A wise husband though loving is not always embracing: he does love ever, but does ever embrace: For there is a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embracing. There is the service and labour of love, as well as the pleasures of love: and accordingly as we read once that Isaac sported with Rebekah, so we read also that she made savory meat such as her husband loved. No doubt she had pleased him before by the like service, that she pleased him so certainly now, at least she was no better than Sarah, who did her husband the service of making him cakes for the entertainment of his guests. So does the wife of Christ also, she thinks sometimes how she may please her Husband by service, and not only how she may take pleasure in Him, and of Him. For the souls Husband will not only please, but be pleased; He will not only give love, but take it, and the love which He takes, shall be sometimes in the labors of love. He is her Lord, and therefore he expects service from her, that she may not call him Lord in words only, but in deeds, even in doing his will.
Neither is this service, a mere service, or a thing only of toil and trouble; but it is an easy yoke, and a light burden. Mat. 11:29. Yea it is full of profit and advantage, for it brings and increases rest and happiness to the soul. For indeed love ever seeks the good of the Beloved, and accordingly Christ Jesus who is love, sets the soul on works for her own good.
For the soul has many gains annexed to her work, she gains before the works, she gains in her work, and she gains after her work:
1. She gains before the work for this is one main cause, why those weighty joys, sweet embracements, and ravishing consolations are given her, that she may cheerfully run the race, and perform the service set before her.
When Angels bring meat to Elijah, it is because he has a great journey to go; so that he is beholding to his great journey of his Angels food. The outward Israel is fed with the bread of heaven, to maintain him in his walk unto Canaan, and the inward Israel is fed with the true bread that comes down from heaven, to enable him in his works, and walk through this pilgrimage to heaven.
Neither does this course hold only in the service of doing, but in the service of suffering; in the passive, as in the active obedience. Christ Jesus shows his disciples on the mount a pattern of his heavenly glory, and then to Christ thus gloriously transfigured, Moses and Elias do speak of the Suffering which he should accomplish at Jerusalem. So to the Head himself, Heb. 12. the glory set before him is an encouragement to the enduring of the cross, and despising the shame: And if it be so to the head, it should be such also to the body. And such it is indeed to the true members of the body, for they receive not the grace of God in vain, but can do, and will do all things through Christ that strengthens you, Phil 4:13
For as they find that they are strengthened with all might, according to God’s glorious power, so they know the end for which they are thus strengthened, even unto all patience and long-suffering with joyfulness. Col. 1:11
Wherefore let us think that the parcels of glory, joy and strength which we now receive in the visitations of Christ Jesus, are a kind of wages paid forehand to encourage us more cheerfully and confidently to the work of doing and suffering. And accordingly having received them, let us not dream of rest, but of labor; not of setting up tabernacles, but of service and sufferings. And let us not doubt, but if the Angels food be a preparation and call to a long, or laborious journey, of doing or suffering; the same food will also strengthen and enable us to perform the journey unto which it calls; so that in the strength thereof we shall be able to walk even to the mount of God.
2. Yet neither is all the comfort, encouragement, and gain given to the soul before her work, but even in her work she gains.
In the service of her husband is continual gain, and that not only of strength, but of pleasure and delight. For the soul having tasted Christ in a heavenly communion, so loves him, that to please him is a pleasure and delight to herself: Yea there is such a principle of love shed into her heart by that communion, that his commandments are so far from being grievous to her, that there is no pleasure in her taste comparable to them. No sweet things, no precious things in her judgement may be compared to the sweetness and preciousness of commandments. Therefore it is the true voice of the spouse, and therein not so much her mouth as heart speaks, Psalm 19:10 “They are more to be desired than gold, yea than much fine gold, sweeter also than honey, and the honeycomb.”
Behold how the soul married unto christ delights in the law of her husband; and no wonder if she love his law, when she loves him; neither if her heart be to his law, when his law is written in her heart. Besides, the law of his lips is a law of grace, and a law of grace is a lovely pawl So she loves his law, because his law is lovely; She loves it because it is His law whom she loves; She loves it because the love of his law is written in her heart. And as shelves his law, so she loves to fulfill it; for her love will not be quiet, until it see her words turned into her deeds. And this she does not negligently, nor heavily, but like a lover, pleasantly and cheerfully.
Look but a carnal lover, and see how he affects the title of a servant, and is more than glad, (even proud) to receive and fulfill the commands of his beloved. Give then spiritual love to a soul, and she will rejoice also to perform the spiritual commands of her beloved. If a man know not this, it is because he loves not, but let him love, and then he will both know and do it. For the nature, and law of love in the lover, naturally moves to the fulfilling of the law of the beloved. And as the Sun in whom a law or covenant of motion is written, rejoice like a giant to run the race and motion of that covenant, so the soul in whom this law of love is written, rejoices to run the race and motion of this law. Obedience is the kindly fruit of a loving soul, and a loving soul brings forth this fruit as kindly, as a good tree brings forth good fruit.
