lack of love to him and separation from him due to her sin. She doesn’t blame him nor speak evil of him. She doesn’t complain, take revenge or harbor bitter thoughts and feelings towards him but is painfully love sick. She could have experienced his love had she answered the door, but now she suffers at the departure of her beloved and hands of the watchmen. She has just been beaten in her pursuit of her beloved husband and can only speak highly of him for love is not vengeful.
Even behind his back she speaks highly of him and maintains an inward calmness and repose of spirit.
Her love was a flame that gave her a right view of God in relationship to herself therefore she also stayed humble.
If she allows the injury and beating from the watchmen to disturb or disquiet her mind, and put her into turmoil, then she would cease to bear the suffering in a true spirit of long-suffering, for love suffers long or is patient.
Her gentle spirit suffering long under difficulties in her search for her beloved is a mark of true greatness of soul her husband says in Proverbs 16:32 “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty”
She showed a more noble and excellent nature, and more true greatness of spirit than he that takes a city. She was greater than “an army with banners” Song 6:4, 10
Remember that also through this all she earns her name Shulammite, which means Queen of peace. She keeps her peace of mind as she suffers in the pursuit of a closer proximity to her beloved.
Suffering long with patience, a quiet spirit and with mercy brings blessing. Psalm 28:25 “to the merciful God will show himself merciful.”
If her injury from the watchmen is permitted to discompose and disquiet her, and breaks up her inward rest, she could not enjoy herself, and not be in a state to engage properly with the daughters of Jerusalem in regard to her absent beloved.
She kept the calmness and serenity of her mind for when love sparks its fruit in the heart of the soul or seat of the emotions is peace and joy in trials.
Her soul was serene as she contemplated his eyes like doves beside streams of water. Song 5:12 Its feelings like these that she has for him that helps her become of woman who exudes peace of mind in troubling times.
Behind his back she proclaims the beauties and excellencies plus she thinks highly of her close relationship to him as her beloved and friend not an enemy. She trusts he loves her and his desire is for her greater good.
She does not give vent to outward revenge for the suffering and felt absence of her beloved only increased her love to him. This is very beautiful, like the most beautiful rose blossoming among thorns.
How was it that her love to him disposed her to be like him. She loved him for the man he was. He was wise. He was loving. He was the king of peace. It is her love to him as a king who was a peacemaker in all his relationships that changed her to becoming more like him. She beheld the beauty of his moral character and the delightful sight compelled her to being more like him. He didn’t lose his quietness of soul and peace of mind after being out late suffering for he was out long enough to have dew on his head from the night, yet he still spoke sweetly to her when locked outside and wanting to be with her.
She experienced his love to her in trying times and learns from him. He is in a difficult situation and still call her my sister, my bride. And sweetly intreats her to open by calling her his “dove” and “perfect one”. Notice the context change. He is outside and apart from her suffering and he thinks highly of her. A few hours later they are still apart and she is not comfortable in bed but suffering and she thinks highly of him. The whole situation increases her love to her husband to the point that she has no will of her own but has given herself completely to her beloved. “I am his and his desire is for me.” Song 7:10
Are your thoughts and feeling high for your beloved when he is gone? Husbands must be characterized as being highly valued by their wives in order for a closer more harmonious relationship.
They were apart and she didn’t answer his call. She humbly suffered in her search of him, kept a right and high view of her husband as she proclaimed his excellencies to other’s behind his back and then she found him in the garden for she had love in her heart and
“love is as strong as death,
Jealousy is as severe as Sheol;
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
The very flame of the Lord.
7 “Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor will rivers overflow it;
If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,
It would be utterly despised.” Solomon’s Song of Songs 8:6-7
Remember the purpose of a love song is to illustrate love. To help us get an understanding of what love is, how it responds in certain situation in courtship and marriage. Love has a superlative strength to unite as death does to separate. The cruelty felt when separated also drives her love sick soul to do whatever it takes to find him. And since her flame of love was of a most excellent nature it was both ultimately unquenchable and priceless.
For personal study you could see the example of Christ who loved and took not revenge and be like him who is greater than Solomon.
Some may say that some injuries are intolerable. Consider, has your enemy been more base, more unreasonable, than you have to our High and Holy King of kings? Do you hope infinite mercy from God then give mercy to others.
Okay, I can hear some wives saying that their husband keeps on wronging me over and over again. Do I have to bear their injurious behavior for so long? Answer: Isn’t this the command. Isn’t the command to suffer long? The command is to suffer a short time but to suffer long and here in is Christ manifest in you and the woman will win her husband by her chaste behavior before God.
“overcome evil with good” Romans 12:21
But you say, “Wont my patience and long suffering be taken advantage of?” For a time, yes, but God says “Vengeance is mine” Romans 12:19 what goes around will come around in God’s timing. Yet there is more encouragement to keep suffering long with patience and peace for then the injurious person is more apt to change as “burning coals are heaped on his head from your continued acts of love. Prov. 25:21-22
What were the wrongs suffered by Jesus and how did he respond. Peace and a sweeter harmony in a marriage is dependent upon your heart response when wrongly treated in the relationship. Remember also that love keeps no record of wrongs and holds in no anger.
2 Cor. 10:1, John 10:20, John 7:20, John 8:48, John 10:33, Matt. 10:25, John 9:22
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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.