20 Principle of love “the very Flame of the LORD” in courtship.

First I will give the principle, then you can see how Solomon and his bride to be lived out that principle in thought, words, emotions or actions in the verse.  And then below are further explanations of the text for better understanding.   How each one in courtship applies these principles may vary quite a bit.

Do they both have a right understanding of love.  Love is strong and will unite or draw two closer.  Love’s jealousy is cruel as the grave.  Love is unquenchable and is priceless.  Song 8:6-7.

1.  No selfishness or waisting God’s time.  No courtship or dating if you think you have the gift of singleness.  Song 1:2-4,  But if you desire someday to be married then guys ought to be asking firmly established Christian women they are attracted to out on dates or coffee to get to know them better if they don’t already and girls ought to accepting.
2.  Godly character is number 1 in a potential spouse.  Even though she wants him to kiss her over and over again in a private place when the time is right.  The main reason she wants him is due to his good reputation.  His “Name” or character was sweet and his Love to God was praiseworthy Song 1:2-4
3.   Principle of holy character again.  Do the friends of the two of you approve of each others character and courtship? Song 1:4
4.  Both must be saved.  Do both have a solid testimony and be growing? 1:5-6  Both must love God.  Principle of love.
5.  Do not stare at each others current and past sins or further oneness will not happen! Song of Songs 1:6.  Her sunburn and the stigma behind it were the remnants of her past sinful life which can be know but you can’t say that two cant be married or date because of their past sinful life before Christ.  Love.
6.  A.  Closer intimacy in getting to know them.   Always wanting to grow in the knowledge of your spouse.  Not just more knowledge but more and more sensitive information is shared.  At whatever pace each feels comfortable. The intimacy or knowledge of and affection for the other grows and intensifies.  A desire for closer intimacy must always be wanted by both and at the right pace in order for a blossoming courtship.  All throughout the first 3 chapters this principle is at work in an unstoppable manner due to the very “flame of the LORD” Song 8:6 being in both of them.  Love.
7.  B.  Both must have Love the “very flame of the LORD” in them. Song 8:6
8.  She asks the one she loves 1:7, he answers 1:8 with wise advise.   Can he listen and give wise advise? Song 1:8   He tells her how to get what she wants.  She asked and he answered.  When her fear of drawing near is overcome by her understanding his love to her then she willingly desires for him to shepherd her closer to him.  When the time is right in dating the woman can ask the man to sharpen her as “iron sharpens iron“.   Leading her spiritually will be his job and here she gets a taste of it before marriage.
9.  Is there a mutual desire for closer physical in its time and spiritual intimacy.
10.  Solomon admires and recognizes her beautiful moral character.  Her fearless pursuit of him because of his godly character was approved of and delighted in by Solomon 1:8-15. God would want you both to be fellowshipping, enjoying one another, delighting in the Lord and each others Godly behavior 1:9-2:6.  In Song 1:9-11 Solomon is praising her noble character as a husband is supposed to do.  Prov. 31:28-30
11.  Is there an attraction? Song 1:10
12.  “We will”   Its good to have other’s helping in the process.  Song 1:11
13.  Does she see him as valuable, precious and worth dying for in order to have him close to her heart  Song 1:13?
14.   Do both have their doves eyes fixed on each other or is there someone else more important?  Here their eyes are fixed on each other and they are immensely enjoying it.  Do you both have eyes focused on the one you love Song 1:14-15?

14. Can he or the tow of you together provide a firm stable home?  Financially, is he able to stay out of debt or is he climbing out of debt but still able to provide both physically and spiritually? Song 2:3

1. Does she enjoy and feel safe under his leadership and protection Song 2:3?  Can he lead, provide and protect?
2.  During courtship, do you continue to want closer intimacy and further expressions of love from the one you are courting Song 2:4-6?
3.  Are there boundaries being set?  Is there a guarding of your heart?  Song 2:7
4.  There’s a time to propose, when all is right and the rains are gone and flowers appear.  He needs to time the proposal  Song of Songs 2:10-13?
5.  Is there open productive sincere communication Song 2;14?
6.  Can you work together and resolve issues biblically Song 2:15-17?
7.  Is he charming and are you attracted to him? Song 1:16  (put the charm on out of love at the right time and place, not to soon and not to much)

“Women are to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. ⁴ Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, ⁵ to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.” Titus 2:4-5

1. Context and Background of the Song.

The Context of the Song of Songs is a time of the greatest spiritual world revival ever.  The king to whom peace belongs brought revival to all the nations. The land was flowing with milk and honey. Solomon’s army was matchless.  His wisdom unmeasurable and as a lesser Christ Matt. 12:42 he reflected the glory of Christ better than any other type during his reign on the throne of God as king of kings in Jerusalem.  All the enemies of God did the work outside during Solomons reign. The Shulamite worked outside Song 1:6 so she was sunburnt and was an enemy of God in slavery by people who weren’t her near akin relations.  Her mother’s sons where the Israelites!  They were enemies. 1 Chronicles 8:8  Then she gets God’s love in her “the flame of the LORD” Song 8:6 and she desires to have a close intimate relationship with her king in marriage.  And thus the Song starts with her expression her most delightful desires.

It is also important to notice that the love they share in this conjugal relationship is the “very flame of the LORD”.  Meaning only believers would compliment and highly value holiness which consists in Love to God.  They have communion in holiness. They both delight in each other’s holiness.  The moral beauty or excellency of the heart.  Someone without the “very Flame of the LORD” in them would not delight in true holiness like the couple in the Song.

1. Verse:  Song of Songs 1:1-4

Explanation:  She desired to be married. She wants to be married to the king because of “his love” is more delightful than wine.  But if either party believes they have the gift of singleness then don’t date at all!!

