Song of Solomon Meditation
Here is a video on how I meditate on the Song of Songs and the text is at the bottom of this page. It was hard to write what I do so I did a video. Particularly in how it relates to Christ and me. Our union and communion in Love. Or as it relates to growing in the experience of God’s Love. I think it better to see me doing and explaining it on video rather than explain it by writing.
I misspoke closer to the end. I said “if you fearlessly pursue closeness to God then your “earn” the mare compliment.” Or any other compliment. It is better said, “by God’s grace He will praise you” or rejoice over you.
Zeph. 3:17 “The Lord your God is in your midst, A victorious warrior.He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”
Prov. 31:28-30 “Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
29 “Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
30 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.”
In the context of feeling separated and not knowing what to do. She asks “Tell me you whom I love.” He answers “If you do not know” So He lets her know in Song 1:8. The essence of His answer is “Get your doctrine right and obey” This is how to draw near to the one you love. Chapter 1 of the Song is the new believer so she has a lot of learning/doctrines or to do and a lot of sin to repent of. But Christ promises to make her beauty. The bride of Christ wants nothing more than to be morally beautiful for her wedding day. So out of Love He will call her by His love making her more happy and holy through right doctrine and obedience (“following the tracks of the sheep and resting young goats by the tents of the Shepherds”) Song 1:8. I didn’t mention that in the video but wanted to.
A new believer ought to often meditate on chapter one!
Many Christians that love the Song think upon different portions of the Song more than others. The Book can be meditated on this way, but I believe this is not best. The best way is to really get Chapter 1 down, then move to chapter 2 still keeping in mind chapter 1. Chapter 1 is the fuel for the full understanding of chapter 2-3.
Don’t get me wrong, one can meditate on later chapter’s and grow in their love for Christ! The Song is progressive, meaning you need to learn to add before you multiply and then be able to do algebra then Trigonometry, then Calculus. So like wise Chapter 1 is the new believer, chapter 2:1-2:17 is when the believer gets assurance of Salvation as a Child then the Spirit bears witness that they are sons of God. Then the devil in Song 3:1-4. He gets them to doubt that they are saved by telling them all kinds of lies, but they fight him and win therefore becoming a Young man in Chapter 4. Then the Young man matures to a Strong young man in Chapters 5:2-8:4. Then She is fully mature in Chapter 8. So you may understand some things in the later chapters but you will not fully get them until you have thoroughly understood and experienced the love of God and communion with Him in the previous chapters.
Imagine studying Trigonometry when you haven’t learned division yet. You will understand the numbers in Trigonometry but you will not know how to put it all together. The same holds true with the Song, you may understand the text itself or the words, but how it all fits into the context of the Christian life you will not understand. As a safe bet always go back to chapter 1 because it is the Gospel and it will fuel the flame of understanding the later portions of the Song.
When I made these video’s on “How I meditate on the Song” my intention was to show and explain what I do. There is a difference in my meditation in the video and how I actually do it in my quiet time. The main difference is that in the video I kept my emotion in check by not getting to convicted of sin and not to much on the Love of Christ.
Convicted of Darkness
Had I been trying to thoroughly be convicted of sin and see myself really dark, which I do sometimes then I might have been weeping and in a broken and contrite frame for anywhere from 1 minute to 3 hours and sometimes days, just sorrowful over my sin, confessing and looking to Jesus. I did not want to be so broken hearted so my meditation in the video was more balanced. Had I done that in the video I would not be able to show you how I meditate through larger portions because I would of had to stop the video because the only thing you would have seen me do was weep and confess or sing a song like “Refiners fire” or “Nothing but the Blood of Jesus” or I would go to Psalm 51 or the like. So the video is not really how I do it at home alone with our Lord.
Convinced of His Love Greater Than Before!
Sometimes I feel as if seeing the Lovliness of Christ is so beautiful and His righteousness credited to my account and the inheritance we have in Him etc. that it brings me to dance and sing for joy!! Now why watch me dance and sing for joy in a video. My intention was to show what I do. Although, now that I think about, had I stayed convicted of my sin longer then you would see what I do, but I chose to keep my emotions more balanced for the sake of being able to go through more verses. Maybe one day I will do a video that Lord willing that leads to more thorough convictions of sin and or seeing the Beauty of Christ.
The Law is our schoolmaster leading us to a greater knowledge of the Love of Christ. Gal. 3:24 “Therefore the Law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ” NASB. So I kept my thoughts and emotions pretty even keel during the video’s, yet in real life I may go either way for hours. Either deep humbling with a broken and contrite heart for however long the Lord leads or maybe rejoicing and worshipping for hours. Or holding communion with Him by meditating on longer portions of the Song. I hope this makes sense.
