“Turn my beloved, and be like a gazelle on the mountain tops.” Song of Songs 2:17
Deep desire for the husband to be near her. A hungering for his sweet presence. She desires for him to be nearer by using his wisdom to guide his love straight to her heart so that they may enjoy a stricter union in the Love the God.
The wife has a request of her husband or rather a burning desire. Her heart is on fire with a “flash” of love 8:6.
“Turn”. She desires him to be near her. The closeness isn’t close enough. “He is hers”. Okay now that she knows he is hers. They are engaged he has proposed for a closer union, they talk it out, she has some sin issues that would hinder the blossoming union. They have a mutual interest in the destruction of the enemy foxes that separate rather than help to promote a stricter union.
Notice she is desiring him now. Light from the flash of love in her heart opened her eyes to see the wisdom and skill of her husband who was hers now to be able to help her destroy the foxes and draw near to her. Turn and make haste, and draw near to me for I desire to be near you. She see’e the sufficiency of his character. Her lover is compared to a gazelle on the mountain tops. She has quite the high view of him and it is right. She has a right view of the wisdom her husband has in drawing nearer to her. “Draw me nearer to you” she desired in 1:4. And now she is desiring him to do as he promised. He gave himself to her. He promised to make her more beautiful inside and out. She will be more beautiful if there was less pride, selfishness and unbelief in her heart. Her heart would be more holy and beautiful and therefore more delightful for him to behold. These foxes must be caught. Her husband in giving himself to his bride, gives himself to the happiness of his bride. Her happiness lies in her holiness for the holier she is the happier she will be.
How does the husband destroy her pride, selfishness and unbelief? Being a wise king, good shepherd of her heart, teaching what she doesn’t know in order to the strictest union, correcting her when wrong and praising her when she is worthy of it! She must know what to do and where to go for an example. She was not born knowing how to love her husband, so she gets help from him whom her heart loves, She says “Tell me you whom my heart loves…” in 1:7 and he answer her as a good shepherd of her heart and says “If you do not know most beautiful of women then follow..” This is the initial phase of their union. The first phase is a lot of learning. Not knowing what to do, how to do it and where to go for peace and rest in the relationship must be learned. Once the spouses have learned their roles, duties and responsibilities in the relationship then they must do them.
Yet they will fail, therefore correction is needed. This is the beauty of marriage. The two must work together for the common goal of destroying sin in their lives, thus proving their love to God and each other. Though the desire for the foxes being caught is mutual yet she is the one expressing that desire in the words:
“Catch for us the foxes..”
Application for husbands. His character. His name. Yep, the #1 fox in the relationship is the character of the husband. He is the leader, he is the head. Most of you guys out there will understand that when a football team or baseball team is doing bad, what do they do first. They look to the coach, the leader, what is he doing? Is he doing his job? Either the coach ships up or ships out if he is not doing his job. But if the coach is good then you look at the players. In the same way if a marriage isn’t working and foxes are all over the place and not being caught then you first look at the character of the husband and more particularly his role as king in the marriage. Just read Song 1:2-4 and see, what is the reason she loves her husband, and desires for him to kiss her? Its his character and love for her and the experience thereof that she is after. Now if the husband isn’t doing his role then the head and body are disconnected and the marriage looks rather deformed than beautiful. Listen to the expression of the bride when her heart is on fire for the king prior to their engagement…
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his lips….” why? why does she want those kisses? “Because your love is more delightful than wine.” Who’s love is more delightful than any other experience on earth? The one on her mind who is the king and who’s name is like perfume poured out. Its the amiable nature of his character that even the thought of him gave her great delight! Husbands, read this over and over again! This is the cry of the heart of the your wife, she wants to experience your love first, not sexual only but you keeping your vows. Listening to her, do something sweet, apologize where you have failed, remember when you first loved her and desired her affections. You woo her by your character. You draw her closer by who you are.
