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Overpowering Love of God Experienced

The blessed child of God gets overpowered by the Love of God in the “banquet house” Song of Songs 2:5-6

“It is only those who are greatly experienced in the mysteries of man’s inner life, and whose souls have been tried by passing through many fires, that can truly feel all that this book means, and, feeling, are enabled to understand it.”  Kitto’s Daily Bible reading, on the Song, page 390

Kitto is saying that you will not understand God’s love to us in Christ until it is experienced or felt.  Once felt then you understand it!!  The Song of Songs teaches you how to experience God’s love in extra ordinary ways.

The blessed child of God gets overpowered by the Love of God in the “banquet house” Song of Songs 2:5

Song of Solomon 2:4 Let him lead me to the banquet hall,
    and let his banner over me be love.
Strengthen me with raisins,
    refresh me with apples,
    for I am faint with love.
His left arm is under my head,
    and his right arm embraces me

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Song 2:6 “Let his left hand be under my head and his right arm embrace me”

She experienced God’s love to her through Solomon to the point of fainting in his arms at the banqueting house!  How much more so will the love of Christ overpower you in an extra ordinary outpouring.  This is no normal experience.  She was miserable in forced labor needing redemption in Song 1:5-6 and now the King proclaims His love to her with a banner over her in the setting where engagements were announced!!!  And she can’t sustain herself!!    Also Daniel 10:16-17 and following.  Read about the weakness of Daniels body when you received a revelation of Christ.  Granted Daniels revelation and our are different in the manner in which we receive them but the nature of the revelation is still the same.

Jonathan Edwards  “I know of no reason, why a being affected with a view of God’s glory should not cause the body to faint, as well as a being affected with a view of Solomon’s glory.”  More on Edwards talking about God’s overpowering love and our weak frames. Go HERE

Song of Song 2:5  ‘stay me in flagons,’ she is seeking support in this holy fill of the Spirit, whereby she was staggering.  Then Solomon holds her in his arms.  Solomon is the lesser Christ, how much more so would the Love of Christ overwhelm the believer!

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She asks for anything that will help her be sustained during  this outpouring of God’s Spirit

The Song of Songs has many Spirit filled high points.  The main joys of a babe is reading their Bible and obeying.  The young man get two main high points.  One on top of 3 different mountain tops and in the other they get to “drink their fill”  Basically God says to the humble obedient Young Man, “So you want to experience My Love, here drink up as much as you like.”  Song 5:1  This blog is about the child of God.   By “child” I do not mean just anyone saved. They are child, not a babe and not a Young Man or Strong Young Man or Father 1 John 2:12-14. They all have their own unique experiences tailored to their phase of growth, but the Child is overpowered by the Love of God to the point that they are so weak inside and out that they can’t handle it, and they sense God’s sustaining power (Song 2:6) under such weight of Glory.  Although this experience is in Chapter 2, it can be repeated by anyone more mature than just a babe in Christ.  Babes are tossed to and fro and have not hearts to handle this experience yet the Child that has assurance of Salvation and is walking in growing obedience. They have grown and are in-between the Babe Phase and the Young Man.

How does the one in the Child phase experience the Love of God?

Though this experience is in the Child phase it can be repeated multiple times at varying degree’s of glory depending on your hunger for it and hearts ability to receive such enflamed communion with God through Christ.  And then again sometimes He surprises us and it comes when we least expect it.  And as sure as God controls nature so he also controls the when and how much of Himself He lets you enjoy.  So I give qualifications yet it still is up to Christ when, who and how much and for how long to give extra-ordinary influences of His Spirit on the soul of man.

Qualifications to receiving such great Gift.

