Love, Marriage, Happiness and Oneness (a simple guide)
This is indented to be a simple easy guide to a happier marriage.
Answer the questions and then delight do the loving and good you know you ought to do and the two of you will happier and closer than ever before!
This post will help you to use Solomon’s Song of Songs for a happier, more harmonious and closer relationship with the one you love as the two of you glorify God by becoming one.
sometime after marriage the functional oneness of the relationship was similar to how someone’s heart and body function that the bride made an analogy. Basically, saying that due to loves superlative characteristics the two were able to become one in nearly evert way to the point that he could trust her to act as one. Therefore, she tells him to put her sealed to his heart, inseparable.
“Put me like a seal over your heart,
Like a seal on your arm.
For love is as strong as death,
Loves Jealousy is as severe as Sheol;
Its flashes are flashes of fire,
The very flame of Yah.” Song 8:6
This verse speaks of the strict oneness that they had reached due to 6 characteristics of love. Hear described for us so that we could get a right idea of love.
Solomon’s Song of Songs is a love poem written by king Solomon so that we could have a right idea of what true love is by describing loves characteristics in Song 8:6-7 and then illustrating those characteristics in poetic form throughout their courtship, proposal, engagement, marriage day and married life. Song 8:6-7 is the only place in the whole poem that has any doctrine in it, the doctrine of love. What God says about love is doctrine.
If you know what love is then you could ask yourself what you could say or do that would manifest that characteristic of love in your courtship or marriage so that the two of you become one.
6 Characteristics of love
1 Love is strong as death 2 Loves jealousy is severe as the fire of hell 3 Love sparks, lightening or flames 4 Love comes from the LORD 5 Love is unquenchable 6 Love is priceless or unconditional
We see the above characteristics in Song 8:6
(1) “love is as strong as death,
(2) Jealousy is as severe as Sheol;
(3) Its flames are flames of fire,
(4) The flame of the Lord.
(5) Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor will rivers flood over it;
(6) If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,
It would be utterly despised.” Solomon’s Song of songs 8:6-7.
I alternated bold face with underlining so that the 6 various aspects of love could be seen better. This verse is profitable 1 to teach you what love is 2 to correct you where you are trying to get it but keep falling back to wrong ideas of love 3 rebuke you who better and aren’t doing it 4 Train those who know what love is, have been getting it right thus strengthening.
1 Love has power to unite souls to be one and act as one similar to the power death has to separate body and soul. 2 Love jealousy for the good and happiness of the one you love is intense like the fire of hell 3 Love has flames similar to that of fire 4 Those holy and sweet flames are from the LORD 5 Love is unquenchable 6 Love is free, priceless and unconditional
In order for your spouse to see that you love them and feel loved you must put all 6 of these characteristics of love on display in your marriage.
How do you do that?
Ask yourself questions that would manifest love and then do what comes to mind that is consistent with the specifc characteristics of love as described in Song 8:6-7.
The first characteristic of love described is its strength.
1 “Love is strong as death” Song 8:6 The characteristic of love here described is that it is strong. We know the strength of something by its effects. Love has the ability to draw to hearts together as death has power to separate the body and from the soul. Love has the inevitable and superlative power to unit as death has power to separate. Loves power unites and hates power separates.
The two of you are one are you living and acting as one or is someone off doing their own thing? Love is not self-seeking therefore what could you say and do that would manifest love and not selfishness which would then lead to a closer union?
How could you talk, think and act as one?
Since love has power to unite and draw to people closer then you can ask yourself some more questions.
Questions
What could I say to my spouse that would draw us closer together? What could I do that would bring us closer? What could I say or do that would bring more harmony and happiness to the relationship?
What have I done or said in the past that caused division, disharmony or a feeling of separation? Resolve to never say or do that again!
How could I act so that my spouse trusts me and doesn’t live in fear?
