Stage 1 “Infants/Babes”
Ephesians 4:14 “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching.”
Stage 2 “Children”
Stage 3 “Strong Young Men”
13 “I am writing to you, young men, because you have overcome the evil one.” 14 “I have written to you, YOUNG MEN, because you are STRONG, and the word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the evil one.”
Stage 4 “Fathers”
13 I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. 14 I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning.
This is a work in progress. I would like to add clear directions for each believer to focus on to grow and be more beautiful inside.
Stage 1 “Infants/Babes”
Ephesians 4:14 “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching”
Babes or Infants
- Spiritual Babes/Infants in Christ are saved. Babes are born again and will go to heaven. They are called babes due to their lack of knowledge and experience in life. They are babes, they may not look, sound or act like mature Christians, but they are Christians with a new heart for Christ.
- The Galatians, Hebrews and Corinthians where Babes in Christ. The Corinthians were acting “carnal” therefore I assume they were Babes.
- Corinthians. 1 Corinthians 3:1 “Brothers and sisters, I could not address you as people who live by the Spirit but as people who are still worldly—mere infants in Christ.”
- Hebrews 5:12-13 “In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13 Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.
- Babes get tossed to and fro Eph. 4:14
- Babes are tossed between two doctrines. 1 Salvation by works and 2 salvation by faith in Christ. They get tempted by Satan to believe lies and are tossed his way in their thinking for a time, then they go back to believing a truth and living a life consistent with truth. Babes will often times fall back into unbiblical thinking. Like thinking “I need to earn God’s favor because I don’t feel like I’m in it right now. Over and over again, sin after conviction of sin we will often have the wrong motive in our hearts. Our motives are purified. The beautification of the soul. A morally beautiful Bride has pure motives when doing good works. they must earn their salvation. They feel guilt and know they deserve punishment. But here is the confusion for the babe, they haven’t learned to think of Jesus Christ and that they need not fear punishment but remember the love of God in Christ Jesus at the cross as Him taking the punishment I am currently thinking of (hell, separation from all grace of God and feeling nothing but Wrath) for the sin sins I am feeling guilty for. The Spirit is doing this. The Spirit of God will keep convicting you of sin. This is a new sense. You didn’t have this before! Now you do. You truly feel guilty for disobeying such a great and loving God! If when feeling guilty they think upon the gospel, then this is power unto salvation! You can’t do good works to clear your conscience from guilt (rather keep running the gospel through your head, the good news, believing Christ’s righteousness is credited to your account) over and over again. The babe must learn How to Biblically construct his thinking as it relates to God, Jesus Christ, salvation and me. It’s a new life. A new life has just begun. The old is gone and the new has come. A new creation. The soul had hate and now for the first time a true and holy flame of love is there. Don’t think those good works earned or will earn you God’s favor. You think you are out of His favor and now on his bad side because you sinned. No, it’s more like the Spirit of God keeps convicting you of so many things. Things before that never made you feel guilty for, you are now feeling convicted that they are words and actions of disobedience to God. the babe must be continually reminded that it is Christ’s righteousness credited to us that recommends us to God and not our supposed good works. (Hebrews and Galatians and Corinthians were all babes) tossed between (living in the Grace of Christ to a different Gospel) Gal. 4:4
- They often do works out of fearing the punishment of God rather than faith and Love (Perfect love casts out fear of punishment 1 John 4:18) The babe has not gotten accustomed to thinking about Jesus and what He did for him. When they sin and the spirit convicts them of their sin, they feel guilt and often fear punishment from God. Then they try to earn God’s favor by following rules like the Galatian babes did.
- Babes need often cleansing of a guilty conscience by thoughts of Christ on the cross in order for their works to not be dead works done with a guilty conscience or fear of punishment.
“how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God”
- Babes are not children with full abiding assurance of salvation based on the person and work of Jesus Christ. Babes have not had their assurance tested by Satan lies and they have not overcome him in that aspect yet like the strong young man. 1 John 2:12-14. The babe sometimes thinks he will get to heaven due to good works or because he feels a certain way and not based on the Person and work of Christ for His Names Sake. Sometime yes, his faith is in Christ and sometime no. The babe has difficulty dealing with the guilt that comes with sinning. He may do good works out of fear of punishment due to guilt because his love to God is needing much more perfecting. 1 John 4. Yet the more mature a believer is the less they do good works out of fear and more and more out of love. The motives when doing the good the babe ought to do aren’t so pure when just born again. The heart will get purer as time goes on and thus the basis and duration of their assurance will not waiver as much.
- Babes are more ignorant than knowing. Much more of the first peice of armor must be drilled into their minds. “The Belt of Truth” must be learned and treasured in their heart Biblical truths. Oh, what a joyful journey this is!! Drinking up the Living Word of God like newborn babes desire the Pure Milk of the Word of God!! They are learning, just starting off. They need lots of easy basic instructions and are hungry for it! The job of the more mature is to not stare at them, judge them etc. Remember you were like them as well.