Advice: Do you desire to be married in God’s timing (Song 2:7) to a godly person?  Some people are meant to be single.  If you have a desire to be married then get married to a godly person.  If you have no desire for marriage then don’t date or court at all.

Do you want to be married?  Courtship is for those who desire marriage but engagement hasn’t happened.  Love desires the strictest union with the object of its affection.  That union is most strict in marriage.  God would want both to desire marriage, some desire singleness and don’t want to be married. No sense in spending time getting to know someone of the opposite sex in a “dating” context if you have no intention for marriage, fellowship is good and okay but not courtship or dating. Song 1:2-4

2. Verse SS 1:2

Explanation: It’s his character or holy “Name” that is pleasing to her like pure oil poured out.   Solomon’s character is expounded on in Song 5:10-16.  Solomon possessed infinite wisdom and knowledge, he was desired above all other men. Song 1:3

Advice: Do you desire marriage to a godly person because their Christlike character or name is pleasing to you like perfume being poured out?  A proven Christlike character is a must.

The Husband/king should have a godly character worthy of praise and rejoicing in. She like all the rest of the single ladies loved Solomon primarily because of his godliness and experiencing his love was better than wine and his name was like perfume poured out? Song 1:2-3  It was his unmeasurable wisdom that God gifted him with along with many other things about his character that drew her affection out for him.

Also.  She desired physical intimacy because of his good reputation. “His name was like perfume poured out. What woman wants intimacy with a man who is unfaithful, selfish and prideful? Her heart would get broken and her feelings hurt over and over again.  The Love Song has levels of intimacy.  The first one was them getting to know each other outside of dating.  The Second is them increasingly arousing each other’s affections for one another in dating.  The next deeper level of closeness is the proposal.  The next is the time of engagement.  Then wedding, wedding night and marriage life.

3. Verse: SS 1:3-4

Explanation: The friends in verse 1:4 “Rejoice and delight” in Solomon because of his holy character his name is like perfume poured out.  So many wonderful promises came with the name which means king to whom peace belongs.  It was a world wide revival.  And Solomon was king of kings and Oh “His Love is more delightful than wine”.  Solomon was humble and prayed for wisdom.  He was not selfish, he loved God and His people Israel therefore the people and friends rejoiced and delight in Solomon’s love more than any other earthly pleasure because really it was God’s love through Solomon, the “Very Flame of the LORD” Song 8:6 that tasted so good, it was more delightful than wine. Song 1:2.  Other’s rightly rejoice and delight in Solomon for who he is and what he has done.

Advice: Do other’s rightly rejoice in who the husband is and what he has done?  Do the friends of the two of you approve of each others character? Is their Christian character approved of by other believers/friends/pastors?   In a biblical marriage both should have “the very flame of the LORD” in them. Song 8:6.  Meaning that both are walking in obedience.  It is advised as well to not date anyone in Church discipline because they are continuing in sin and may not be truly a Christian.  Matthew 18:15-20

Song of Solomon 1:5-6

4.  Verse: Song 1:5-6 “Dark am I, yet lovely”  “My own vineyard I have neglected.”

Explanation:  The sunburnt bride tells her testimony to the daughters of Jerusalem.  She admits her sunburn and that she was an enemy of God (compare 1 Kings 9:20-23 with 2 Chronicles 8:8 and her working outside and being in slavery was because she was being treated like a prostitute outside a covenant relationship with God. Song of Songs 1:6-7

While she was an enemy to the kingdom of God and His king, the Shulamite gets born again. Compare Song 8:6 love is “the very Flame of the Lord” with her already experiencing God’s love the very flame of the Lord through Solomon.

Advice: Do they have a solid testimony?  The point her is that she gives an honest accurate testimony.

The bride to be regretfully recounts her past sinful life as an enemy of God in slavery by her mother’s sons who took no delight in her to the one she loves.  They hated her and were angry with her and made her take care of the vineyards.  She worked outside and got sunburnt.  Having a sunburn carried a certain stigma with it.  Not only that she was of a lower class but that she was an enemy to the kingdom of God and him who sat on the throne in Jerusalem.  Now while having that sunburn, I assume she heard about the coming messiah and put her faith in Him to save her from her sins.  Then wants to marry the king  Song 1:2-4.  She is a new born believer, looking like an enemy of God with a sunburn to tell the whole story of a past sinful life.  But now she is changed, she has a new heart Ez. 36:26, Song 8:6.  She runs into the daughters of Jerusalem and they see her sunburn and she says “Dark am I, yet lovely”  yes I was an enemy and I am sunburnt and dark, yet I am lovely also.  Sunburnt meant you were evil, like someone continuing in sin, like prostitutes Song 1:7.   Though they have every right to judge her by outward appearance only, she cries out “Do not stare at me because I am dark/sunburnt darkened by the sun”..

5.  Verse: SS 1:6,8 “Do not stare at me…”

Explanation:  Here is the main principle of Love.  It desires the strictest union with the object of it’s affection.  In context they are only courting so the word love in the first 3 chapters is one of a brother, sister, friendship love with a desire for a closer love relationship, Lord willing.  Provided he doesn’t “stare” at her because of any past or current sins.  Obviously two can’t become more one easily if someone’s always judging the other based on their “sunburn”.   Her sunburn is the effect of a past sinful life of neglecting her vineyard/God given duties so she was enslaved and needed redemption before the “very Flame of God” united her to king Solomon, the lesser Christ, but the greatest reflection of Christ so far.