Love also has power to unite hearts by casting out fear where death and the fear of death or harm has power to increase fear of harm. If you felt your spouse would harm you then why would you be more intimate emotionally, mentally or physically? The bride to be in the love song was compared to a fearless mare in battle because the power of Solomon’s love for her did away with any and all fear of getting closer to him. Love unites by casting out fear of harm or punishment from the beloved. 1 John 4:18.
Loves Jealousy is as intense as Shoel. The second characteristic of love that the bride knew by experience over and over again was the jealousy feeling the good and happiness of her spouse! That feeling was both intense and ever increasing like the fire of God’s wrath on the wicked in Shoel for loves “jealousy is intense, severe and ever increasing” similar to God’s jealous anger on the wicked in the lower parts of Sheol. Dt. 32:22 with Song 8:6
New American Standard Bible
“For a fire has flared in My anger, And it burns to the lowest part of Sheol, And devours the earth with its yield, And sets on fire the foundations of the mountains.” Deut. 32:22
2 Loves jealousy is as severe/intense as the fire of hell.
Jealousy for what? What are you jealous for? Her happiness and holiness!
Each spouse in the Love Song was intensely jealous for the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional good of the one they loved! Jealousy also for them to be one. The pain of feeling separation is to much to bear therefore those who have loves holy jealousy in them will do all they can to not cause a feeling of separation!
They both had an intense feeling of loves jealousy for the functional oneness of the relationship to truly be and truly act as one. Both had a holy jealousy for the glory of God in the relationship. This jealousy is infinitely intense in degree positionally and forever increase practically in heaven. Clearly this intensity is not in us now but it will forever grow more and more intense as the fire of hell does. Loves jealousy is compared to God’s jealousy for His Glory manifested in His wrath on the wicked in Shoel. Which also is growing in degree’s, forever more and more intense and painful.
The damned in the lower parts of Shoel have a burning desire for their own good and happiness that forever grows more and more intense as a husband’s jealous desire for the good and happiness of his wife forever grows more and more intense. I take this jealousy to be a good and holy one because in context Love is possessed of this jealousy. Loves jealousy is intense.
Questions
With intense affection have you freely given yourself to your beloved for they have a godly jealousy for you? All the time, without delay, sacrificially and every area?
There is no delay between what the mind thinks, and the body does. The mind and body are one. Is there a delay in anything that needs repenting of? Race to repentance!!
If someone were to harm your spouse, how would you feel? Burn with a righteous anger for the sin against her?
Jealousy or the degree of it can be sensed by the level of fervency in and or with the feeling of love.
When you feel a wall between the two of you is it intensely painful?
Knowing that the holy jealousy feeling you have for the good and happiness of the one you love is intense and ever growing, what questions could we as ourselves so that we could manifest such a jealousy in marriage so that you could become more one with your spouse?
Would the thought of your beloved giving their body, feelings and soul to another be an unbearable thought that drove you do whatever it took to be one with your beloved?
How bad do you want her good? Is it intense? Does it grow in fervency? Love grows for God and our beloved if we are saved by the infinitely precious Blood of Christ!
Do you feel the intensity of your feelings for her or is your love dead?
For sure our feelings are not as intense and fervent as they ought to be!
Certainly, our feelings of love to Jesus ought to be so intense that it would be hard to put it in words.
1 Peter 1:8 “and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory,”
Yet our bride in the end of the love poem does. She says that loves intensity was as severe as either God’s anger or as severe as the intensity of emotion in the hearts of the damned. Either way the level of intensity of emotion in both cases grows. God’s jealousy for His Glory is forever felt to be more and more intense. Like coming to the realization in hell that God is really angry with me, and I can feel so much pain and suffering. Then that level of pain and suffering increases so that know you know God is really angry with me because I feel so much more pain and suffering. Then your desire for you good and happiness would increase. Even your jealousy for your own good and happiness will grow at the same time that only pain and suffering will increase. Even as the feeling of hopelessness grows as well.
God’s Jealousy, the non-believer jealousy, The jealousy of Paul for the good and happiness of the Corinthians, Jesus Christ to His Bride, Married couples.
