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Jealousy Defined

Song of Solomon 8:6-7

After some time in the marriage the bride notices that she is heart to heart,


like minded, having the same love, in his image and one says to her husband

Put me like a seal over your heart,
Like a seal on your arm.
For love is as strong as death,
Jealousy is as severe as Sheol;
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
The very flame of the Lord.
“Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor will rivers overflow it;
If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,
It would be utterly despised.”  Solomon’s Song of Songs 8:6-7

The reason they have become one is because they both loved each other.  They both had the same love in their hearts.   This was no ordinary love that they shared.  It was a love as strong as death and who’s Jealousy is cruel like hell fire.  Their love had power above all human ability to draw them together where as death has a relentless power to separate from the delightful experience of God’s love either directly or through a mediator.

So first we see the power of love to make both bride and bridegroom immensely happy being and living out the fact that they are one.

Then we see the power of loves jealousy to unite.  Of course we aren’t talking about a sinful jealousy, but a holy jealousy that motivates and enflames the heart of the lover to do good to and for the object of its affection.

A holy Jealousy also desire what belongs to it.  “My beloved is mine and I am his.”  Song 2:16

God’s Name is “Jealous”.   His holy character is that of Jealousy.  God is Jealous and so is the husband and wife.  All three are Jealous.  Jealousy is in the husband and the same holy jealousy is in the bride and God is in them both, for God’s name is Jealous.

She says to the one who belongs to her,  “Draw me closer to you”, “Catch the foxes”  “Turn my beloved and be like a gazelle” and many other verses.  So here we have “the jealousy of love asserting its possession and right of property; the reaction of love against any diminution of its possession, against any reserve in its response, the ‘self-vindication of angry love’.

Defining the Jealousy here that is as severe (vehement), cruel and harsh as Sheol.


Holy Jealousy.  Is an emotion.  Loves Jealousy is a fervency of spirit in opposing those things that are against Gods Honor.  Jealousy is a mixed affection of zeal, or fervent love that carries with it righteous anger and wrath against all its enemies.   A fervent disposition or affection of mind in pursuing the glory of God and the good of the beloved.  Christian courage is included in this virtue of zeal.

Christian zeal.  JE

Sinful Jealousy

1 Sinful feeling or showing envy of someone or their achievements and advantages.

“For anger slays the foolish man, And jealousy kills the simple.

2 Feeling or showing suspicion of someone’s unfaithfulness in a relationship.

3 Fiercely protective or vigilant of one’s rights or possessions.

4 “Jealousy is an affection or passion of the mind, by which we are stirred up and provoked against whatever hinders the enjoyment of that which we love and desire. The cause and origin of it is love; the effect of it is revenge.”

By Jealousy is here denoted that resolute and devoted attachment which will not suffer its object to be torn from its grasp.  3:4  Such an attachment is unyielding, relentless in increases in intensity like the fire of hell itself.

Not a refusal to share something that ought to be shared but keeping to oneself what is ones own or the assertion of rightful claims of possession.  “I am my beloved and his desire is for me therefore set me as a seal upon your heart as a seal upon your arm.”

That resolute and devoted attachment which will not suffer its object to be torn from its grasp. Such attachment is as unyielding, as relentlessly tenacious, as hell’s eternal fire itself.

The root word for Jealousy comes from color produced in the face due to deep emotion.  This reaction in the face can be sinful, unholy and evil or as it is used in the Love Song is a holy, good and proper deep emotion.

Jealousy which is here parallel to “love,” is the jealousy of love asserting its possession and right of property; the reaction of love against any diminution of its possession, against any reserve in its response, the “self-vindication of angry love.”

Tis that Tenderness & Zeal that has for it’s own Glory whereby it is disposed to Revenge the Giving of any other that honor & Regard that is due to him alone as God, for God is Jealous.  That Perfection of their natures whereby they/They will not Endure a Rival in the honor & Regard of their union in love.

1  Jealousy is an emotion.  An emotion is something you feel in the soul.  It is a religious emotion.  Something sensed by the heart.   Dictionary definition of emotion is a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.  The holy emotion of jealousy can be described as subjective because it is either sensible to a high or low degree or not at all. Jealousy is a feeling based on objective truth.  Jealousy is an emotion.


