The most beautiful bride has the most beautiful teeth!
Solomom is complimenting, admiring and delighting in the equal proportions, perfectly matching with nothing missing, clean and fit for their purpose without flaw therefore they do their job in a most excellent manner. 4:1 to 4:5 is Solomon describing the beauty of his wife. And then concludes with a summary statement “You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you.” So the context is Solomon delighting in the beauty of his bride on the wedding night. Lets look at how he describes the beauty of her teeth.
Solomon’s Song of Songs 4:2
“Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone.”…..” You are altogether beautiful, my darling;
there is no flaw in you.”…”How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice!
- clean and pure for they are “coming up from the washing” = Her beauty is pure and holy. She has perfect teeth!! Each has it’s twin and not one of them is missing.
No deformity or disproportions. The natural beauty of her teeth is a reflection of her moral beauty.
Song of Songs 3:6 and following is the bride showing up to their wedding where Solomon will be crowned king in 3:10. 4:1 to 4:7 is the longest most glorious adoration of the brides moral and physical beauty. But it is her “love” that is more delightful than wine for it is a pure holy sweet unquenchable “flame of the LORD”. Song 8:6 Therefore she has doves eyes in 4:1 that Solomon says are also beautiful. Her eyes were full of love, love to God and love to others, love to husband and love to the poor. She had doves eyes. Her love is beautiful. Her holy love was beautiful.
The love she had in her heart was beautiful. Her heart was pure and clean and her meditations were holy, she replaced all the lies with believing the truth and treasuring it always in her heart. And thinking these thoughts of his wife and admiring the symmetry promotion and harmony of her teeth that made them beautiful.
Its the wedding and she is wearing her veil and he compliments the beauty of her teeth behind her veil.
Solomons Song of Songs 4:2
” Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.”
Solomon is praising, admiring and pleased with what is “fair”, “Beautiful”.
Whatever she was chewing on that made them dirty, they are now clean, matched, symmetrically paired, functioning in harmony with the mouth and the whole body. Her teeth are holy and beautiful in a natural sense. They are beautiful so Solomon compliments her beautiful clean paired up teeth. They can perfectly do the job they were meant for. I would say that she is blessed to have healthy teeth.
What is it that God wants her to do with her teeth and is she doing it? He would want her to keep clean what nourishes her. Proper and holy meditations will nourish the soul when believing lies leads to death for this is how the father of lies murders unbelievers, by deception. When the mind is deceived it is not beautiful. The will is perverted. And the affections are not holy and beautiful either when in sin.
In respect to what she was chewing on before made her teeth dirty. Now they are clean. Her ability to get nourishment would be at it’s optimum! Their function for their purpose is right and also looks good and delightful to behold.
Implied here is that she just got her teeth clean. “which came up from the washing” Its like she just brushed her teeth and Solomon is complimenting the beauty, symmetry, proportion and cleanliness of her teeth.
In Context of her spiritual growth the bride had no fear of punishment and assurance that Solomon was hers quickly ensued. Then night after night She got spiritually prideful and more and more comfortable doing nothing to draw near to the one she loved until finally she had to do something about it, anything and everything to get her relationship with Solomon back on track. She couldn’t stay comfortable without him near. Theres no joy of salvation when in sin and Jesus is far from the prideful and gives grace to the humble. Satan tries to take away the joy of the believer by getting them to believe lies that steal their joy. Like when we sin and the devil comes by to get you to doubt that you are a christian. A Christian gets joy from knowing they are a Christian and that Christ is theirs and they are his.
The devil will tell you when you are feeling guilty for sin that “You can’t be a Christian because Christians don’t sin like you just did” then you doubt your salvation and the lie gathers strength and you continue in sin without any power over it. The Word of God is not dwelling in someone who continues believing lies. There’s no power of sin until you learn to meditate on the cross when feeling guilty of sin. Over and over again the thoughts/teeth must be meditating on the Gospel. Jesus died for our sins and we rose with Him. Jesus lived a perfect life so that we could be credited His Righteousness. Yes, I just sinned but I hate my sin and trust that Jesus suffered in my place and when Jesus died bearing my sin, my old self died with Him, I now have power to joyfully obey.
Although for the Jew this meant taking a spotless lamb as a substitute for their sin to the high priest and then it was offered to God. The true Jew believed things about the coming messiah and believed God and it was credited to them as righteousness Gen. 15:6. The point here is that anything that has to deal with God, salvation, and truth in her heart is the same as Scripture, her thoughts are paired up with God’s, her thoughts are paired up with Solomon’s, her mediations are pure and clean like her teeth. And fully functioning fit for their purpose. To bring nourishment and life to the body by preparing the food for digestion.
