Lesson 6 “Do not stare

Verse

“Do not stare at me because I am dark, sun scorned.  My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me keep their vineyards.  My own vineyard I have neglected.”  Solomon’s Song of Songs 1:6

Context of the verse

The young sunburnt born again Gentile slave girl wants to be married to Israel’s newly anointed Messiah.  He takes her to his chambers and all the Jews rejoice and delight in their new king and promise to praise his love more than wine.   She recognizes the moral uprightness of their delight in him and praise of his love and says, “No wonder they praise your love.“

The sunburnt slave girl doesn’t look like the fair skinned holy Jewish women who grew up in the holy city of Jerusalem. They were staring at her as if she didn’t belong in the kings chambers, but thought she should be out working in the hot sun as all Gentiles did during David and Solomon’s reign.  Yet she was no longer a Gentile in heart but a Jew at heart due true love and faith.

She gives her testimony as to her sinful past, to the Daughters of Jerusalem as to why she is sun scorched and regretfully confesses her sin of neglecting her own God given duties.  “My own vineyard i have neglected.” 1:6

What is going on here is that even though she looked like someone who hated God on the outside she was someone who loved God on the inside and loved God’s Messiah, Solomon, because of his holy name 1:3.  So she wanted to be accepted as a Jew in heart but not judged by the fair skinned Jews by her sunburnt outward appearance.

A major theme of the Love Song is not only that of two people getting closer and closer.   But is also about the Gentile bride getting closer to God’s holy people the Jews.  The daughters of Jerusalem.  This would have come as a shock to most holy Jews who loved God because Gentiles were generally unholy and didn’t know God so it would seem like the most unheard of thing for a holy Jewish king to get together with an unholy Gentile. Yet our sunburnt Gentile slave girl is born again and is holy and loves God therefore the union would be appropriate and would foreshadow God’s future plan for both Jew and Gentile to be one under The Messiah, Jesus Christ.

Her request is for them to not judge her by outward appearance but by the affection of her heart for the king of peace and his holy people.   Another way she could say it is “Do not stare at me...”  but rather accept me into your fellowship because I was a sinner but now I love.

She is now a friend of the king and not an enemy due to true love to him being in her heart 8:6, and she wants to be treated in a way that is consistent with who she is on the inside and not be stared at.  So she asks the daughters of Jerusalem to not stare at her as if she can’t be one of them.

Her darken and sun scorched skin is a consequence of her past sinful life.  Having sun scorched skin was a sign that you were a Gentile and should be working the fields and not a Jew, who was promised peace and rest in the promised land.

David was the father of Solomon.   The Gentile slave girl would have grown up with the current Messiah, his father David, having a righteous hatred for because she hated and didn’t love God.  The fact that she “neglected her own vineyard” 1:6  was proof of her previous rebellion against God.

Example in today’s time.

This would be similar to Ben Ladin’s daughter wanting to be at true peace with holy Jews.  This would be possible on if Ben Ladin’s daughter converted to Judaism and truly loved God.  Here we would see the power of love to unite and bring peace between enemies.  Would the holy Jews accept Ben Ladin’s daughter into their fellowship and go to temple together?  She would probably get a funny look from the Jews, they would more than likely stare at her.  Similar to how the daughters of Jerusalem were staring at the Gentile slave girl.  The Jews could still have a love of benevolence to the Gentile but not a love of complacency because their hearts were opposites.  A true Jew in heart worshiped YHWH when a muslim would worship a false God.  How can the two walk together in agreement when one worship idols and the other the True God?

Love doesn’t think evil of their spouses condition, qualities or actions.  1 Cor. 13:4-7

For a whole lesson on judging and censuring other’s click here By Jonathan Edwards.

Seeing what love is in this text according to Song 8:6-7

1  Love is powerful

2  Loves Jealousy is cruel

3  Love is a flame above all other flames

4  Love is priceless

5  Love is also unquenchable.  The unquenchability of the bride’s love is not really seen in this text but is seen overall throughout the Song.

The power of love.

The main reason Solomon wrote the song was for us to get a right idea of love.  Love is powerful Song 8:6.  So in this text can we see the power of her love on display?  How?  Where?

1  The power of love to cause us to think right and good.

2  The power of love to break down seemingly impossible barriers between opposite people groups.

The power of love to overcome the greatest stigma’s and barriers of separation.  The power of love to unite enemies.  Do you feel as if you and your spouse are on opposite sides?  Get a right idea of love and then love your spouse for herein is power to unite and bring about peace.   Keep the bond of peace through love.

The power of love to overcome the greatest stigma’s and barriers of separation.

3  The power of Love to keep her holy and morally beautiful in a difficult situation.

Love has power to keep us holy in thorny situations and trials.   Here is a trial of her faith and love in a hard situation.  She is a born again Gentile being stared at by holy Jews.  What will she do?   Solomon is watching and later compliments her loving behavior in a thorny situation and called her “a lily among thorns” 2:2  and she is beautiful and holy under the difficult trial.    Thorn are representative of situations that test our love to God and other’s.   We will respond with holy emotions in times of difficulty?

4  This power is above human ability alone to have and do for love is “strong as death” Song 8:6

A non believer and a believer are polar opposites.  One is a friend of God and at peace with Him.  The other is at enmity with God and lives as a friend of the world.  James 4:4 “anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.”

Holy Jealousy

A holy jealousy is a desire to have what’s is rightfully yours but is not currently in your possession.  To not have it is a cruel feeling.  The love of the daughter’s of Jerusalem rightfully belongs to her because in her heart she is one of them.  But the daughters of Jerusalem are having a hard time accepting and loving her because of her sunburn which reminds them that she is a sinner and a natural born enemy of God and His people.