Advice: Do not stare at each others sins, past or present. If either one judges the whole person based on the some sins that are in the others persons life, then there will be no moving forward!! This is key because many people see a person on one date and come to a conclusion as to who the person is. Don’t jump to conclusions.  Well, if they have been around church for a while and others know them, use all the info to come to a better conclusion for the good or bad!  “Stare” at the new creation, not the old one popping up here and there!  Now if they are continuing in sin without godly sorrow, repentance and faith in Jesus Christ then pause, pray, get help.  But do not move forward if either one is staring at the other judgmentally. Deeper intimacy in the courtship will not happen if there is not forgiveness in the hearts of both.

Song of Solomon 1:7-8

Solomon, the Lover, Speaks

6.A  Verse 1:7  Closer intimacy must always be wanted by both in order for a blossoming relationship.

Closer intimacy must always be wanted by both and at the right pace in order for a blossoming courtship.  All throughout the first 3 chapters this principle is at work in an unstoppable manner due to the ver “flame of the LORD” Song 8:6 being in both of them.

Yes, she feels as if Solomon may reject her because she is a descendant of David’s enemies and was an enemy outside the flocks of his friends in Song 1:6. But Despite fears of rejection she still pursued or drew near the one she loved because his name was like perfume poured out Song 1:3. She asks where could she find him and how could she get closer to him in Song 1:7.  He lets her know that he could be found in 1:8  She follows his instruction and they meet in 1:9 with him praising her noble character.

Notice that Solomon does not push her away or stare at her sunburn which was a result of her sinful past.  He overlooked her baggage and unredeemed flesh and tells her to follow the tracks of the sheep and rest under shepherd tents.  He told her how to get near him so she could be near to the one she loves.  Where do you graze your flock and rest your sheep at mid day?

6. B  Some more advice

She wants to be near him in 1:7 then he tells her how to get near!  Song 1:8

7. Verse:  SS 1:8

Explanation:  King Solomon was also a shepherd of sheep also Ecclesiastes 2:7.  But notice who he is shepherding?  It is the Shulamite, Solomon is giving her advice in Song 1:8 and then compliments her for following it in Song 1:9.  They have their roles down even in courtship.   The husband shepherds the heart of his wife to be.  How are you shepherding skills?  She wants to be near him and find rest Song 1:7.  He tells how to be near him 1:8 and the he compliments her noble character in 1:9

The husband must have heart shepherding skills.

8.  Verse Song 1:8  Mutual desire for closer spiritual, religious intimacy.  And more physical intimacy Lord willing and at the proper time.

“Do Not arouse or awaken love until it desires.”

Explanation:    In verse 7 she cried out to her lover and wanted to be where he was.  He lets her know how to get close to him in verse 8.  She is to 2 things and find rest thereby.  First she is to “follow” the tracks of the sheep and “find rest” by the shepherd tents. She clearly wants to be near the one she has affections for.  In the course of the courtship people will help out to get the two of you closer. Friends, family, parents, older brother, another brother or sister in the Lord, pastors etc.  Here the woman asks her shepherd king lover how to get close to him in verse 7.  He tells her how in verse 8, she speedily obeys, he compliments her noble character in verse 9, says she is beautiful in verse 10 and promises to make her more beautiful in verse 11.

Mutual meaning that in Song 1:7 she asks the one she love.  She loves him, the one she asks the question to.  The one she loves answers back most delightfully and with compliments.  “If you do not know most beautiful of women”.  Now I suppose there is a right time to compliment her beauty and a right manner.

Not distant and insincere but as close and intimate as a brother and sister in Christ could get.  Iron sharpening iron etc.  Song 1:8

So here in verse 7 she wants to be closer and in verse 8 he tells her how to get closer.  Spending more time together, near one another was a mutual delight in this blossoming relationship.

Advice:  If one person doesn’t want closer intimacy then there is no blossoming courtship.  If one doesn’t want to keep going in the relationship then it must be ended or the problem dealt with. Work together on overcoming the issue in a Biblical manner or end the relationship.

9.  “To me, my darling, you are like
My mare among the chariots of Pharaoh.”  Verse SS 1:9 

Explanation:  Verses 9-11 go together.  Solomon is complimenting his bride to be’s fearless and swift pursuit of him like a mare in battle.  It was noteworthy, praiseworthy and the most beautiful thing about her.  And then everyone involved in adorning the bride with more beauty promises to make her more beautiful in Song 1:11

Here Solomon compliments the bride to be.  She is fearless and swift in her pursuit of a closer more intimate relationship with Solomon because his name was like perfume poured out and since he was the greatest type of Christ living the experiencing his love would be more delightful than wine.  Song 1:2-4

A woman ought not to fear drawing near to a Godly man who character is known to be Christlike.

If you read them apart our out of the context of 1:4 to 1:11.  First she had experienced Solomon’s love and want more and more of it. She doesn’t want to waist time getting closer in 1:4, she gets over her fears and asks the one her heart burns for how to get near him in 1:7, he tells her how in 1:8, its like they are having a conversation that ends with him telling the one he loves to “Follow” and “find rest”, so she does.  Solomon then compliments her character as she obeyed his voice and “followed the sheep” and found “rest” near him the one she loves in Song 1:9.   Solomon uses an illustration of a horse in battle for her king.  Both the outer appearance and inner heart attitudes are being praised here, for what good is a timid horse in battle.  She is fearless.  What good is a slow weak horse in battle?  What he see’s as praiseworthy is her swift powerful words and actions that were consisting with what God would want her to do.  God would want her to listen to her shepherd.

