Watch the short video or read the notes or both. The longer video is at the bottom of this page.
Never stop asking God to experience His Love through Christ!
Song of Solomon 1:2 “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth for you love is more delightful than wine”
Doctrine: Experiencing God’s love through a mediator of transcendent excellency is better than any other experience.
- The Song as a whole is about growing in our Love for Jesus Christ as we experience His love through greater and greater degree’s the outpouring of His Spirit in our hearts.
- The Song of Songs starts off with the bride thirsting for greater experiences of God’s Love through king Solomon in Song 1:2-4 to a position of overwhelming satisfaction in his arms Song 2:5-6!
- She has tasted and experienced His love and now she desires to live in an abiding sense of His Love. She wants Solomon to kiss her over and over again. Meaning she wants to experience his affection over and over again. Throughout the Song she experiences God’s Sweet Flame of love Song 8:6 through king Solomon who possessed unmeasurable wisdom.
- God let me experience your love over and over again, more and more because experiencing your Love and loving You and others is better than anything other experience.
- Let me experience your love in purifying me and making me more holy. Romans 8:28-29 and Song 1:10-11
- Let me understand that He loves me the sinner, let me have the signs of His Favor and Grace. Let Him show me His love and me return my affection. Hallowed be thy Name!
- As the Father kissed the returning prodigal son, so “Kiss me as I return to you”
- Here we experience the love of Christ in that
- It doesn’t require us to be perfect, we go to Him as sinners and accepted by the Father not because we are good but because Christ covers us with His righteousness, we are accepted in God’s beloved Son.
- “We all like sheep have gone astray” like the prodigal son but since God’s love is a Gracious, Tender and Merciful Love it draws us nearer and nearer to Him (Jer. 31:3) and experiencing that love in marriage to the greatest type of Christ to have ever lived is “more delightful than wine” better than any other experience.
- Here we experience the love of Christ in that
- Let me experience your love in knowing my sins are forgiven.
- You can think of all your sin then think of Christ paying the penalty for them all. In this way we understand Christ’s love for us in forgiveness. Love overlooks a multitude of sins. Intimacy in marriage can’t happen if either spouse can’t forgive. Its as if the bride knows she is sinful and will sin and knows her own rebellious heart and wants to experience love, grace and forgiveness from someone able to overlook the worst sinner.
- Let me know and give thanks for all the physical and spiritual good you do for me.
- Let me be thankful over and over again for you loving hand of discipline.
- Show me what you are like because I am happy and joyful when I know you better.
- Let me experience your covenantal promise keeping love.
- God makes promises of Answering prayer, forgiveness, making us more holy. Think of all the ways God has been faithful and remember He is faithful because of His Love.
- Let me experience what God sent His Son to do for His bride for Christ works all things together for the salvation and sanctification of His bride by the experience of His Love over and over again to greater heights, depths, breadths and lengths.
- Here we think of God’s love in Sending His Son to die for sinners. Who does that who sends their son to die for sinful evil people? God does!
- Also out of Love He works all things for their spiritual good. God intents to draw everyone closer through the Good times and the bad.
- Let me understand and feel the Love Christ has for me over and over again at greater heights, depths, widths and lengths as His Name becomes more precious, delightful and valuable to me.
- Let me behold You more and more beautiful by seeing you greater and myself as I ought to, because you revealing yourself to me is more delightful than any other pleasure. Psalm 27:4 and Psalm 63:1-5
- Psalm 136 Helps us understand how God loved Israel
- Let me experience Your Love, Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness because You made Him who knew no sin, to be sin for us, so that He might become the Lord our righteousness.
Love desires affection from and the strictest union with the object of it’s affection.
In the text we see her:
“Desire for closer intimacy expressed in prayer.”
The lowliest unworthy slave girl is asking the greatest Most Glorious King of King to kiss her. Normally the servant kissed the feet of the Sovereign. And it was a great honor to kiss the hand of the Sovereign. But for a King of Kings to kiss an enemy slave girl needing redemption would be the greatest act of Love, humility and condescension! See the height or greatness of His Love. See the depth of it! She could ask for no greater undeserved gift of love. And she wants it over and over again! A kiss on the lips is a personal relationship. Friends may get kisses on the cheeks, but a kiss mouth to mouth is in a one to one personal relationship.
The sinful enemy slave girl was asking Solomon to show her affection over and over again. Solomon will love her and in so doing she will experience the Love of God through him, the mediator and king to whom peace belongs. Jesus Christ is the Mediatory between God and man, we experience the Love of God through Christ! So ask for it always, seek the experience and knock and the door will be opened to you!
- For the sinner continuing in sin.
