Often times as I write on the Song of Songs I will use both the lower and upper case in the same sentence. Small letters and big capitals with the same word. For example him/Him or messiah/Messiah or king/King or husband/husband, beloved/Beloved or lover/Lover etc.
Why do I do this?
Quick Answer: Because the principle truth or idea is applicable to Israel’s relationship with God, Solomon to his wife, Christ’s love to the Church. The text teaches a truth about love. That truth can be applied across the board. The bride/Bride desires to receive God’s love over and over again through a mediator/Mediator, husband/Husband, king/King. Song 1:2-4, Song 8:6
So if I say, “The bride/Bride truly loved her husband/Husband.”
What I mean by that is that the literal female woman in the song loved her husband Solomon. Yet since every marriage that has true love from God in the hearts of the spouse it is also true that the Bride of Jesus Christ truly loves her Heavenly Husband, Jesus Christ.
- The bride truly loved her husband. (A woman loving a man)
- The bride truly loved her Husband. (A believing woman loving Jesus Christ)
- The Bride truly loved her Husband. The Bride of the son of God truly loved God in the person of the coming messiah/Messiah or Jesus Christ.
All are true. The text is teaching the first truth on a spousal level. Yet as I’m writing I see something similar and would like you to see an analogy so I write in both small caps and large caps so that you could see the analogy better. The idea is the same. Namely, that of a bride loving her husband. Love in marriage. The bride loves the husband.
The bride by her actions proves her love to her husband/Husband. In this statement I’m pointing out that when a woman loves her husband she is also showing love to God her Husband because God commands the wife to love her husband, therefore any act of love towards her earthly husband is an act of love to her Heavenly One.
husband/Husband, Christ/Jesus Christ, the Messiah/The Messiah, bride/Bride, Son of God verses Jesus Christ, his/His
husband/Husband= The principal truth in the text that is similar is that of the idea of a husband or his role. When I use the small letter “h” I mean Solomon or any earthly husband depending on the context. When I use the capital “H” I either mean God or YHWH as He calls Himself the Husband of Israel. Or I usually more often am talking about Jesus Christ the Heavenly Husband of His Bride.
There is also a union of the bride/Bride with a pre-incarnate form of Jesus Christ similar to a true Israelites union in love to The Angel, in the rock 1 Cor. 10:2-4 or The Angel in Ex. 23:20-21. So in some sense both Solomon and his bride are united in love to a pre-incarnate form of Jesus Christ but I will more than likely not talk in this sense. Speaking to the nation of Israel God says,
The lower case is Solomon or earthly husband and king the Upper Case is Jesus Christ or God our heavenly Husband and King.
The bride desired a closer most intimate relationship with both king Solomon and King Messiah so when I write king/King in the statement “The bride desired a closer more intimate relationship with the king/King” Both are true. It is clear to see the bride desiring to be married to Solomon the king, but you have to go to other texts of Scripture to show that God is also her King. Ps. 5:2 Ps. 47:6-7
Jesus Christ will be both king to Jews and Gentiles in both the millennial kingdom and in heaven.
So if I make the statement, “she is his/His” I mean that she belong to both Solomon and God. She has given herself to God and she has given herself to Solomon therefore “h” is lower case because the text is clearly talking about her giving herself to a literal man. Yet also since she has true love in her heart based on Song 8:6-7 we then know that she has also given herself to God for true love has God as the primary object of its affection. We know these things from other texts of Scripture.
She felt separated from her husband/Husband.
Our sins separate us from God and man. Isaiah 59:2. Notice in 5:1 they are together but in 5:2 they are apart for her sin made it feel like he was gone, she couldn’t sense his/His love when she was in sin. They are one in one sense and in another she can feel separation from her husband/Husband.
The text in Solomon’s song of songs is Solomon NOT Jesus. The text says Solomon and means Solomon not God. But you can argue from Solomon to Jesus when seeing a similarity and make an analogy. Solomon was a type of Christ. Love in Marriage illustrates Jesus Christ’s love to the Church. Therefore marriage or the union of a man and woman illustrates many aspects of a believers union with Jesus Christ. That union many puritans called the “Mystical union”.
The text is the bride of Solomon. Not the Bride of Jesus Christ by allegory.
Israel’s Messiah was of the same nature as God. Ex. 23:20-21
The Angel with God’s Name in Him was to “bring” “guard” and “command and they were to listen” Ex. 23:20-21 and “go ahead” of Israel. 23:22.
Israel was to listen and obey this Angel that had the name Jehovah in Him. Anyone you are supposed to obey is the authority over you. Solomon was to be obey like a king and The Angel was to be obeyed as the King of kings. The Angel was their Authority for He God’s Name in Him.