  1. 17772014_sThe Child must know’s their “sins are forgiven for His Names sake” 1 John 2:12  If you think that you will get to heaven because of the supposed good things that you have done, then this blessing is not for you.  The dwelling place of your heart must be the cross for extended periods of time.  Christ felt the full Wrath of God for your sins to earn this privilege for you.  Yes you obeyed and God will bless you by His Grace but you didn’t earn this great experience of God’s love in the “banquet house”.  Anyone who believes they are a good person will not experience the love of God to the degree of feeling no strength in you.  You must know that you are a wretched sinner deserving hell, the lake of fire forever.  This is what your sins deserve.  The greater you see your sin and what you deserve the greater the Love and Grace of Christ will appear!!  The greater the experience or outpouring when it comes!!  This blessing is for those who have assurance of their salvation through Christ alone by faith alone.
  2. cropped-bridewaiting-1.jpgThe Child must be walking in obedience to all that they know, your conscience must be clear!  Basically there is nothing external that someone could point to in your life that you need to repent of.   I’m not talking about perfection here, but if someone were to follow you around all day is there something that is clearly sinful.  You must repent or you will not experience Song 2:5.  As you are asking God to show you His Love, you conscience will be illuminated to sins you need to repent of, if you do not listen and repent you will not experience the Love of God to it’s fullest.  You can’t just ask for the experience without repenting or yielding your will to God’s at a greater level than before.  So listen to your conscience.  Read and obey.  Do whatever it takes to beat your body into submission.  Renew your mind, only the pure in heart will see God in the face of Christ.
  3. Keep growing.  Not only walking in obedience but growing.  Those who enjoy this love Gift of God are progressing in their walk with God.  If you notice from Song 1:9 all the way to 2:5-7 there is uninterrupted communion for a long time.  Long is subjective and relative to the maturity of the believer but none the less communion with Christ and a pure walk growing walk with God needs to be cultivated for some time before this experience.  The lukewarm Christian will not experience this.  Neither will the one who is leveled off, so to speak.  No one coasting along in their walk with God will have the special privilege of being overpowered by the Love of God being shed abroad in their heart Romans 5:5.  “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ”  Keep Growing or this extra ordinary outpouring will not be experienced.
  4. Keep asking for more even when the fellowship and communion is great!  She wants to experience the Love of God even more and more and when experiencing it she kept asking for more.  In Song 2:3 she is delighting to sit in His shade and then she says take me to the banquet hall.  In 2:3 she is joyfully communing with the Lord after some affliction for Christ’s sake in Song 2:2 then delighting in 2:3 then asking for more in 2:4 then it becomes all to much in 2:5 and it continues with her knowing it’s only Him sustaining her in His Gracious Loving embrace.  Song 1:2, Psalm 27:4, or Moses “Show me Your Glory” or asking God to do 2 Cor. 3:18 over and over again.  These are all similar prayer requests, just worded differently.  The Child who gets this outpouring is thirsty for it and asks for it in bigger waves because it is better than any other earthly pleasure.  Keep asking for His outpouring til it becomes to much.  Remember to humble yourself afterward or pride will set in and you will continue is some sin or sins and He will leave you.  Yes this experience will only last as long and as intense as He desires then back to normal so to speak.  But if you don’t humble yourself in His presence during and afterward then sin will prevail. Keep asking!  Will He not give the Spirit to those who ask?  He gives good things to His children and don’t doubt it!  Keep asking!
  5. 5030569_sKeep asking til it comes like she did in Song 2:4, she was already experiencing the love of Solomon and wanted to experience it further.  If you are experiencing sweet communion with Christ, keep asking for Him to reveal himself even further.  If this comes at night time then don’t sleep.  Or take some time away alone with your Lord and He is revealing Himself to you then keep asking for more and more til you can’t sustain yourself but you know that He is!!!  Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find.  Knock and the outpouring of God’s love will be to much for you to handle.  In Song 1:2 his love is more delightful than wine.  If this is more delightful, wouldn’t you want it in abundance and all  the time.  Keep asking for it if you delight in His love.  In Song (by the way the Young Man in Song 5:1 will be able to handle what was to overpowering for the child)