2  Jealousy is a “deep” emotion.  Not only is jealousy and emotion but it is a deep emotion.   This deep emotion is felt in the soul.  There are some emotions that we have to some degree or another, yet our face does not have the “color” of jealousy always.  When loves jealousy flashes bright and hot then the face of jealousy shows its color.  The word deep in “deep” emotion carries with it the idea of being intense and felt quite sensibly in the heart.

3  Holy Jealousy is better felt to be understood than just defined.  Anyone who has truly been jealous knows it when they feel it.  The intensity of it is helps us to know it when felt and the reason why we feel it is known in the mind.  There is some objective reality that triggers the intense emotion and when it is felt sensibly over and above other emotions then it is known in the mind.  When tasted in the seat of the soul

4  Jealousy is not just an emotion.  Jealousy is not a blind emotion but has knowledge of God and the object of its affection in the mind.  The emotion is felt in the heart and known in the mind, therefore the whole heart is involved.  In the knowledge of God, Jealousy has God’s glory as it’s aim and is inclined to choose God and the will of her husband as her chief good.  In the knowledge of the bride is her husband, therefore she is jealous for his happiness.  “Let my beloved come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.” 4:16  “When the king was around my perfume spread its fragrance.” 1:12

5  Holy Jealousy in marriage is a holy, right and good feeling.  What I mean by a good feeling because it is right to have it in the right context. To not be jealous when the object of our affection gives it’s love to another that it does not belong to would be a clear sign that the one being betrayed does not love the one doing the betraying.  By good feeling I don’t mean that it feels good but that holy jealousy is a godly feeling.  Holy jealousy when on fire is not sinful but pleasing to God.  To be jealous for God’s glory and mans good is a moral good or excellency of the heart.  He is hers and she is his, so when she gives her affection to another then the face of the husband/Husband turns “color” so to speak.

6  Jealousy has a motive or desire for the glory of God.  Any manifestation of an attribute of God in our lives glorifies God.  The is a purpose and meaning to why you do anything wether you are sensible of it or not, but a holy jealousy has an eye for glorifying God.  Any right manifestation of this emotion reveals the character of God to a watching world, for God’s Name is Jealous.


7  Jealousy has motive or desire for the good of the object of its affection and for the glory of God or His Name, which is Jealous.  What is for their good is also for God’s glory they are one and the same.  God desires for us to be zealous for the happiness of the object of our affection so when we do anything for the happiness of the one we love then we glorify God.  Pure and excellent Jealousy desires the happiness of the object of its affection.  The goal or intentions motivating loves jealousy to think, feel and act the way it does is God’s glory and the good and happiness of the object of its affection.  This is clearly illustrated throughout the Love Song as the two lovers draw closer together because they have a fervency of spirit against the enemies of their union.

8  Love and Jealousy are not properly two completely distinct principles.  Jealousy flows from Love as do all the other virtues.  We err if we imagine that these in their first source and root in the heart are properly distinct principles.  They all come from the same fountain.   They all come from the same fountain, and are, indeed, the various exertions and conditions of the same thing, only different denominations according to the various occasions, objects, and manners, attendants and circumstances of its exercise. JE

Note that this good and holy jealousy is not overly protective or possessive but lovingly so.

My beloved is mine and I am his/His”  Solomon’s Song of Songs 2:16

The inexorable force and ardor of loves jealousy compelled him to give himself completely to her and her to him in every way.


Jealousy is a feeling based on objective truth.  The objective truth is that “he is hers and she is his.”  You can’t change this fact thats why it is objective.  The feelings of jealousy may change.  You also may not see her giving himself to him by not answering the door in Song 5:2-3, but you can’t change the fact that she is his even though she didn’t manifest that truth.  Based on the fact that he has given himself to her and she has given herself to him in love there will always be a holy jealousy binding the two ever closer together and happier and happier ever after because their love was as strong as death and unquenchable.

Application to the believer and Jesus Christ

Those who truly love Christ, are jealous of every thing that would draw them from him; especially of themselves, lest they should do any thing to provoke him to withdraw from them. If we love Christ, the fear of coming short of his love, or the temptations to forsake him, will be most painful to us.