How is your ability to meditate on the right truth in order to stay holy? Are your spiritual teeth functioning properly. What lies do you believe that need cleaning up by a truth believed abiding in place of the lie. Then your teeth will be functioning in a way that will deflect like a shield the lies of the evil one and you will not lose the joy of your salvation when you sin because you immediate go to the cross, mournfully confess and joyfully obey.
Other translations about the beauty of her teeth. “Just shorn” “comping up from the washing” “who are coming up from the washing”
I wonder as to the translation of the above phrases. Do they imply that her teeth were dirty and asymmetrical and now they are perfect without flaw. Is something happening to her teeth? Where they being cleansed and now are clean?
That part of her body is beautiful and able to do its function quite well. Clearly God would want her to be physically healthy. God would want her to be spiritually healthy. What would represent a believers teeth that would be similar to a person having all their teeth and cleansed.
If we were to make a comparison between physical teeth and spiritual. Having all the teeth would represent all our thoughts. All our meditations. All our thoughts and feelings about those thoughts are consistent with Scripture. Our thought match God’s thoughts. Truth is written on her heart. The word of God dwells in her heart. She doesn’t believe lies. She gets spiritual nourishment from her holy meditations.
Her teeth produce children they are not “bereft”. Could this mean that she has lost all her baby teeth but now she has all her adult teeth and is chewing on meat now?
All of her teeth have children. Not one is barren. The mother of her teeth bore twins and none of the teeth were bereft, barren or unproductive in their duty.
Different translations. Or none of her teeth “fail”. They do their job in giving her nourishment. “None is barren among them.” Meaning won’t have and children missing.
This thought with that thought produces a child. Her thoughts produce children. Holy meditations produce holy emotions, words and actions. The proper nourishment of our souls comes from our hearts being one with Scripture so they our meditations will be fruitful, clean and not barren coming up from the washing of the Word of God abiding.
Your teeth can be clean, keep them that way by always listening to your conscience otherwise you meditations/teeth get dirty and sin continues. Your teeth may decay. Your mind will be confused and believe lies. Be are born believing lies about God, Jesus, how to get to heaven etc. When you notice yourself driving a truth over and over in your head in a way that helps you love God better then you are cleaning your teeth.
For example. Many people quote Phil 4:6-7 so that they don’t worry.
“6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Worrying and not trusting God to fulfill His holy promises to you is the same as to have sinful meditations or unholy thoughts but when you have peace and not worry then your thoughts are holy and consistent with Scripture and your spiritual teeth will be clean. Forget this truth and start to worry again and your teeth will decay. Keep these truths in your heart and get better at trusting obeying and soon these truths just abide in your heart giving you strength and peace during times of trouble instead of worry. This is cleaning your teeth and cleaning your teeth makes you beautiful inside. The LORD admires holy meditations, he see’s you absolutely beautiful when your thoughts and emotions are consistent with His in His Word. Oh so lovely. Dark am I, yet lovely.
Memorize key Scriptures and right thoughts of God and the cross in order to keep your meditations holy and pure, keep the helmet of salvation on by believing truth and obeying so as to keep the joy of your salvation.
The Bride of Christ has the most beautiful teeth, for we have the mind of Christ and His love written on our hearts.
Represent the purity and holiness of what she uses to get nourishment out of her food.
Basically, laziness or spiritual sleep happens quite easily after clear assurance that all that you ever dreamed or hoped for spiritually and physically is yours through union with your husband/Husband. Like your going to get it all and have it all in Christ, and your just going to sit back in peace and rest. Still sitting there you lose your assurance of salvation, that clear assurance is gone. God will use Satan and allow him to tell you lies, you believe those lies and sin, and sin again. Assurance of salvation through Christ alone and the joys that come with it abide only in a heart that is continually cleansed of believing the lies and believing the truth.
When in your sin the devil will come give you a lie trying to get you to believe it so that you continue in your sin rather than go to the cross with your sin, believe the Gospel, know that you are dead to sin, sin has no thriving life in you, its dead and is dying, the old man is fading, the flesh is getting weaker, the heart is getting more beautiful, holy and delightful with right meditations on God in Christ at the cross displaying dying love. Beholding the Beauty of Christ, His Love to God, His Holiness is transformative.