I doubt in your vows that you said “I promise to give you the best experience ever in bed.” Ill bet you made all kinds of other promises, so keep them. Say your sorry and admit you faults and sins and sincerely apologize and day by day by the grace of God that comes through knowing His Son and His love for us at the cross, love her as Christ loved the Church and how do Christ lovingly draw us to himself? By his love and having a Name above all other names that can be trusted, for those who know his Name
So you see that the character of the husband is the number one fox that will destroy the sweetness and happiness of their union. So if you love your wife you will desire a closer more intimate relationship with your wife, for her love compels her to desire the strictest union with her husband and herein lies her happiness, therefore since the husband loves his wife he gives himself completely and always to that end. In order to her greatest happiness the husband must have a good name, Proverbs 22:1 “A good name is to be more desired than great wealth, Favor is better than silver and gold.”
Husband your are making it harder for the wife to submit to your authority if your name stinks! This doesn’t get the wife off the hook for not obeying but it sure does make it hard for her. Do not make it a burden for her to listen to you, make it her joy because of your goodly character and amiable nature. Love her and keep your vows. Think often of the character of Christ and love Him. When you behold the loving character of Jesus at the cross. His matchless love to God in obeying the Father and his matchless love to sinners in the one act of dying for them. You see love and experience it from God and understand it by seeing the example in Jesus and Solomon in the Song then denying yourself like they did out of love for your bride.
His name must be sweet and pleasing like perfume poured out! It is the character of the husband that draws her nearer!! It’s the sweetness of his love that melts her selfishness away. Its his love express in continued faithfulness, not matter what, that endears him to her. Its his love expressing itself in not keeping a record of her wrongs that draws her nearer. Each time he doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, and in marriage you will wrong each other over and over again, but when she sins by not listening to him, the husband ought not to get angry that she didn’t listen, but rather be grieved that she is not obeying God and then doing his role as intercessor he prays for her and if he is honoring her and treating her as a co heir to the kingdom of God then his prayers will not be hindered.
Lack of sincere productive communication.
In 2:14 a fox that will destroy intimacy is her lack of being able to be sincere and honest in her feelings and emotions. Yet she needs to feel like she is in a safe place. She is in a frame of heart where she can open up and tell him her feelings without getting beat over the head. This is to be understood by the words “secret place” and “my dove in the clefts of the rock” Doves would flee to safety in the clefts of rocks. It’s a secret place, therefore it is a context and time in which she knows she is ready. Husbands must be patient and know and wait for the rains and winds to pass and when the season of singing has come and she is in a safe place in her heart and is willing to be sincere and the husband is willing to listen and love her in an understanding way, then the relationship come blossom and the intimacy level has just gone up a notch.
Love desires the strictest union and sweetest communion with the object of its affection. The bride desired the strictest union and sweet sanctifying conversations for they drew her closer to God, him and others. Foxes can try to quench the fire but their love for the LORD and each other is “unquenchable” 8:6, therefore he sanctifies her by his holy jealousy for her greatest happiness which lies in her union and communion with him in the Love of God. Love desires the growth of the inner beauty of the one they love.
No time for detail now but a quick list of all the other foxes.
- Having a wrong view of the love of God in Christ. How can he love his wife as Christ loves the Church when his idea of God’s love to him in Christ is wrong.
- Not desiring intimacy or a closer relationship with God
- Not being saved 8:6
- Ignorance of your role in marriage 1:7 Face it just as a new Christian in a relationship with God through Christ must learn so also must the husband learn how to lead lovingly and Biblically and the wife needs to learn to trust him and obey because God wants her to.
- The husband being a bad shepherd of her heart. In Song 1:7-9 we see the one her heart love doing a good job shepherding her.