God in the 2nd person of Trinity, their Messiah, was their Husband and acted like it. Isaiah 54:5-6
- When you can argue from the lesser Christ to the greater Christ, lesser husband to the Greater. Particularly in his/His skill to love his/His wife/Wife. Matt. 12:42. The wisdom and skill Solomon had to love his wife was great Song 8:6 but Christ wisdom, love and grace is greater.
You can argue from the lesser to the Greater Christ but you can say the text is directly talking about Jesus. You will miss the point of the text and also be committing exegetical suicide. If you see me replacing Jesus Christ for Solomon it is not because the text is talking about Jesus but that you can argue from the lesser husband to the Greater Husband Christ form the text. If you read Jesus into the text and say the Song of Songs this is Eisegesis not exegesis. This is a technical distinction for those who know how to make a difference. I am not reading something into the text that is not there but knowing another truth somewhere in Scripture I am seeing an analogy. I use an exegetical hermeneutic as best as I can to find the idea or principle in the text. Then you can apply the truth to human marriage and then by way of similarity compare the idea or principle of love to our spiritual union with Christ our Heavenly King, Shepherd, Beloved etc. depending on which context you are in.
Meaning that the application of the principle truth in the text can be used for application in a human marriage and also application for our Spiritual union with God through Christ in love. The text teaches an idea or truth, that truth can be applied in understand how a husband ought to love his wife so as to teach the husband a lesson because the the greatest type of Christ alive did nothing wrong in the Song therefore he is the example. Love to God in the heart of the believer irresistibly compels them to desire oneness through union and communion with the greatest messiah/Messiah.
You can’t take God out of the picture and read the Song of Songs “under the sun” or it will become meaningless.
I write in both the upper/Upper and lower case sometimes because the basic idea or truth I am trying to communicate is also a principle truth in the life of a believer in Christ.
There are similar principles of love at work in both a husband/Husband and wife/Bride with “the very Flame of the Lord” in them and Christ’s love at work in believers. way two become one in Solomon’s marriage are similar to Christ’s union with believers.
And I intentionally use the word believers in the above sentence rather than use the word Shulamite because Shulamite is to specific to both person and period of time. Generally the principle idea or truth is always true. and if a text is trying to communicate a principle then all must be reduced to principles and Shulamite is to specific and believer is broader and therefore the application of the principle truth or idea reaches all believers. Truth is universal. Provided similarities are kept in context the principle idea of Solomon’s love to his bride will be true also in some ways very similar and in some ways very different from Christ’s love to each believer. Since we are made in the image of God there are things similar about God and us.
When wanting to see the analogies you have to think of the principle idea trying to be communicated in the Song of Songs.
In this context the principle idea of “a believer” will be placed in the stead of Shulamite in this context. Believer communicates faith. The idea of a Lover communicates emotion. the truth of Christ love to the individual believer encompasses all time. So in the analogy Solomon is the lesser Christ and the Shulamite represents every believer. I use believer because the principle idea that Christ died for all believers in the coming Christ in the OT. And all believers in the NT believing in the Christ that came from God, put on flesh, lived a perfect sinless life and bore the sins of many. So I say “certain truths in Solomon’s marriage are similar to Christ’s union with believers” Our hearts will resinate with hers! Somewhere in the text your heart and hers will be more one in agreement with in mind or emotion. Do you feel what she feels? Can you heighten those feelings?
Solomon/Christ is skilled at bringing peace everywhere as he ruled from Jerusalem.
The people were transformed by seeing the glory of God reflected in Solomon’s/Christ’s marriage.
Analogies and metaphors help us out, they help our weak minds ability to comprehend Spiritual Truths better. Nicodemus needed to understand the physical truth about the souls rebirth, so Jesus Jesus you must be born again. Think of being physically born once and you lived a certain life and then you are born again and live a different life. Now if nicodemus had an old life and gave if up to live for Jesus then Nicodemus would have known that he was living a new life. Those who are born again know the new different life and that those who have a new life in Christ, will enter the kingdom of heaven.
My point is that in order for us to understand unseen spiritual truths, types, illustrations and metaphors are used to bring to light some spiritual truth that mere explanation will not do justice to the truth trying to be communicated.
Words and ideas are means to an end. God/Solomon had a specific truth or idea He wanted us to understand, love and delight in. God wants us to understand what it is like to experience His Love!! The best setting for this experience is that of a courtship, marriage and ends with the Bride yearning for her beloved’s/Beloved’s return.