Understanding the king of peace to be gracious and loving, he/He would overlook her sin and not reject her.  Even though she still had a sunburn which gave all who saw her the impression that she was an enemy of God.  Solomon does not treat her like a prostitute continuing in sin and worthy of rejection Song 1:7, this is Love and Grace that can’t be bought, and , she is fearless in her pursuit to get near to Solomon so she follows the tracks of the sheep and rests her young goats by the tents of the godly shepherds.  In so doing Solomon sees her as fearless, beautiful and swift pursuit.  They meet and he compliments her character like a good husband praising his wife.   He likens her character to a “mare harnessed to pharaoh’s chariot” (honorable position, fearless in battle, beautiful, swift, valuable, best of the best, persistent)  Solomon is praising her noble character in accord with Proverbs 31:28-29. Knowledge of Solomon’s love (1:2) cast’s out all fear of being despised (Song 1:7).  Really, this is God’s love in Solomon that she see’s and wants to experience over and over again.

Advice:  If both parties have the Love of God in them then there should be no fear of being rejected because of current or past sins because anyone having the love of God in them will be forgiving and gracious.  Forgiveness is a big one in marriage, you will be sinning against one another time and time again yet less and less often as time goes on and you become more one with God and each other.  Do both of you have a forgiving character?

The fear here is a fear of punishment or harm.  If a man has love in his heart, talks and acts loving then the woman will not fear harm from such a man because his desire is for her good because he loves her.

True love casts out fear so if the man is of a godly character and is attractive to her she ought not to fear drawing close to him.  True love is based on the subjective character of a Christian man and a subjective feeling that casts out fear.  Romance and charm is important but character is first and foremost.  Attraction means that either you want to get closer or you don’t want to get closer.  If you don’t want to get closer, then is it a Biblical reason or some rule you came up with on your own.

“If you see a beautiful woman and are attracted to her. You may take her as your wife.”  Dt. 21:10

10. Verse Song 1:10

He says “Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with strings of beads.”

Her cheeks are lovely.  Her cheeks are beautiful and so is her neck.  Both are beautiful with their precious adornments.  Attraction.  Her beauty and adornments captivate his eye.

Is there an attraction?  Her cheeks and neck are beautiful with earrings.  This is like a statement at dinner when she got ready for the first date and she is beautiful and the suitor compliments her.   A nice gesture to let her know what he thinks of her.  Not that her external beauty is the only thing a man looks at, for character is #1, which he compliment in the previous verse, but there has to be an attraction.   In 1:9 it was her character and in 1:10 it is her external beauty as well.  She is altogether beautiful both inside and out.

In a spiritual sense

Explanation:   He says “Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with strings of beads.”   If you compare Song 1:10-11 with Prov. 1:9  and Prov. 6:20-21; 7:3; you will see that what Solomon is saying about her beauty is that her listening to and obeying the commands of God which are compared to “a garland to grace you head and a chain to adorn you neck.” Also, in context the “Jewel” that makes her beautiful in Song 4:9 is the one glance his direction when Solomon wanted her to listen to him.  Not only did she listen but lovingly obey.  She asked a question in 1:7 he gave instruction in 1:8 and she listened and obeyed and that made her precious in his sight.  This is what steals his heart away.  This one act of obedience is one of the many acts of obedience on her necklace. And it is what God wants her to do, God would want her to listen to her husband.

In between wanting to be near Solomon and following the tracks of the sheep and resting her young goats by the tents of the shepherds she “wrote the commands of God on her heart and bound love and faithfulness around her neck”  so Solomon says these are like Jewels making her morally beautiful and lovely!

Advice:  To the man, are you seeing and complimenting her use of the word of God in her life?  To the woman, is he complimenting your Christian character?  Some guys may be slow to this, but if they read the Song and know their role then they should start doing this.  Maybe not as beautifully as Solomon did, remember he was the wisest man who ever lived, but he should be getting better at this.  This will encourage you to gather more jewels of virtue thus adorning your heart with a most excellent beauty!

11. Verse  Song 1:11 “Your morally beautiful, we will make you more beautiful”

Explanation:  If the suitor has the flame of God in him and is wise like Solomon he can promise to make her more beautiful more holy!! Song 1:11.  This is the role of the husband reflecting how Christ’s love sanctifies the Church.  Eph. 5:25-32  The greatest degree of holiness is where the bride will be the happiest, therefore the husband does all he can to help her grow closer to God.  And here Solomon promises to make her more precious, valuable and beautiful to him by sanctifying her by the Word of God.  Notice also the “We”  All who are involved with her beatification promise to make her more beautiful, holy, to make her more morally beautiful!!  One of the main roles of a husband in marriage is to sanctify his wife and present her blameless before Christ Eph. 5.  Here, Solomon has just complimented her inner beauty and now basically says “I will make you more beautiful” more and better Jewels he will make for her good and God’s glory.  What confidence not arrogance.  The suitor should have the skills to help the bride to be grow in her relationship with God.  Not only should he have the skills but it should be his greatest delight to do this through his selfless sacrificial love and words that are sweeter than honey.  This iron sharpening iron should be somewhat happening in the courting phase.

Advice:  To the woman, if you are morally beautiful and he is helping you become more beautiful then he will be a good spiritual leader in the family.  But if this is absent in courtship then it will surely be absent in marriage.  Also, if your courting is limited due to your parents choosing then it is advised to see if there has been someone else he has been discipling.  Another man perhaps.  If the one he has be discipling has benefited from his guidance then that is a good sign. Eph. 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

Attractiveness can and may not include good looks or beauty.  Every woman is beautiful to one degree or another.  But If beauty is the only and primary thing you look at in a future wife, then your not saved.  If she is saved and your attracted to her then great.  But if she is godly and your not attracted to her and don’t want a closer more intimate relationship with her then move on.  She may be a great godly woman and be absolutely beautiful but you may not have any attraction to.