- Babes have delighted in God’s Love of forgiveness, they have tasted and seen that He is Good. (Heb.
- Babes are drawn closer to Christ because of who He is and what He has done. or His Name and love.
- Babes have the full armor of God available but do not know how to consistently and effectively use it.
- Babes do not have their Spiritual Senses trained Heb. 11:5
- How to find truth and not believe a lies, because the belt of truth is not on, they are learning, a babe is just born again and has next to no christian experience.
- What truth to meditate on and when because of little experience.
- Chewing on meat “Melchizedek” a type of Christ. They will not understand and be dull of hearing. This meat will not help them grow.
- Are learning how to discern by sense “good and evil”. JE
- The belt of Truth, breastplate of righteousness, Gospel peace and faith are needed to become or rather feel and know you are a child then overcome the evil one and become a strong young man. Ephesians 6. The Word of God, Truth in the mind must abide clearer and longer in order to grow to Strong abiding young man. The Seed is there, and it will grow to be fully mature in Christ.
- Valuing Christ above the law and good works must be learned over and over again. Gal. 5:2
- Babes must seek to make their calling and election sure by having increasing virtues through Gospel sanctification. 2 Pt. 1:5-10
- Christ is not formed in Babes Gal. 4:19
- Some babes ought to be teachers by now. Hebrews 5:12 Many Christians would be further on in their sanctification if they would get certain basics down first.
- They are foolish and try to finish by means of the flesh Gal. 3:3 (Babes have to grow out of sanctification by works rather than by faith beholding the glory
- The Babe becoming a Child is not prepared to overcome the evil one because assurance of salvation is one of the weapons needed to overcome the evil one. Once the Babe has assurance of Salvation and no fear of punishment because they know their sins are forgiven and in this Joy (joy of the assurance of their salvation) there is strength to overcome the evil one. So, a Piece of armor needs to be picked up by the Babe in order to go to war. Full trust in the sufficiency of the cross alone to cleanse from sin and sanctify. They will think less and less of sanctification by works or earning God’s favor by works.
- The Babe must do 2 Peter 1:5-10 to be a Child with confirmation of His calling then and electing. Gospel sanctification for growth leading to assurance of salvation, now proven by the proof of a changed heart and life. Love is complete then. 1 John 4
- Babes are more often than not “near sighted” and “blind” 2 Pt. 1:9-10
- They often put themselves under law and legalism rather than principles and the Spirit. Gal. 4:21 They also put up with such false teaching. 2 Cor. 11:4
- Babes often lose sight of a Gospel centered way of sanctification or growing in Christlikeness. They can easily be persuaded by to works or legal requirements for salvation. Galatians 1
- Babes are the weaker brother. Romans Thus they may easily do things that violate their conscience just because they see a stronger brother doing it. They also have a habit of judging people to often by outward appearances. A weaker brother (or sister) is a Christian who, because of the weakness of his faith, knowledge, conscience, and will, can be influenced to sin against his conscience by the example of a differing stronger brother.
- Though babes are weaker spiritually they are still saved. They are still a brother in Christ, just weak.
- Their consciences are weak 1 Cor. 8:7
- Newborn babes in Christ can easily be deceived. 1 Cor. 6:9, 5,2 they were proud of their sexual immorality.
- The lack of spiritual discernment they come under judgement Heb. 5:11-14 and 1 Cor. 11:29-31 and they think like babes 1 Cor. 14:20
- Babe phase as related to the believer’s armor for the bride of Jesus Christ is in the most dangerous war. Ephesians 6
- Belt of truth (“having”)
- Breastplate of righteousness (“having”)
- Along with the belt of Truth the breastplate of righteousness needs to be constant in the mind and heart. What I mean by this is that when a new believer sins, they will feel the guilt, due to a lack of experience in knowing what to do with this feeling (rather than looking to Christ and His work for us). They will often fear God’s punishment and then try to appease God by doing good. Therefore, sometimes thinking God saved them or they have earned God’s favor because of some good they did. This is normal (stinking thinking) for the babe but not beneficial to continue in. Believing the lie that you could earn God’s favor is expected until they learn to deal with their guilt in a biblical manner. Which is by looking to Jesus Christ crucified when they sin and feel guilt and or the punishment that comes with it. Thinking upon the Gospel when they feel guilty will help them to do good out of love rather than fear. God looks at the motive of the heart. A heart doing and outward action or word or worship out of fear of being punished will not please God. The babe must go about learning how to do good with a heart filled with love that casts out unfounded fear of punishment. They must do this over and over again until it becomes natural for them to look to Christ bearing their sin and shame at the cross when they feel guilty for disobeying God. 1 John 4:17-18. Once they have done this enough then the dominating meditation of their heart will be more in the direction of Child “knowing your sins have been forgiven for His Names sake.” godly sorrow that leads to repentance and a higher view of Christ! The more often you do good out of love rather than fear the more mature you are and the more beautiful your soul. Devil tells the new believer is sin and guilt and shame that he has offended God and made Him angry (not all true. We as believers will sin but God can’t be angry with His forgiven child). Now you sense fear of being punished by God if you believe the lie. Believe the truth, yes you have sinned and feel guilty and sorrow for sin but if you sense fear of a punishment coming from God if you were to die today and be judged guilty then remember that God treated sinless Jesus Christ as if he was guilty of your sins.
