Song of Solomon 1:2-4 Outline of her prayer
She pours out her longing desire for the manifestation of Solomon’s conjugal affection and love to her. Partly,
- In loving, amiable, and affectionate gestures. Amplified and urged by two motives
- The transcendent excellency of Solomon’s love
- From the sweet savor at the mention of his name and the effects thereof. “The virgins or upright love him”
- In being effectively attracted to him by his common love to her. “Draw me”
- In her promise to pursue union with him (she stays faithful to this)
- Because of her being brought into his chambers in mind and heart.
This page gives overarching ideas of the whole context of Song 1:2-4.
2 Peter 1:2 “Grace and peace be multiplied to you” compared with Song 1:2 “kisses” she wants these shows of affection multiplied.
1:2 She is asking for Christ to manifest His love to her over and over again. Here is a good sermon on Christ manifesting Himself to us. Christ manifesting Himself by Ralph Venning
1:2-4 Context of her prayer
It is in the Babe Phase.
The prayer is a daily all day desire.
The prayer starts in 1:2 and ends in 1:4 but the whole babe section goes from 1:2 to 1:17 or to 2:7.
The prayer is the fuel that adds fire to our love to God. Pray the idea of Song 1:2-4 often!
Your faster growth depends on your increasing desire for the revelation of Jesus Christ in frequency, duration, intensity in all aspects of heart and life. You love the revelation of Christ that you get as you grow in your understanding of Jesus and understanding of Grace due to seeing Him clearer and your sin worse, thus lower your view of your weakness next to His Power, your evil next to His Goodness, your sinfulness next to His Holiness, your selfishness next to His Love, your despising of Him next to greater thoughts of Him, this is when humility grows, plowing the valley, feeling thirst for God, yearning for God, just a drop sometimes feels like it would give great relief to your weary soul, dry in the wilderness, do not grumble or complain, God gives and God takes away His joyful felt presence and tests you, like Israel in the wilderness and Job when Satan had his way, Hopefully still relying on His Word, past faithfulness and memories of who he is and how He kept His past promises over and over again. You can trust that He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it, and Song 1:11 What will satisfy a soul
This yearning of the heart, “let him kiss me” longing for, desiring something to be present that currently is not happening. “Take me to the banquet hall let his banner over me be love” “Catch the foxes” answers to these would be and act of love on Solomon’s part.
The key to yearning, growing love in Ex 17:7, “is the Lord among us?” the Israelites thought that God had left them because they were thirsty and thought God should have provided by now or in their timing. God will provide, patience is needed and you may go 3 days drier than bones, panting like a dear next to water, but is this not a growing love for God! Yes it is. They distrusted God’s timing and they weren’t humbled enough yet so they distrusted thinking God had left them. God is among you plowing your heart, Is there a hunger and thirst for righteousness practical and or Christs righteousness given to me is what I thirst for, it’s already credited to my account but in actuality am I receiving the full fruit of that union with His righteousness.
8:14 “Turn” He is gone or at least feeling away. He has been away long enough fore her to be on top of multiple producing spices for Him to enjoy. He wants her to be where He is. He is in a longer, deeper more intense digging valley of humiliation waiting for her to produce fruit.
Another great and very distinguishing difference between gracious affections and others is, that gracious affections, the higher they are raised, the more is a spiritual appetite and longing of soul after spiritual attainments, increased. On the contrary, false affections rest satisfied in themselves.6
“Truly there is no work of Christ that’s right,” says Mr. Shepard, “but it carries the soul to long for more of it.
And again, “There is in true grace an infinite circle: a man by thirsting receives, and receiving thirsts for more
Somewhere along this new journey of you growing closer to God. you will learn that love multiplied to you is the key to it all and your going to want it quick and fast. Pour it down my throat for I am spiritually in a hot miserable desert and knowing your love for me and growing in it is what keeps me closer to you the One I love. By the God of the forces of Nature, nature gazelles and dows, dow’s do not mate with the buck until the dow is ready, you can not arouse her love before the proper time. God is Sovereign over the amount and timing, do not think yourself humbled enough to think “now I deserve a fresh revelation of His Glory to you thirty soul. Because you humbled yourself, how prideful could you be, God owes you nothing, even you thinking you have been thoroughly humbled then you think you deserve My Love. No you Don’t Deserve My Love. You deserve His wrath, His love is by Grace through faith in Jesus Christ who loved us and gave His life for us. Gave up His enjoyment of the Father’s love and felt nothing but infinite anger, wrath from God His Father.