- Keeping a record of wrongs or staring at their sins 1:6
- Unbalanced emotions in the wife. “Dark am I, yet lovely” 1:5
- Fear of harm or getting hurt if you draw closer. The bride is fearless like a mare 1:9
- The husband not praising the things she does that are praiseworthy. 1:9-10
- The husband not keeping his promises 1:11
- Low thought of her husband will ruin intimacy, she must think highly of him. 1:13
- Her desire must be to only please him 1:12
- They both must keep their doves eyes on each other. 1:15 and 5:12
I could go on and on. These are the foxes in the first chapter only, but there are many more. For the sake of the Love of God, destroy the foxes by your faith in and love to Jesus Christ your Heavenly Husband who proved His love to you and gave Himself up for you!!
Am I drawn closer to Jesus Christ because he is most desirable to have?
Do I want Him? Or do I just want the benefits only? Do I desire Him? Or are my affections going elsewhere?
If I desire the closest most intimate relationship with God then what am I doing to destroy the foxes that are ruining the sweet holy communion I have with Him in Christ?
Sin separates us from God Is. 5:9, yet God is close, yes very close “to the broken hearted” Ps. 34:18. Be broken hearted because you displeased the one who loved you and gave himself for you. He is yours. You deserved death, yet the death he died he died for you. He is yours. He is your Savior. Out of His love for God and you He suffered the punishment for sin and released you from the power of its control in your life! If you are destroying the foxes then it is because there is a more powerful influence in your heart then what was there before. That “unquenchable fire is the love of God” 8:6 on your heart. The source of that love is God. He first loved us and fully demonstrated that dying love by living a perfect life and being that spotless Lamb sent by God to sense the full wrath of God on my behalf while bearing the full weight of our sins in his body during the 3 hours of darkness on the Cross and then said it is finished. Out of love to God and you he finished the priceless work of drinking the full cup of God’s Wrath willingly and did not sin. Jesus stayed holy during the whole time. During the greatest trial of His Love to God and sinful man The love of God in Christ did not fail. It is finished!! He proved His love, therefore we need not doubt it ever!! No matter what evil may come our way, we may know that Jesus loves us and that His motive His love is for us always!! (I was preaching that all to myself)
So here in this blog you get an idea of how I study. All my posts are when Im feeling Spirit filled. I wrote this in about two hours. My mind will be much upon the Love of God, my life is repentant and I’m walking with the LORD. When my soul rises, then I write. “Arise, my darling my beautiful one and come with me” my Lover says. Come enjoy Me in my Word. Come see my beauty! Come see My Glory! Come delight yourself in Me. I hear the voice of my Beloved Song 1:8 in His Word drawing me nearer. Draw near to your Beloved and he will draw near to you. How do you draw nearer? Catch the foxes. Deny yourself and go here there and everywhere doing all you can to have Him and behold Him in the Beautiful Splendor of His Glory and Majesty, for blessed are the pure in heart for they will see God. Thus we ought to purify our hearts at the cross and then keep humble, right motives and let faith express itself in love to God for who his is and thank Him for what He has done for us! Okay I went off on another delightful thought.
I was meaning to explain how I write so as to help those out there that love to meditate on Scripture and especially the Song. After memorizing a portion then I think about it and how it relates to the context of the Song. Not that I do it perfectly but I have had at least 1-3 hours a day for the past 17 years of meditation on the Love of God in the Song of Songs. My soul can’t seem to be quite happier elsewhere. I know all Scripture is delightful, but the Love Song that is better than any other Love Song get the fire going in my heart more than any other portion of Scripture. Its like the Book is about intimacy with God and intimacy with God is compare to the growing intimacy in courtship and marriage. There is the first meeting that more is known of each other and affections may increase. There is the first date and better and better conversations likened to your more and more delightful worship experiences. or more and more intimate times of prayer with your Heavenly Husband are likened to the sweet sanctifying words of the husband in the Song to his wife and her sweet holy words of praise, highly valuing, esteeming and honoring him. Back and forth they go expressing their love for one another.
