A Wise Husband Leads by Giving Clear Instructions

“Open to me, my sister, my friend, my dove, my flawless one.” Solomon’s Song of Songs 5:2

A husband and wife will say some of the sweetest things to the one they love.  They often praise each other.  They adore one another.  He says what is beautiful about her, she says what she loves about him.  In this section of the love poem the husband speaks to his wife through a locked door late at night while she is sleeping.  He says some of the sweetest things to encourage her to get out of bed and answer the door so that they could be together.  He is clear in his instruction, patient with her in her sleep and uses sweet words to woo her to express her love to him by answering the door.

What would the worlds wisest man say to his wife in such a situation?  Solomon was gifted with unmeasurable wisdom 1 Kings 4:29.  He spoke the wisest and loving things to her.  His wife said “his mouth was sweetness itself.” Solomon’s Song of Songs 5:16

My blog post defining wisdom.

She heard the sweetest mouth wooing her to open the door while she was sleeping.

Often times when a wise loving husband wants something from his wife he may preface his words with something like “Sweety, Darling, My Love, My dear, Babe, love of my life, sweetheart, honey, sunshine etc.”

Saying the sweetest things is crucial to keep the love growing and intimacy sweet.  Husbands must learn how to speak to their wives in a wise and loving way in order to please God and his wife.  These sweet nicknames tell the bride what her beloved knows and feels about her.

Solomon, the king of Israel came home late one night, his wife was sleeping and the door was locked.  He knocks with importunity and says some sweet things to encourage her to get up out of bed and go through a little trouble and open the door for him.  The bride is awaken out of her sleep by hearing the voice of her beloved and the knocking yet she pauses not eagerly willing to go through the trouble of being able to be near or closer to her husband.  Her account of the start of a bad night that later brings about reconciliation and praise goes like this.

“I slept but my heart was awake.
    Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my friend,
    my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.”
³ I have taken off my robe—
    must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
    must I soil them again?
⁴ My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
    my heart began to pound for him.
⁵ I arose to open for my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.

⁶ I opened for my beloved,
    but my beloved had left; he was gone.
    My heart sank at his departure.
I looked for him but did not find him.
    I called him but he did not answer.”  Solomon’s Song of Songs 5:2-6

Lets take a closer look at the words he uses to encourage her to open the door for him in 5:2.  The suffering beloved husband with head drenched and locked outside says,

“Open to me, my sister, my friend, my dove, my flawless one.”

What do we notice about these words

1. His words were clear
2. The sweet words she hears are from a familiar voice.
3. The one knocking loves her
4. He uses sweet and not harsh words
5. He woo’s her using titles that remind her that she is his.  “My”  “My”  “My” “My” 4x times he uses the word “my” in one sentence
   1. My sister
   2. My friend
   3. My dove
   4. My flawless one
6. He gives his current suffering condition as reason for her to open the door in his words, “My head is drenched with dew,
       my hair with the dampness of the night.”

She has much reason to open the door because his words were clear.

First, his words are clear “open to me”.   There is no mistaking what he wants.  He wants to be near her more sooner than she is willing to go through some trouble to be near him.  He is outside and she is inside.  The locked door physically separates the two.  His instruction for her is obvious.  She even knows what he said and repeats it to us.  She can’t say I didn’t hear him or understand what he wanted.  It is plain to see and evident what he desires her to do for him.  “Open to me“.

Yes, we wouldn’t say open to me, but “open the door for me”.  Or “let me in”.  Open to me gives the idea that the opening of the door is to his benefit.  It’s what he wants.  His will is for her to please him by answering his request.

Use of information for the husbands, wives and believers.

Husbands

Husbands ought to communicate clearly what they need from their wives.  So important to have clear communication in marriage.  Things ought not to be vague and sometime terms must be defined and we must say what we mean!  Here it is obvious that he wants her to open the door so they could be together.  Other places in the Song her love is on fire and she is willing to do anything in order to be near him but here her love is more like a smoldering flax than a flame of fire.

Proverbs is full of verses on communication or our use of words.  What we say must not be harsh, should be thought out, clear, with a sincere heart, give grace to the hearer and on and on.

A wife or child can’t be to blame if his words were not understood or weren’t clear.  In this situation his words were clear and she had no excuse.

Wives

Be like minded.

Be of the same mind.  He knows your are his and your mind should be on the same truth that you are his and you have lovingly given yourself to him so prove it by your love and deny yourself in order to please your husband.  His mind was on her opening the door for him.  Her mind should be on her opening the door for him.  Her will is not her own.  She is not to be abused or taken advantage of but her will is not her own.  The wife signs her will over to her husband when she gets married same as a Christian has no will of his own but Thine be done.  Jesus had no will of his own but he came to do the will of the Father.  The same is true in marriage.  The husband has no will of his own and does the will of the Father and the wife has no will of her own and does the will of God which is for her to love her husband by giving herself, both mind and body to her husband fully in every way.

Exactly what do you want her to do is sometimes needed.  Some things needed may be vague like “Can you go get some food for lunch”  and he leaves it up to her on what to get.  The out of love she asks “What do you want”  Now is the time to be clear because she wants to please the husband.

Think of Israel’s love to God and the churches love to Christ.

The wife is to be thinking “How is the Bride of Christ supposed to love Jesus?”.  Jesus Christ and His Bride are united in love similar to how a husband and wife are one.

The wife is to love her husband the same way the church loves Christ.  Jesus Christ gives us His Bride clear instruction in His Word as to what His will is for us and how we ought to love Him.  We ought to love Him joyfully, sacrificially, immediately, eagerly, sincerely, in faith, all the time, in every way and with the whole heart.

In the OT the wives were to get their understand of love and submission from Israel.  How was Israel as the bride of God supposed to love God?  In the same way they should love their husbands.

Believer

Obey Gods clear instructions

Husband’s ought to love their wives as Christ loves the Church.  Here Solomon is an example of a wise leader.  Solomon’s leadership was “pure gold” Song 5:11.  A wise and loving leader gives clear instructions that are not obscure.  God also gives us clear instructions in the Bible.  He gives us clear instructions or commands as to what He wants of us.  We may not understand it all but what we do understand is required of us.  What do you know that is clear that God wants you to do?  Do it.  Don’t dilly dally around trying to figure out everything when you are ignoring what is clear.

If you know God wants you to witness, give to the church, read your Bible or pray and you are ignoring what is clear then you won’t know what job to take if you are deciding between this job or that job.  What God’s wants for us is clear.  Love.  You may think, I don’t know what God wants me to do, its not clear.  At that point I suggest you ask yourself “What is it that is clear that God wants me to do?” Then do those things then Im sure you will be able to use wisdom to decide which job will best match your skills, talents, time and situation and glorify God.

Praise the LORD for clear commands!

Again, you may not fully understand all the will of God but what you do know to do should be clear to you.  Thank God for clear commands so that we can do them out of love!  Thank God for clear commands so that when we do them we know we have done what God wants!  We don’t have to go around guessing what God wants of us.

Confess the clear commands you have disobeyed.

God commands you to confess your sins.  This means that you clearly knew what God wanted and didn’t do it.  What do you clearly know that God wants of you that you didn’t do.  Confess your sin.  Be reminded that Jesus Christ died for you sins, repent and do the things you clearly know God wants you to do!

Conclusion

Here we looked closely at the husbands clear instructions or request of the bride.  The next blog will focus more on the familiarity of his sweet voice that should have encouraged her to open the door.