12.  Verse Song 1:12-14

Explanation:  After getting a taste of who he is and what kind of person, do you see him as valuable, precious and close to your heart?  After Solomon’s compliments she is being wooed closer.  She feels him to be precious and valuable to her “myrrh”.  His word of encouragement and promisee to make her more beautiful make her feel him to be most valuable and precious to her, because she wants to be holy.   His words are beautiful and refreshing to her soul like seeing gorgeous flowers in the dessert. He is speaking directly to her heart thus he is as one resting close to her heart/bosom.  You have to remember she was an enemy in forced labor (1 Kings 9:20-21 with Song 1:6) and now she is seated at his table!

Advice:  To the woman,  Do you see his spiritual leadership as precious and valuable to you? and is he the kind of man that can make you more morally beautiful and keep his promises in better or worse times til death do you part?

13. Song 1:15-16 “Doves eyes”

Explanation: She has doves eyes and so does he Song 5:12.  Doves don’t have peripheral vision. They only look straight ahead.  They also are the symbol for love.  They also only have one mate for life.  Her eyes are focused only on Solomon.  He is the perfect husband, king of kings, infinitely wise and loving.  What girl would take her focus off a man like that?  Now even though we don’t have infinite wisdom, but he should be the only one she has eyes for.

Advice:  Only have eyes for the one you love.  Have doves eyes.  If your mind and eyes are on other women or men then this is a fox that needs to be caught.

Also note that she compliments his looks and character.   Handsome and charming!! Verse 16.  Put on the charm in courtship but not so heavy when in the “getting to know you” phase.  When and how much you should do depends on timing, degree of intimacy in conversation.  His words should be edifying and can be sweet to some degree in courtship but the husband ought to lay it on more after engagement and then in marriage it just gets sweeter and sweeter til she thinks his lips are “sweetness itself” after marriage in Song 5:16

14.  Song 1:17 “The beams of our house are cedars..”

Can he provide a firm stable home?  Financially, is he able to stay out of debt or is he climbing out of debt but still able to provide?  “our house”  Their dwelling place was luxurious, valuable, most desirable for its purpose “cedars”.   The best foundation.  Their mutual “our” dwelling place or places are cedars.   Their physical dwelling place had certain characteristics about it that are similar to our spiritual dwelling place.  The two can still work and make a living.   Can you live together without going further into debt?  Courtship may be a time for figuring out that between the two of them both him and her can they stay out of debt.  Oh, no debt but the debt of love.  If the woman continues spending money and going into further credit card debt before marriage what will they do in marriage.

Solomon during courtship is letting His bride know that she will be safe and well protected and provided for, for their dwelling place was cedars and their rafters were furs. By statement of fact.  I take this statement and Song 2:15 to be mutual.  Meaning that in Song 1:17 the context is “our”.  Our house.  In his chambers.  The majestic cedars were the foundation of their house.  i believe the scene is where lets say after their first conversation, he takes her into his chambers and points out the glory, majesty and beauty of it.  “The beams of our house are cedars our rafters are firs.”

For the covering of their dwelling place is firs.  Animal skins used for a reminder that the Wrath of God was averted and their sin atoned for to all who believed these to be types of the messiah.  Adam and Eve were saved from their worthless works by a substitute that God provided who dies in their place in order to be properly clothed in the righteousness that comes from God by faith.  God promised to send someone who would destroy Satan and crush his head.  It sure would look like Solomon was the messiah because of the peace that he brought among the nations would give indication that Satan was being destroyed at a descent rate as God’s Kingdom rule through Solomon spread to all nations.

Fellowship or communion with God through Christ.  She had faith in the coming messiah and so did Solomon. How do we know they both had faith.  Faith like Abraham who God said a truth, or a promise or likewise and the hearer believed God.  At this point they are credited “righteousness” by God Gen. 15:6. They also both shared the “Love of the LORD”  the “Flame of the LORD”  In them.  Which meant both a knowledge of God and love to him was what was in the heart of Solomon and his bride.  Song 8:6  “Our house”  What was on his mind?  What was on her mind?  Particularly their idea of God.  The oneness of their minds depends on “Doctrine” in the mind.

Love God with all your mind.  In order for the dwelling places of their minds to be on the same page.  Particularly Doctrines of God and what it all means to be in a Covenant relationship with Him and a right Biblical view of marriage.  All of these are intellectual information, which alone can’t save.  But where true Knowledge of God and Love to Him exist in the heart,  Higher truer ideas,  The Glory of God in the face of Christ upon the heart as we behold His Beauty.

Love with the heart is to love God with religious emotions.  Holy Emotions.  Holy Feelings that match the holy thought.  Humility of mind,  Right ideas of God, our relationship to Him and a proper heart response.  Our thought of God, or our idea of God and His idea of Himself must be the same.  What God thinks of Himself and what we think of Him must be the same.  We are commanded to have a right idea of God. They never will be exactly the same because God’s idea of Himself is infinite therefore our idea of Him will forever grow closer but never reaching the fullest most perfect infinite knowledge of God.

15.  Song 2:3

Explanation:  He is a tree, strong, mature and able to provide comfort in times of much needed shade.

Advice:  Does she enjoy his leadership and protection? and is she comfortable in his shade because he can provide and his words sanctify her and are sweet to your taste? God would want the man to enjoy leading the wife and the wife enjoy following. In 2:3 she delights to sit in his shade, this will only get better in marriage. But if sitting in his shade is not delightful and comfortable then don’t move forward until it is!  If this is going on now as brother and sister, iron sharpening iron, then it will surely happen much more in marriage and wouldn’t you want more of that?  You have to have whats going on in chapters 1-2 in order for the beauty of chapters 4-8 to happen!