So above I just used beloved and Beloved in the same sentence. What I mean is in the Song of Songs beloved would mean Solomon. Do not mistake beloved for God. Solomon is not God or Jesus in the Song of Songs. Solomon is the lesser Christ Matt. 14:42 Herein is the spiritual meaning everyone wants to understand in the Song of Songs. If you just replace Christ Jesus for Solomon and understand the idea of the text then you will benefit. But you miss the point Scripture is trying to make!! Matt. 12:42 argues that a “greater than Solomon is here.” Greater in Wisdom, Love and Grace etc. We are supposed to argue from the lesser christ, Solomon to the Greater Christ Jesus. In this way Christ is understood better and loved, valued and delighted in more!!! Isn’t this what you want!! You want to Love God/Christ more! This is why Im so in love with the Song of Songs, it shows me God’s love by reflection. Solomon’s love was perfect to his wife in the Song. Christ’s love is greater!! Eternal, immutable, infinite and more delightful than any other experience!
My point is that even though I write him/Him doesn’t mean I am saying that in the Bible in the Song of Song “him” is not Solomon but Christ. Im not saying you can take Solomon out and put Christ there, many people wrongly do so in my opinion. The better way to exposit the text is to take the text as a human marriage between two believers with the “Flame of God” Song 8:6 in them. Solomon was a lesser husband, lover and king than Christ our heavenly Bridegroom and Husband. The Greatest Lover and King of kings!!
So here is me going on and on with different truths in the Song of Songs that are similar in Solomon’s marriage to his wife analogous to Christ’s saving and sanctifying love to each individual believer.
How can we safely jump from seeing an illustration of love in a human marriage and draw comparisons with Christ and the individual believer properly?
Having the illustration helps our weak minds to understand the spiritual realm better. Jesus said to Nicodemous that he needed an outward earthy illustration in order to understand spiritual rebirth. Love can be illustrated in a wife submitting to her husband like a queen submits to her king. And when she obeyed she was obeying her king/King. Both Solomon and God she obeyed. God wants her to obey her husband. So when she listens to Solomon she is obeying God at the same time. So I say in Song 1:8 “She is obeying her king/King.” She is harnessed to Pharaohs chariot. She existed to do the will of the Pharaoh, the one in authority. She was submitting quite fast and fearlessly so Solomon/Christ compliments her beauty. He was dazzled by her actions. What was so awe inspiring about her that she gets such an honorable praise likened to “the swiftest most fearless mare harnessed to Pharaoh’s chariot.” This isn’t any old horse. Had he compared her to a horse harnessed to a plow, then this would communicate him adoring seeing her work hard for her king.
Song of Songs 1:2-3 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of your lips for you love is more delightful than wine.”
She has tasted the sweetness and delights of God’s love and her fire burns hotter in her soul for the one/One she loves. Song 8:6 This experiencing his/His love to me is more delightful than any other experience more delightful than wine.
Song of Songs 1:6 “Do not stare at me because I am dark (sunburnt), darkened by the sun.”
Example 3 Out of “Catch for us the foxes“
“The vineyards are shared by the two. They both have a stake in their vineyards blooming. Catch for us. US. Us is plural. The catching of the foxes is for the benefit of both of them. Ignorance, insincerity, spiritual pride etc are evil foxes that will keep their vineyards from blossoming. He gets what he wants which is a closer relationship with her. And she gets what she wants which is a closer more intimate relationship with him/Him in his/His chambers.” God/Christ would want her to catch the foxes. Solomon would want her to catch the Foxes. Therefore I write Solomon/Christ wanted her to catch the evil foxes.
The idea of Song 1:2-4 is that The Bride has experienced the kings love and wants more of it in the most intimate of places, his chambers.
The Christian has also experienced the Love of King Jesus by understanding who He is and what He has done for us and now we want to be closer to God, nearer, we desire the strictest union with God, So also Christ our Lord and Savior desires us to be untied to Him in the strictest way possible, “Let them be one, as We are One.” John 17 So her desire is for the closest most intimate relationship with the one/One she loves. And here the one/One is put there because the woman in the Song desires both, she desires close intimacy Song 1:2, 1:7 with the one her heart loves, for love desires the strictest union with the object of its affection.
Arguing from the lesser to the greater type. How much more so ought we to desire intimacy with Christ! The idea of desiring intimacy with your lover/Lover is a natural principle desire flowing out of the very Flame of the Lord.
Interesting how the bride desires further intimacy in Song 1:2-4 and still desires to be closer Song 1:7, they enjoy one another excellencies, she beautifully gets persecuted for his sake for greater enjoyment of each other’s love. Then He shows up all wanting to get totally sincere and open’s his heart out to you calling you to a closer more intimate relationship with himself. He gave all kinds of motives for doing so and then calls us closer again by further degree’s of repentance, Our lover being both authoritatively sweet saying “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one” she has fallen and he calls her to arise! Arise out of sinful habits, she now recognizes that certain sins keep her from enjoying his/His presence, sin separates but she wants the stricter union. Her inability to catch the evil foxes was what ruined the intimacy of their union. she asks for his/His help in Song 2:15 “Catch for us the foxes the little foxes that are ruining our vineyard our vineyards that are in bloom.”