Continual growing understanding of His love is needed for an ability to walk in Him. 1 John 1:6,7
2 Solomon gave orders to build a temple for the Name of the Lord and a royal palace for himself.
“wine” Prov. 9:2, Ecc. 2:3
1. Have “One desire!”
Psalm 27:4 “One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord And to meditate in His temple.”
In other words 2 Cor. 3:18 “beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit.”
The one thing you desire and need to have an ever increasing hunger for is “to behold his Beauty” “to behold the Glory of the Lord” so continually ask God to show you His Glory or more simply ask over and over again “God will you forever show your love to me?” Please, I know I don’t deserve it. I thirst for it. Your one desire is also God’s desire for you. His desire is for you. Song 7:10 God Almighty who perfectly loves, His desire is for me and I desire more of Him, “let Him kiss me with the kisses of His lips.”
The Babe has tasted and seen that the LORD is Good and Loving. The babe, wife or any believer wants further manifestations of His love to them over and over again. Kisses are expressions of love. She wants Solomon to express love to her over and over again in a marriage relationship. This is no ordinary love she is asking for from Solomon, she wants an unyielding, vehement, flame of God in Him guided by unmeasurable wisdom and knowledge that can’t be bought to be shown to her over and over again. She understands the Grace of God. She doesn’t deserve His love. She was an enemy, but now with His love to God in her, makes her beautiful now and no longer is an enemy
Solomon purposefully desired to marry someone who would normally be considered an enemy in order to put the love of God on display for my people’s sake. They would see my love for my wife and be changed by it.
This shows us that a wise woman chooses a man whom others see to be a man of character. There is something not-quite-right if she thinks she can see what an amazing guy he is, but no one else can see it.
Song of Songs 1:2 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, because your love is more delightful than wine”
- Why does she want multiple kisses? Because his love is more delightful than wine. She could taste his love and it was better than any other.
- Who’s love is this that she is tasting? Both Solomon’s and God’s love is being tasted. Solomon would be the one redeeming her through marriage and not only saving her from slavery but also making her soul grow in beauty. Being a perfect example of how husbands ought to love their wives, as Christ loved the church. Eph. 5:25-28. It is God loving her through Solomon. She experiences God’s love to her through Solomon if Solomon where to marry her and give her a kiss of forgiveness. She was a natural born enemy to both Kings, God and Solomon and experiencing redemption by a love kiss from Solomon would be the same as experiencing God’s love through Solomon. So the slave girl would like to be forgive and also married to him, because Solomon would be the perfect husband for he was gifted with unmeasurable wisdom and knowledge and had the unyielding flame of God in Him (Song 8:6)
- How often does the babe want these kisses of love? Very often, “kisses”. Love delights in the happiness of the object of it’s affection. Solomon could make her happy beyond her imagining, never ending, overall ever increasing in degree for their love will always grow toward one another, even in the Kingdom forever. The babe wants these shows of affection, signs that he loves her, over and over again.
- Why does she want these loving displays of affections over and over again?
- Reasons why Solomon’s love was of a transcendent Divine nature?
- It is better than anything the world can offer. “Better than wine” “More delightful than wine” This is no ordinary love being tasted here. Only the Love of God can be better than any other wine/pleasure of this world. Basically it is an experience like no other, that is felt by the whole heart, God is both enjoyed and glorified in this revelation of His Son to us, His love, the knowledge God has of Himself and love to Himself communicated to your soul. The pleasure, joy and delight felt when God lets us understand and love Him is more pleasurable than the fleeting pleasures of sin.
- It’s irresistible pull towards the One/ones you love. Ever getting closer, being drawn by love. See it, taste it, want more of it. See it, taste it, want more of it. It keeps on going. Drawing you by his loveIt is better because it draws the heart away from sin due to it’s being more delightful than wine. Once tasted the affections are drawn to what is most delightful. Whatever satisfies the most will be sought after. Jeremiah 31: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.” The love of God experienced to her through Solomon would draw her closer to God because God’s love is more irresistible more powerful in it’s intoxication than any other experience. If you have tasted the Goodness of God then all other delights fade as your love for and enjoyment of God grows.
- It was guided by infinite wisdom, knowledge. Not only is Solomon’s love of a transcendent divine nature because it is tastes better and is enjoyed more than any other enjoyment, but also because it was guided by unmeasurable wisdom and knowledge 1 Kings 4:9 “God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore.” Solomon would have then possessed all the skill and ability to redeem her life from forced labor and make her holy as fast as possible because he was guided by infinite wisdom and knowledge. Now it is that wisest man on the planet that she would like to love her. He was the chief among ten thousand, radiant yet humble, his leadership would be flawless, his shepherding her heart would be perfect, His faithfulness never ends (according to the Song, though not according to the end of Solomon’s life 1 Kings 11).