One of the purposes of the Love Song is for us to get an idea of Love.  Loves “Jealousy is cruel like hell fire.”  Song 8:6

So I ask the question “Do we see the woman or the daughters of Jerusalem in pain or suffering because they don’t have what belongs to them due to their sharing the love of God in their hearts?”     They don’t have a mutual delight in each other and I suppose the fact that the holy fair skinned Jewish girls were staring at the sunburnt Gentile girl could easily cause a painful and cruel feeing inside her.   It doesn’t make her happy to be stared at and judged so she does her part in telling them her testimony and sincerely confessing her sin so that they will accept her and not stare at her so that they all could be happy because she now loves them.

She wants what it says in Psalm 133:1

Psalm 133

What is she jealous for?  What does the sunburnt Gentile desire?  For them to not stare at her!   Imagine having a love for God and seeing other’s that have a love for God but they stared at you as if you weren’t one of them.   She is a true Jew in heart and wants to be treated like one.  This is what she is jealous for and will get it because she really does have a holy love and faith in her heart.

She has a holy jealousy for their fellowship and acceptance.   Their acceptance is rightfully hers.   She should be accepted and not stared at.  It would hurt her heart to not be accepted.  It would be a cruel feeling to have the love of God in your heart and not be accepted by His people and be one with them.  A holy jealousy desires what belongs to it. A sinful jealousy desires what doesn’t belong to it.

It’s out of this desire to not have that cruel and horrible feeling inside that she does her part so she could have the fellowship she desires with God’s holy people.  Thus they get closer together.  It’s the cruel feeing inside that drives her to do what it takes to get what rightfully and properly belongs to her and what she wants.

The reality and thought of being separated form God’s people is painful and cruel to her like being separated from the Love and Grace of God that’s not sensed by the people in hell.

A sinful jealousy is desiring something that isn’t yours and doesn’t rightfully belong to you.

Im having a hard time seeing the unquenchabiltiy of her love here in this text.

Love is priceless.

Can you put a value on someone who loves you and doesn’t think evil of you?  Could you put a value on a love that forgives and is patient?  Could you put a value on someone who isn’t patient with the baggage or remnants of a sinful past that you bring to the relationship?

Application

Both

1  Love thinks no evil of the object of it’s affection.  “Thinketh no evil”  1 Cor. 13:4-8

To think of her as who she is not would be to think evil.   To think of her as a sinner would not be consistent with truth.  For the daughters of Jerusalem to think of the slave girl as an enemy would not be true.  She is born again and loves God and is on their side.

To think of your spouse as anything other than who they are in Christ is to think evil of them.

Make sure you don’t judge someone based on their past, the young Gentile slave girl is born again with an unquenchable and most powerful love in her heart 8:6.  She is a new creation, holy and blames in the eyes of God.

Do not think your spouse to be a non believer but a co heir to the kingdom.  For if you stare at them as if they were your enemy then the two of you won’t be able to get closer.

2  Be friends not enemies.   Be on the same side.

3  Confess you wrong.  Notice that when she wants to be closer and accepted that she confesses her sin.  Be the first to confess your sin and lack of love and respect.  It’s sad to see couple blame the other person.  You can’t change them, but you can do something about your own pride, selfishness and unbelief.

a  Say your sorry if you are.

b  Tell them specifically what you did.  (She neglected her vineyard.)  “I didn’t listen”  I didn’t pick up my socks.   I spent to much money.   I haven’t dated you in a while and Im sorry.   Be specific and confess what you did wrong.

c  Tell your spouse what you intend to do next time.  I promise to do my best to pick up my socks.   I promise to look you in the eye and listen to you next time.  I promise to take you out Saturday.

d  Trust that Jesus Christ paid the penalty for your lack of love.  Trust that God caused His Son to suffer on the cross for you lack of love to God who says to love your spouse.

e  Dark am I and prone to wander, do not just look at my darkness and Judge me.  Look at my darkness and know that I have been forgiven and washed clean by the blood of Jesus Christ.  How often do we just look at someone’s sins and then make them out to be other than they are because we aren’t seeing their loving actions as well.  Forgive your spouses unloving actions and don’t be angry with them and delight in their love, for dark they are, yet lovely on the inside.

f  Love is not of a censorious spirit.  A censorious spirit consists in a disposition to think evil of others.  To think evil of 3 things.  Their condition/state, good qualities and  good actions.

Condition/state =  That they are forgiven, that they are a child of God, that they are a co heir to the kingdom.   Gentiles were not forgiven, not children of God and they had no right to the peace and rest God promised the Jews in His Kingdom in the promised land.

For Christians

Accept the new believer into your fellowship no matter what their outward appearance is!  How can they get closer to you or you get closer to them if you stare and judge them based on outward appearance?

Know that Jesus has forgiven you.

Know that Jesus loves you and will forgive all your sins if you confess them and also believe that He suffered the punishment you deserve for disobeying God.   You should be punished but since He loved His Bride he suffered in her place.

Yes, we have baggage and have some remnants of a past sinful life still in our hearts, thought, feelings, words and actions but Jesus still treats us as a child and will discipline those he loves to becoming more and more holy and beautiful on the inside.

Lessons so far on how to get closer to the one you love.

1  Make sure that the other person feels as if being loved by you is one of the most delightful experiences.  Solomon’s Song of Songs 1:2, 2:3, 4:10

2 Have a better and better reputation so that the thought of your name is sweet to your spouse. 1:3

3  Be on the same page, run together and don’t waste time getting closer to someone who is trustworthy and like Jesus Christ.  1:4   Work together on the same goal/s at the right pace, for how can two run together unless they be in agreement.

4 See, Delight and Praise Love

Lesson 5 Humility and Love in Marriage