Babes in Christ, Righteousness, Fear of Punishment
Babes or infants are newly born again Christians.
They lived a life of sin and now are on a new path of living a life of less and less sin. Sin is anything you think, feel, say or do that is contrary to what God would want you to think, feel, say or do. When you disobey God it is sin. When you know the good you ought to do and don’t do it, it is sin. James 4:17
One of the main characteristics of a baby Christian is the fact that they often fall back into their old sinful lifestyle and motives.
A motive is the reason you do things. Why did you do or say that.
I have asked this question about 1,000 times to all kinds of people.
If you were to die today, where would you go? Most say heaven or a better place. Others say, “I don’t know” or we can’t know or some even say hell because they know they have lived a life of sin and disobedience to God.
But if you think you are a Christian then the answer I often get is that they think they will go to heaven.
Now comes one of the most important questions.
Why do you think God would let you into heaven?
Answers I often get are
1 Because I am a good person
2 I haven’t killed anyone
3 I do more good then bad
4 I was baptized
Before I go on it’s very important for you to be honest with yourself here. Very very important. Because once I tell you the answer a person more mature than a babe in Christ would give then you will say that that is the answer.
If you gave any one of these things as the answer then you are self righteous. Self righteousness is believing your are righteous of yourself, of your own doing. You did good therefore you think you are righteous. You did what you think was good and therefore you think you are righteous. You think the record on your account or in God’s book is okay because you aren’t a really bad person. So you think that the record of good deeds you have done whereby God would accept you into heaven is because of the supposed good things you have done. Even though they have done some bad things the self righteous person thinks they can earn God’s favor or get God’s Spirit by doing good works like the Galatians who were babes in Christ.
The self righteous will think and believe that they will be justified or declared righteous on judgement day because they think they are a good person and good because they themselves have done what they think is good enough.
Now the self righteous person is either not saved or a very new Christian. If your faith is in yourself or your own righteousness for real then your not saved. If you die having faith in the fact that you think your have done enough good to get to heaven then when you die you will go to hell. The Bible clearly says in so many places that if you have faith in Jesus Christ you will not parish but have eternal life John 3:16.
Now that I told you that your faith should be in Jesus and not yourself. You may then say “Well, yes I believe in Jesus”. But for what? Earlier you believed in yourself and your own good works as the reason you will not parish but have eternal life. If you find yourself going back and forth then you are either a babe in Christ or not forgiven. Either way you should not be assured of being a Christian until you consistently believe you will get to heaven because of what Jesus Christ did for you on the cross in paying the penalty for your sins and living a perfect life so that his perfect life and righteousness could be credited to your account as if you lived the life of Jesus. And you are living a life of less and less sin. Then you can have assurance and know that you will go to heaven when you die.
The devil wants you to die thinking you are a good person. If you think you are righteous of your own then Jesus did not come for you. Jesus said, “I did not come to call the (self) righteous, but sinners.” Everyone who truly believes that they are a sinner does not believe that they are a good person person but cry out God be merciful and don’t pour your wrath out on me that I deserve for I have disobeyed you and are a sinner. Thank you for not pouring out your wrath of me because you poured it out on Jesus when my sins were placed on Him.
Here is the issue. We were all born sinners for all have sinned and fallen short of glorifying God. Romans 3:23.
Most of us have lived a life believing that you should be good. This is true. But can we be good enough or do enough right things in order for or account to be good enough for God to accept us into heaven based on our supposed good deeds? No. Never! God looks at all our supposed good deeds and says they are “filthy rags” Isaiah 64:6. The Bible translators are soft here in their translation. Really the word is a “used tampon”. Disgusting, bloody, worthy of only being thrown away to be burned.
So the babe in Christ will sin. When they sin they feel guilty. Then due to lack of practice they will try to do good to make up for the bad so they don’t feel guilty anymore. This will happen over and over again until if ever they learn to think of Jesus and what he did as the lamb of God suffering in our place at the cross.