- For the saint fallen back into sin.
- For the believer continuing in obedience.
- To the sinner continuing in sin. I urge you by the tender mercies of God to beg God to forgive you for your sins. Know that you deserve Hell the lake of fire, the second death. Know that you are a lowly unworthy sinner asking the Greatest King of Kings to demonstrate His Love to you by forgiving all your sins, no matter how bad or how long you have continued in sin, the blood of Jesus Christ is sufficient enough to cover all of them and cast them away as far as the east is from the west! Confess your sins to God. Tell Him all your sins and believe God would be just to punish you. Then think upon Jesus and know that the Wrath of God was poured out on Him instead of you. He bore your sins in His body on the cross for 3 dark hours and then said “It is finished” he felt the punishment you deserved. Then trust that God gives you the perfect righteousness of Christ as a gift so that He can treat you as if you lived the life of Jesus the Son of God. Repent of the old life and draw near to God. He will draw you by His love as you ask Him to reveal Himself to you in His Son. Ask Him daily to show you His love over and over again! And never stop asking!
To the saint that has fallen back. Confess your sin. Think about how far you have fallen, go back to the works you did at first! Repent for Jesus is coming soon, be ready like a bride waiting for her groom. Christ cleansed the feet of the disciples, so He also desires to clean your heart. You know better, you have had light and truth. Strengthen the truth that remains in your heart by obeying it. What you had was taken away, and you have fallen. Jesus came to save sinners like you! Go to Him, His Name is Savior, he will save you from a life of backsliding and sin. He will save you from your sin. Jesus saves sinners. He came to heal the sin sickened soul!
- To the obedient Christian. Thank Jesus for forgiving you! Glorify Him now. Had it not been for Him showing you His Love and grace you would still be continuing in sin. Thank Him! and then ask for more and greater experiences of His love. Do not stop but run all the more faster. Be unstoppable in your pursuit of an even more closer relationship with Christ you Lord. Help others who have fallen! And when you don’t sense His Love open your mouth all the more wider begging for a greater experience of His love. And if you are abiding with joy and delight then ask for even greater than you can think or image. He is a great God, all you need is a little faith in a great God!
To all, we must learn this lesson:
Never stop asking to experience His Love through Christ!
Practice asking God daily to reveal His love to you and for you to experience it in greater degree’s. Both understanding His love by thinking of all the ways He loves us and delighting in Him for who He is and how He loves us. This is experiencing His Love. As you ask for this you will get convictions of things you need to do or things you need to repent of. Do them and you will experience His love like never before. Keep asking until it has become part of you and your daily life. Once this asking and receiving has become a habit then move on to experiencing the Love of God in the next verse of the Song. You must do the asking and receiving always and never stop. Get more and more hungry for the experience of His Love, this will honor Jesus Christ!
Longer video on lesson 1
Commentaries for further understanding on Song of Solomon 1:2
THE INITIAL PURSUIT AND SATISFACTION
This section is the key to the whole book. All the spiritual principles are contained in this section. It foreshadows all subsequent experiences. The lessons that follow are not new; rather, they are old lessons repeated in a deeper way.
The spiritual experiences in the first section are smooth and easy. The first consecration and revelation always appear to be smooth and easy. However, this consecration and revelation may not be very dependable; there is the need for these experiences to pass through the fire. This section foreshadows the spiritual experiences that are coming. After this section, everything will be tested until it becomes real. The first time a person experiences something, the impression may not be very deep; the second time, the experience may be more advanced and more sure. Yet the second experience may not be as sweet as the first. In the end the experience is the same as that which was encountered at the beginning; the banner is still love.
The experience in this section is equivalent to the “Path of Light” in the book Spiritual Torrents; it is also equivalent to the “revival stage” in the book Four Planes of Spiritual Life. Our personal experience can surely testify to this.
I. YEARNING for Christ (1:2-3)
Verse 2 says, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.” The kisses that one seeks after here are different from the kiss of the Father upon the neck (Luke 15:20). That kiss was a sign of forgiveness, and everyone who belongs to the Lord has received that kiss already. The emphasis in the Song of Songs is the love relationship between the believers and the Lord. As such, forgiveness is an implicit fact. Therefore, there is no mention of forgiveness. The Song of Songs does not speak of how a person turns from the position of a sinner to the position of a believer; rather, it speaks of how a believer turns from a position of thirst to a position of satisfaction. We must remember this fact before we can understand the way the book begins.
After a person is saved, we do not know how long it takes before there is a longing within him. However, we do know that a longing arises when a saved person is awakened by the Holy Spirit and begins to seek after the Lord.
