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The soul has but one husband

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Part 2

There is a law in heaven, that the heavenly Bride may at one time have but one Husband.  The first marriage on earth was a pattern of this Law, for then God gave one woman to one man.  God that made this first marriage, gave not two women to one man, not two men to one woman, but he gave one to one, that two (not three or four) may be one flesh.  Accordingly the heavenly marriage 2 Cor. 12:2 makers espouse the Church to one husband, and that they may do so, they do teach, that the former husband must be dead, before the soul can marry with another.  No soul can marry with Christ Jesus, but a wife; for she must be freed from the law of her old husband by his death, before she can come to be subject to the law of the new.  Her old husband was concupiscence, to who she was married in carnal generation, and this husband must be slain and put off by death, if Christ Jesus the new and True Husband of the soul shall be put on in regeneration.  And indeed if the soul will give her consent, this new and true husband will kill the old, as he is a thief and adulterer:

A thief he is, for he hath stolen the soul, from her first Lord and husband, even the Lord that made her; and an adulterer he is, for he lives with her that belongs to another, and while he lives with her, he keeps her not for love, but lust:  wherefore let the soul give her consent to his death, that thereby her true husband may recover his right in her, and that she may receive her husband and in him, life, liberty, and felicity.

And indeed she may well be weary of the old, for her  living with him is most unreasonable, most slavish, and most miserable.  It is  most unreasonable, for there is no sense in the marriage of a soul with sinful lust.  What good can lust do to a soul?  there being no likeness, but a mere contrariety between them; and we know that things are cherished and augmented by their like, but they are destroyed by their contraries.  The soul is light, and dust is darkness, and can darkness give any increase of being or wellbeing to light?  Yea does not darkness go about to lessen, to quench and kill light?  again, lust has in it a venom contrary to goodness, and can evil give any access or addition of goodness to the soul?  Yea this venom has in it a force and power to draw the will and affections from that Sovereign good, which is the true and only beautiful object of the soul, and to glue and fasten her to objects of vanity, yea of death and misery.

Again, the soul in her substance is a spirit, and what kindly and natural pleasure or profit can a spiritual essence receive from gross and fleshly lust?  The soul has no favor in the rank and gross pleasures of the flesh, but they are to her as the onions and garlic of Egypt to a dainty and delicate taste.  The earth can’t lighten the Sun, nor a tempest give rest to the Sea, so lust can’t give light, or life, or rest or happiness to the soul: but darkness and death, and misery it can and does give, and so under the shape of a husband it is a cruel enemy and a very murderer of the soul.  And surely he could be no other but a mortal enemy of the soul, that made such a marriage between the soul and her mortal enemy: And he had need to be as cunning as malicious, to  put a show of reason upon a match so absurd and unreasonable.

  1.  And if in a second place we behold the slavery of the soul in this marriage with lust, the tears that bewailed the virginity of Jephthahs daughter, are not sufficient to bewail this slavish marriage.  The body commands the soul, earth heaven, and dust that noble and divine essence which was breathed into man, even from Gods own mouth, and had his own image imprinted on it. Neither is it the body of dust only that commands the heavenly soul, but the body itself being commanded by lust, does command the soul; so lust is the chief lord both of body and soul; even a certain venom, itch and fury dwelling in this earth of man.  There may be some proportion between the dust which God turned into a body, and that soul which God made with his breathe, though in a large and remote distance and difference.  But between the soul which God made according to his own image, and this blind and wild lust which God made not in man, there is no portion or part of proportion, whereupon any right or power of command may be grounded.

Yet in this base and wretched marriage, vile and odious lust spurs up the soul with his commands, and makes her to drudge up and down in business of darkness, filthiness and wretchedness:  the soul is set on work in things that are no kin to her, no good to her, yea that are contrary to her being and well-being: For contrary they are to that image of God which is in her, and consequently contrary to that God  whose image this is, and to whom this image points and leads her as to her Sovereign Good.

  1.  And thus have we a third mischief of this marriage; even misery annexed to slavery.  For as the image of God in the soul turns the eye and heart of the soul to look unto God her chief happiness, so lust turns about the eye and heart of the soul from her happiness; and what can her prospect and object be then but misery?  (by the soul choosing what it thinks to be good) And if the eye of the soul happen to cast up some glances to heaven and happiness, yet the heart, even the will and affections are hurried away by this lust to objects and works of vanity and misery; so that the soul can only say, I see the better things, and follow the worse;  I see happiness, and run after misery.  Thus by slavery she buys misery. and slavery itself being misery, by misery she earn misery.  And indeed is it to the true misery of an Egyptian bondage, that the soul should be still set on work by lust in a fiery furnace, yea be beaten and tormented when she does not work, though her work concern herself nothing but only to strengthen her own bondage, and increase her own misery?