VERY IMPORTANT
Meaning in order for the babe in Christ to grow. When they sin and feel guilty. They should then know they deserve punishment from God. KNOW THAT YOU DESERVE THE WRATH OF GOD FOR DISOBEYING HIM. Look grace is God giving you what you don’t deserve, but you must in order to grow believe that you deserve an eternal punishment for what sins you have committed. Let it sink in you mind and sense the fear of punishment from God. Look if you never had fear of being punished from God for your sins then you have never been truly convicted of your sin.
David when the bad thing or sin he had done what ever before him and constantly on his mind he wanted God to withhold the punishment he deserved for his sin and therefore asked God to be merciful to him. Which meant that David felt like he deserved God to pour out his wrath on him because he sinned. David knew God could pour out His Wrath on him but David wanted mercy and for his sins to be blotted out because a substitute suffered in his place.
“Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.” Psalm 51:1-4
I often define terms because babes in Christ often need to know definitions. So mercy is God holding back what from you what you deserve. You deserve to die and go to hell when you sin but God is holding back the punishment you deserve when you sin therefore God is being merciful in that action.
Grace is God giving you what you don’t deserve. You deserve hell for sinning but God gives you life and is patient with you wanting you to repent, therefore he gives you longer life instead of immediate death and hell. Temporal life and food are of the grace of God. We don’t deserve them. Grace is God giving us what we don’t deserve. Grace is unmerited favor.
To do for your growth and spiritual good and God’s glory. Often think of the punishment you deserve when you sin. As God to hold back the punishment you deserve for sinning and be merciful to you because He poured out His wrath on Jesus over 2,000 years ago instead of on you.
To do. Every time you feel guilty for sinning don’t try to do good to earn God’s favor again for you stand in His favor or grace always. Once you become a Christian you will sin. But you will sin less and less often.
The new Christian has to learn a new way of thinking and dealing with his feelings when they sin then he did before. There is the old way of thinking (trying to do more good then bad or being as righteous as they can in and of themselves) would not lead them to salvation and sanctification (sanctification is a process by which you become more holy, more loving, more like Jesus, grow or sin less). So if you think you are growing slow, not fast enough or not at all or maybe you think you aren’t even a Christian then check and see if when you feel guilty are you reminding yourself that guilt means you have done something wrong before the eyes of God and deserve punishment. Then think of the Gospel or good news about what Jesus did in suffering in your place, which is the power of God that leads to you being saved from the punishment you deserve for your sins.
Satan is a liar. He will tell you a lie and you believe it and wont be saved nor grow if you are a Christian. What is the lie? Can you see it.
I did something bad. I sinned. I feel guilty. God is angry with me. I deserved punishment from God. I will do good to earn God’s favor.
The devil comes by and says to you that you should do good to earn God’s favor. Well, you feel guilty and fear being punished by God so you go do good. Yet you are doing good out of fear of punishment. If Jesus paid the punishment for you sins and you truly believe Jesus paid the punishment would you then fear being punished by God when you sin? No!! If you continue in your sin and are deliberate in it then you will fear being judged by God and fear the fire of hell.
“If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left, 27 but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.” Hebrews 10:26-27.
There is a difference between knowing you deserve punishment for you sins and fearing the punishment you deserve. If when you know you deserve punishment for you sins and sense the fear then you need to remind yourself of the love of Jesus towards you at the cross when he felt your punishment in full and said “It is finished.” Knowing the love of Jesus as it was displayed in Him suffering on your behalf will cast out fear of being punished by God.
This love of Jesus that needs to be both felt and understood when feeling fear of punishment due to sin in your life in order for the fear to leave is what John is talking about in 1 John 4:18
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”
The immature Christian will often go back to their old way of trying to be self righteous and earn God’s favor by doing good rather than believing that Jesus Christ earned God’s favor for us. On our behalf. He lived a perfect life and that perfect life is credited to our account as if we lived it and then God’s favor or grace rests forever on us not because of the good things we do but because of what Jesus did. To have faith in Jesus Christ. Practice over and over again when you feel guilty of fear of punishment to think of Jesus being punished by God when it should be us suffering the wrath of God.