  6. You can’t rush this outpouring, it has to come in God’s timing.  The timing, duration, intensity and frequency of these outpouring are totally up to God.  He is Sovereign and you don’t deserve His joyful felt presence.  You can’t think that because you humbled yourself that you deserve this blessing.  This is a works righteousness attitude.  This will get you nowhere.  Even though I have a list of qualification here, that doesn’t mean that you if do the list and God will pour out His Spirit.  The point here is that if you are saved God wants you to experience His Love at greater degree’s of glory.  But you have to wait for His timing.  Yet, the longer you wait and the more you humble yourself the greater the outpouring will be.  Anyone who knows these experiences will want them all the time.  God doesn’t work that way, so there is a warning to not use unbiblical means to experience the Love and Grace of God in Christ.  There are 3 warning and they are all the same, yet come at different times,  do what I say here and it will happen soon enough, be patient and know it comes when God wills and when you are thoroughly humbled. For more on the warnings in the Song of Songs go HERE
  7. 635831637582067718-459653456_babybibleYou have to have gone through the babe phase.  And everything of the Babe phase must have been practiced and lived out first.  Meaning everything previous to and including Song 2:7 must be understood and obeyed.  In the Babe phase you learn so many things that are important for the latter stages of growth, you will be hindered if you skip something.  The Babe learns how to ask for more Love and why.  You learn how to balance your emotions and worship.  How to not fear the punishment of God when wanting to get closer to Him.  In my opinion there are far more spiritual babes out there than children, young men etc.  You have to have progressed from the Babe Phase to the Child to have this experience.  As is true with all the other Spiritual Highs, you have to have experienced and lived everything prior to that verse.  So here you have to have experienced all of the Babe phase.  Notice also that there is unbroken communion from Song 1:9 all the way to Song 2:5.  This means that your fellowship and communion with Christ is unbroken for over 14 verses.  Turn your phone off, take a day off, don’t sleep, do whatever to be alone with your Lord and Savior and get ready to experience his Love, joy and delight.
  8. You must have suffered for Christ’s sake.  Song 1:2  “Lily among thorns”  The thorns are temptations, trials and suffering for Christ’s sake. 2 Timothy 3:12 “Indeed, all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will be persecuted.” Giving up whatever is dear to you for Christ’s sake leads to great spiritual blessing.  Matthew 19:29 “And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or farms for My name’s sake, will receive many times as much, and will inherit eternal life.”
  9. You can’t push this experience.  Nor can you use unbiblical means to experience this.  You can’t stir up God’s gift of Love any other way then how He prescribes.  Wait for His timing.  Keep humbling and denying yourself and asking for it even when things are fine keep going and keep asking, but don’t expect it before God’s timing.  This is the warning of Song 2:7.  The warning comes right after this experience because once you know this is possible you will want it all the time and may do unbiblical things to try to get it.  There is also another warning in 3:5 and 8:4.  For more on these warning go Here.
  10. The point is to boast of Christ!!  His beauty!!  His Love!!  Not to boast in your experience. God will send you a thorn in your pride flesh like He did to Paul if you have a tendency to boast in the revelations you received.  From experience I have a tendency toward spiritual pride every time so the Lord has given me a blessed thorn as well.  I tend to think each has his own. 2 Cor. 12:7  To God be the Glory and if you think yourself something when you are not then “Come down” from that mountain where Satan the lion prowls Song 4:8-9.  Thoroughly humble yourself after each revelation or you will end up in a depression, or some melancholy state or feelings of abandonment that you will not enjoy.  Enjoy God and Glorify Him and dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus Name!!