- There is a flow to the Song from Song 1:2-1:17. If you go from one verse to the next as if the whole thing is one continuous meditational journey, Experiencing His Holiness then seeing your sin then confessing your darkness 1:5,then knowing your are lovely in Christ and yearning for closer intimacy in 7 to getting your doctrine and obedience down in 1:9 then you get to commune with Christ in Song 1:9-1:17 at a greater level then before!
- Then if you have your doctrine down and obedience with a clear conscience, the mediation can go further continuing on to 2:7 from Chapter 1. to the point that she passes out in 2:5-6 because such revelations of the Love of God in Christ to her are to much for her body to handle and she grows faint but is held in His loving and tender embrace. My best way to explain how to do this is Here, but the mediation is in the video.
Song 1:2 to 2:7 I believe is one flowing meditation for the mature obedient child of God. One would not pick up a book on Shakespeare and read one verse. Maybe to understand just that verse. But imagine putting that verse in context and being able to read it all the way through knowing each sentence. Only the more mature believer can do this. When meditating on the Song we must understand the verse, but still be able to meditate on it as it was meant in context. Once you learn each verse then connect one verse to the next. Then connect 3 or 4 verses then 4 or 5 and so on. The flow purifies your heart deeper so the experience of His love is greater!! Practicing this takes sometimes 1-3 hours. Yet I can practice connecting verses while I drive, stand in line at the store, or better yet talking to other Christians about how it connects. At Church or at dinner. “Talk about these things when you go out, come in, along the way, when you get up,” Deut.-
Song of Solomon 1:10“Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with strings of jewels.” Strings! I wholeheartedly believe you string the pearls together and the text and Good Shepherd leads us in how to do that. There is a connection between verses and sections that only a believer will understand. as they meditate they will get insight into the meaning of the text because it is happening in their heart, this is why being Spirit filled is so important while communing. Pearls in each verse are great, yes more than we deserve, but strung together they will put you into the 3rd heaven. 2 Cor. 12:2 You find treasure/treasures in the verse then string it together in you mind then the string of jewels, pearls, ornaments, diamonds will adorn you heart like a precious necklace of the most Glorious King adorns His bride. That’s beyond beautiful! Words can’t express how beautiful, and oh how beautiful is a string of pearls dancing in your heart flowing like like a bride and groom on their wedding day. Each step one after another, each thought one after another, each emotion guided higher, deeper, wider and longer by communion with the living Word of God through the Song to create the most garland to grace your neck.
- Now most of the time this was at night. I would hear Him coming. “Look my beloved, hear He comes, and my heart would pound” compare Song 2:9 with Song 5:4, But instead of ignoring him in the night like she did. By God’s grace I would listen and spend the night with Him enjoying the blessing of dew that He brought for me. You can sense His calling you at night, especially after the first time you listen and obey. This is His cue to me that He wants to spend the night with me. I usually do. Sometimes I lay there thinking I should go to bed. But the calling is to much and Christ is so much on my mind and intimacy is all I want so I commune with Him throughout the night. Usually by meditating on longer portions of the text, connecting them. He leads us through the Song like a Shepherd leading His sheep. This has happened over a dozen times with me. He calls me sometimes out of my sleep. I trust He will give me energy for the day and he always does. I used to wonder why Jesus would pull an all nighter. Luke 6:12 “One of those days Jesus went out to a mountainside to pray, and spent the night praying to God.” I believe there are to many distractions during the day and to much on our minds. We need or at least I do, I need an hour or so to really be able to commune with my Lord at the level that my heart desires. This can only happen on a day off or throughout the night.
- I meditate on multiple verses in a flow if there is one. Yes, there are great precious and valuable jems in each verse. Enough to feed the hungriest soul forever, yet I believe those gems are shinier and much more precious and nourishing when thought about in the larger context of whatever section of the Song you are in.
- Why night time? Okay, night time is not necessary, but completely alone time is. No distraction whatsoever, no worries like vacation time, not going to worry about anything else but you and the One you love. Intimate time together. So why night time?
- Distractions of the day cloud our minds and judgement. It’s the only time we can generally be alone with no distractions in our thoughts. In the Talmud a devout Jew was not to be distracted during prayer even if a snake where to bite him. Though I think they went to far, but the point is to not let anything distract us. Even Jesus wanted alone time with His Father for a whole night. The distractions of the day cloud our minds. We need daily washing of our feet. Yes, we are clean but we pick up dirt. “Oh Lord, Sanctify us Lord with your Word (John 17:17), Your Song is Truth and sanctifying like no other. Cleanse our hearts as we commune with You through Your love letter to us.” This cleansing that the Song does from one verse to another can only happen as I see it, unless you have extended amounts of time alone. So it takes a while to clear the mind and have it thoroughly washed by the Word.
