To what degree of oneness are you at with your spouse?
What kind of oneness am I talking about?
Positional oneness
The two are one. Positionally, once they are married, they are “one flesh” Similar to how the head and body are one flesh yet different roles.
‘For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Matthew 19:4-5
Functional oneness
This refers to the level or degree of the couple acting as one. As our oneness relates to Jesus Christ our Bridegroom this oneness, I have heard called a “practical” oneness because practically speaking most marriage don’t act 100% as one.
Functional oneness because functioning as one is the goal.
Practical oneness because the level of oneness being talked about is what level the marriage is at practically speaking.
Or “actual” oneness
They are one are they living and acting as one like the head and body are one and act like it.
What does 100% oneness in a marriage look like?
1 100% is both knowing their biblical role in the marriage and are doing it.
2 Both have a good and same enough of an idea of God, what He is like and His will for them in life and marriage that there is no conflict, enmity or distrust in the union but rather peace, unity and trust ever flowing from the love in their hearts.
Why does Naamah use the analogy of a heart and arm when talking about the strict degree of closeness that the two of them shared in Song 8:6.
“Set me as a seal upon your heart as a seal upon your arm for love is strong enough to unite souls as death is strong enough to separate body and soul.“
She saw things that were similar about the relationship that our heart has to our arm or body that was similar to the relationship her husband had with her.
1 Different roles. The heart and arm are one and act as one yet have different roles.
2 Obedience or love. The arm does what the heart desires as the Bride of Jesus does as Jesus desires as the wife out of love obeys her husband’s desires.
3 No delay in that love. The arm obeys without delay as Naamah saw herself obeying Christ Solomon without delay as the Bride of Christ Jesus ought to obey without delay as the saints in heaven obey without delay.
4 Continually. The arm just someday doesn’t decide to sometimes obey and not obey the desires of the heart. Unless the person has multiple sclerosis or Parkinsons on some other neurological disorder causing disharmony between the mind and body. She says she is sealed and can be set as a seal upon his heart. Her being sealed there refers to the continuation of the union and also the degree of closeness being felt and lived out.
5 Inseparable. At least meant to be inseparable. A husband and wife were joined by God and what is right for them to stay as one, acting as one and inseparable. Similar to how you could not separate the scales on the back of leviathan. The same word “sealed” that Naamah in regard to her and her husband is the same word “sealed” used to describe how close the scales of leviathan were that they were impossible by any human means to tear apart or “be parted”.
15 Its back has rows of shields
tightly sealed together.
16 each is so close to the next
that no air can pass between.
17 They are joined fast to one another;
they cling together and cannot “be parted.” Job 41:15-17
100% one. Positionally one at marriage and now nothing could separate you from your spouse. Is it possible for anything to come between you and your spouse that couldn’t be overcome? If there is some “mountain” too difficult to overcome that is separating you from the one you love 2:14? Is there a “fox” to sly 2:15? Is there a “lion” to deadly 4:8? Is something flooding the fire of love out 8:6-7?
6 Mutual service. She loves and serves as he also loves and serves her for, she is his and he is hers. They belong to each other as servants of one another. Ephesians 5:21 “ Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
The husband wanting her to be happy serve his wife out of love and submit to her pleasure and happiness over his and vice versa is commanded out of reverence for Christ whom you are ultimately serving.
What factors determine the degree of functional oneness in the marriage?
Good communication. Same definitions of words. The husband doing his role of loving and caring for his wife. The wife doing her part in being his side and a suitable helper more precious than rubies. Time spent bonding together. Forgiveness. Ability to reconcile differences. Keeping promises. Being selfless. Preferring the other first. Share in the things that are most important to the love, peace, joy and happiness of the marriage to the glory of God.
Question to help come to a percent
How much of your day, week and month were the two of you in sync on the same page enough to keep the peace?
How much of the day, week and month would your marriage be considered to be a harmonious union?
If there where 100 times in the relationship where you were to be selfless, how many times were you selfless?
Of the last 100 times that you needed to prefer your spouse over your own selfish desires, how many times did you did your love sleep?
Level of harmony. How harmonious is your relationship on a level of 1-10?
Out of 100 possible situations in a week or month were any one of you in the dark in a way that caused a feeling of separation? Naamah wanted her husband to be to be wise and skilled like a deer on a mountain as he worked with her to cast out any darkness in their minds and hearts that may bring about disfunction or disunion. 17 “Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my belovedm and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged mountains.” Song 2:17.
Application questions
What does the wife think is causing the feeling of separation? What can he do to help?
He does he think is the main reason that they are not as close to 100% united and functioning as one is? How can she help?
Solomon and Naamah were one and became more and more one til they were 100% sealed to one another. How did they do it?
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