Skip to content

Lesson 5 Humility and Love in Marriage

Dark am I, yet lovely.  Oh daughters of Jerusalem.  Dark like the tents of Kedar, yet beautiful (and fitting) like Solomon’s curtains.”  Solomon’s Song of Songs 1:5

What should we do?

Get a right idea of God so that you can have a humble and right view of yourself.

32eb3c7d4a861cd3876078fcd2bebef0

Context

Its about 920 BC and David is dying.  Solomon was just anointed Israels new Messiah.  A sunburnt born again Gentile slave girl is under an apple tree and aroused the affection of the king of peace.  She is drawn to him due to his holy character and superlative delightfulness of his love.  She wanted him to kiss her and take her away with him.  He takes her to his chambers where the fair skinned daughters of Jerusalem are there and staring at her as if she is fit to be their holy Messiah’s wife.  She looked like an evil Gentile on the outside but was really a true Jew on the inside due to having love from and to Yahweh in her heart.  So she says to them,

“Dark am I, yet lovely.  Oh daughters of Jerusalem.  Dark like the tents of Kedar, yet (holy) and beautiful like Solomon’s curtains.”

The daughters of Jerusalem would have thought this is the worst match ever.  But due to having a holy love in her heart she was fit to marry Israel’s Messiah.  Basically she is saying, “Im not all bad, I am good and loving as well.”  The phrase “You can’t judge a book by it’s cover” applies here.

This verse is also the precursor to the next.  Meaning that one of the main reasons why the daughters of Jerusalem should not stare at her is because she is not just dark but lovely and a suitable partner of for the Messiah due to the Love of God being in her heart.

My focus for the most part will be on the power of love to enlighten her mind to a true knowledge of Love and herself because love like a “flame” 8:6  enlightens.

How does having a right view of God help my relationship with my spouse?

Screen Shot 2019-07-26 at 2.46.51 PM

God is Holy, we are sinful.  In the light of God’s holiness we see our sin, pride, selfishness, greed, anger etc.   Imagine being in an argument with your spouse and them not being able to see how they were being selfish or prideful.  Thinking about God’s being without sin or mix of evil helps us to see our faults.  Imagine a guy who hardly ever thought he was wrong in any way.

God is love.  Having a right idea of God who is love will help us to see our selfishness and lack of love to our spouse and motivate us to love them properly.

God is Sovereign and the One in Authority over the relationship.  God is the ultimate boss in the marriage.  Both husband and wife are to obey God who says to love your spouse or your in sin.

Knowledge of God enables us to be humble in our relationships and not prideful.

You could go down the list of every attribute of God and see ways in which knowing God will help the relationship.

Love and Humility

Since “the knowledge of God as lovely causes humility , then a respect to God as lovely implies humility. And from this love to God arises a Christian love to everyone else. And it therefore follows that a true love both to God and men implies humility.”   JE

“Evangelical humiliation is a sense that a Christian has of his own utter insufficiency, despicableness, and odiousness, with an answerable frame of heart.”  Dark am I.  Despicable because I am a sinner and odious in pure eyes of God who can’t be looked with approval or delight apart from Jesus Christ.

She has ”a disposition to” not only “abase” herself and exalt his love but to also see her own moral loveliness. “This disposition is given only in evangelical humiliation, by overcoming the heart, and changing its inclination, by a discovery of God’s holy beauty.”  JE

The Spirit opens the mind to behold God and gives the heart a greater delight in His Love.  Humility follows.

Love as a light enlightens the mind to understand what love is by both knowledge in the mind and through the sense of the heart for love is more delightful than wine.

Love in the heart as a light.

Love is a light like a flame is a light.  Both love and light reveal.   Natural light reveals what in the darkness.  Spiritual light reveals and opens our hearts to understanding the Love of God.  “In His light we see light.”  Psalm 36:9

In Solomon’s Song of Songs 1:2-3 the born again Gentile slave girl is beholding with delight the person and work of God’s 3rd Messiah of Israel with great delight.
The sight of his holiness enlightens her mind to her own sinfulness, therefore she says she is “dark like the tents of Kedar“.  The tents of Kedar where a dwelling place of sinners.  Her description of herself.  Her ego.  Or her “I”.  “Dark am I” is that of having a place where sin, death and evil dwells.  What she see’s here the NT calls “the old man”,

Humility defined is our having a right view of God in relation to ourselves with a proper heart response.