You sin, go to the Gospel and see the sinless Savior dying for you sins. Beautiful isn’t it, oh so lovely, nothing more glorious in all the world!! This sight of the glory of God in the face of Christ will beautify your soul. The soul that sins and repeatedly reminds himself that Christ died for that sin and that its only by Christ’s righteousness credited to my account that earns my acceptance with God and am a new creation created to do good works and am washed and cleansed. So Read you Bible and obey.
But if you sin then the devil comes to dirty your teeth by letting you believe a lie like
- Context is that you just sinned really bad. The lie from Satan is “You can’t be a Christian, Christians don’t do things that bad.” if your heart believes this then you may fall into despair and not have any power over sin. Your teeth just got dirty and needs cleansing.
- How do you cleanse dirty thinking so that your teeth can be clean and beautiful for Your LORD to enjoy beholding? When you sin and feel guilty this is good. You should feel guilty for disobeying God. After guilt either fear of punishment enters the heart or grief/mourning because of the greatness of the offense against a Great and Loving God and Savior. The one who fears the wrath of God after sinning and never had assurance that your sins have been forgiven for His Names Sake is not saved. Yet, I believer can fall back into dirty thinking after they sin and feel guilty. Learning how to go to Jesus after you have sinned is something every believer needs to learn how to do in order to grow. Their spiritual teeth need cleaning.
- Context. You are contemplating a so called “little” sin. In that context the devil comes by to get your teeth dirty by getting you to believe that “it aint that bad, others are doing worse” When you believe this and it causes you to sin then you have dirtied your spiritual teeth. You meditations were not matched up with the Word of God, Your ideas were not held captive to the Word of God. You believed a lie and not the truth that sets your free from the bondage of sin.
- Context. You are contemplating on doing a sin and thinking God will forgive you.
- The lie. “Its, okay God will forgive you, He is gracious, it’s okay”. No its not okay. What is right is to obey God and sin is not okay it is very evil.
- The strength of this lie comes from high views of God’s grace without equal ideas of His Majesty and Holy Wrath. When having high views of God’s Grace Satan comes by at this opportune time, which is you thinking about sinning. Premeditated sin. The strength of the lie comes also in the fact that the first thought is true and the lie is half true and half lie. The truth is that God is gracious and He will forgive and Jesus paid the penalty for all you past, present and future sins! But sin and continue to sin upon this account leads to death and eternal separation from God. Believers will fall into this lie over and over again until they replace the lie with a truth, thus cleaning their teeth. And will have beautiful holy meditations for Christ to enjoy and delight in.
- Scripture help. Romans Chapter 6. “Shall we go on sinning that grace may abound…” When contemplating abusing God’s grace by sinning and thinking its okay he will forgive me and the riches of His Grace will be on display for me at the cross. Think when being tempted to abuse God’s grace that you are dead to sin, you offer yourself to God, obey your conscience, do what you know to be right because you are a new creature created for good works.
- Satans lies have an appeal to the flesh and a lie that hides the truth so that we sin. Believing the lie dirties or spiritual meditations and believing the truth keeps our teeth clean and productive.
- Your usefulness and beauty in the Kingdom of God is in direct proportion to your ability to match all your thoughts and feelings up with Scripture, a Gospel centered life and heart, taking every thought captive, abiding in the Word of God.
- Context. You just sinned over and over again and knew you knew better. Maybe for years. In this context Satan still wants your mind off the cross of Christ. Whatever lie he can get you to believe that will keep you mind off the gospel when you sin, Satan will throw that fiery dart at that opportune time.
- Context. You have been faithful and blessings are abounding. God has blessed you with Salvation, Christ, all things etc. Your moving forward and repenting of sin in every area of your life and heart. Lies directed toward feeding self-righteousness, spiritual pride will be the fiery darts headed your way at this opportune time for a specific temptation. Dt. 8:14 comes in the context of Moses warning Israel not to get prideful and forgot God in a time of prosperity. the heart says “My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth”. The Jews had no ability to free themselves from slavery and conquer Israel. Truth is you have been quite faithful and God is blessing you. Then the lie comes mixed with truth
- “You did all that, go ahead take the credit.” you worked hard, pat yourself on the back. Truth you did do all that, you did work hard, but you can’t take the ultimate credit. It was Christ living in you. God in Christ gets the glory. We praise God for the good work He is completing in us, that He began, when He opened our eyes to see Christ, the Son of God, sent and crucified for our sins.
