5 types of death and their power
“Set me as a seal upon your heart as a seal upon your arm for love is strong as death.” Solomon’s Song of Songs 8:6
1 Spiritual death on this earth 2 Physical death on this earth from birth to dust 3 spiritual death in Sheol 4 Second death in Hell 5 Physical death in Hell
No matter which death you choose it’s power is the same. 1 Unrelenting (it’s durability and duration) 2 Above human nature to stop, thus supernatural (it’s greatness) 3 Growing immensity, intensity, vigor or liveliness from spark to flame to camp fire to lightning bolt to the power of the sun and the power of 10,000 suns and beyond. 4 All consuming.
1 Spiritual death in Adam and his posterior
What is it to be spiritually dead? Your spirit, soul, heart or inner being has no life.
1 What is spiritual death? 2 Adam spiritually died 3 Adam’s soul continuing to harden as he abode in death
1 What is spiritual death? Adam once he sinned was spiritually dead, in a state of condemnation to death. His soul, the spirit part of man, was dead and he was actively dying in both body and soul. Spiritual death has to do with the inner being being dead not the outer physical body. Adam was spiritually speaking alive until he disobeyed God. His inner most being and spirit was alive and had life then it died, then dying it will die. Adam’s inner being died when he ate the forbidden fruit. Adam’s soul was alive then he ate the forbidden fruit and then his soul is dead. The soul being the inner man is now dead and a slave to sin, dead and in sin. Dead on the inside. Adam’s spirit died an immediate spiritual death. In Adam we are all born dead on the inside, “just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned“, Rom 5:12.
“in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive.” 1 Corinthians 15:22.
What does spiritual death consist of? Spiritual death primarily consists in the soul not having love. Spiritual death consists in a heart with no love or holy principle in it. “We know that we have passed out of death into life, because we love the brothers. The one who does not love abides in death.” 1 John 3:14. Adam was immediately without love. Dead soul’s can’t love. Dead souls can’t see and delight in the light of the knowledge of God in the face of christ/Christ for they have no delight in holiness in their dead hearts. A dead spirit has no spiritual understanding
Death has unrelenting power to utterly destroy the spiritual part of us. Death to the soul does not stop. The dying of the inner man goes on forever and increases in intensity. The idea of being unrelenting carrying with it both continuing in duration and increasing in strength.
2 An essential part of a dead soul is hardness of heart. They have a hard heart. In the death of the soul the heart is made hard.
3 Another essential aspect of spiritual death is living in darkness having no light, love or life. Spiritual darkness consists in believing lies and living in sin.
“The one who says he is in the Light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now.” 1 John 2:9
Living in greater darkness. Hardening the heart. Both ways death further destroys the soul strengthening it in it’s obstinacy, sin and misery.
Adam’s spirit and God separated in death, the losing of his love God, leaving nothing but disharmony and enmity between God and man. Adam was dead, separated from God and the life that came with being righteous.
Like a tree that immediately has dead roots would be considered dead but has some remnants of life remaining so also Adam’s body and soul temporarily lived on. For the most part Adam’s inner most being died immediately upon disobeying God.
Adam’s primary life died immediately upon eating the forbidden fruit. His soul lost life, the well spring of life in his heart and soul dried up completely. The soul did not disappear but was without love and life. With no holy principle of love in the heart anymore, the soul is dead. Love is the sum of all good principles, without love in the inner man there is no good thing but only a miserable soul dead in sin.
3 Adam’s soul continuing in death. When Adam ate the forbidden fruit his inner and outer man started to die and continued to die. With love to God gone Adam’s inner most being began to die more and more. The death of his soul was not something that just happened and was over, but is something that continues to happen forever apart from the Grace of God in Christ Jesus.
Self-love reigns as evil selfishness in the heart that has no holy principle in it.
Death’s power to destroy the soul and bring about utter misery is unrelenting. Death’s power to utterly destroy the soul is impossible for man on his own to stop. Death’s power to separate the soul from God does not get weaker but stronger and more intense as time goes by. Death’s power to destroy the soul, heart and spirit of sinners only gets stronger and is all consuming (meaning that there is no place in the inner and outer being that is out of it’s reach). Death is an unrelenting power that grows more intense as it’s all consuming power causes the perfect misery of the helpless soul in it’s inescapable grip.
The utterly helpless soul is left hopeless as it see’s no end . It is perfectly miserable in a fire that only increases in intensity as the soul gets what it justly gets what it deserves. Dark am I, yet infinitely lovely in Christ.
