Love in marriage goes through cycles. There is one big cycle of becoming one, then you have smaller cycles or phases within the big one then you have microcycles within each phase.
Macro, Meso and Micro cycles in the Song of Songs.
Macro cycle
Macro cycle includes all 3 phases or cycles of learning how to be more one in marriage. From this perspective you can get an overall idea of how to reach oneness. A bird’s eye view of this whole cycle helps us to see the bigger picture of marriage. Oneness is the goal and love guided by wisdom is the means through each and every cycle. Teaching, Correcting and rebuking. The cycles are in the context of the first date, engagement/wedding and life after marriage. Each phase can also be categorized as times and contexts in which love happens or as she puts it, “under the apple tree” there is a progression in the Song from “arousal” to “conception” of the marriage to “laboring” in love that gives birth to oneness. This is seen in Solomon’s Song of Songs 8:5
“Who is this coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? She Under the apple tree I roused you; there your mother conceived you, there she who was in labor gave you birth.”
First phase or mesocycle is Teaching,
Second phase is correcting and
Third phase or cycle is rebuking
Then continuing in love because trained to do so.
It’s interesting to note that these phases the woman goes through in the love Song as she grows in her love to her husband are also similar to the phases a Christian goes through in his growing love for God. There are Christians that when first born again are called babes that have a lot of learning to do. Though all Christians are children the next phase of the Christian life is when the child of God has assurance that he is a child not because of any work he has done but knows he is saved for Christ’s names sake. 1 John 2:12-14, then you have the 3rd phase the Strong Young Man, then the highest level of spiritual achievement is the Father, fully mature, who “knows him who is from the beginning“.
I detail these phases more here if your interested, Phases of Growth in the Christian life. Babes, Children, Strong young man, Fathers.
These same phases that the woman goes through as she grows in her love to God and her husband that are similar to that of a Christians growing love to Jesus Christ are also similar to the growing love Israel had for God. The similarities are so close that the Jews easily see the Song as an allegory of God’s love to Israel and Israels love to God.
Example of how a Macrocycle works in the area of communication or sweet communion with your beloved.
So lets take a specific example in the Macro cycle. Communication. Couples must learn how to communicate with one another in love so that they can become one. Couples may be taught how to communicate, timing in communication, motives etc. Proverbs is full of how to speak wisely. Also the example of how Solomon spoke to his wife in order to draw her closer to himself is seen in the Song of Songs. He is the ultimate example of a wise communicator in marriage. So much so that his wife said that his mouth was “sweetness itself“. Song 5:16
So there is learning to communicate, then practicing to communicate better and correcting what didn’t work, then there is God, the watchmen, pastors, friends or spouse rebuking those who know how to communicate but aren’t doing it. Once communication is taught, correct or rebuked where needed, at some point there won’t be need of teaching, correcting or rebuking but only continuing in good communication because now both are properly trained in righteous communication. Thus Scripture is also profitable for teaching, correcting, rebuking and training in righteousness.
Within this Macro Cycle other things are learned as well. The man learns to wisely lead. The woman learns to submit. Their respective roles must be learned. Both grow in an understanding of God and their relationship with Him. Finances must be worked out. Likes and dislikes. And on and on til they are one.
Each Mesocycle is divided up by the same phrase thus making it even easier to distinguish or outline the Love Song as a whole. The same phrase, “Do not arouse or awaken love until she so desires.” is repeated 3x. Song 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4. Thus dividing the book up into 5 parts. A beginning, arousal, engagement, the married life then conclusion. With the main sections being arousal, engagement and the married life.
The sections can also be explained another way. Imagine you meet a couple where there is what looks like perfect harmony between them. They have been married quite a while and they are holier and happier. They are one. They are on the same page, he knows her and she knows him. Both are doing their part in the relationship. And you ask the question,
“How did that happen?” “Start with how did you guys meet.” And the woman answers, “It all started at his anointing when I saw him and smelled his anointing oils for the first time. I knew of him but then I saw him and wanted him. I was in love. This is what it felt like…
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
for your love is more delightful than wine.
3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes;
your name is like perfume poured out.
No wonder the young women love you!
4 Take me away with you—let us hurry!
Let the king bring me into his chambers.” Song 1:2-4
So the woman goes on explaining from her perspective through out the whole Love Song what it was like to fall deeper in love with her husband. She explains how they became one from her perspective with some narrative here and there. So the Love Song is bits and portions of times when their emotions for each other grew. When did they grow.
First meeting. First date. Proposal. 1st bad night. Wedding. Wedding night. 2nd bad night. The married life.