- When contemplating the pleasure the sin will bring when your not feeling good. Yes, sin can bring a temporal pleasure. Your not feeling happy or joyful. Drugs, food, sex, tv entertainment can bring immediate pleasure. Yet the truth is there is greater joy in obedience. Whatever sin you are contemplating the truth comes “that will make me happy” (yes, it will give temporal please) but the happiness that the soul of a believer is in God alone. Blessed are those who keep his statutes.
Her words also match the various situations. Her meditations are holy, pure and clean. Her thought process is beautiful! and oh, so lovely. Her mind, will and emotions are in proper working order perfectly matched with the Word of God giving her nourishment for her soul. Further degrees of oneness based on how holy the heart is.
In order for her meditations to be holy, her thoughts must perfectly match scripture and what she believes must be true in order for her heart to be clean.
In Gen. 49:12 The tribe of Judah has white teeth like milk.
Imagine heaven where all our thoughts and meditations will be pure all the time! Blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God!
- In the four stages of Christian Growth what would the holiness of each heart look like? Babe, Child, Strong Young Man, Father. The Song illustrates the flame of the LORD in marriage.
- Define oneness in Marriage?
- Far more often and more intimate communication Song 2:14
- Motives are shared and sincerity grows
- She is fulling her role
- He is loving her as Christ loves the Church.
- Right and holy thoughts of God
- Included in love to the LORD is Knowledge of God and joy and delight in Him. Therefore inherent in the Love, the Very Flame of the LORD is knowledge of Him. You know something about God here is knowledge of God.
- Let me try to say it another way. The bride and Solomon become one because they both loved God and had His Flame in them. Included in that “Flame” is not just heat that rises but also light. Light of the knowledge of God in the Face of Christ. For the Bride she saw the light of the knowledge of the Glory of God in the face of Solomon, the greatest type of Christ alive if not ever for Solomon had unmeasurable wisdom 1 Kings 4:29
- Right and Holy Feelings. Religious affections. Christian holy emotions. Right and holy thoughts and Holy Heart responses to those ideas. for the feelings and the heart are different but can’t be separated in their operations so
- Right thoughts of their role in marriage
- Both need love the “flame of the LORD” Song 8:6 uniting them and written on their hearts.
- Far more often and more intimate communication Song 2:14
- Did Solomon and his wife reach oneness in Song 8:5-6?
- Her Teeth were clean, her meditations were holy, consistent with the Word of God
There is no other way that sensible things can consent one to another but by equality, or by likeness, or by proportion. Therefore the lowest or most simple kind of beauty is equality or likeness, because by equality or likeness one part consents with but one part. But by proportion one part may sweetly consent to ten thousand different parts, all the parts may consent with all the rest, and not only so, but the parts taken singly may consent with the whole taken together. Thus in the figures of flourishes drawn by an acute penman, every stroke may have such a proportion, both by the place and distance, direction, degree of curvity, etc., that there may be a consent in the parts of each stroke one with another, and a harmonious agreement with all the strokes and with the various parts composed of many strokes, and an agreeableness to the whole figure taken together.
There is a beauty in equality, as appears very evident by the very great respect men show to it in everything they make or do. How unbeautiful would be the body if the parts on one side were unequal to those on the other. How unbeautiful would writing be if the letters were not of an equal height, or the lines of an equal length or at an equal distance, or if the pages were not of an equal width or height. And how unbeautiful would a building be if no equality were observed in the correspondent parts.
Existence2 or entity is that into which all excellency is to be resolved. Being or existence is what is necessarily agreeable to being; and when being perceives it, it will be an agreeable perception; and any contradiction to being or existence is what being, when it perceives, abhors. If being, in itself considered, were not pleasing, being’s consent to being would not be pleasing, nor would being’s disagreeing with being be displeasing. Therefore, not only may greatness be considered as a capacity of excellency, but a being, by reason of his greatness, considered alone, is the more excellent because he partakes more of being; though if he be great, if he dissents from more general and extensive being, or from universal being, he is the more odious for his greatness, because the dissent or contradiction to being in general is so much the greater. It is more grating to see much being dissent from being than to see little, and his greatness, or the quantity of being he partakes of, does nothing towards bettering his dissent from being in general, because there is no proportion between finite being, however great, and universal being.
Corol. 1. Hence it is impossible that God should be any otherwise than excellent, for he is the infinite, universal and all comprehending existence.
[Corol. 2]. Hence God infinitely loves himself, because his being is infinite. He is in himself, if I may so say, an infinite quantity of existence. Edwards
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.