- It’s His godly jealousy was unyielding. Song 8:6 Nothing could stop his love for her.
- Reasons why Solomon’s love was of a transcendent Divine nature?
Your goal as a baby is to get the fastest, more fearless royal horse while adorning herself with as many jewels as possible making yourself more beautiful for His doves eyes. Thus being more equipped for battle inside you all the while being adorned by the one you love with Jewelry, the divine nature partaken of, the Holy Spirit, kissing your heart, love and faithfulness bound around my neck written on the tablet of your heart, he adorns me with this, Solomon does this, not some other man, but Solomon adorns me, he makes me more beautiful with the words he says. He talks about God and it changes us, we fall more in love with God, we become more faithful.
Other ways of the saying the same prayer of Song 1:2-4
Show me God’s glory in the Holy of Holies. Show me God’s glory in my marriage to an enemy. Show me the beauty and glory of my kingdom, your inheritance, my bride. I will show you the glory of the Messiahs priesthood and His intercession.
One Desire, Love, Worship by all in His Presence. Balance emotions, sinful past testimony, desire closer intimacy, obey, find rest, receive praise, highly value Him for All, Just getting started, He promises sanctification, compare who I am with who He is. Desire further displays of His love til overwhelmed in the banquet hall.
2 Peter 1 To those who have received a faith of the same kind as ours, by the righteousness of our God and Savior, Jesus Christ: 2 Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord; 3 seeing that His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.
1. Verse: Song 1:2 “your love is more delightful than wine”
Explanation: The immature enslaved servant girl is wanting Solomon to kiss her multiple times because his godly love is more “delightful” than wine. There is no physical pleasure here. Delight is an emotion of the heart an act of the will, delighting in what the mind understand to be good wether perceived or real. Some have this delight in God others who do not have the “flame of God” (Song 8:6 NASB) have not experienced God love through a mediator. The babe has tasted the goodness and love of God thus enflaming her desire for more and convincing her mind that understanding God’s love to her is better than anything else. Therefore it is more delightful. All other delights fail in comparison.
You have tasted God’s love that is more delightful than wine. You have tasted it in thinking about God’s love for you, in reading your bible, in fellowship with other Christians, serving in your local church, prayer, fasting, obedience, in communion, witnessing, repentance and even in the tears and sorrow of confession, there is joy, delight and the assurance of knowing Jesus paid the penalty for your sins. Because you are a new creation these are your new delights, yea, MORE delightful than the sin you used to take pleasure in. Now your delight is in listening and obeying this is your new life.
Application: Continue in this to the full assurance of your salvation. Continue in whatever God is revealing to you in His word. Be faithful in little he has shown you and he will give you more. A physical baby knows that others are bigger, stronger, walking, and talking not like them. This is okay everyone had to start somewhere. Faithful Abraham, humble Moses, the mighty warrior David, the wise Solomon, the great missionary Paul and John the one Jesus loved, all started right where you are.
2. Verse: “let him kiss me with the KISSES”
Explanation: The babe also wants to experience more of it. She has experienced Solomon’s general love for she was in his kingdom. But this was not enough she wanted union with him in marriage. Song 1:2-4 She has tasted God’s love to her through Solomon, therefore she wants more of it!! So, continue to always ask God to show you his love through Christ our mediator and pray for a close intimate relationship with Him always. Get addicted to understanding all the ways God has shown and will show you His Love because this experience is better than wine. It’s better than any other earthly pleasure. Psalm 136 “His love endures forever”, this phrase is repeated over and over again.
Application: She doesn’t want it to stop. Neither should you! Pray this early in the morning, Psalm 92:2 “proclaiming your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night”
Application: Make this your “One thing” Psalm 27:4. Isn’t God sooooo wonderful to give us a verse that says “One thing” the Psalmist desires. Not various things, one thing. One thing ought to be your desire
3. Once the goodness of God is tasted and the heart makes seeing God’s beauty the one thing it desires then the closest most intimate relationship and strictest union with God is desired. The babe see’s that Solomon the perfectly wise and holy man could bring her that union the fastest. So her hearts desire is to be married to him so he could show her God’s love through him and she would be beholding the “one thing” she desires, the love of God reflected in Solomon’s love for her.
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.