So also I see with my mind in beholding the Beauty of the Lord, and feel it in my heart a great delight in Who I am beholding and know the love of God not only intellectually but felt in the heart for The Love of God can’t really be defined, it must be felt in order to be known. There is the objective truth that Jesus did suffer and die so that we can see Love to God and man on display, yet some are blind due to the devil keeping them in unbelief, but to the believer who knows God and loves Him, they walk in the light of the true knowledge of the Love of God for it is shed abroad in their hearts by the Spirit in them, the Spirit is Love, God is Love, We partake of the Love of God which consists in 2 things, One in the mind and the other in the affections of the heart. In the mind is the knowledge of God and in the heart is joy and delight in Him. Since the experience of the Love of God includes joy and delight then in order to know intellectually the Love of God then it must be sensed by the soul and felt.
The Love Song above all other’s will hep you to experience the Love of God like never before, which is how your knowledge of God grows for you tasted it over and over again and it is more delightful than any other experience. This feeling is not complete it starts with God we experience it from God through Christ who forgives us, for love forgives and is not angry with the object of its affection. You know you have been forgiven for His Names sake and not because of any good you have done. If you know this then you know God loves you. You know it in your mind and believe it with all your heart, thus inclining your heart to forsake all for the Love of God that is in Christ Jesus! You experienced the Love of God. You think how does Christ love me? Christ died for me. Christ shows his love to me by forgiving me of my sins. Do you know that you are forgiven or do you still have some guilt? If you are either hanging onto guilt, shame or any sin then you will not know the Love of God for your sin will separate you from that knowledge or rather that holy experience because sin is evil and opposite and an apposing force to your experience of the Love of God.
So my whole thought started with “Turn”. I was desiring Jesus to “Turn” to me. I felt it. I desire it. I wanted Him. So I went to the place in the Song where I was feeling what she was feeling, then the idea is to go where your heart is most “lively” in agreement with the brides heart. Here is where the good shepherd of your heart will meet you and draw you closer to Him. Its that simple, yet so many don’t experience the Love of God because they are not saved or living in sin. I am telling you that if you understand rightly the Love of God and can let your heart and the heart of the bride in the Song to be one and the same, meaning your in the same context of feelings and also are willing to be lead by God through His Word closer to Him and you must be sensitive to the Spirit for maybe you need to repent and clean some things up in your life before you can enjoy sweet intimacy with God in His Word. I mean, how can you go to the praises in the Song and think of it as the Wisest man on the planet leading you closer to God through sanctifying conversations and you are the bride.
By now, the Lord has given me strength Ephesians 3:16 and enough enlargement of mind Psalm 119:32 to think upon Christ and His love for me for hours on end sometimes on into the night and I cants sleep for the fire just keeps flashing brighter and brighter similar to that of springtime or a revival in the heart, herein God is enjoying you as you enjoy Him, but this flash or these “flashes” don’t stay high always. These are the special times, like making love to your spouse. You can’t always be doing it everyday all day. Those of you who truly are on fire for the Lord know what Im talking about. God does not pour out His Spirit upon you and keep you fully satisfied in Him alone all the time and at the highest degree. These are only what the Song calls “flashes” Only in heaven will you experience God’s Love the way you desire to now.
Generally speaking I would say I have about 2-3 flashes a day. Yet some days the melancholy attitude sets in for a few days and thats when my desire for Him grows all the more. I can’t go long not sensing His sweet Love and Grace for me, I tend to think because I fear I want the feeling more than Him that He withhold’s his shining face from me. Sooner or later I learn to humble myself or He humbles me, then I’m back to enjoying Him primarily. We were created to Glorify God and enjoy Him forever!! You know you have your ultimate joy in God when you obey Him. Joy in God is and expressing of love to Him. Your joy in God fluctuates. You may have joy constantly but there are times and special occasions where your joy in God is elevated. The degree of which depends on so many different factors. Therefore Love to God in the heart is not always at a peak flash. Flashes can be shorter or longer. And sometime you may feel like “a dimly burning wick”
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.