And as this law of love is active, and laborious, so is it strong and mighty. Song of Songs 8:6 and Rev. 12:11. Even death itself cannot overcome love, for love is stronger than death. Yea love enjoys dangers, and death itself; and takes them for advantages; as by which the excellence and vehemence of love may be really expressed. Accordingly, the nearest and dearest friends of the Bridegroom rejoice that they are counted worthy to suffer disgrace for his sake. Acts 5:41 The fire of divine love so enflames them, that much water of persecution cannot quench it; yea such is the nature of this fire, that it feeds on those waters, and grows more fervent by that which would quench it. For the fire of love upon opposition on kindles another fire of an holy rage; which is full of anger and scorn, that life or death, or any other creature should offer to separate the soul from her loved Christ Jesus.
And as the Bridegroom himself rejected a great apostle with the title of Satan, when he dissuaded him from expressing his love to his spouse by dying for her, so the spouse herself is angry, when she is dissuaded from expressing her love to her best-beloved in the suffering of love.
One while being threatened with a fiery furnace, she says, “o King we are not careful to answer thee in this matter, but be it known to thee, we will not serve thy gods, nor worship thy golden image. Daniel 3 And another while, at other threats, “We can not but speak the things that we have seen and heard. Acts 4:17,18. and again, when danger was denounced, and friends dissuaded: “I am ready not to be bound only, but also to die for the name of the Lord Jesus. Thus may be seen, not only what pleasures, but what power and might do accompany and bless the labors and sufferings of love: love delights in doing and suffering; yea it is angry when it may not be suffered to suffer: And as opposition rises against it, so it rises against opposition, yea it rises by it, until it rise above it.
But besides the usual pleasure which love takes in suffering for the beloved, there are unusual and extra ordinary comforts allotted to the sufferings of love. When the Bride suffers most for her love to the Bridegroom, the Bridegrooms love must needs be most increased to the Bride; and consequently the fruits and benefits of his love. therefore there being an hundred-fold gain promised in this life to the sufferings of love, the more those sufferings are the more hundred-fold is that gain which is promised to them. Mark 10:30 Beside, the Bridegroom sees that the Bride has then most need of comfort, help and supply, when for his sake she is in most distress: and therefore he that is a present help in trouble, cannot but be a greater help, in a time of greater trouble; for he fiftieth the measure of his help to the measure of her trouble.
Hence it arises, that here is a peculiar weight and abundance of consolations, which none can attain unto, but those that have a special height and abundance of tribulations. For this proportion the Apostle acknowledges when he says, “As the tribulations do abound, so does the consolations” 2 Cor. 1:5 Thus is there continual gain in the sufferings of love, and great gain in great sufferings; thus is the soul made a conqueror and gainer in all labors, and loves, and crosses, through him that loves her. What she loves in the creature, she is/hath repaid with great advantage in the Creator: What she loveth in brass, she is repaid in gold, not barely value for value, but weight for weight; yea the weight of he worse is far exceeded by the weight of the better; 2 Cor. 4:17 for it is but a light affliction, it is an exceeding weight of glory, and parts of this weighty glory the soul now receives beforehand as earnests of the whole; and having received them, she does now rejoice, (even through manifold temptations of crosses and losses) with a joy unspeakable and glorious. Her finite measured, and utterable tribulations are overweighed with joys unspeakable; and that they are so, we see it in the effects of them; because the soul despises the sufferings for the joys: yea the sufferings are so overcome by the joys, the sufferings do not turn her joys into sadness, but her joys turn the sadness of the sufferings into joy; for she rejoice in her sufferings.
3. Lastly, the soul is a great gainer after the work; for the greatest gain of the soul is at the end of all her labors:
there is a time coming when she shall rest from her labors; but when she rests from them, they shall not rest from following her, for follow her they shall into heaven, and bless her with eternal joys. Yea the more she has labored and suffered, the more shall she be blessed and glorified. The more afflictions, the more weight of glory, for the harvest will answer the sowing; the present sowing in tears shall be followed with a proportionable harvest of joy; so that he which loves sparingly shall reap sparingly, and he that soweth plentifully, shall reap plentifully. 2 Cor. 9:6
Upon the consideration of these three fold gains annexed to the labors and sufferings of love, here arises a just reproof of those contemplative men, who by neglecting or rather excluding these labors and sufferings, do neglect, and shut out these gains. They wold presently be at rest, and presently would have nothing but rest and enjoying; and a loss to serrparate mystical Divinity from practical, for howsoever they may be distinguished, they may not be separated; each having his turns, and each giving hand to other, and strengthening one another.