She is asking Solomon to do his part in making sure their relationship stays blossoming. He promised to make her more holy and beautiful in Song 1:11 and now she is asking him to do what he promised but using blossoming vineyards as a beautiful analogy
Knowing all your past and current sins and feeling guilty and condemned has only brought you further from the one/One you love. Its in this context that she says “Catch for us the foxes…”
Example 4 “Dark am I, yet lovely.” The point is that one thing about her is not attractive and another thing is attractive. If you said her outer appearance was both black and lovely. Then the point is still the same. In one sense she is dark and unattractive and in another sense she is lovely, attractive and beautiful.
This is the confession of the bride to be. Dark am I, yet lovely. In one sense she is dark and in another sense she see’s and knows there is a loveliness about herself that she delights in. Her delight was in holiness wherever she found it. Her lover/Lover was most holy. His/his holiness adorns him/Him. Both are true the earthly marriage is but a illustration of the spiritual union of the souls of Christ and each individual believer.
The bride in the Song is a natural born enemy to the king/King who sat on the “throne of the LORD” 2 Chron. 9:8
So how do we go from Solomon to Christ?
Solomon is not Christ, Solomon was a Christ, a Messiah, but not The Messiah. Solomon was a type of Jesus Christ.
Solomon possessed unmeasurable wisdom yet when Christ appeared He said “a greater than Solomon is here” Matt. 12:42 We get to Christ not by taking Solomons name out and putting Jesus there, but by arguing from the lesser to the greater. Solomon loved his wife but Christ’s love to His bride, is greater. How much more so is Christ. Solomon loved his bride. Christ loved His bride. But how much more so does Christ love his bride. If we can see how much wisdom and love is on display in Solomon’s love to his bride then we can more easily get a clearer idea of our Bridegrooms wisdom and love for us when we argue from the lesser to the greater Lover. Or something like. The bride fearlessly and swiftly pursued a closer more intimate relationship with Solomon because his “name” was like perfume. How much more so ought we to pursue Christ! He has a Name above all Names! LORD of lords. We do have fears of punishment when we sin and sin again, but this is due to learning the Christian life and what to do when feeling guilty, look to the cross and think of Jesus suffer the Wrath of God you deserve. If you believe this when feeling guilty then you will have no fear of punishment. Believer will not be fast and fearless when fearing punishment from God. 1 John 4
“We never could have any notion what understanding or volition, love or hatred are, either in created spirits or in God, if we had never experienced what understanding and volition, love and hatred, are in our own minds. Knowing what they are by consciousness, we can add degrees, and deny limits, and remove changeableness and other imperfections, and ascribe them to God. Which is the only way we come to be capable of conceiving of any thing in the Deity.” JE
Every believing husband is a type of Christ. No matter what time frame you were born from Adam to the end of time all husbands were, are and will be a type of Christ. You want to see the Love of Jesus to His bride, look to the most godly husband you know and you will see a husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church. Man is the authority in the marriage and woman is cursed to usurp that role, the born again woman will get better and better at her submission to her husband and her husband will also grow better at love, forgiveness, communication, leadership, friend, etc. So do we usurp Christ’s reign in our hearts when we get selfish, yet Christ forgives and never stops loving us because He paid the penalty for our sin and He is our Bridegroom.
Often times as I write I will capitalize Husband, King, Shepherd etc. This is when both ideas are true, rather than rewrite the same sentence. Both ideas are true. One true idea taught directly from the Song and another taught somewhere else. For example. It is true that the bride desired to experience her kings love in marriage over and over again because his love was better than wine. Song 1:2-4. Now the same is true for our relationship with God through Christ. We are the bride of Christ. We desired to experience our Kings Love in a Spiritual Union over and over again because His love is more delightful than any other delightful experience/wine. My latter example of Christ’s love to the Church being more delightful than any other experience doesn’t come directly in the Song. We have to argue from the lesser messiah to the greater Messiah. Matt. 12:42 Rather than go through the whole process of explaining how Im not reading into the text Christ where he is not. Yes Christ is not in the Song of Songs but the greatest type of Christ is, Solomon. So we argue that if she desired Solomon so much because of his character, how much more so ought we to desire Christ because of His Greater Character. We can say how much more so. Christ is Greater. Solomon is in the Song, but Christ said a Greater than Solomon is here. A Greater King, Greater Shepherd, Greater Priest, Greater Beloved, Greater Friend, Greater Husband of our souls! So I might say the bride desired to experience her husbands/Husbands love because it was more delightful than wine. Both statements are true wether you are talking about husband Solomon or Husband Christ, both are true. The Song teaches of Solomon little h for husband so that we can learn more about the Greater Husband Christ and his love to His Bride, the Church.
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.