Sinless Love Making
Solomon’s Song of Songs is the best of all the love songs Solomon wrote. It is a Love Poem, from the king of peace about His Love to his/His bride. So that we may know what love is. To know that love and to know it you must first feel it, let it grow, learn to let it grow in more breadth. Get a greater view of its width, how far? as far as the east is from the west. To know its greater strength, Zeal to unite, make happy etc. To know the ardency of love. To know it by feeling it while on fire for the LORD, and the son of David, king of peace, Solomon, Israels’ third kingly Messiah.
Oh, if we could ever get a taste of what she felt being loved by such a great type of Christ like he was!!
How would the best lovers first date go? From falling in love at his anointing to her growing faint due to all the love he has shown her thus far as a king, shepherd, friend and wooer. They are at the banquet hall as she is drinking up all he had done for her especially in keeping the peace and love in the relationship. He was the king of peace, Solomon.
How did he keep peace in his holy marriage?
He showed her love over and over and over again,”His leadership was pure gold” “Glorious in kingly status yet humble as a lamb.
All he ever did and gave his life to her for was for her happiness and growing inner beauty that he adored so much.
Yeah, amen. Read that one again and taste its delights.
All he ever did and gave his life to her for was for her happiness and growing inner beauty that he adored so much.
All he ever did and gave his life to her for was for her happiness and growing inner beauty that he adored so much.
This love to her was most intimately on display when the made love for the first time. Talk about a point in a relationship that is so important to get right that especially if the man is obviously selfish and leaves her feeling more used then loved, then why would she want to quote un quote “make love” again.
The holy virgin type of Christ and the virgin born-again slave girl truly made love. Both of them had never touched anyone else ever and their first time they both felt loved in the most intimate and delightful way so far!
This whole blog post came from the idea that I had. As to where to so many couples go wrong in making love. I thought that there are too many guys who have seen porn and have a completely opposite idea of how to touch a woman in a way that she truly feels loved rather than used.
If you were her, what would you want?
Think about it. If you are planning to make love on Friday. And you are married. And you would like to do the same thing of Saturday. If on Friday she felt used then why would she want to feel used again on Saturday. If she felt truly loved on Friday and you desire is for her, for her good and happy feeling of being loved on Saturday then what do you think would be the likelihood of her wanting to be loved on Saturday. What is her idea of what she will get when the two of you are alone in bed? Maybe some pleasure in the body but no sense or feeling of being loved.
Or does she believe she will get the greatest pleasure in her body and truly feel loved at the same time!
This is essentially what the best lover of lovers said to his bride on their wedding night. Before ever touching her, he invites her to come with him from one good high emotion and bodily pleasure to another and another and another and another all night yet in poetic language. He specially names the 4 different heights in Song 4:8, sparking her attention and loving glance his way that ravishes his heart.
Look at the command from God. “Drink your fill of love.” the woman has a desire that is the man’s job to fulfill. She has a fill of love to be met. Men you are her lover. Love her. Make sure she gets her fill of love, period!
Another thought. How does Solomon know that they will go together from one high feeling to the next and next and next?
1 Timeframe. 2 Love gives. 3 The plan is to get there together. 4 He has permission. 5 God has designed the soul and body to have not only the desire to capability of having our fill. 6 She was a virgin and untouched therefore sensitive so even simple gentle touches can rouse feelings to delightful heights quite easily. 7 Love had cast out fear. 8 Past loving experiences give hope for more of the same in the future.
1 His plans are all night 4:6. I suppose that he figures they may not get it right and perfect the first hour, but his plans are all night. They have all night. No real hurry here. If he goes slow enough it would be easy enough to get feedback from her all along the way. So, I am pretty sure they would hit at least a few various mountain tops by the time the sun rises.
2 He has given himself to her. He is not her own. Therefore, she will let him know how she wants him to use his eye, words, hands and other body parts to please her. His body is hers. He loves her and freely gives himself to her saying “I am yours.”
If not a virgin, then think of yourself as a born-again virgin. The old has passed away and the new heart has come.
3 Together. His plan as a good leader is for them to go to these various heights of emotion together. Her husband of but a half a day so far says to her to “Come with me…” and says again or rather is in so great a feeling that he sings it! Yeah, while she is half naked and not ashamed. He says it twice “Come with me…” He wants her to know that this is a together thing. Something both of them work together to achieve. “with me” (Song 4:8) he sings twice with love and enough heat and zeal to make it happen.
Since it is a together thing then men you must make sure that you do not go to any next level of intimacy without her permission!! The warning is so strong and repeated 3x in the love poem. To show love to her to make love to her is when she is ready and fully desirous to give herself freely. Love is not one sided. You make love together. He invites her to go with him. With.
4 Permission. Notice that he first tells her what his plans are, that they will do it together then she gives him permission. This whole thing, every word, every line is absolutely beautiful!
“Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” 4:16
Both are on the same page as to the timing of the fulfillment of their desires.
5 God has designed the body for pleasure. Love, joy and peace for the soul. Taste, wine. Smell pleasant, perfume. Beauty for the eyes. Sweet words for the ears. The body for touch. All experience pleasure or are means of delight by God’s design for He is good.
6 If neither of them have been touched then I’m pretty sure it won’t be hard to reach a higher feeling than any other that they have met with before. The body can feel bad, neutral, good, better, even better and then there is……….. well I’ll let you fill in the blank.
7 Love had cast out fear. She had love in her heart. Love to him for who he was, him being a good loving and wise man gave her no fear in giving her most intimate self to him. His sincere and consistent love and respect for her over and over again before marriage had led her to trust him. Meaning that it was a consistent pattern in their lives to get better and better at loving each other before marriage then they would have a good idea that that pattern would continue even in the marriage bed. Even though he hasn’t touched her he has confidence that they will go together from beautiful Lebanon to on glorious, beautiful and delightful high point to another and another because both of them were already in a habit of pleasing one another while dating and in engagement.
8 Past experience of being loved at important times in the relationship gives some level of expectation that those acts would continue on into the relationship because love was a characteristic that dominated every other aspect of their relationship. Friends, shepherd, wooer, loving and wise king, peacemaker etc. In every other role he loved her and all he did was sweet to her taste. And the good thing here is that even if he didn’t do something quite right, she would know that it wasn’t his intention because of all his deliberate acts of love in the past. Yet, if there was some pattern of selfishness in their dating then there will more than likely be some pattern of selfishness in the bedroom.
Hard to believe that I got 6 reasons as to how Solomon could invite her to “come with” him from and to various high tops of emotions and sensations.
As protector in the relationship, it is your job to protect the love, joy and peace in the bedroom. Your loving role to fulfill as her beloved is to truly love her in the bedroom to protect (how shall I say it), to protect the value of it. To protect her feelings.
I suppose I can’t stress enough the sensitivity of the moment. There are times in our life where certain things can make either a really good lasting impact on our lives or can be the start of more and more bad feelings. Like Making love for the first time is one of those things. I could be traumatic or the best experience ever!
Yeah, when I say protect her feelings, you probably think I am speaking Greek. What does that mean. We don’t really know that why we are so insensitive. So let me help you. When you have a good feeling or are happy to a high degree, this is a feeling a good feeling. Most of the day we go about in some sort of blah, not much feeling at all. Feelings are called feelings or affections because they are what rises above the norm of most people’s day. So, a feeling is a heightened emotion. Think back to times of your day or last week where you had heightened emotions. Love, happiness, peace, hatred, bitterness, angry, sad, longing, sorrow, grief, depression, gladness, gratitude. All of these are various emotions. Some of these emotions feel good and others feel bad. If you say or do something that causes her to go from a good feeling to a bad feeling, then she doesn’t feel loved.
You protect the sanctity and happiness in the bedroom by getting better and better at saying and doing things that make her feel good and loved. You protect the sweetness, intimacy, trust of the relationship by truly thinking of her interests first and as more important than yours. Forget about yourself.
What is her interest? Then get better and better at thinking of her more often in your thoughts than yourself. Then doing what pleases her to the point that she drinks her fill of love not lust.
Thinking of her and what pleases her will help the two of you get more heart to heart. Her idea of drinking her fill must be the same as your idea of her drinking her fill. Both of you must have the same idea in your heart and mind as to what her fill is. I say this to the men first for they should lead by example, be the example as to how to love.
In the marriage bed, you must both must have the same idea as to what each other’s fill is. How to get to the good feelings, how high you want them, how often, for how long. How frequent in the day or week? Speed, length of movement, pressure of movement, angles, positions, clothing, smells, lighting and on and on. And come to an agreement on all of these. For how can two walk happily and harmoniously together unless they be in agreement.
Amos 3:3 “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”
Let me try to put it another way. Get to the point where what makes her happiest makes you happy. And she needs to be happy making him happiest. Now there is bonus points per se for those who can get to the point of saying and doing those things that make each other the happiest at the same time!
You know I weep. I truly do cry and feel pity for so many women who have men who don’t love them in the bedroom. As a child I was up late in the night, kept up by the noises in my mom and stepdads bedroom. She was not being loved but rather used like a prostitute night after night for years. Mom called it marital sexual abuse. So, to see a man truly love a women and a woman reciprocate in Solomon’s song of songs 4:1 to 5:1 is one of the most beautiful things I have ever read or seen on earth! Not only because they are truly making sinless love but with the backdrop of hearing abuse night after night the thought of two people doing it right is not pornography but the most beautiful lovemaking possible! Love is on display on their wedding night in the bedroom.