The Jews when they thought of their sin and the punishment they deserved would put their hand on an innocent and pure lamb thus symbolizing the transfer of their sin to a substitute, a spotless lamb. Then the lamb would suffer and die. The lamb did nothing wrong but the sinful Jew sinned and should have suffered. But they would sacrifice lambs often so that they would often be reminded that they could not do good to rid themselves of guilt and fear but believe that yes, they deserved to suffer but a spotless substitute would suffer in their place.
When you sin and feel guilty you could imagine as if you placed your hand on Jesus thus symbolizing the transfer of your sin to Him then Jesus felt the full wrath of God during the 3 hours of darkness while he was on the cross then when the full wrath of God was felt for all who would ever believe in him was paid Jesus said “It is finished.” John 19:30.
So when you know the good you ought to do and don’t do it, which is sin. You feel guilty because you didn’t do what you knew you should have done. Great your conscience is working but the sin is evil. Now you know the punishment you deserve is hell fire.
Do you fear being punished?
If so then think of what was going on while Jesus was on the cross.
Read or listen to lots of sermons on the cross. Listen or read the puritans on the Gospel. Memorize Gospel centered verses. 2 Cor. 5:21.
Notice when you are doing good things. Ask yourself why am I doing these things? Is it because I fear being punished by God. If so then you are doing good out of fear and not love. Those works are dead works and won’t please God because they are done out of fear, which is the wrong motive. Babes in Christ will often do this until they learn. Even when they get a degree closer to God in being children with assurance of salvation they will still be tempted to do good out of fear but less often then the babe. The strong young man will very rarely do good out of fear because truth and the word of God is abiding in him at a level where the lies of the devil in this regard bounce of his shield of faith in Christ rather then faith in self or their own understanding.
Having fear of punishment from God for your sins because you are a sinner in the hands of angry God is not a sign that you are not saved. Though while fearing punishment from God you should not be assured that God will let you into heaven. You cant have both fear of punishment and be assured that that punishment won’t happen to you at the same time. Either fear of punishment or faith in Christ will abide in your heart.
If the same habitual pattern of sin persists along with fear of punishment and doing good out of fear then come to the conclusion that you are not saved nor are you a child of God. Give yourself no assurance that you will go to heaven when you die for Scripture clearly says,
1 John 3:6 “No one who lives in him keeps on sinning. No one who continues to sin has either seen him or known him.”
1 John 3:9 “No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God.”
The whole book of 1 John is written to help the child of God with the issue of assurance of heaven. Who should have it and who shouldn’t.
The one continuing in the same habitual pattern of clear and known sin without repentance or sorrow that leads to good works out of love is not saved. Now a true Christian and a weak young one will repent and fall back into sin and repent. But a non believer will sin and continue in a habit of it. A true believer will have patterns change in their life and all patterns will change. Sinful thinking patterns will change. Sinful feeling will change. Sinful words will change. Sinful actions will change, they will not be perfect but they will not continue in the same patterns of sin.
Now if you are continuing in sin and don’t know if you are a Christian or not the answer is still the same for a non believer as it is for a believer continuing in sin.
Believe what Jesus did and says. And repent.
Read your Bible and believe it and obey.
Faith and repentance is the answer for both the sinner and saint continuing in sin.
I tried to be clear and would love feedback on this blog post. I would love to help anyone who thinks they are growing in Christlikeness to slowly to grow faster!
HELPS for the BABES in Christ
1 Grow in your knowledge of now having God in your heart and life.
1 Grow in the grace and knowledge of God and Jesus Christ. You are now in a relationship with God. God the Father drew you to Himself and you are now no longer enslaved to sin and the devil but now God is your Father and you are His adopted child. Jesus Christ, God’s Son lived a perfect life and then when our sins were placed on him/Him, He proved His love to us to the fullest by suffering in our place. So the reason for the new relationship is owing to who Jesus is and what He did for us. Suffering in our place and crediting us His perfect record of good works (His righteousness).