Satan and death have power to keep the inner being dying primarily by a blinding deception. His heart would get harder, his mind hardened in believing lies and his principle of self love and pride elevates self and seeks to dethrone God. Death has power to utterly destroy the soul. Apart from God in Christ Jesus there is nothing the sinful soul can do to escape the unrelenting power of death to cause utter misery to the soul. The vigor of Satan’s desire to destroy the soul only increases as does Sheol’s appetite for more death increases.
The degree of death’s power can be seen in how far it takes the soul from God. Death separates but love unites. In duration the separation is eternal. As far as durability of it’s power it is unrelenting. As far as degree’s go the distance is infinite.
So that the Power Source is seen with certainty of His Self-sufficiency. The sense of the love of God that comes with some idea of the Self-sufficiency of it’s Source. As love increases, the field of vision opens more and more to a distant view of God, till the soul is swallowed up with the vastness of the Object. Didn’t come from me and it goes for forever. Can’t buy love from God, He would utterly scorn me for having such a disrespectful idea. Imagine if the power Source ran out? When we get a right idea of love it comes with knowledge of God, the Source. First, as the Source of this affectionate and immensely jealous love. The perfection is seen. The moral excellency of the object/Object is delighted in as love unties their hearts.
The glory of the Divine is that He is Self-sufficient. Holy like no other! Getting His Love from no one. Having a never ending source of love.
Satan yields the power of death. Those not under the power of death must ask the question, “How is it that Satan lost power, rule and authority over the soul”? Love gives the soul a new Master. Love puts God back on the throne.
2 Physical death
Physical death is the physical body dying. The time of Physical death is seen in the destruction, misery and pain of the body. Death has power to destroy both body and soul. Where do we see the destruction or disharmony of body and soul. Death of the body happens to some degree even at birth when cells start to die. Physical dying gets worse with time. Bones decay, muscle shrink, body function quit working properly or stop working all together.
“There is no man who has power to restrain the wind with the wind, and there is none who has power over the day of death.” Ecclesiastes 8:8
Clearly, physical death has more of an effect on the body at age 70 than at 30. The longer you are alive in this world the greater effect death has. The longer we live death’s power grows. At about the time that there is no life in the body death’s power is the greatest. As temporal life goes on death’s power intensifies to the point of causing separation of the spirit from the body. Death has power to separate the body and spirit that were once one. Death has a growing unstoppable power to totally separate the inner man from the outer at the time the body is without the spirit “body without the spirit is dead” James 2:26.
3 Death in Sheol
The sinful soul keeps dying in Sheol. Sheol is the place where everyone goes when they die. In the afterlife before the final judgement day those who are forgiven and have righteousness credited to their account by faith in Christ Jesus will be in paradise with Jesus until the day everyone soul that was dead gets a new body. Both the wicked and the righteous get new bodies.
In the first death the physical body of the sinner dies and goes to dust and the soul’s misery increases while awaiting a different body and judgement, this is death in Sheol. When the righteous in Christ Jesus die the first death their soul is in a kind of paradise experiencing love, peace and life. There are no bodies in Sheol, only souls. Yet, the separation from God that death causes can still be lets say argued from Scripture verses actually seen in a specific text, excluding Dt. 32:22. Depending on you interpret Sheol as the afterlife or meaning the earth.
The power of death in Sheol is seen in it’s effect! Where to we see death, what is the nature of death and it’s power.
Death and destruction of the miserable soul in Sheol by experiencing the wrath of God for your sins. A heart that grows more dark, faster, thus making it harder and worthy of more misery than before. This is ever hotter and brighter flame in the heart of the damned dead souls for just one drop of water while in the fire. Death has it’s eye on the utter destruction of the sinners soul. Utter destruction means to greater degree’s in all relations and forever! Here the soul gets further from God’s love and grace in Christ Jesus and closer if you will to His fierce Wrath, Almighty Power and strict Justice in the death and destruction of your soul.
Death while in Sheol. Where the dead keep dying for the ate the forbidden fruit and since that day dying they will die. Both physical and spiritual death for him and his posterity was the wages of their disobeying God. Death separates you from life and siphons it out of us by getting our hard hearts harder by believing more lies that get us to sin.
4 The second death.
The location for Satan, his demons, all those whom Jesus Christ did not die for will be in the lake of fire forever!!