We are to think of what is noble, true and worthy of praise!
Two people loving each other where neither one has a selfish motive! Love, in whatever context is a moral beauty that should captivate our souls and fill us with joy and delight in our Great God of Love!
——
and not just you doing or saying whatever that leaves her unsatisfied, frustrated, used.
Men, you don’t have to be perfect but get better and better at loving her in life and the bedroom. For her to feel loved it has to be in every area of the relationship. Love her. Don’t raise your voice and listen to her.
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What is so beautiful about a husband, friend, king and brother in the Lord loving his bride/Bride?
The Love Poem is their account of their love for each other, who once were enemies but now are freinds! Clearly then, a Greater love is on display in meeting, dating, engagement, wedding day and night, and married life. All of which have this in common.
They all, each section, specifically has illustrated for us the key points of the relationship that brought them together. Where they met, how they fell in love, got engaged, a few sleepless nights thinking of the one you love, the wedding, then
the most blissful wedding night going from one great height of feeling coming down and then going up to the next majestic mountain of feelings, emotions and goodness all over. The sweetest feeling, better than any other feeling on earth at such out of the earth and out of the mind boggling feeling. Unspeakable and fully of holiness and love! They would
. For both are making love to each other. A true holy flame is in both their hearts that is strong enough to overcome any foxes in the relationship that may keep the two from getting closer.
The wedding night was the same time of his second crowning.
Read a good summary of the brides idea of her beloved, freind and Husband.
After the most amazing and beautiful love making the two have drunk their fill of love. then
The married life. Their married life was a key point in time where the two got closer and closer, more heart to heart as the burning heat of zeal came with feelings of love and got stronger and stronger. Closer and closer.
Both of them keeping the feeling and bond of peace sweetly flowing in the relationship.
Marriage on earth is a union of two enemies of heart. Both men and women, born sinning and all the thoughts and intents of their hearts were only evil continually.
The Holy women who have had unsaved husbands who come to Jesus, who truly aren’t continuing in the same patterns of sin will tell you that before Christ “every thought and intent of his heart was only selfish all the time.“
When love enters the heart a right idea of God comes with a better truer view of ourselves. Dark are we yet lovely in Christ’s righteousness.
Back to my main direction of thought.
Which was my idea of their wedding night. Who is making love? The king of peace, Israels third messianic king.
He is he making love (showing love to) on their wedding night? A born-again Gentile, former slave and sun scorched to prove it. Both are virgins. She is a virgin for they make her silver earrings that only virgins wear.
(was she out there in the night looking like a prostitute or husbandless woman so they took away her silver earrings and covering.
I’m maybe thinking that his covering is something a gentile convert wore or what a bride of the king only wore. A holy queenly garment or covering. Yet the watchmen treated her like an evil prostitute in the night who has no one husband, no true love. in Chapter 5)
But back to the virgins making love and drinking their fill.
So, the man adored his half-dressed spouse on their wedding night. She was the most beautiful woman, literally!! Line em all up and she is more beautiful than any other woman. I take the shepherd king literally when he wanted her to be near him where she could find peace and rest.
He says, “If you don’t know“, (she didn’t know for she had never been there by his side having peace and rest out of the noon day sun.
“If you do not know, most beautiful of women” Yes, then he goes on to say the reasons she is the most beautiful was because of an inner fire of love was clearly on display for all God’s people, desiring and making peace for she was a enemy Gentile not too long ago.)
So, you have two people from totally opposite world views, and his/His world view was totally opposite of hers.
The opposition in their hearts is the greatest possible on earth and Satan is lord. The truth revealed in a flame of love has enough power to cast out lies for love cherished and promotes faith in God and the Truth. The truth about God for God is love and some idea of Him is enlightened in the mind when the whole heart tastes a communicated holy heightened emotion from the Spirit of God.
The indwelling Spirit purifies their motives.
Less and less sinful selfish motives in the world, his kingdom, his married life. And no selfish motives when making love.
So, I don’t want to be selfish in bed with my spouse. I have never been this intimate with her ever before.
Is she ready?
Let her know what is coming both generally and specifically as needed. Are you okay with that? Yes. Great for both have in mind the same general and specific plans for the night when they consummate the wedding, confirming the union. Making it official, they had freely given their lives and bodies to each other.
Now on the wedding night let’s look to see if we can see what the lover above all lovers said before and after lovemaking.
It’s the wedding night and she is half naked as he adores every part of her upper body. In the sweetest most poetic way, he lets her know clearly those things about her that are lovely to him.
Then he lets her know how long the next love making session will be
1 The length of time
Is it beautiful and appropriate wisdom to give lovers this example so that there will be peace in all their marriages?
It’s a love Song. A branch of love is peace for the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace. How do you get peace and do your part in keeping it flowing in the relationship? keeping the bond of peace by loving God and others.
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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.