The joy of the Lord is our strength Neh. 8:10 and it strengthens us for something to be done or suffered, and again these labors and sufferings do increase the joy, for as the tribulations do increase, so do the consolations. True it is that the mind of man would presently be at his works end, and having received joys, spend the whole time in gazing on them, tasting of them or in recalling the tastes and images of them: But too much enjoying is a loss of enjoying; for it looses all those gains ( formerly mentioned) annexed to doing and suffering. For if a man will only busy himself in tasting present joy, how can he expect those joys that are sent to prepare unto labors? or those that accompany labors? or finally, (which is of most weight) those infinite, and unmeasurable, and exceeding joys, which in the life to come are to follow afflictions and labors?
Will God give joy to enable us unto services, when he sees he cannot have the services for which he gave the joys? Can we look for an abundance of consolations, when we exclude the abundance of tribulations to which these consolations are annexed? Or can we look for that exceeding weight of glory, which shall follow light and momentary afflictions, and yet utterly refuse that light affliction which works this glory?
Surely whosoever you are that thus does, your loss hereby is manifold, but especially greatest in turning thy seed-time into harvest, and in eating up thy seed: thou makes the time of sowing to be the time of reaping; yea you eat up your seed, which being sown, would have given you an ensuing harvest. True it is that joys are given you here, and they are given you to be enjoyed; but even this enjoying is but a sowing; for thereby are sown in thee new supplies of faith, hope, and love, and of all spiritual strength, even the seed of future active and passive services.
You are by these joys mightily encouraged, fortified and enabled to an unwearied industry in the labors of the Lord, Since by this which is paid you in hand, you feast, and feel, and taste, that your labor is not in vain in the Lord. You do not receive your earnest-penny to be still gazing on it, much less to bound thy thoughts with it, or to think yourself rich enough in it, but thereby to be drawn on to a cheerful running in the race, that leads to the infinite treasure which is in heaven, whereof this penny is an earnest. Wherefore if any man will set up his rest in present joys, and speak of building Tabernacles in them, let him know what was said of him that said so, and see whether the same agrees not also to another that says the same agrees not also to another that says the same, He did not know what he was saying. Luke 9:33
Surely this is not our rest, neither have we here a continuing City, but we seek one to come: our Sabbath here is but one day in seven, but the eternal Sabbath comes not until we past the works of the six days. Heb. 4:9 There remains a rest to the children of God, and that which remains is not presently. Therefore seeing that rest remains, let us labor to enter into that rest, by labor not by rest, by that rest, which encourages and enables us to labor. Having eaten with Elias, let us walk with Elias, having taken the earnest, let us do the work, having eaten Manna, let us walk onto Canaan. Let us not grow restful by that which was given to make us active; neither let us look to tie these joys together in this life of action; which are therefore intermitted, that there may be times for action, as well as for enjoying. Therefore if Jesus does sometimes vanish out of sight, and withdrawal himself into heaven, imagine you heard the Angel saying unto you, “Why stand ye gazing into heaven? the same Jesus which is taken up from you into heaven, will come back the same way you have seen him go into heaven.” Acts 1:10ff
He has times of going, and times of returning. He has visited you, and is gone out of sight, expecting the fruit of his former visitation. As you have seen him going (Song 3:1 and 5:6) so shall you see him coming; when your work is well done, he will cone and comfort, and encourage you to the work that is to be done. But still remember that His best coming is his last coming: then will he come to you, and cause you to come to him, and this coming together shall be without any more going asunder. Then shall you rest, and only rest, for even your actions which now are labors shall then be rest. And then will there be no grief of heart to you, that you have had here interpositions of labors between thy rests, since these labors here shall there be turned into the joys of a rest eternal. Neither shall it be a grief of heart to you then, that you have had some abatements here of a temporal rest, when those abatements have been occasions of increased degrees in a rest and glory everlasting.
You will have your joys increased according to the increase of your labors, for your works will follow you; and they will be followed with abundance of joys. If your labors have made your five talents to be ten, your Lord will make you ruler over ten Cities; and then will you find it best to enjoy most in the place of most enjoyment. And surely that must needs be the place of most, and best enjoying, where both soul and body are enlarged and clarified to the greatest capacity of enjoying; and where this greatest capacity does meet with greatest perfection, and fullness of joy. And that fulness of joy is at that right hand, where your Bridegroom sits preparing a place for His Bride: And into that place of fulness of joy will this husband receive His Beautified wife, having passed through the labors and sufferings of love, and there they shall be changed for her into large, full and everlasting joys. Amen and amen!!
This is page 64-102 Chapter 4
Go to page 103-133 “1st of two advantages of desertions” Chapter 5
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.