In this most dreadful death, the heart gets nothing but harder, darker and more fixed to evil forever. The soul continues to get further from the grace of God in Christ and more and more experienced in receiving justice from God in the form of Him pouring out His unimaginable wrath upon your miserable soul and resurrected body in the lake of fire. All whom Jesus didn’t die for in the same lake, just differing degree’s of suffering.
” And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them, and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds. 14 Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire. 15 And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.” Rev. 21:13-15.
The first death caused the first separation of the spirit from the body. Then some time in “Paradise” or “Prison“. Paradise for those Jesus died for and are righteous. A temporary “prison” for the unrighteous Luke 23:43 1 Pt. 3:19. Then there is a resurrection where the righteous get glorified bodies. The unrighteous get some kind of awful glorified body to feel unspeakable misery and pain forever in a lake of fire that continually gets hotter.
The death of the body and soul on earth til the body has no life in it. The Powerful Arm of God exerting it’s fierce, unrelenting and growing anger on you continually drinking the wrath of God forever in Sheol for a while then in Hell forever! In Sheol without a body. In hell with a new body capable of infinite misery, hopelessness and unbearable pain sensing the effects of death on the soul without destruction of the new body. Then the resurrection of the dead to judgement. The righteous get salvation and heaven by God’s love and grace in Christ Jesus and the unredeemed sinners get what they deserve in hell forever. The death experienced in hell. This is the second death.
It has a growing, more intense feeling of misery, utter hopelessness and pain. Where the worm never dies. Where worms who did nothing but crawl in dirt and eat the dirt of the earth will be. Other than the cross there is no greater degree of separation from God seen anywhere else but in hell. Death in all it’s unrelenting and immense power to separate you from God. Ultimately fueled by God’s self-sufficiency as well.
The beauty of the Self-sufficiency of God and His Love. God would look weak or needy if He were to get Love from some other source. Impossible in God to go to anyone and get more love when He is the Source of the love they have to give, manifest or put on display for all to see and delight in God, the Source. God is perfect lacking no good principle. Self-sufficiency is a beautiful perfection of God. The greatness of God’s need of no other to sustain Himself. He is the giver of life. Even if God could get more love from another it wouldn’t make Him any more beautiful for He is infinite and immensely beautiful!
There is something Divine that is tasted by the soul. “It is better than tasting wine”. I have an intense desire to do good. This desire comes from YHWH and is a flame of love jealousy Song 8:6. This powerful flame of love can unite hearts making them one then beautifying each one from one level of glory to another, for she is his glory!
5 Death’s power to cause an immeasurable amount of pain in Hell. Death simply understood is separation from God. The further from God you are the more dead your soul for in the day that you ate of the forbidden fruit dying you will die. Death has an immeasurable amount of power to bring about the most dreadful misery to the soul in the lake of fire, sensing the Wrath of God from head to toe and even the tongues of rich people are in the lake of fire Luke 16:24.
This second death differs from the first. In the first death the person goes from being a body and soul to being just a soul without a body in Sheol. In the second death they go from having a resurrected body and soul at judgement day to still having a body and soul
The dead souls in “prison” in Sheol had Jesus himself/Himself preach to them the good news. There is nothing but death for those who haven’t had their hearts changed, for they had to be born again to enter the kingdom of heaven. Have proof of the love of God on her heart. In her love to His Messiah she manifested love to God for God commands her/us to love with delight in holiness His holy Messianic King Solomon.
Solomon saw the love of God in Naamah’s heart and it was the beauty of that love that drew Solomon closer to her.
Her sense of what is right and wrong was beautiful to him/Him. The beauty of that love she had consisted in her having no fear of harm, her having love, her having courage despite opposition, her having zeal, her lovely humility in trials, her intense sorrow and hatred of sin, what made her beautiful was that she had a holy principle abiding in her heart. Her heart was holy and set apart for God to love her first. Abide in her. The love of God abiding in her manifested in her loving words and desires for him. These were what made her the most beautiful of women. Song of songs 1:1-9 Her love and actions make her attractive to him, desirable, lovely and worthy of praise for her fear of God and love to His Messiah!
Did I digress again? What was I headed to?
Seeing death,love’s enemy, in action helps us to get a right idea of love’s power. Love is strong “as” death. She uses an analogy to describe loves power. Love is strong “as” death, therefore we must get a right idea of death’s power then ascribe the same power to love.
