Father
1 John 2:13 “I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. 14 I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning.”
The Spiritual Father 8:5-8:14
- Is “coming up out the wilderness leaning on her beloved” Song 8:5
- The Mother is still “coming up out of the wilderness”
- The Mother is “leaning” on her beloved
- Keeps in mind where it all began in order to keep the flame alive. Song 8:5 Read More Here.
- Has a heart that is one with his spouse
- First, her desire. “Set me like a seal over your heart” Song 8:6 This is her desire. She never left his heart. So she could now be a seal on his heart. She was sealed on his heart from the beginning. He chose to love her. Now that she is mature enough she is able to set him like a seal on her heart. Yet it is him that does the sealing. So she asks. Her thoughts and feelings for him never leave her. In times past like in Song 3:1 and 5:2 her heart went astray. But now he is sealed on her heart. (Solomon had infinite Wisdom and was using it to the fullest to sanctify her and make her holy. She was one flesh with him, but now one in heart practically . Being one with him has allowed her to catch up to him in spiritual maturity and she now has unmeasuable skill for holy living. The image of God upon Solomon’s heart and hers are one at this point.) She was always sealed on his heart and now he can set her as a seal in reality. In exact likeness. And the feelings are mutual. Isaiah 49:16 “Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands” How is it possible for her to have reached such a union with Solomon? Characteristics of the love they shared:
- The Strength of her love. It is stronger than death. 8:6
- The Jealousy of her love, (the desire she has to please him only) is as unyielding as the grave. 8:6 “Those who truly love Christ, are jealous of every thing that would draw them from him; especially of themselves, lest they should do any thing to provoke him to withdraw from them. If we love Christ, the fear of coming short of his love, or the temptations to forsake him, will be most painful to us.” Matthew Henry Numbers 5:29 This is the law of jealousy: when a wife, being under the authority of her husband,..” The grave is insatiable. Her appetite for experiencing and loving him is insatiable.
Her love burns. It burns, flashes, blazes. “It burns” Song 8:6 Fire burns. She has the Flame of God in her burning. Though sometimes in the past her love was like a “smoking flax” Is 42:3. Now it burns in full flame. The It burns, is stronger than death, it’s jealousy unyielding, rivers can’t sweep it away and many waters can’t quench it! Why? It’s “the very Flame of God” Song 8:6 3 characteristic’s of this flame.
- Loves source. It comes from God. “We love because He first loved us” 1 John 4. It comes from God as the “the very Flame of God” NASB Song 8:6 She can now be set as a seal on his heart because her Love comes from God. God is the source of her love. It’s origin is from God, it is of God. Any other love from any other source would fail. God’s love never fails and is perfect. Her love came from God
- The nature of her love. Her love is “the very Flame of God”. The flame is something of God. A participation in the nature of God. It is in the nature of love to burn. Her love is God in her. The Burning Flame of God. Her love is God’s Flame in her, the very flame of God. God is love 1 John 4:16. Her love burns because it is the very Flame of God in her. Our God is a consuming fire. The Holy Spirit descending in flames of fire.
- The primary Object of her love. True love starts with loving God. Any other love would be selfish. God’s love is the object of her affection and delight. Song 1:2. Her love burns because the object of her love is God. Out of her love to God her love burns. If her love had any other object as it’s main affection then it would stop burning and be swept away by difficulty. She was created to enjoy God and glorify Him with a love that burns forever.
- It can’t be bought it is by God’s Grace. “If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love, It would be utterly despised.”8:7
- “Many waters can not quench it.” “Rivers can’t sweep it away.” She can not be moved. No trial can get her down. Her fire can’t be quenched. She is not lukewarm. “many waters” She gets tempted in every way yet does not sin for a long time. 8:7
- First, her desire. “Set me like a seal over your heart” Song 8:6 This is her desire. She never left his heart. So she could now be a seal on his heart. She was sealed on his heart from the beginning. He chose to love her. Now that she is mature enough she is able to set him like a seal on her heart. Yet it is him that does the sealing. So she asks. Her thoughts and feelings for him never leave her. In times past like in Song 3:1 and 5:2 her heart went astray. But now he is sealed on her heart. (Solomon had infinite Wisdom and was using it to the fullest to sanctify her and make her holy. She was one flesh with him, but now one in heart practically . Being one with him has allowed her to catch up to him in spiritual maturity and she now has unmeasuable skill for holy living. The image of God upon Solomon’s heart and hers are one at this point.) She was always sealed on his heart and now he can set her as a seal in reality. In exact likeness. And the feelings are mutual. Isaiah 49:16 “Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands” How is it possible for her to have reached such a union with Solomon? Characteristics of the love they shared:
Knows how to give advice in all situations. The father gives advice for all situations. Song 8:8-9- Is a “wall”. The father is a wall. No foxes at all destroying this vineyard. There is a wall surrounding it. Not only is she a garden locked up but there is a proven and tested battle wall protecting her from her enemies and they can’t get to her.