Imagine a wife leaving her parents to live with her new husband. It would be a new life. She would have a new wise and loving leader like her father was. She would have to grow in her knowledge of what a holy marriage is like with her new husband. She would not have any experiential knowledge of what it is like to be intimate and close with her husband before marriage assuming they were virgins.
What is it like to be in a love relationship with Jesus Christ?
1 Jesus Christ will use fear of punishment as a means to get you our of deliberate sin, disobedience or lack of showing Him love.
What is it like to be in a love relationship with Jesus your Heavenly Husband when you are in deliberate disobedience to Him? In your old life, blinded by Satan, you would believe lies about your sin. Satan will tell you “It’s not that bad” or even get you to believe it’s good to do for some unbiblical reason. And you may have often thought to try to do more good than bad and you would be okay. Or believe that your not a bad sinner because you haven’t killed or raped anyone. Truth is we are all bad sinners. Anger is murder in the heart. And lust in the heart is adultery. So pretty much we are all murderer’s in heart and adulterous.
But what is it like now when our eyes are open and we now have the Holy Spirit in us? The Holy Spirit is a Spirit of Truth. He convinces us of truths rather than lies like the Devil did. He is like a built in Lie Detector. The Holy Spirit also now has made you more sensitive to what is right and wrong. Sin is disobedience to God. Sins start in the mind, feelings and desires. The root of all sin is pride, selfishness and unbelief. Continuing in deliberate sin will lead to fear of punishment for those sins.
Stop sinning or something really bad is going to happen to you when you die is the warning Jesus gave to the adulterous woman.
My point all this so far is to give the new believer a better idea of how after you sin as a believer is different than when you were not a believer. There is a way that God wants you to think of Him and you and sin. Before you used to have wrong ideas of God and sin and now you must get better and clearer idea’s of God and sin. And how to properly deal with guilt and deliberate sin that comes with fear of punishment.
What is deliberate sin? Deliberate sin is thought out in advance and freely chosen. You know the good you ought to do and willfully and deliberately choose to not do the good. There is often a length of time when the sin is thought about and how to go about doing it. Planning evil in the mind and desiring it in the heart and then doing it deliberately.
26 “For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a terrifying expectation of judgment and the fury of a fire which will consume the adversaries.” Hebrews 10:26-7
This terrifying expectation of judgement and being punished for your sins is what remains in the heart rather than believing the punishment was paid for by Jesus, the sacrifice for our sins that comes with obedience or love and assurance of salvation from all sin. So you could be a believer continuing in willful sin and not have assurance of salvation or know that you have eternal life due to the dominance of a servile fear abiding in the heart.
1 One help when living in deliberate sin is to get clearer and clearer idea’s of what you deserve apart from Jesus Christ for you sin. There is a fire that will consume the adversaries of God, those who continue to willfully disobey. The fire of hell burns hot in the eternal darkness and hotter forever where there is no hope of relief but only utter despair knowing it will never end.
2 Another great help is to learn more about how Great, Majestic and Holy our God is. Sin is an offense to a Great and Holy God who can’t look upon evil and those who continue in it with approval.
3 Another help is to think about the fact that deliberate sin is akin to devising evil and feet that rush into it these are those those whom the LORD hates. Proverbs.
4 Watch and pray so that you don’t fall into temptation. This is another good help to avoid willful and deliberate sin. Watch and don’t put yourself in situations where you are prone to sin. Watch out of evil. Watch over your heart for it is where sin starts. Watch over your thoughts, feelings and desires. Watch and pray to God that you will not fall into temptation. Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. Just as a husband has certain things he would like his wife to do and certain things he would like her to not do and she must keep them in her heart so that she will please her husband. So also we must keep your thoughts on our Heavenly Husband, watch and pray so that we will not be tempted to displease Him because we love Him and will not deliberately or willfully continue to sin.
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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.