- Not only do they need to do righteous things from love. But need to know that the righteousness of Jesus Christ is credited to their account. If they knew the righteousness of Christ credited to our account due to our union with Him is the foundational reason why He shows us favor and grace.
- Gospel of peace (“having”)
- Ephesians 6:15. “Your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace.”] I.e. with such a preparation going your journey through the wilderness, or going the Christian warfare, and running the Christian race, as the gospel of peace when effectual is a means of, and such as is agreeable to the genius of the gospel of peace, consisting especially in a peaceable spirit, or a spirit of Christian meekness and calmness of mind, which fits persons eminent for the Christian warfare, and to go through this world so full of enemies and injuries. See note on Canticles 7:1, “Scripture,” no. 490. A meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price, more beautiful than an outward adorning of gold and costly array. And therefore, there Christ says to his spouse, “How beautiful are thy feet with shoes, O prince’s daughter!”
- Take the shield of faith.
- Take the helmet of salvation.
- Sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
- Babes have a tendency to make rules. Like a Jew might think that “I have to keep traditions and Sabaths to keep in God’s favor.” A Jesus Christ believing Jew would not have to keep many Old Testament rules to earn or keep in God’s favor. He would not have to sacrifice a lamb when he felt guilty for sinning but would now think that Jesus Christ is the Lamb sent by God to suffer in our place and credit us His righteousness. He, The Messiah, Jesus Christ earned God’s favor toward me by his life, death and resurrection not by me doing anything but what Jesus Christ did for me is what earns God’s favor towards me. Over and over again. Like the Jew would make three sacrifices a day. Babe, you are sinning a lot. You need to stop doing those things that you new enlightened conscience is convicting you is wrong and not God’s will. Do what God wants you to do in the Bible.
- More details on the babe phase click here.
I believe it appropriate to mention here before we learn about the Child phase is that the phase will blend together. Meaning that it’s not one day that you are a babe and the next you are a child, no its that those characteristics of a babe are lessening, and the characteristics of a child are becoming more evident. Also, a child will often still act like a babe but less often and the child will already be learning how to overcome the evil one but hasn’t really got that down yet.
Stage 2 “Children”
Children Cries Abba Father
Babes develop into children.
Strong Young Man/Woman of God
Strong. This has to do with power or strength. The babe is weak, the child is stronger but the child is yet young and hasn’t gathered his strength yet! Therefore, the more mature name is given to the strong young man. A more mature title, that of a man. A young man. Then we are given a description of the degree of the power of this young man. Strong. A strong young man. A strong young man is experienced through the trials of life. All it’s various colors. Experiencing what a love relationship is like with God through all the various, multicolored trials. All it’s ups and downs. Has a babe or child been through life? Yes, somewhat but not really. They haven’t grown yet. The strong young mans beauty comes from the degree of strength he has. Lots of power to overcome the evil one in all his wiley screams through all the trials of life!
The Fully Mature Father
- They are able to speak to all the cases of conscience and to the various dispensations which belong to the whole of the Christian course. They can divide the word aright and speak words suitable to all, giving everyone their portion.
- They bring out their treasure’s things new and old.
- They know how to speak to the faint and weary, to the broken-hearted and the downcast, to the deserted and tempted ones.
- They know also how to discern between form and power, hypocrisy and sincerity, pretensions and realities.
- Let days speak and multitude of years teach this wisdom Job 32:7
Job was mature. The spiritually mature father has not only heard of God and how He works but has experienced Him over and over again and can now “see God” like never before. Job 42.
Spiritual Fathers can say like Paul in 2 Tim. 4:6-8 “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.”
And in order to be a “shining light,” he must be one that really knows what religion is, one that is truly acquainted with that Savior and way of salvation, that he is to teach to others, that he may “speak the things that he knows and testify the things that he has seen” [John 3:11], and not be a blind leader of the blind. He must be one that is acquainted with experimental religion, and not ignorant of the inward operations of the Spirit of God, nor of Satan’s devices; able to guide souls under their particular difficulties. Thus, he must be a scribe well instructed in things that pertain to the kingdom of God; one that “brings forth out of his treasures things new and old” [Matthew 13:52].
For more on the fully mature spiritual Father click here.
20 I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and [t]the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. Galatians 2:20
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.