- She has “breasts like towers”. Breasts are a sign of a woman’s maturity. Thus the breasts represent spiritual maturity. The greater the size the more mature. Receiving nourishment causes her breasts to grow, and thus having breasts like towers she is able to nourish and help others grow spiritually. The Mother has been through all the phases of the spiritual life. Babe, child, young man, strong young man and now she can give advice to all situations no matter how small or how great she can help. When fully developed we naturally call her a woman. She is fully mature in Christ. “Breasts” in a nourishment, fellowship or communion sense in Song 4:5, 7:7 and 8:10. She has received nourishment as a babe drinking up the word of God and His commands Song 1:10, she was browsing among the lilies in Song 4:5, she could abundantly nourish others Song 7:7. Now she has received so much nourishment and grown by it that she is able to greatly nourish other’s.
- Being fully mature she has brought him peace and contentment. Song 8:10
- She is quite fruitful therefore profitable for Solomon and the tenants Song 8:11-12
- All who dwell in the gardens are doing so because of the Love and Grace of God especially in giving Solomon wisdom to love Israel. Solomon wants to hear their voice. Let me hear you praise God. All who have been blessed by Solomon’s reign are to give voice. This includes his wife who benefited the most. She was an immature slave girl needing redemption and now she is queen, co-eer to Solomon’s kingdom, fully mature and blessed beyond imagination.
Song of Song 8:14 “Hurry, my beloved, And be like a gazelle or a young stag On the mountains of spices.”
Let’s observe love to the furthest degree and length possible here on earth.
The context
- In the book
- In her life
- Separated
- Separated for a long time
- Separated for a long time through many ups and downs
- Separated for a long time through many ups and downs still producing fruit.
- Her request in this fruitful time of his absence
- Make haste, Come away.
- To come quickly, not just come but hurry!
- Skillfully to make haste.
- The spiritual Father knows where to meet Christ.
- By being ready and fruitful in His absence
The Context
- In the book. This is the last phase of Growth, there is no higher phase except heaven. This is the mark of a spiritual Father, she has gone through all the phases and now awaits his return. She is fully mature, blameless, holy, without flaw, walking with God like Enoch.
In her life. The context in her life. This is what is happen now in the text.
- She is separated. She is separated from the one her heart loves. He is not there with her. It doesn’t say why he is gone. But he is gone. Her love is being tested like Hezekiah “God left him alone only to test him, that He might know all that was in his heart” 2 Chron. 32:31
- She has been separated for a long time. She has been on top of many mountains producing fruit. This takes some time. He has not been gone for a short time. This looks like at least days of absence and maybe weeks or months. At any rate it is a long time that she has been separated.
- She has been separated through many ups and downs. The mountains represent ease going down from on top. Difficulty going up. She has been humbling herself and intentionally denying herself for a long time without enjoying his presence.
- She is separated for a long time through many ups and downs still producing fruit! The good times she hasn’t forgotten him and the bad times she still praises. He gives he takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord. She still loves God and other’s even when his felt joyful presence is gone for a long time. She is fully leaning on her beloved right now in his absence.
- Her request in this fruitful time of his absence.
- “Make haste, come away.” She is not talking to anyone, she is just expressing her feelings about the one she loves. Her beloved husband is gone and she wants God to show His Love and Grace by blessing her with the presence of her husband. She has a desire in this fruitful time of his absence. He has been gone a long time and patience is getting pushed to the limit. Waiting on God’s time for his return. She is the bride. Her spirit says “Come”. She yearns for him, so she says make haste. She is not where he is. He is gone. She wants him there with her.
- To come quickly, not just come but hurry! This shows the intensity of her desire. Her hunger for his presence is increasing. As a deer pants for streams of water so her soul has panted for him for a long time. The deer doesn’t want to wait around for water when it is panting. It wants water now. She wanted enjoyment in his presence. The longer she can produce fruit in his absence the greater her joy will be when he does come. He has been gone a long time and she is panting for him. Panting intensely. Her heart is enlarged and waiting to be filled with more love, joy and comfort when he returns. Imagine if she said, “Take your time”. No she wants him now. Come quickly, hurry. Let the king take me into his chambers.
Skillfully to make haste. Like a gazelle on the mountain tops. Come in all your glory. Let me see your wisdom and skill in life as you return to me. She knows him to be skillful on the mountain tops. This is the way she wants him to return. She wants to see him return to her displaying his skills as he comes back to be with her. Her request is for him to hurry and make a glorious return. He has been gone a long time, he must be doing something really good for her in his absence.
The Spiritual Father knows full well what to do in the extended dark times.
- Being ready and fruitful. The virgins who had oil and were ready. Matt. 25. The spiritual father is ready at all times. To be fruitful and hastening his return no matter how long he is gone. The father has learned this skill through many absences. He knows how to keep his heart humble for long periods. Not only humble but counting all trials joy knowing that they have made him mature and complete lacking nothing. She is a Proverbs 31 Woman, fearing the Lord and worthy of praise and honor.
- Babe phase 1:2-1:17
- Child phase 2-3:5
- Young man 3:6-5:1
- Strong young man 5:2-8:4
- Father/Mother fully adorned 8:5-8:14
Revelation 1:12-18 The Father knows Him who has been from the beginning. Why? How?
