When two make love, the principal idea is that both are happy.
When love is made both are happy.
The one is happy to give and the other is happy to receive.
Both can be happy both giving and receiving at the same time as in a kiss or intercourse.
He is happy leading, and she is happy following know he has her good and happiness in mind, him being the head and her being the body. The two are one. Thus, he loves her as himself.
28 “So husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are parts of His body.” Ephesians 5:28-30
Here is the command in Ephesians and examples of a husband loving his wife in courtship, engagement and marriage is illustrated throughout the whole love poem.
Anyone can initiate the love making.
He initiates making love (Song 4). And she imitates in (Song 7).
Variations that can help draw the two of you closer and help them both to “drink their fill of love” Song 5:1 (not lust).
When you have a desire to be physically intimate with your spouse, the motive in the heart of someone filled with love to their spouse will be for to do physical, emotional, mental and spiritual good and make her feel loved to her “fill”. Why? For love deilights in the good and happiness of the object of its affection. If she is the one he loves then he will want her physical, spiritual, mental and emotional good plus he would want her to be happy. In true love he is not happy unless she is happy feeling loved. The main goal in God’s command is to literally in the Hebrew is to be “drunk with love.” While making love God commands you to be “drunk with love” not drunk with physical orgasms and God forbid you to be selfish. He is to use whatever means necessary that both have agreed upon.
Every single step of the way and beforehand. Make sure she is ready and wants to feel loved. To do it when she isn’t ready is tantamount to rape. And to use her is a selfish sin and not love. Men. Change your motive in her heart if it is sinful or selfish then repent and desire her good and happiness of before or along with or as your own good and happiness.
Some but not all variables to making love.
Clean the house. Listen to her. Do the laundry. Make her happy. Listen to her and look at her and sincerely care. Just listen sometimes and not try to fix everything. Pray together. Read the Bible together. Kiss and make up.
Location, lighting, smells, eye contact, music, sights (flowers, candles etc.), timing, sweet words, sounds. Kind of sheets. Kind of clothing. Dancing. Hugging, touching (slow, fast, gentle, duration, frequency), kissing, caressing, adoring, complimenting, asking nicely, tastes,
Intercourse. When she is ready. For her good and happiness. Either one or both doing the delightful work. Distance and speed. Angle, distance and speed. Frequency. Different angle and speed. Different angle and speed with different sounds. Different angle and speed with a different sight. Following principles of love and touch so that they feel loved.
These Solomon calls by various precious, valuable and delightful metaphors (myrrh, spice, honeycomb, honey, wine and milk).
16 “Awake, north wind,
and come, south wind!
Blow on my garden,
that its fragrance may spread everywhere.
Let my beloved come into his garden
and taste its choice fruits.”
He
5 “I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride;
I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.
I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey;
I have drunk my wine and my milk.
Friends
Eat, friends, and drink;
drink your fill of love.” Song 4:P16-5:1.
At the end of lovemaking, he poetically lets her know that he has drunk his fill of feeling loved by her on their wedding night as they consummated the marriage.
What did he want?
He wanted them both to go together to multiple different heights of emotion on their wedding night!
8 “Come with me from Lebanon, my bride,
You shall come with me from Lebanon.
You shall come down from the summit of Amana,
From the summit of Senir and Hermon” Song 4:8
Together or at the same time. Emotional highs together! This is God’s command. Wow! Yes, God wants you to be happy and feel loved to your fullest or satisfaction in the bedroom!
Feelings that are felt as a fruit of God’s Spirit and Love. 1 Zeal, 2 happiness (delight, joy), 3 peace and 4 desire, 5 Gratitude, 6 Satisfaction. (Maybe other’s but can’t think of them now.)
1 Both have heightened zeal for the good and happiness of the other.
2 Both being extremely happy having heightened joy, delight or happiness.
3 Both feeling unspeakable peace for they are friends, on the same page and not enemies.
4 Both feeling a stronger desire for the other.
5 Gratitude
6 Contentment and satisfaction
Both feeling loved to high degrees of emotion, in greater widths as more variety is introduced, greater depth as it gets more and more intimate and greater lengths as both learn to love each other for greater durations. Thus, they experience the Height, depth, width and length of the love of God in the bedroom as well as from Christ.
“may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge” Ephesians 3:18-19.
My point is that a beauty of lovemaking is that both are happy at the same time.
One is happy giving love and other happy receiving at the same time the one giving is happy because she is happy and happy feeling love to her, plus he is happy due to her accepting his invitation to show her love for he wanted to show her is love which really is God using the husband to help her experience the love of God by God using her husband to make her feel love/loved. The lover is happy when the beloved feels happy and loved. For love delights in the good and happiness of the object of its affection.
Power to love is in the Gospel.
If you feel guilty for not loving your spouse as you ought to then confess you sin to God. Confession is you telling God you have sinned. Tell God the sin you did. All of it. Everything you feel guilty for. Believe and know you deserve punishment for your disobedience to God in the bedroom or marriage. He paid for all of them. Trust that Jesus lived a perfect life and that when you accept Him as your Savior from sin then you also accept Him as the one who earned heaven for you by giving you his perfect record of good deeds. So that when you die God will treat you as if you lived the life of Jesus, since you have His righteousness credited to your account.
Confess your sin to your spouse. Admit your wrong. Ask them to forgive you and not be mad at you. And don’t sin again or at the least you ought to do better.
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