16. Song 2:4

Explanation:  By now she is wanting Solomon to take her to the banquet hall and announce his love to her like a banner over her. Similar to an engagement party.  He does and it is all to much for her and she faints and falls into his arms!

Advice:  The point here is that she wants him to express his love to her more and more.  She is wanting closer intimacy.  There may be a point in the relationship where one or both do not want closer intimacy either physically or spiritually.  “Foxes”, Song 2:14,  may be ruining this courtship from blossoming and moving forward. Obviously if either party is not wanting closer intimacy for any reason then more of a separation will happen and not stricter union.

17. SS 2:7  “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires”

Explanation:  Love is a beautiful thing in the proper timing and contexts.  A father loves his son.  A friend loves a friend.  A Christian brother loves a Christian sister.  Love not sinful lust.  Within love is a desire for the happiness of the object of your affection. The man loves the woman.  The Christian man ought to put her greatest holy happiness first, which should be holiness and love to God in purity of body and mind until marriage.  She was created to glorify and enjoy God forever by loving Him and enjoying obedience to Him.  His commands are not burdensome.  Which includes keeping your desires for one another Biblical.  I chose this video because the male keeps making advances but she is never ready yet.  In the Song 2:10ff, Solomon advanced and she retreats, but they work it out.

Advice:  Are you setting physical boundaries? Would holding hands cause either person to lust in their mind?  Would certain clothing cause lust.  Staying up late alone? Would certain flirtatious words or looks cause the other to lust?  Sinful lust in the heart is adultery of the mind. Mat. 5:28.  Don’t go to far to fast physically and emotionally!! Are the friends helping out with this through prayer and accountability?  No sex before marriage.  Each one should be striving to make sure that no one does anything to stir up lust before the proper time.  “By the gazelles and does of the field.” This is beautiful!  The buck follows the doe until she is ready.  The buck does not arouse her affections for mating but waits til the proper time, which in nature is when God has preplanned it and no sooner!  When the time is right and the doe is ready, it’s a rule of nature by God’s design for a beautiful marriage.

Guard your heart from lustful thinking and also all your hopes of future marriage must be Lord willing and not be expected or felt you deserve it or have earned it by doing good.  Your thinking of the future needs to always be with a Lord willing attitude. James 4:13  “Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” 14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.”  Taking a future, non real thought and acting/feeling as if it has happened is coveting.  Your love is then awakened before the proper time and now it is sinful.  Taking something to be your own wether real or imaginary is not consistent with truth, but fanciful imaginations.  Are you a prophet?  Of course not so don’t think or say “We will, we will do this, we are going to do that, “spend a year there” “make money” etc.

18. SS 2:10-13 “The Proposal”

Explanation:  “The proposal”

Doves not only coo but they do not have peripheral vision.  Their eyes are straight forward on the one they love.  Do you have eyes only for her and her for you?  Doves have eyes for her alone?

Timing.  Propose when love in in the air.  “Flowers appear on the earth”  this is a reference back to “Lily” Song  2:1 and “blossoming” of Song 2:15 meaning that she is beautiful, morally excellent and growing in spiritual maturity, beautiful flowers are appearing.  Morally beautiful things are happening, a godly relationship is blossoming in all kinds of ways like flowers appearing on the earth.

Sadly she turns her face away after his proposal because she has issues, “foxes” is the metaphor used to describe anything wether sinful or not that holds the relationship back from God’s intended purpose. There are foxes that she can’t catch, but soon they work it out together, because Solomon loved to hear her voice and see her face. So she communicates her feelings to him and they agree together to catch the foxes.  This is where communication, patience, love, working things out together etc. is tested, so it looks like wisdom to at least have one good fight to see how each person deals with conflict before the engagement of 2:16

Advice:

1 Here Solomon waits for the proper timing.  “The season of singing”, not fighting. “The cooing of doves” Solomon and the slave girl are cooing (video), batting of eyes, sweet glances, sweet words or text messages, all caught up in each other, skipping/stotting (video).  Imagine Solomon like this going to proposes to a woman who’s parents were enemies of his father David. 1 Kings 9:20-21

Doves not only coo but they do not have peripheral vision.  Their eyes are straight forward on the one they love.  Do you have eyes only for her and her for you?  Doves have only one partner.

2  Has the closeness and intimacy increased in a holy manner.  “Flowers appear on the earth”  this is a reference back to “Lily” Song  2:1 and “blossoming” of Song 2:15 meaning that she is beautiful, morally excellent and growing in spiritual maturity, beautiful flowers are appearing.  Morally beautiful things are happening, a godly relationship is blossoming in all kinds of ways like flowers appearing on the earth.

3  Make sure before engagement that major foxes that could destroy the relationship are taken care of.  Both being established Christians that aren’t living in the same habitual patter of sin and believe that they get to heaven not by their own works but Christ’s works applied to their account.  Is age an issue.  Would the father disagree if she is young and still under the care of her father?  What if he wants to be a pastor and she doesn’t want to be a pastors wife?  What if he is not clean or smells? What if she is a virgin and he has had multiple women before, maybe she can’t handle having a man with a past like that?  There are deal breakers/foxes.  It’s in the getting to know you process these things will come  up.

19. Song of Songs 2:14-15 “Open Productive Sincere Communication”

Are the secrets out in the open that may affect the relationship? In the song she is hiding and not opening her heart to Solomon then she opens up! This opening up helps the courtship to blossom, the things that are keeping the relationship from blossoming are called foxes. Are you working these out together “”catch for us”, thus destroying the foxes! A fox is anything that is keeping the courtship from moving forward like sinful past, insecurities now, cultural differences, fears etc. Are you both able to solve conflict in a biblical manner? and in a way that each of you grow closer to God and each other?