- How? By revelation of the Glory of Christ, the Eternal Love and Grace of God in Christ Jesus to his soul. Revelation 1:12-18 Especially verses 17-18
- Why? To not be afraid of the Wrath of Christ. Father John saw a revelation of Christ and was “afraid” of His Wrath. Christ said “Do not be afraid” of my Wrath because my Eternal Love and Grace is greater than your sin. The father see’s the Son so clearly that his mind must be on the First and the Last, the living One… in order to not be afraid of God’s Wrath. The spiritual father see’s God’s Holiness so clearly that he see’s his own sin so great that he has to see the Love of Christ even greater in order to not be afraid of being punished by Christ when in His presence.
“Beginning”
1 John 2:13 “I am writing to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning. 14 I have written to you, fathers, because you know Him who has been from the beginning.
Proverbs 8:22 “The Lord possessed me at the beginning of His way, Before His works of old. 23 “From everlasting I was established,
From the beginning, from the earliest times of the earth.
Learning In Christ’s School by Ralph Venning
Characteristics of the Father
The Fathers, if I may venture to say anything about them, are usually marked by experience in the Christian life. Just because one is older doesn’t mean more mature. And just because someone is young like young doesn’t mean that they are not mature like strong young Timothy in the Bible or Wise Solomon at 12 and Jonathan Edwards passing the church Pastor Quiz at age 15
They are filled with the fruits of righteousness, which is their grown and glory.
John was a Father and the one whom Jesus Loved yet when Father John saw a greater revelation of Christ he was afraid of His Wrath and needed a greater revelation of Chrsit Love to Him even at a ripe old age. Rev. 1:17 When I saw Him, I fell at His feet like a dead man. And He placed His right hand on me, saying, “Do not be afraid; I am the first and the last, 18 and the living One; and I was dead, and behold, I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of death and of Hades.
The Word of God dwells richly in them in all wisdom, and spiritual understanding, in sense, experience and judgment, by which they discern different persons and things. They are spiritual and perfect in the superlative degree. And growing in the same. They have gone through all the former states, having like Enoch, a continuous communion with, as well as a knowledge of, Him that is from the beginning, from the first to the last. Rev. 1:17-18.
Abilities of the Father
- They are able to speak to all the cases of conscience and to the various dispensations which belong to the whole of the Christian course. They can divide the word aright and speak words suitable to all, giving everyone their portion.
- They bring out their treasures things new and old.
- They know how to speak to the faint and weary, to the broken-hearted and the downcast, to the deserted and tempted ones.
- They know also how to discern between form and power, hypocrisy and sincerity, pretensions and realities.
- Let days speak and multitude of years teach this wisdom Job 32:7
Just thinking
It sure looks like in this verse she is not intentionally sinning, she is not ignoring his late night calls, she has overcome the evil one and got stronger while learning how to stay humble during longer highs and lower lows.
It would seem like a heart like this would only be in the millennium of Christ. During His reign on earth during the 1,000 years. A time when holiness and righteousness of the whole earth is at it’s peak of spiritual revival awaiting the return of your Lord Jesus.
If this is true then Song 8:13,14 could be prophetic. As if the Song ended in 8:12 and then the future is for told. This would be thinking of how we know it to be in the end and then seeing if there is any similarities between the Song of Songs and anything else in Scripture related to a woman being mature and not falling through life greatest trial’s. Staying pure and ready for the return of her beloved.
- The Father has it going on. Nothing is lacking. Just in the idea of a Father is the inherent idea of knowing having wisdom and been through it all. One that you go to for advice when something about spiritual things is needed to be known by you. People come to you for discipleship. Obviously the Father had to learn as well, he started off a babe, child, young man, strong you man and now Father with children, he will know what to do with them. He will be able to help them through all the phases of the Christian life.
- Your love strong as death, unquenchable, flame of God, it’s Godly Jealousy unyielding. 8:6
- You are the supreme example their is no higher than a Father.
- The Father has been through great hardships. Ones like hardly anybody else, firery trials, perils, dangers, denial, abundance, contentment in every situations. Producing fruit on tops of the mountains of separation for great lengths of time and on top of multiple different mountains. Song 8:14
- Even in the longest darkest of nights she still has Him as her only desire. Her desire is for Him to turn. Come Lord Jesus, Let the spirit of the bride say come. So she says “Come” “Turn, and use your masterful skill over the mountains and meet me where I have laid some spices. Some of the Most Beautiful sacrifices of love ever for their length of perseverance in obedience is beautiful to Him and it being tested to a greater degree. Each Spice gets spicier the longer obedience is kept during the desertion, during loving worship in the dessert, as well as when experiencing the promised land in earnests.
- You have learned how to stay humble for long periods of time during great heights of spiritual achievement. Song 8:14 Since there are many spices on top of different mountains she is able to stay on top of her sins/pride. The leopards of 4:8 aren’t getting her, the foxes are caught and therefore she has multiple spices for Him to come enjoy.
- You have learned what to do with these desertions to the benefit of your growth in faithfulness and Love to and Joy in God, Holiness, Wisdom, Love. Love and faithfulness at all times. Seeing Him and His love in the Good and the darkest of times.
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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.
Good stuff!!