I would sum up 8:6 this way, because love is strong to unite as death has power to separate and make us one and act like it I can ask you to put me on your heart and I will be your arm for I fully belong to you. Death has a strength or power that is just as strong as loves power. Death has power to destroy as love has power to bring new life in christ/Christ. First, some basic truths about death.
Death is a natural evil as apposed to a moral evil. Death is a natural evil that happens to you rather than moral evil is something you do that comes from your heart.
Death is the wages sin pays for disobeying and infinitely holy God.
Death is opposed to life. Adam was given life and death is a state of perfect, perpetual and hopeless misery which is properly opposed to that state Adam was in, when God created him.
In order for death, sin and the devil who hold the power of death to be concurred it took the sinless blood of Jesus Christ, God in flesh to reverse the curse. By His love on the cross He bore the sins of the Bride thus crushing the head of the Serpent, to give life and holiness to those under sins curse.
1 Let’s look at the four different types of death. 2 See the power of death in action to determine what kind of strength it has. 3 Then ascribe that same kind of strength to love and it’s power to unite.
Death has power to separate. “Yahweh puts to death and makes alive; He brings down to Sheol and raises up.” 1 Samuel 2:6.
Oneness is the context of Solomon’s song of songs 8:6 when she ascribes them being able to act as one to the superlative characteristics of love and it’s jealousy. By now the bride of Christ Solomon is fully mature. She is his, she belongs to him. As a king puts his seal on what belongs to him so also she belongs to him. Therefore he can put her on his heart and arm in the same manner a king puts his seal on what belongs to him. She is no longer selfish. She doesn’t doubt his love to her. They are one and acting like it. As his arm in the relationship she can be fully trusted to do her part because love’s power has brought peace and harmony of souls. She has an immense, vehement and unrelenting fire of love in her heart when she says,
“Set me as a seal upon your heart as a seal upon your arm for love is strong as death.” Solomon’s Song of Songs 8:6
Unrelenting speaks of a Self-sufficient Source
Unrelenting, above human nature, intensifying, all consuming
Use of information
Get a clear sense of the unrelenting and growing misery of sinners on earth, in Sheol or in the second death to increase the relish of any joy or pleasure.
The sight of the wonderful Power, the Great & dreadful majesty & awful Justice & holiness of God manifested in the Eternal Punishment of ungodly men will make them Prize his favor & love exceedingly the more. JE
The degree of prize in the heart if the treasure him/Him all the more. The intensity of that treasuring in a beautiful heart is a degree of a flame, giving light and knowledge of the love of God. A greater degree of treasuring in the heart is lovelier than whatever degree it treasured him before. A great degree of treasuring and cherishing is more beautiful than a smaller degree of treasuring and cherishing, manifestations of love.
Treasure and cherish manifestations of love in your union with christ/Christ! Are they the most precious times!! Isn’t he/He so lovely!! He is set apart for God and has given his life to me as my Messianic King of wisdom, love and peace. Wisdom in prayer, as King. He will build a temple where the Name of God would be on display clearer than ever before!! A greater revelation of the Name of God, manifested in the holy temple sacrificial system.
What would Solomon and Naamah have to think about in order to be fearless of any harm from God when they did good (loved each other)? A heart with fear of harm from God is either seeing God and their sin more clearly or just are seeing reality better because a common servile fear does not please God and without love to God as the motive then there is no good and holy principle of loveliness in her heart.
Bride, I want so so much to help you be more beautiful for Christ to delight in you. Let your light shine! Let the love of God be poured into your heart and love other’s, thus making love complete or some level of glory and then taking it to another more beautiful level closer to God. The closer you get the more beautiful you are, one and acting like it!! Yet, with increasing intensity of holy jealousy!
Make the same connections in principle in love that she did, then her having a him come closer helped her see she had a veiled view. Something interrupting her view of the loveliness of the coming Messiah? She calls these things foxes. They keep interrupting the blossoming relationships from getting more beautiful and closer. What are your foxes ?, “little foxes” that are keeping her from getting immediately closer to him. What are the things keeping you from getting closer to your beloved/Beloved?
She needed practice to learn to be beautiful on the inside for his great pleasure all the time!
Learn what correction feel like! God is treating you like a son so learn what correction feels like. God correcting is the truth and feeling guilty of displeasing Him is a start of God’s correcting a sinner in their sin. Then your heart sings in agreement with David in all of Psalm 51.
Also his/His intimate love would soon be manifested in his love to and union and communion with her in love.
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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.