20.  Song of Songs 2:15

Explanation: God would want each of you to be destroying the foxes that are ruining our relationship with God and also the foxes that may be ruining the courtship! In 2:15 there’s two vineyards that are being ruined by the foxes. The courtship may not be blossoming because either one may not be having a blossoming relationship with God!!  Grow closer to God and you grow closer to each other and the courtship will blossom. Which brings us back to 1:2-4. She is desiring a closer and closer intimate relationship with a godly man, Solomon. If either person is not feeling like becoming more and more intimate with each other in God/s timing of course, then by all means either wait or end it, because things are going to get far more intimate in marriage!

I wouldn’t say this was a fight, but there were some issue on her part and they worked it out.  Are you able to work your issues out biblically where both of you grow closer to God and each other?  It may be nice to have waited till you have had some disagreements to see how you are able to resolve these, you will have much more of them in marriage.

Advice:  Are you working together and desiring for all the foxes to be caught? so as to have the closest most intimate relationship blossoming both physically and spiritually with the one you love?

If Yes, then move to 2:16   “My beloved is mine, and I am his”  Solomon is hers and she reciprocates.

1 SS 2:16 Yeah!!!!! Praise the Lord they are engaged!!!

After the

21.  Verse 3:1-4  “Nightmare turned dream come true or not, its up to you!”

Advice:  Now make sure you keep doing all the above or the nightmare will happen, you will lose the one your heart loves!!

Explanation:  The enemy, slave girl, was in hard forced labor with no chance of Redemption ( “to this day” 1 kings 9:2o-21) other than the Kings kiss of friendship is now engaged to her dream king of kings, redeemer, friend, lover, wisest shepherd of her heart of a husband and now she has a nightmare that she has lost him.  She lost him because she noticed him gone one night and didn’t do anything about it, “night after night”  Almost all to late she goes about everywhere trying to find him whom her heart loves….Song 3:1-4

All night long on my bed
    I looked for the one my heart loves;
    I looked for him but did not find him.
2 I will get up now and go about the city,
    through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
    So I looked for him but did not find him.
3 The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
    “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
4 Scarcely had I passed them
    when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
    till I had brought him to my mother’s house,
    to the room of the one who conceived me.”

In the nightmare she gets tempted to believe that her beloved is gone, perhaps she forgot His promise of 1:11, or doubted his love (she was an enemy before Song 1:6, ), or doubted his faithfulness.  It was true he was hers.  She got her prayer request partially answered, in promise to marry, she had given herself to him as well.  Pride may have set in because she was an enemy now exalted to the highest table with the king of kings, with knowledge and wisdom beyond measure as her husband.  To fast, to high of a quick exaltations will be the perfect recipe for spiritual pride, to think you are something when you are not.  She was an enemy apart from Solomon’s kiss.  She was  Pride would stop her “Let us hurry”  attitude of 1:4 and slow it down to a pause and rest in her pursuit because of the promise that her dreams will come true, no more pain, no more sorrow, no more hard labor, finally rest and satisfaction.

She goes to the watchmen, maybe because she thought an enemy had taken her lover away from her.  If Solomon was not where she thought he would be in the night.  If peace is not in your heart in the night, then you will think you have lost the one your heart loves.  No peace, joy or happiness  hmmm if gone then so must he be gone.. oh, what a dreadful lie, you can’t have emotions in a made up story in your head, it’s not true.  The truth is Solomon promised and he was a man of his word, plus he had every resource imaginable to keep it, both physically and morally due to his unmeasurable wisdom.  ( I take this as Solomon’s first wife and he sanctifies her before he sins with his harem and worships other God’s later in his life

In the nightmare she finds him after she passes the watchman it’s their job to look over Jerusalem, protect it from enemies and take care of the people. And you wake up and it would have all been a dream, he was there all along, you just had a nightmare.

Other Notes

1. Godly couples that are dating will find the Song to be very encouraging because they would be applying principles of courtship from the wisest man who ever courted a woman.
2. Solomon is the example for courtship and marriage.  Solomon was gifted with perfect wisdom so Solomon does nothing wrong in the relationship so the man courting the woman does not have to be perfect like Solomon but he should be striving and growing in wisdom like Solomon.
3.  They don’t meet til 1:8.  She gave her testimony of her past as a slave girl needing redemption Song 1:6 and only knows of Solomon by way of her being in his kingdom.  If you could possibly approve the character of each before the first date.  This is not an absolute but wise if possible.  I believe getting character approval before you meet to be best, but not necessary.  There is no order to the process (except for cultural and/or customs).
4. If you were to go through all of this I am more than sure that you will be confident that the person you are with is the right one that God wants for you. And conversely, if something is not right then put a caution flag on some things and if you can’t catch the foxes then either end it or don’t get engaged yet.

If all is going on then get married if not then wait, pray and fast and God will make it clear what to do and if you are growing closer to Him then your prayers one way or another will be answered!!

Much more could be said about dating from other verses in the Bible also, but I wanted you to at least get the gist of what the Song says about Biblical Courtship.  Stay posted and I should have more later.  God Bless!!

Let me know your Biblical dating experience HERE

Getting to know you phase

Before courtship is the getting to know you phase.  Either at church, outings or spending time together in an appropriate setting to see if you would like to pursue marriage.  Pursuing marriage is like courtship. One of the reasons you are together is because both would want to keep spending time together and want the relationship to move forward.