So how did the bride and groom become one. If I were to speak for her I would say, “We met at his anointed and I immediately fell in love, we had the most wonderful first date where I was so overwhelmed by his expression of love to me that I passed out in his arms, then when the timing was right he sang the sweetest proposal song to me, before engagement we caught the foxes that would ruin the growing intimacy of our relationship, then there was the ultimate wedding and wedding night, then we denied ourselves and labored in love in marriage. Yes, we had a few bad nights but all in all we kept growing closer and closer together, holier and happier for our love was as strong as death, it’s jealousy as cruel as the grave, it is a flame above all other flames which couldn’t be quenched, and if either one of us would offer money in exchange for love we would utter scorn the thought.”
Mesocycle
The mesocycle represents a specific block of training that is designed to accomplish a particular goal.
Teaching is a mesocycle within the macrocycle. Within the teaching phase there are microcycles. The first role of the husband illustrated for us in the Love Song is that of the man being the authority in the relationship. Similar to how a king has authority of his people so also a husband has authority over his wife. He is the head and she is the body.
Headship. Authority. What does this mean? The man must learn his Biblical role in the marriage. Some men know more than other’s but the first step is to get the information so that he can do his role.
The second step once he knows what to do then he is to do it. In the second phase he will not be perfect in leading in every way. He may lead well in one area, somewhat okay in others and really bad in some. So correcting will be needed in the ways that he knows what to do, is trying but not getting it right. In this phase both sincere communication 2:13 and “catching the foxes” that ruin the blossoming relationship is important. A man could be told all the ways he is supposed to lead and know what they are but have a hard time doing them.
Foxes that could hinder proper leadership that is pure gold could be pride, selfishness, not using Scripture, letting her lead, not leading at all, laziness, a domineering attitude, impatience and on and on. These evil foxes must be caught in order for a growing happiness, holiness and harmony in the relationship.
Lets take one fox for example. Not using Scripture. Scripture is our guide for a happy holy marriage. Not using Scripture as your guide is a fox that will destroy the blessing of a good marriage. Using unbiblical advise will destroy a relationship! A husband may know to go to Scripture in order to make wise decisions as the leader but may fail to go to the Bible as often as he should. Correction in this are may be needed. When the relationship is not blossoming a good leader may ask himself, “Are we doing this part of the marriage the way God wants us to?” Then he will search the Scriptures to make sure.
Once he knows he should go to Scripture, has been corrected where wrong, then if he doesn’t go to Scripture when he knows better then God may discipline him in love and or there will be consequences. But once he knows to go to the Bible for wisdom in the relationship, has been corrected when using unbiblical advice, was rebuked where needed, then hopefully sooner than later he will have this part of his role in the marriage down pat. He has been trained on going to Scripture for wisdom and has no problem going there to find God’s revealed will in each and every situation. He may not apply it right or fully understand God’s will but he knows do go to Scripture and is consistently doing it.
Now the bride in the Song has an advantage here because she has a husband who was a prophet, knew “the law of Moses” 1 Kings 2:3 and was gifted with unmeasurable wisdom 1 Kings 4:29. Our advantage is that we have “the mind of Christ” for we have the Scriptures that are filled with wisdom from God.
Teaching. This is the teaching phase for she asks a question and doesn’t know the answer. He answers her sweetly saying “If you do not know…” 1:8. You could call this the getting to know one another phase. When meeting someone early on in the relationship there is a whole lot of getting to know one another, that is needed less and less as time goes on. Not to say that there isn’t any learning in the other phases but there is less and less of it. Yet the more one a couple is, you will often hear the husband say, “She knows me so well she can finish my sentences.”
Teaching includes learning each person. Knowing their “name” which includes past remnants of sin brought into the relationship. Where she can find him and rest. Learning to follow his lead. He says how he see’s her, desires her and values her, she follows that lead and says how she feels about him, thus they learn how to communicate or commune one with another for the first time on their first date during courtship from Song 1:2-2:7. The first mesocycle.
The teaching phase involves learning things about God, salvation, sanctification, roles in marriage, important preferences etc. Anything where something is not know that needs to be in order for a happier and more harmonious union.
Microcycles. Within the first Mesocycle is a Microcycle. A smaller cycle or section of teaching on love in marriage. The first Mesocycle goes from 1:2-2:7. Within that section of courtship or arousal phase of the relationship we have smaller sections that deal with each part of that phase of oneness. Because the Song itself delineates each Mesocycle they are easy to identify but each microcycle is more difficult for me. Its categorizing these microcyles within each mesocycle that I would like to do sometime in the future.
Each microcycle has a context where the woman is separated to some degree and is drawn closer to the king, his people and other nations.
Song 1:2-4 Desiring spiritual and physical oneness with the king.
Song 1:5-6 Desiring spiritual oneness with his people.
Song 1:7-8 Oneness with the shepherd.
Song 1:9-16 Sweet unifying communion with the king.
Song 2:1-2:7 ?
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