All Holy Emotions flow from love

From a vigorous, affectionate, and fervent love flows a holy Jealousy.  From an enflamed heart of love will necessarily arise other religious affections: hence will arise an intense hatred and abhorrence of sin, fear of sin, and a dread of displeasing the beloved, gratitude for goodness, complacence and joy in him/Him when graciously and sensibly present, and grief when he/He is absent, and a joyful hope when a future enjoyment of him/Him is expected, and fervent zeal for the glory of God in the face her husband.

Why so much talk about Jealousy?

Jealousy is an active holy principle at work in the hearts of the husband/Husband, bride, watchman and daughters of Jerusalem in Solomon’s Song of Songs.  We can see this principle at work all the way through the Love Song.  Love and Jealousy are principles of the heart.

How would they manifest themselves in a marriage union in a way that brings the two lovers together?

Their love and holy jealousy for each other shows itself in their courtship, engagement, wedding day and life after the wedding to the point that the two become heart to heart because their love was as strong as death and its jealousy was as cruel as hell’s lake of fire.  Therefor their love was unquenchable and priceless. Song 8:6-7

Lord willing I will endeavor to illustrate how the superlative characteristics of their love brought about a full oneness in their marriage in the following blogs.

“For I the Lord your God am a jealous God.” The first reason why Israel must not worship graven images is, because the Lord is a jealous God. “The Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.” Exod 34:14. Jealousy is taken, [1] In a good sense, as God is jealous for his people. [2] In a bad sense, as he is jealous of his people.

[1] In a GOOD sense; as God is jealous for his people. “Thus says the Lord, I am jealous for Jerusalem, and for Zion, with a great jealousy.” Zech 1:14. God has a dear affection for his people, they are his Hephzibah, or delight. Isa 62:4. They are the apple of his eye, Zech 2:8, to express how dear they are to him, and how tender he is of them, “Nothing is dearer than the apple of the eye.” Drusius. They are his spouse, adorned with jewels of grace; they lie near his heart. He is jealous for his spouse, therefore he will be avenged on those who wrong her. “The Lord shall stir up jealousy like a man of war; he shall roar, he shall prevail against his enemies.” Isa 42:13. What is done to the saints, God takes as done to himself (2 Kings 19:22); and the Lord will take revenge upon all who afflict Zion. “I will deal severely with all who have oppressed you.” Zeph 3:19.

[2] Jealousy is taken in a BAD sense, in which God is jealous of his people. It is so taken in this commandment, “I the Lord your God am a jealous God.” I am jealous lest you should go after false gods, or worship the true God in a false manner; lest you defile your virgin-profession by images. God will have his spouse to keep close to him, and not go after other lovers. “You shall not play the harlot” Hos 3:3. He cannot bear a rival. Our marital love, a love joined with adoration and worship, must be given to God alone.

Use one. Let us give God no just cause to be jealous. A good wife will be so discreet and chaste, as to give her husband no just occasion of jealousy. Let us avoid all sin, especially this of idolatry, or image-worship. It is heinous, after we have entered into a marriage covenant with God, to prostitute ourselves to an image. Idolatry is spiritual adultery, and God is a jealous God, he will avenge it. Image-worship makes God abhor a people. “They made God angry by building altars to other gods; they made him jealous with their idols. When God heard them, he was very angry, and he rejected Israel completely.” Psalm 78:58, 59. “Jealousy arouses a husband’s fury, and he will show no mercy when he takes revenge.” Prov 6:34. Image-worship enrages God; it makes God divorce a people. “She is not my wife.” Hos 2:2. “Jealousy is cruel as the grave.” Canticles 8:6. As the grave devours men’s bodies, so God will devour image-worshipers.

Use two. If God is a jealous God, let it be remembered by those whose friends are popish idolaters, and who are hated by their friends, because they are of a different religion, and perhaps their maintenance cut off from them. Oh, remember, God is a jealous God; better move your parents to hatred, than move God to jealousy! Their anger cannot do you so much hurt, as God’s anger. If they will not provide for you, God will. “When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.” Psalm 27:10.

God was Jealous for his honor and when not honored and out of a holy jealousy God was going to destroy Israel for their disobedience for God’s Jealousy is a disposition in God to bring about what is His due.  What rightfully belongs to Him He will get.