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“Let them be one, as we are one” John 17 Christ is pleased to be alone with us for longer periods! What husband doesn’t want extended alone time with His/his wife whom he loves Imagine spending a honeymoon with your hubby and all your friends for the day and only an hour with your husband at night and 30 minutes in the morning. This is why we take Sunday off. I agree, but better yet if the Lord of the Sabbath spend a night alone with His Father when called to, then why shouldn’t we. The Proverbs 31 woman is so busy that 31:18 “her lamp does not go out at night.” and “15 She gets up while it is still night” Would it not be a sacrifice to wake up even an hour or two earlier every now and then. Wouldn’t this be intentional sacrificial love? Wouldn’t our Lord be pleased with that kind of selfless love? and let her know He delights in her love by letting her enjoy union and communion with Him at even deeper level? I know some of you out there are doing this, but I say this to those out there that are not doing this. And you single guys out there have no excuse whatsoever! Im not saying everyday or even every week, but if you are yearning and panting as deer for water in a desert then spend a night alone or wake up way earlier or pray and maybe He will wake you out of bed or maybe your whole plans for the day get canceled by His sovereignty and that’s your cue to spend time with Him. Oddly enough I had a full day once when a friend needed me, but I told Him if my day opens up I will be there for him. The day before half my clients canceled and by morning all of them canceled, so I helped my friend. What I am saying is that our Father through our Heavenly Bridegroom does wants longer periods of alone time with His flawless unique bride sometimes.
- Although I take Song 5:2-3 metaphorically speaking as “spiritual lethargy” Song 5 in a literal sense could be the Lord calling you to commune with Him at night and we are to lazy to get up out of bed. Song 5:2-3 “I slept but my heart was awake.
Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my darling,
my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
my hair with the dampness of the night.”
3 I have taken off my robe—
must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
must I soil them again?” One thing I have learned about the Song is that it is about closer intimacy. This is one of the many ways of getting it. It up to you if want to go get it.
1 Solomon’s Song of Songs.
(Our prayer to God to experience His love, we speak)
2 “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the young women love you!”
(His Love draws us and we pray with earnest desire)
4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.”
(Saints an angels in heaven speaking)
“We rejoice and delight in you;
we will praise your love more than wine.”
(The Bride thinks)
“How right they are to adore you!”
(Christians confessing sin, us speaking)
5 “Dark am I, yet lovely,
daughters of Jerusalem,
dark like the tents of Kedar,
like the tent curtains of Solomon.”
(Feeling rejected and judged by God, we speak)
6 “Do not stare at me because I am dark,
because I am darkened by the sun.”
(Her testimony of slavery to Satan and sinful past)
My mother’s sons were angry with me
and made me take care of the vineyards;
my own vineyard I had to neglect.
(Feeling Separated and not knowing what to do yet wanting to be close to God whom we love, we pray)
7 Tell me, you whom I love,
where you graze your flock
and where you rest your sheep at midday.
Why should I be like a veiled woman
beside the flocks of your friends?
(Jesus Christ answers her prayer by giving direction on how to find rest and nourishment for our souls, by learning right doctrine and obeying)
8 If you do not know, most beautiful of women,
follow the tracks of the sheep
and graze your young goats
by the tents of the shepherds.
(Jesus Christ compliments the moral character of His bride in metaphoric language)
9 “I liken you, my darling, to a mare
among Pharaoh’s chariot horses.
10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings,
your neck with strings of jewels.”
(Jesus Christ promises to make her more holy, morally beautiful and lovely)
11 We will make you earrings of gold,
studded with silver.
V. 12 sets the context of Song 1:9-17 “Delightful loving communion with Christ in His presence”
12 While the king was at his table,
my perfume spread its fragrance.
(We highly value Christ and see Him more beautiful than any other being)
13 “My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
resting between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
from the vineyards of En Gedi.”
(Jesus Christ see’s His Love and Delight in Us and says)
15 How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves.
(Our response to Him after His compliment)
16 “How handsome you are, my beloved!
Oh, how charming!
And our bed is verdant.”
(This communion or dwelling place of our minds with Christ is firm, luxurious and made possible by the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ the Lamb of God)
17 “The beams of our house are cedars;
our rafters are firs.”
Chapter 1 of the Song is about
- Never stop asking God to let you experience His Love in Christ over and over again.
- Getting your doctrine right and obeying! Although I am not of the westminster faith. I wholeheartedly believe that if you know all of their shorter catechism and obey it then you will grow closer to God quite quickly. “Let us hurry” to learn and obey! Shorter Catechism is here with verses you must learn this!
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Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.
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