What are the uses of such an experience?

  1.  The Child of God who wants to experience the Love of God to higher and higher degree’s must know that the reason they are not experiencing it is because their heart is to small  The Psalmist ask for an enlarged heart.  Psalm 119:32
  2. They also need to know by experience that they need “strength in their inner being” in order to handle larger dosages of God’s Love.  Eph. 3:16-20
  3. They must know that their body is to weak to handle such great outpourings of His Spirit.  Again Edwards.  They need to know that the fault lies within themselves, so that they deny themselves, humble themselves , go through whatever difficulty God requires following Jesus all the way through the narrow path.
  4. You need this experience so that you don’t put limits or bounds on God’s Love or the ecstasies of Christian experience.
  5. For more benefits go HERE
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Song 2:6 His left arm is under my head and his right arm embraces me!

Jonathan Edwards “This Town never was so full of Love, nor so full of Joy, nor so full of distress as it has Lately been. some Persons have had those Longing desires after Jesus Christ, that have been to that degree as to take away their strength, and very much to weaken them, & make them faint : many have been Even Overcome with a sense of the dying Love of Christ, so that the frame of the body has been Ready to fail under it: there was once three Pious young Persons in this Town talking together of the dying Love of Christ, till they all fainted away.”  and continuing on Edwards says

“tho tis Probable the fainting of the two Latter was much Promoted by the fainting of the first.”  There are true and false affections or outpouring.  Satan can reproduce many of them,  he has power to do lying wonders. 2 Thessalonians 2:9  “whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders”  The main difference is that true outpouring of God’s Spirit will produce a holier life.  You will hate sin more, you will repent, you will worship and adore Christ.  You will not say as much about your wonderful experience as you will of Christ.  You will boast in Christ and not experience.

I love J. Vernon McGee on this verse.  He says to God “Stop the glory! It is to much for this weak old body.”  You can find his little sermon on Song 2:5-7 here.

Ephesians 5:18 “And do not get drunk with wine, for that is dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit”  Fainting in the banquet house is not the same as being filled.  Although you are filled in the banquet house.  The filling that Paul is talking about is “a daily walk understanding and sensing God’s love for you and you loving Him and others.”  Never lacking love but filled with it.

Andrew Miller

But this state of high spiritual enjoyment is only occasional; nor is it reached, generally speaking, in a moment. We cannot turn, all at once, from the enjoyment of earthly things, to this measure of enjoyment of heavenly things. True, we have Christ, and the Spirit, and the word, and the Father’s love, always the same; but our communion in these things is not always the same. Even the necessary occupation of mind and body with temporal things, blunts our spiritual sensibilities for the time. Secret prayer, meditation on the word, self-judgment, the body kept under, the heart delighting in the things of God, and the Spirit revealing to our souls the love of Jesus, will, in most cases, be found associated with this condition of spiritual enjoyment. Indeed, we believe these exercises must be the habit of the believer, if he would be heavenly-minded. We must walk by faith, as belonging to the new creation, not by sight as of the old. (2 Cor. 5:161718) At the same time it is well to remember, that the blessed Lord is not bound to any one class of means, in bringing His loved ones into His house of wine — the place of His presence where there is fulness of joy. We have seen a soul in ecstasies of joy, through being suddenly brought to a sense of its own failure, and of the Lord’s unfailing love. But here, in the case of the bride before us, there has been no apparent failure as yet, there is marked progress in her experience. Like a soul coming from the closet to family worship, and from thence to the public banquet of the Saviour’s dying love. The tone of her communion deepens as she passes from scene to scene. Her joy increases, until the revelation of the Bridegroom’s love and goodness become so overpowering to her soul, that the body faints under it. Yet she seeks to be sustained by that which has exhausted her. “Stay me with flagons, comfort me with apples; for I am sick of love.”

Ecstasies of the Christian Religion for the:

  1. Babe
  2. Child
  3. Young Man
  4. Strong Young Man
  5. Father

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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.

I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.

I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.

If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28

I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.

If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.

About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.

As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.

Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.

I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.

I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.

I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.

I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.

I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.

I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.

California at age 26.

I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.

One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.

By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.

I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."

So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.

After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.

I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.

I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.

I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.

The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.

About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.

I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.

Then this life changing advice came:

A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.

In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.

I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.

About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.

I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.

So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.

I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.

Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.

About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.

Then a mission trip to Croatia.

Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.

About 3 years saved now.

I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.

Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.

I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.

Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.

My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!

I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.

God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.

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