1 There is in hell a display of God’s infinitely intense jealousy for His Glory, Good and Happiness. We see this on display as God pours out His wrath more and more intensely forever and ever on unrepentant sinners in the “depths of Sheol (hell).” Dt. 32:22
2 There is also a display of loves intense jealousy also in the heart of unbelievers in hell. Either way you see loves jealousy is intense in the heart of God and the heart of an unbeliever. Yet, the unbelievers desire for his own good and happiness doesn’t include God’s glory there it is not a virtuous desire.
3 2 Corinthians 11:2 “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.”
4 The jealousy of the Son of Man, in the heart of Jesus Christ for His Bride is intense as Sheol also.
Yes, some real differences due to various relations and capacities but what is in common about the intense feeling.
1 It grows in intensity 2 It is forever Thus, if love holy jealousy is reigning in the hearts of both lover and beloved then the strictness of the level of oneness will forever grow as the feeling does.
Here is where love is the more vigorous act of the will.
Loves jealousy is intense in degree’s.
How do you know you have love, affectionate love? There is a higher degree of it sensed and felt. There is a heightened ardency and fervor to the feeling!
As you show your love to God by loving your spouse with all your mind, heart, soul and strength there will be a level of intensity to it equal to that of the fire of hell.
I suppose somehow there would be a level of measure. But the reason for the analogy is that it is ever increasing. The intense desire for your good and happiness in hell will increase in degree forever and ever for loves jealousy is as intense as Sheol. The level of desire to get out of hell and feel the least bit of relief will increase forever and ever for to be out of perfect misery and pain is the good and happiness of the damned in hell.
In the comparison there is a similarity between the feeling spouses in true love feel for each other and the jealous feeling the damned in hell have for their good and happiness.
‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me and send Lazarus, so that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool off my tongue, for I am in agony in this flame.’
Imagine how intense his desire is for just one drop of water? That same intensity is there in the heart of lovers when love is enflamed, hot, bright and sensible. Felt in the husband, he then has an intense desire for his wife to possess all of him. He loves her with a growing intensity that empowers him to happily give sacrificially of himself to and for her. This intense love is what was in the heart of Solomon’s first wife that empowered her to deny all of herself for her husband. Loves jealousy to deny self is so intense that when self is fully denied there is a joy unspeakable and full of glory in your heart like what she had when she says,
Song of Songs 7:10 “I belong to my beloved, and his desire is for me.”
The desire of the self-righteous rich man to have just a drop of water to cool his tongue will increase forever and ever for loves jealousy is server and intense like Sheol (the lower parts) The intensity of this desire, of love to himself, will forever increase in intensity. He was jealous for his good to some degree then when not satisfied the desire only grows like a more intense fire. Taking together Song 8:6 with Luke 16:24.
That intense desire for the good and happiness of those who are united lies in the degree of oneness in which they share. And if his feelings belong to her and he gives them to someone else then she feels a holy jealousy that is painful beyond belief. So, if he truly intensely loved her then he would not intentionally do anything that would cause her a feeling of separation and pain. Forever having a more and more intense desire for feeling, knowing and acting as one. Similar to how the arm and head are one. Song 8:5
I go on and on because there is a proper love to oneself that is not properly selfishness.
Ephesians 5:28 So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself.
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” A proper love to self leads to one’s own self feeding their own body with food and the soul with Scripture. For they are the physical and spiritual good. As the damned in hell also are jealous for their own physical good yet with way more intensity than we do here on earth.
Okay maybe I’m rambling now.
Questions
Therefore, knowing what loves jealousy is and the nature of its degree (that it forever grows) What questions could I ask myself in order to better our relationship?
Do I have a desire for the good and happiness of my spouse?
Do I desire good things for them? Do I desire for them to be happy?
Where and when have I desired good things for them and did it before? Have I stopped doing something that I should have kept doing that was for her good and happiness?
Has the intensity of my desire for her good and happiness increased or waned?
Has my feelings for their good and happiness been progressively greater or less? What did I do to cause my feelings to get less and less intense?
What could I do in order to increase the intensity of my feelings for her?
What enflamed those feelings in the past?
What great mountains need conquering in order to your feelings to get more intense?
What foxes need to be caught so that your feelings don’t wane?
3 “Its flames are flames of fire,”
Love is like flames of fire. Here we have a comparison of love to fire. There are similarities and differences between the two. What is similar is what she has in mind. She loves him and is on fire for him. She belongs to him completely and there is no room for self in her heart for there is only love abiding and enflamed hotter and brighter like never before.
Questions
When you think of your feeling towards your spouse could you compare them to a flame of fire or more of a smoking wick?
Is there a flame burning or has it burned out? Is you love asleep and need rousing or is your flame in your heart dead and need awakening? If dead then confess you sins and think of Jesus paying the punishment for them and crediting you His righteousness, believe, repent and live a life of love as you read your Bible and obey.
Since this fire is a holy love in my heart from a Holy LORD then does my heart and life reflect that of a life of less and less sin and more holiness as what I think is a holy fire burning hotter and brighter?
4 Love is from the LORD. Love is from YHWH. God is Love and the source of all true and holy love. Knowing this what questions could we ask ourselves that would help to show that the LORD is the source of a true sacrificial love?
Question’s
Could my wife see my dependence on God for empowering me with love when we pray together? What would a prayer sound like that trusted God as the source of their affection? Do my feelings from God come with wisdom, holiness, self-lessness, humility… 2 Cor. 10″4-7. God is love and God is Holy. Feeling coming from the power and influence of the Holy Spirit will be holy thoughts and actions. Are my thoughts and actions less and less sinful?
Do I often praise the LORD as the source of my love?
Do I praise love from God in my spouse?
5 Love is unquenchable.
“Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor will rivers flood over it; “Song 8:7 Here the beloved brides fiery love has gone through my many rough waters and floods, yet her love stayed aflame! Therefore, true love is unquenchable. Knowing that love is unquenchable what questions can we ask of ourselves?
Has my love stayed unquenchable?
What has a tendency to quench it?
When a flood comes, and my love flame is dwindling what can I do to flame it up again? No trial is to great for true love. “Love never fails.“
The last and final characteristic of love is that it is unconditional or priceless for “if someone were to give their whole household for love (love received or desired) the offer would be utterly scorned!” Song 8:7
6 Love is priceless or unconditional. We see that from this verse.
“If a man were to give all the riches of his house for love,
It would be utterly despised.” Song 8:7.
In this verse we learn that love is priceless or unconditional. When talking to wives that have a hard time loving their husbands, it is often because the husband has bad and sinful habits that he has difficulty changing, therefore she won’t express feelings of love to him, thus putting a condition on her love. She puts conditions on her love rather than forgiving and moving on. Love is unconditional.
Questions
Have you put conditions on your spouse?
Have you made some sort of agreement in exchange from some expression of love when Love is free and unconditional?
She is freely his and he is hers. They give each other freely and unconditional and no motivation from fear.
What conditions can I stop putting on my spouse in order for me to love him or her?
Freely out of love, they have freely given themselves to each other when they got married but practically in life do they each and every day give themselves to the other person?
Another way of putting it is that love is priceless, therefore what can I say that my spouse would think was priceless?
What could I do that would show my love is priceless?
What could I do that would prove that you could put no value on our love??
This is such a powerful question that I hope you take it to heart above all else,
What could I do for my LORD and spouse that was priceless and that was so precious that a value could not be put to it?
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Is there any sin that you have some delight in? What is the first step you could do to delight in doing what is right and holy?
Do both of you delight in all the major truths in the Bible. As to God’s character. The way of salvation and sanctification. The biblical roles of man and woman in marriage. etc How can two walk together unless they be in agreement having the same mind on the major truths of scripture that depend on the oneness of the relationship?
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