Divine love is an active principle. It is fire from heaven [and] may be compared to an holy flame kindled in the soul by a beam from thence. No man is truly zealous without it.

2:15  “Catch the foxes” “There is in zeal an aversion to what is contrary to God’s command and glory. From that love, which is the principal thing in Christian zeal and the foundation of all the rest that is in it, arises hatred. There is both love and hatred exercised in zeal, the love of God and hatred of sin; hatred of those things that God hates, a hatred of what is against the interest and reputation of religion and opposes the flourishing of Christ’s kingdom.” JE

“Another affection that is exercised in Christian zeal is a spirit of jealousy for God. Zeal and jealousy in the original of the New Testament are the same word. He that has a spirit of true Christian zeal is jealous for the cause of Christ. If it at any time be injured, a spirit of jealousy is excited in him. And when the interest of religion is touched, his heart is touched and he is shocked3 and alarmed.”  JE

“And so in zeal , there is in it high approbation of some person or thing, together with vigorous opposition to what is conceived to be contrary to it.”

We read of his great zeal , fulfilling that in the 69th Psalm: “The zeal of thine house hath eaten me up” (John 2:17)

Loves Jealousy is a flame above all other’s and no one can stand against it. 1 Corinthians 10:22

“Or do we provoke the Lord to jealousy? We are not stronger than He, are we?”



“The Lord shall never be willing to forgive him, but rather the anger of the Lord and His jealousy will burn against that man, and every curse which is written in this book will rest on him, and the Lord will blot out his name from under heaven.”
God is Jealous for His honor.  When dishonored it is out of his jealousy for his honor that he punishes his enemies.  His jealousy will burn, for God is a consuming fire.
Numbers 25:11, Psalm 78:58
“Judah did evil in the sight of the Lord, and they provoked Him to jealousy more than all that their fathers had done, with the sins which they committed.”
“For I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, so that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.”

When is loves Jealousy cruel?

When separated.

It is cruel to the one experiencing the wrath of God when His jealousy is enflamed.

It is cruel when it desires but doesn’t have what it wants, lovesick.

Jealousy is cruel with just thought of the one you love cheating on you.  Since you love them so much you will be faithful because you don’t want to hurt them and provoke them to jealousy.  Why would a loving woman cheat on her man if she knew it would enrage him. Proverbs 6:34  “For jealousy enrages a man, And he will not spare in the day of vengeance.”  We should have a godly jealousy over ourselves for the happiness of our spouse/Spouse.  “Oh, how sweet is a spirit of devotion, a spirit of seriousness and divine solemnity, a spirit of Gospel simplicity, love, tenderness! Oh, how desirable and how profitable to the Christian life is a spirit of holy watchfulness and godly jealousy over ourselves; when our souls are afraid of nothing so much as that we shall grieve and offend the blessed God whom at such times we apprehend, or at least hope, to be a “father and friend”; whom we then love and long to please rather than to be happy ourselves, or at least we delight to derive our happiness from pleasing and glorifying him!”  David Brainerd Proverbs 4:23, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”  “tis so exceedingly and abundantly insisted on in God’s Word that we should take great heed to ourselves, with earnest resolution and diligence and a strict watch, that we don’t depart from God.”  JE

?What does it feel like to provoke the Holy Spirit to Jealousy?  Is the sense of pleasing Him withdrawn and you sense His displeasure against sin?

Since the husband is jealous for her good, he hates Satan for he is their enemy who tries to separate rather than unite.

That horrible feeling you get when you either think or know that the feelings that belong to you are given to another. When her feelings belong to you but she gives them to another. He is jealous for her feelings and she is jealous for his. They and their intimate love belong to each other.

He is jealous for her feelings so he woo’s her closer. He is jealous for her good so he protects her.

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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.

I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.

I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.

If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28

I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.

If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.

About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.

As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.

Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.

I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.

I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.

I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.

I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.

I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.

I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.

California at age 26.

I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.

One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.

By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.

I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."

So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.

After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.

I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.

I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.

I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.

The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.

About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.

I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.

Then this life changing advice came:

A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.

In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.

I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.

About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.

I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.

So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.

I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.

Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.

About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.

Then a mission trip to Croatia.

Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.

About 3 years saved now.

I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.

Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.

I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.

Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.

My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!

I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.

God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.

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