Things to learn about the one your interested in are…

Age

Where they grew up.

When dating were they on time?  This helps with faithfulness.

Can they keep a job?

What they do for a living?  How long?

Mother or Father.   Are you like them in any way?

Are their culture differences or customs?

Are they a member of a church?

Where they married before?

Do you both have theological views that are the same as Scripture especially in regards to the Character of God, Salvation, sanctification and marriage?

Favorite verses and why?

Like and dislikes in regard to food, restaurants, places, cities, countries, churches.

What they like to do in spare time?

What would they do with a billion dollars?

What are you most thankful for?

If your house was on fire and there was one thing you could take out, what would it be.

Group activities are good in the getting to know you phase.

A chaperone is optional.

Other notes

Principle of life and courtship.

1  Purpose.  Purpose is for our good and God’s glory.

2  Authority.  Supremacy of God and Scriptural principles in all our relationships.

3  Love.  Know what love is so that you can recognize various different manifestations of it in your courtship and marriage.  Song 8:6-7

4 Purity.   Where do we see purity in their courtship?  1:11, 8:,  Holy love.  Love not lust.  Love not infatuation.

5 Holiness.  His name was like perfume.  Holy.  He had a good reputation before God and man.  “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” 2:6, 3:5, 8:4.  Love is sovereign.

6 Wisdom.  Wisdom is seen in the words they say.  Wisdom is seen in the things they do.  Wisdom is seen in the timing of the proposal.  Wisdom is seen in his skill to draw her closer.

7  Faith.   She believes the promises of the coming of Israel’s 3rd Messiah.  “His name is like perfume poured out.”

8  Humility  “Dark am I yet lovely.” 1:5  “My beloved is glorious yet rudy/humble”  Song 5:10

9  Leadership.   His leadership should be holy and valuable to her thus his “head was like pure gold.”  Song 5:11

Flirting.  Flirting for the purpose of arousing lust is sinful.  Saying something nice because someone is worthy of it is Biblical.

A cup of coffee means no commitment.  Only brother and sister and friends not enemies.

Girls can initiate conversation with a brother.  A natural sister and brother can talk so can a brother and sister in Christ even with no interest for a closer relationship.

Both the man and the woman ought to set boundaries in dating.  After getting to know someone and now you are getting to know them better then boundaries must be set.   They do this together which means as the wise leader the man should ask the woman what her boundaries are.  Some girls are very sensitive to touch so they won’t even want to hold hands or accept of front hug and want a side hug.

Identify the right objective.  What girls should aim at looking for in a guy?  Wise leadership skills.  Looking for a guy who has a plan or ability to control his finances.  Money is one of the biggest issue in marriage next to communication.  Temporary planned debt for school may be okay but a guy who has more and more credit card debt may not be wise.  Choose a wise godly man that can provide.

If you want to know that he truly loves you then see does He love Jesus and does he have the love of God.

True Love does have temporary huge pitfalls.  Just because they are a Christian or a man after God’s own heart doesn’t mean the he won’t commit adultery.  David was a man after God’s own heart and committed adultery and murder but was truly sorrowful and repented.

No dating a guy or girl who is continuing in the same habitual pattern of sin which is the same as someone who is in-between the 2nd and 3rd step of church discipline  Matthew 18:150-17.   Most churches don’t practice discipline sinning members as the Bible teaches,  but If a brother was in sin and someone confronted him in private and he didn’t repent and then the 2nd step is to bring a second person and they still won’t confess and repent of known sin then why would any godly woman want to be with a man who even after being confronted by two believers still won’t repent.  Imagine a marriage where your husband will not repent of Gambling, drinking or whatever.  Continuing in any sin will bring about more disharmony and disfunction in a marriage than sweet love and harmony.

Get rid of your unbiblical list.  He must be tall.  Not Biblical.  He must have been homeschooled, not Biblical.  He must be rich, not Biblical.

Spiritual Questions during the get to know you phase.  Before emotions are aroused.

1  Can you remember a time in your life when you were born again?  How did that happen?  No one is born with the Holy Spirit.  The Holy Spirit of love enters the heart when a non believer believes.  John 3:3, 7, Ephesians 1:13.

2  Do you read your Bible?  How’s your prayer life?  As a brother to a sister you can ask these things and then as iron sharpens iron you could help each other with these things.  In this way the woman also gets some idea of his shepherding skills.  Can he shepherd her heart in the things of God?

3  Do you believe in Hell?  Do you believe you deserve Hell for the sins you have done?  Love is a flame.  Love is a flame that gives light.  Light to the mind.  Love illuminates the mind as to the truths of the Bible and the Gospel which includes hell.

4  Do you believe God is the Authority in life and marriage?  And the Bible to be His Word where we get guidance on how to live a life and marriage pleasing to Him?

5  Have you shared truths about Jesus and the Gospel with your family members?  How is that going?   If they haven’t then a true Christian with love in their heart will repent and share the Gospel with the people they love the most.

6  Do you believe Jesus is God, God’s Son, the Second Person of the Trinity?  John 1:1-3, 14

7  Do you believe Jesus is the only way?  John 14:6

Step (sort of) in the “Arousal”  phase.

1  Getting to know them

2  Loving each other as brother and sister and friends not enemies.  Loving each other as co heirs to the kingdom and fellowshipping as co heirs and brother sister.

3  Loving each other as shepherd and follower.

4  Loving each other in getting rid of the foxes because sometime during steps 1-3 no matter how fast you go through them and even if some are skipped is okay.  But all main foxes or excuses must be caught or destroyed and no longer be a problem.

For all kinds of good Biblical sermons on dating by other pastors go here

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