She is not in direct view of God and beholding Him but is having a right view of God reflected in the person and work of God in His Messiah, the king of peace, the unmeasurable wise Solomon.  Any idea of God is a true idea of God and gives light and the mind then has truth as to the character of God in it.

The light of love is here seen.   Love enflamed in the heart gives us a right view of ourselves.  We can’t truly know ourselves until we see by faith God’s excellency and delight in His love.

Be humble and have a right view of yourself for pride separates but love and humility will unite.  1:5, 2:1

Homework

1  What does Solomon say about pride and the proud?  Proud,  Pride

2  How would being prideful hinder two people from getting closer?  How has pride kept you at at a distance from your spouse?

3  How would pride hinder the sweetness and harmony of a relationship?

4  Get to know God.  Get to experientially know God through your union and communion with Jesus Christ in Love.  Getting to know God through His Son Jesus Christ is similar to how the loving bride learned about God and His Love through union and communion with God’s Messiah, a type of Jesus Christ.

5  What have I learned lately about God and His will for me?

6  What can I do to learn more about God?

7  How will learning about God bring me closer to Him and other’s in my life?

8  See and delight in the infinite love and grace of God, thus relishing the supreme excellency of the Divine Nature, Holiness, so that you can see not only your dark pride, selfishness and unbelief but also your loveliness, humility, selflessness and faith.  For dark am I, yet lovely.

9  How did Peter see himself when he got a better idea of who Jesus was and saw His Glory? Luke 5:8

10  How often have you thought that “if only my spouse could see their fault, then everything would be better.”  Understanding God and Love will help open their eyes to see how their heart either lacks love or is in line with love.  Here love is like a mirror.  Get an idea of it and match it up with what’s really in your heart.   Love will expose selfishness.  Seeing the humility of Jesus will expose our pride.

Answers

7 Getting a higher view of Him humbles us.  Pride and sin will separate two.  But Love and Humility will unite, keep and strengthen the bond of peace.

9  Peter saw that he was a sinful man when he viewed the power and glory of God on display when Jesus did miracles.  It’s good to see our sin, confess our sin, see our sin placed on Jesus at the cross, know that when the punishment was paid in full and the Father satisfied Jesus said that Him paying the penalty for your sins was “finished”, repent of your sins, thus drawing near to God and He will draw near to you.

How does this verse about love and humility relate to various characteristics of love in Song 8:6-7?

Power of love to change the heart.  To see the soul as it is.  Love as a flame lights up the heart in a way that changes the affections.  To hate the sin in the heart and to love holiness, moral beauty and loveliness.

Two hearts that love holiness and hate sin are united.  Love has power to unite hearts by illumination.

Other thoughts

As we behold the beauty and glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ our minds go from one level of delightful experiential knowledge  God to a higher, deeper, wider and longer view of knowing God.  2 Cor. 3:18

Imagine being in an argument with a spouse that couldn’t see their own faults.  Imagine a spouse that was prideful and had to high a view of themselves.

True love in the heart reveals both the good and the bad in us.

True knowledge of God enlightens our minds to both the good in the heart and the evil of the old nature.

Format (Note.  Come up with a better format)

Quote the verse

What to do?

Context

Love and Humility

Love as a light

Homework

How does this verse relate to Song 8:6-7

Other thoughts

Other posts I did on “Dark am I, yet Lovely”

“Dark am I”  Meditation

“Stark Contrast”

Christian Emotional Extremes

Lessons so far on how to get closer to the one you love.

1  Make sure that the other person feels as if being loved by you is one of the most delightful experiences.  Solomon’s Song of Songs 1:2, 2:3, 4:10

2 Have a better and better reputation so that the thought of your name is sweet to your spouse. 1:3

3  Be on the same page, run together and don’t waste time getting closer to someone who is trustworthy and like Jesus Christ.  1:4   Work together on the same goal/s at the right pace, for how can two run together unless they be in agreement.

4 See, Delight and Praise Love

6  Next week Lesson 6  Don’t Judge.

mostsublimesong View All

Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.

I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.

I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.

If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28

I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.

If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.

16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.

Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.

About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.

As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.

Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.

I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.

I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.

I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.

I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.

I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.

I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.

California at age 26.

I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.

One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.

By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.

I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."

So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.

After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.

I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.

I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.

I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.

The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.

About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.

I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.

Then this life changing advice came:

A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.

In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.

I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.

About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.

I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.

So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.

I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.

Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.

About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.

Then a mission trip to Croatia.

Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.

About 3 years saved now.

I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.

Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.

I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.

Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.

My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!

I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.

God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: