What the Bible says about the Birds and the Bees!
Solomon’s Song of Songs is a book in the Bible meant to help us understand what love is by describing it and also letting us see it in action in the courtship, engagement and marriage of Israel’s third messianic king, Solomon and a born-again Gentile slave girl.
The most beautiful woman knew what love was because her mother taught her and she lived it out. She learned about love and physical intimacy more than likely before her breasts were formed. Solomon’s song of songs 8:8
“I would lead you and bring you to my mother’s house— she who has taught me” about love. Song of Songs 8:2
By the end of the Song, she didn’t just intellectually know what love from what was due to what her mother taught her but also by being drawn closer to the king of peace as he loved her over and over again, the experience was “better than wine.” 1:2
At the end of the Love poem, we have people who are responsible for the purity of their sister asking,
8 We have a little sister,
and her breasts are not yet grown.
What shall we do for our sister
on the day she is spoken for?
9 If she is a wall,
we will build towers of silver on her.
If she is a door,
we will enclose her with panels of cedar. Song 8:8-9.
“We” The we is in the first person, common, plural. So, who they are specifically we do not know. What we do know is that they want advice from the queen of love. On what to do with their sister when the time comes that she is “spoken for”. Some cultures consider being spoken for to be engagement and other’s marriage. They want to know what do about a little sister that they have. She is young and her breasts are not yet formed. This is before puberty. She is not spoken for or set up to be married to someone in the future.
They answer their own question. If she has protected her chastity, then the brothers will deck her with silver. If she is more of an open door, then they will take measures to better protect her. “the woman who fears the LORD should be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
It seems here that her closest family members have a responsibility for her purity. In this case it is her brothers. Blood brothers in this context. Yet if she has no family at all then hopefully he has a church or spiritual family that would come alongside her.
What they do with her depends on the kind of girl she is.
Is she a wall, then praise her and give her silver to wear.
Is she a door, then lots of rules and a chaperone for her at all times enclosing her with panels of cedar (not literally). The goal here is to find out where she is vulnerable like a door to a castle and take every measure necessary to help keep her chaste and pure.
Time to talk to her about love and the birds and the bees.
Time to talk to her about what God says about love and her body.
Time to talk to her about what the Bible says about love and physical intimacy.
See the wisdom in the timing.
The time is before her breasts are formed. Many girls get temptations and are curious when puberty hits and some may not be, but the point is that we are called to “Watch and pray” lest we fall into temptation. And better for her to have a Biblical view of her body and God’s design for it before she changes and her desires kick in. Or before she gets it from someone else.
The best things in life come to those who wait. And the devil will come by to tempt her in all kinds of ways. Trying to get her to believe lies like “it’s okay” when it really is sinful or “all my friends are doing it” well that doesn’t make it okay either or whatever lie.
Temptations to touch ourselves in sinful ways will also creep into our minds. Temptation to lust after others. Keeping both the mind and body pure and holy until the wedding night is God’s design where physical intimacy will bring the greatest happiness and closeness to your spouse and God.
She would need to know that soon she will have breasts.
Why does God give women breasts?
1 For feeding children.
2 To bring satisfaction to her husband.
“Like a loving doe and a graceful mountain goat, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; Be exhilarated always with her love.”
3 As a sign of maturity
So, she is to eat healthy for the future health of her child.
She is to wear clothing that hides her breasts because the sight of them will rouse love and lust in men before the proper time, which is forbidden in Scripture.
7 “I admonish you, O maidens of Jerusalem,
by the gazelles and by the young does of the open fields:
Do not awaken or arouse love until it pleases!” Solomon’s song of songs 2:7.
More that I wrote on Solomon’s song of songs 2:7 here.
Her breasts are for the eyes of her future husband only.
She is to be told that she has parts of her body that can only be touched by her loving husband. God wouldn’t want it any other way. When the time is right, in marriage, he can touch you in ways that will bring you some of the greatest feelings ever! But God wants that to happen in the context of marriage and not before.
“Under the apple tree I roused you;
there your mother conceived you,
there she who was in labor gave you birth.”
Bride talking to Solomon. Can’t be literal apple tree for all three places where she roused him, where her mother conceived him and the same tree where the mother gave birth to Solomon. Clearly “under the apple tree” is a metaphor for the vagina area. Where babies come from. Where she rouses up his feelings. Where conception happens.
Here is a lovely verse in the Bible explaining it so beautifully and poetically.
God makes men and women physically attractive to one another, otherwise procreation wouldn’t happen. And he makes the process enjoyable and rousing. Nothing sinful or wrong with those feelings in the proper context of marriage.
Some of the eros feelings a man and woman have for each other are the means God uses as a means to rousing to a man when he is with a woman so that babies happen.
I remember a girl in 5th grade that thought she was going to have a baby because a boy kissed her. She had watched tv and the couple was kissing in bed and the parent said, “That’s how babies happen.” She saw the kissing and thought that’s how babies happen.
The woman is designed by God to be the one who carries the baby.
I believe that even though she is young that a Godly mother could still bring her daughter to read and somewhat understand what a beautiful wedding night looks like between two virgins. This is recorded for us in the Bible which is profitable for “teaching” about love. 2 Tim 3:16.
My little sister,
Let’s look at what Solomon says to his wife on their wedding night.
8 “Come with me from Lebanon, my bride,
come with me from Lebanon.
Descend from the crest of Amana,
from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon,
from the lions’ dens
and the mountain haunts of leopards.” Song 4:8
The mountains represent emotional high points not pleasurable climaxes.
Solomon wants him and his wife to really happy over and over again until she has drunk her “fill of love.” Song 5:1.
She has not touched herself by pleasing herself and she has not been touched by a man yet. She is “A garden locked up“. See look in Song 4:12. Her being a garden locked is him speaking about her being a virgin.
The time for discovering how your body experiences pleasures to great heights is with your beloved husband.
The time to rouse your husband and him rouse you is at a time of love in marriage. “Under the apple tree” is a metaphor for the “time of love”.
“Under the apple tree I roused you;
there your mother conceived you,
there she who was in labor gave you birth.” Song 8:5
The “your” in “your mother” is masculine. So, Queen Naamah is talking to her king Solomon. Saying that at a time of love she roused him and at a time of love his mother conceived him and that at a time of love she gave birth to him. All happen under the apple tree which you can’t take literally so it is a metaphor for a time of love. So, here we have in Scripture in beautiful poetry, information about when conception happens. “At a time of love”, when she roused him. When was this? On their wedding night Song 4-5:1. When their emotions for each other where peaking and they had drunk their “fill of love.” When he showed love in the most intimate ways to her and her to him.
The time to gratify your curiosity is on your wedding night. Your level of curiosity can be filled. On your wedding night is when God commands you to “drink your fill of love.” Song 5:1.
Some things and feelings are reserved to happen with your husband sometime in the future. If you love God and want your future husband to be the happiest then don’t touch yourself now, don’t let any man touch your breasts or vagina until married. Stay a garden locked up. Your beautiful body under those clothes are for his eyes only.
It would be a great act of love to show him your breasts and make him happy looking at all of you.
“A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.” Proverbs 5:19
I suppose a woman whose breast have not yet been formed would have to be told in general about how babies are made in marriage and about her monthly cycle that is about to start so that she can have kids when she grows up.
When the time is right, she will have to be reminded that both her and her husband would want to make love somewhat frequently. And that neither one of them should deprive the other of being physically intimate with them. Otherwise, the devil may tempt your spouse to lust after another woman. So, God would want you to be physically intimate with your husband as often as needed because people lack self-control if they go too long without making love.
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Please be gracious. I am a single man that has no kids but really loves Solomon’s Song of Songs. My intent is not to be the perfect mother talking to her daughter before her breasts are formed, but rather to let you know what the Bible says.
Please, please let me know your thoughts. Especially if you are a Godly married woman.
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