And indeed therefore is she kept so hard at this work, that she may have no leisure to think beyond bondage and misery.  Accordingly if the soul at any time does but lift up her eyes above her present bondage, to that Lord of life, liberty, and happiness, which would once have married her, and still makes new offers unto her, this tyrannous husband like a task master, strikes in deep lashes into her side, and tells her she is idle, though she thinks on her nearest business, and dearest happiness.  If it be in the morning, there is a bargain of profit imposed on her, and this lot of brick must be made that day, and about it must the soul go, being pierced through with the thorns of covetousness, by the violent hand of her false husband, that she may have no leisure, respiration or rest.  And if at night the soul be weary of this days work, and would fain go to bed with the body, the night is lusts day, as it is the Owls, (for both are blind) and then there is a wife whose husband is from home, and the poor soul being a spirit must traffic in this errand for the flesh, to make a wary but wicked meeting between her own lewd husband, and another mans wife: and while she plots it, she does a work of slavery, and when she has done it, she shall have no other but the wages of misery.  But endless were it to set forth the whole story of this Egyptian bondage.  Let the carnal man read over the story of his own life, and he may see the one in the other.  And all being summed together amounts to this; that the marriage between the soul and lust is monstrous, as between a woman and a beast, slavish, as between a woman and a tyrant; mischievous and mortal, as between a woman and a serpent.

And I wish all this were sufficient to persuade the soul to give consent to the divorce and death of this usurping and bloody husband, without whose death there can be no marriage between her and happiness: for though all reason and right do join for his removal, yet poet and possession, and union work mightily for him.  The friends of the Bridegroom cry aloud, “Put off the old man corrupt through deceitful lusts, and put on the new created in righteousness and holiness”. Eph. 4  And “if ye live after the flesh ye shall die, but if you mortify the deeds of the flesh by the Spirit, ye shall live.”  Romans 8:13  And “Abstain from fleshly lusts which fight against the soul.”  The authority, love, and reasons of these voices, deserve to be heard, persuading the soul to no other, but a separation from a deadly enemy,  who can give her no dower but death eternal.  And I wish that thus yet the soul may be persuaded.

And when the soul is come even to the point of persuasion, even then will lust come weeping after the soul, like the false husband of Michal: he  will raise up in her remembrance the images of gross and filthy pleasures, to awake the old unhappy love, and to cause a cruel and unmerciful pity.  For a cruel pity it is, when the soul pities her own murderer, and not her own murder.  But rather put on a merciful cruelty, being merciful to thy self, by killing him that would kill you.  It is better he should endure one death, who is not worthy to live, than that a soul should be ever dying, which should live forever.  If you kill not lust now, he must shortly die with the death of the body, and this short life of his will cost you everlasting death: but if you kill him presently, by this small odes of death, you preserve to yourself everlasting life.  Wherefore that which shall shortly necessary, make it presently, into a sacrifice, (even a freewill offering) and by his death you shall change your own death into life eternal.  And know that they are but false tears which lust does shed, and his cries are lies: for there is no such happiness in his union, as his tears would tell you, but your happiness is then most, when you are free from lust; even when lust is dead, and the soul new  married to her Saviour.

For the first soul was happy before she was married to lust, and miserable only after that cursed marriage.  To be without lust is a true Paradise; for man had not this lust when he was first placed in Paradise, neither could Paradise endure man, when this lust was placed in him.  Therefore the true way to return to Paradise, (or the state of happiness, whereof it was a type) is to put off this lust, wherewith began our misery. And lust being put off from the soul by death, and she new married to the Lord of life, then will she say that she was never happy till then, and that her former imaginary happiness, was but painted and glittering misery.  She will look on dead lust as on a loathsome carcass; and she will loath the remembrance of her former not loves but adulteries;  she will be like one awakened from a foolish dream, or an inchanted love, and she will wonder that she has so long been bewitched with vanity, folly, sin and misery.

But with all in her new marriage, having tasted how sweet her Lord is, she will wonder and lament, that she has so long lacked this sweetness.  Ezekiel 16:62-63 Excess of joy will be to her a cause of sorrow, for her joy is now so great, that she is sorry she was no sooner partaker of this joy.  And in this joyful sorrow she will kiss the feet of her Lord, and weep on them while she kisses them.  The feet of her Lord are now more precious to her than the head and top of lust; for therefore she kisses them, because she loves Him, and therefore she weeps, because she has loved lust to long a time, and her Lord so little.  For lust that once falsely appeared to her as her greatest joy, now truly appears to her as her greatest sorrow; and her now Lord in whom before she took no delight, now appears to be her chiefest and truest joy: And both these her tears do tell us.

This is Page 19-43 “Mystical Marriage”

Page 43-63 “The happiness of her soul in her second marriage” Chapter 3


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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.

I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.

I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.

If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28

I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.

If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.

About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.

As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.

Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.

I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.

I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.

I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.

I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.

I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.

I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.

California at age 26.

I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.

One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.

By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.

I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."

So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.

After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.

I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.

I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.

I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.

The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.

About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.

I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.

Then this life changing advice came:

A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.

In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.

I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.

About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.

I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.

So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.

I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.

Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.

About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.

Then a mission trip to Croatia.

Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.

About 3 years saved now.

I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.

Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.

I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.

Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.

My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!

I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.

God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.

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