Because the seeker is full of hunger and thirst, her mouth spontaneously utters, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth.” She does not say who “him” is. But in her mind, there is only one “him”; it is the One she seeks after. Prior to this, her relationship with the Lord was general, and she was deeply dissatisfied with it. Now she hopes to have a more personal relationship with Him. Therefore, she longs for a “kiss,” which is a personal expression of love. No one can kiss two people at the same time. A kiss is an expression of a personal relationship. Furthermore, these kisses are not on the cheek, as were Judas’s (Matt. 26:49), nor on the feet, as were Mary’s (Luke 7:38, 45). They are the “kisses of his mouth,” a sign of personal affection. A general relationship can no longer satisfy her. She wants a personal relationship which no one else has. This inward urge is the beginning of all progress. Spiritual edification can never be separated from a pursuit that is based on hunger and thirst. If the Holy Spirit has not put a real dissatisfaction with a general relationship and a pursuit for personal affection within a believer, he can never expect to have an intimate experience of the Lord. This pursuit is the basis for all future experience. If we do not have such a hunger and thirst, we will only have a poetic song, and it will not be the Song of Songs.
1:2. “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth; for Your love is better than wine.”
These opening words are abrupt, and presuppose that the aspirations of the Church are not unknown. They evince fervent longing for closer manifestations of the love of Christ. Evidence of its nearness is sought. A familiar term gives reality to the desire. “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth.” This act is the outbreak of the warm feeling of a loving parent–of an affectionate brother–of a tender spouse–of a devoted friend. Where love is ardent it thus finds vent. The Church pants to be assured that she has a saving interest in Christ; that His feelings are real and strong, and seeks delight in manifested proofs. She desires to live in the abiding sense of this interest.
Many are the methods of this revelation. In the hours of meditation the Spirit withdraws the veil, and exhibits the Redeemer’s heart. In the pages of Scripture He leads to persuasions of this love by the lessons of indisputable facts. Why does Christ assume our nature, put on the rags of mortality, condescend to represent us as bone of our bones, and flesh of our flesh? Why does He lay down His life to buy us from perdition? Why does He work out a perfect obedience to be our robe? Why does He reign at God’s right hand, causing all things to work together for our good? Revelation gives the reply. Love prompts Him–love carries Him through the whole work. On every step is inscribed, “He loved me, and gave Himself for me.” Clearly to see these blessed truths is to receive the kisses of His mouth.
The spouse, in this dramatic poem, is here first introduced addressing herself to the bridegroom and then to the daughters of Jerusalem.
I. To the bridegroom, not giving him any name or title, but beginning abruptly: Let him kiss me; like Mary Magdalen to the supposed gardener (Jn. 20:15), If thou have borne him hence, meaning Christ, but not naming him. The heart has been before taken up with the thoughts of him, and to this relative those thoughts were the antecedent, that good matter which the heart was inditing, Ps. 45:1. Those that are full of Christ themselves are ready to think that others should be so too. Two things the spouse desires, and pleases herself with the thoughts of:—
1. The bridegroom’s friendship (v. 2): “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, that is, be reconciled to me, and let me know that he is so; let me have the token of his favour.” Thus the Old-Testament church desired Christ’s manifesting himself in the flesh, to be no longer under the law as a schoolmaster, under a dispensation of bondage and terror, but to receive the communications of divine grace in the gospel, in which God is reconciling the world unto himself, binding up and healing what by the law was torn and smitten; as the mother kisses the child that she has chidden. “Let him no longer send to me, but come himself, no longer speak by angels and prophets, but let me have the word of his own mouth, those gracious words (Lu. 4:22), which will be to me as the kisses of the mouth, sure tokens of reconciliation, as Esau’s kissing Jacob was.” All gospel duty is summed up in our kissing the Son (Ps. 2:12); so all gospel-grace is summed up in his kissing us, as the father of the prodigal kissed him when he returned a penitent. It is a kiss of peace. Kisses are opposed to wounds (Prov. 27:6), so are the kisses of grace to the wounds of the law. Thus all true believers earnestly desire the manifestations of Christ’s love to their souls; they desire no more to make them happy than the assurance of his favour, the lifting up of the light of his countenance upon them (Ps. 4:6, 7), and the knowledge of that love of his which surpasses knowledge; this is the one thing they desire, Ps. 27:4. They are ready to welcome the manifestation of Christ’s love to their souls by his Spirit, and to return them in the humble professions of love to him and complacency in him, above all. The fruit of his lips is peace, Isa. 57:19. “Let him give me ten thousand kisses whose very fruition makes me desire him more, and, whereas all other pleasures sour and wither by using, those of the Spirit become more delightful.”
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.