Last time you thought that you made love, did you make love or have sex?
Sex in this context is selfish because you didn’t make love.
If your not making love then you are fulfilling the lusts of your flesh 1 John 2:16.
On their wedding night God gives a command to each lover.
“Drink your fill of love.” Solomon’s song of songs 5:1.
4 Things men do who truly make love
Love delights in the good and happiness of the object of its affection.
In order to make love your primary goal ought to be to make love, not bust a nut or have an orgasm. Physically climaxing is good and lovely when done with right motives and in the proper context.
If you love your wife then you primarily want her happiness.
When do you make love?
1 When you make her happy 2 When your primary goal in getting in to bed with her is to make her happy 3 When in wanting to make your happy you also want her good 4 You make love when your desire to not be deprived is not selfish but rather includes the happiness of your spouse.
1 You make love when you make her happy!
2 You make love when your primary motive and desire of your heart before you make love is to make her happy!
Happiness is the goal. Her happiness is #1. Love delights in the happiness of the object of it’s affection. Love also delights in the good of the one they love. The physical good. Their mental, spiritual and emotional good.
Even God made the world for our good and happiness! It is good and right to have the reason for doing something be for their happiness.
3 You make love when your means to happiness’s end is good and lovely. Love also delights in the good of the object of its affection. This good. Her good. Can be divided up into both physical and spiritual good.
A Her souls good. Her spiritual good is for her soul to stay holy and sinless as much as possible. Men, you are still to be a spiritual leader in the bedroom. Nothing you think, feel, do or say should lead her to sin but rather increase her love! Love to God and love to you and other’s.
B The other good is her physical good. Physical pleasure. Apart from rare occasions (losing virginity) physical pain is not an option. Love does not delight in the physical pain of the beloved. Even if she is a virgin he will do all he can to minimize the pain and will only proceed when she is ready. “Do not arouse or awaken love until she is ready.” Song 2:7
And until she is ready. PUT YOUR ARMOR ON!! Ephesians 6. Be ready for a fight again lust and sexual sin!
4 You make love when your desire to not be deprived includes the happiness of your spouse. They ought not to go away feeling used.
The two of you are one. You belong to her and she belongs to you. One spouse doesn’t act without the others happiness in mind. Love keeps the happiness of the object of its affection in the forefront of the mind for “love is not selfish.” 1 Cor. 13:5.
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Cor. 7:5.
What if I am feeling deprived as a man?
You can rouse her love to you when she is ready.
If you are feeling deprived and for you to not feel that way you would like for your wife who belongs to you to not deprive you and avoid having Satan himself tempt you to find satisfaction without your wife. Then you can’t arouse her until she is ready. Or wait til she is ready to make love to you.
Her not depriving you is an act of love on her part. Primarily in being obedient to God’s command in 1 Cor. 7:5. She is showing her love to God and her husband by not depriving him and knowing how often he feels the need. Or else she either intentionally or unintentionally leashes Satan after him. Satan’s goal is to destroy the marriage. He will tell lies to the husband when he is weak and deprived. He will tell him, 1 “It’s okay, your wife isn’t giving it to you. So, you can find it somewhere else.” Or 2 “Better to quickly satisfy yourself then get nothing at all.” Or 3 “Its only porn and not another woman, so its okay.” Liar, Liar, Liar!!! Oh, I hate him with a passion!
Truth, put the belt of truth on!! Know the truth, loving it and acting in accordance with love to God and truth.
Truth 1 “Sin is not okay even if your wife isn’t giving it to you!”
Truth 2 “Better to tie a millstone around your neck and be thrown into the sea than to sin than satisfy yourself outside of marriage and provoke your wife to jealousy!”
Truth 3 That Satan is tricky, he will mix truth up with lies. It is porn and not another woman. But that doesn’t make it okay. Jesus said, “Anyone who looks at a woman with desire or lust has already committed adultery in his heart.” Cheating on your wife begins in the mind!! And is sinful in God’s eyes. Repent and believe Jesus died for your sins! Think of your lovely wife not other women lest you provoke both God and her to jealousy!
Believing and loving the truth will set you free of the power of Satan’s temptations, even when your weak and deprived!! Trust God to give you patience for “love is patient” 1 Cor. 13:4.
4 I have no fourth lie. I suppose there are many. Ask yourself, what is going through my mind? Are your feeling thinking often of the truth or is Satan trying to get you to sin by telling you lies when you are weak and vulnerable.
Wife, do you want Satan tempting your husband? Then just deprive him.
Same thing for you men. Stop depriving your wife of drinking her fill of love or physical pleasure. She wants to feel loved, so don’t deprive her of that. She also can be deprived of physical pleasure and need you because she has testosterone as well. I have met unhealthy men who couldn’t please their wife as often as they would have liked. Usually, they were women 45 or older and the man couldn’t perform as often. Due to being unhealth eating and not keeping up his body. Exercise and proper diet keep the hormones healthy. The doctor could prescribe and older mans testosterone if they had low T. Men’s testosterone could go down over time in men and the ratio of testosterone to estrogen goes up in older women, which is why older women complain of being deprived.
If you have been convicted that you have not been making love then know that each time, every motive and sinful action deserves a punishment from God. He may be angry with you for it is the wicked and unbelieving sinners that His Wrath and anger abide on. Know you deserve a hotter hell for each sin. Think of the punishment coming your way from God, then think of Jesus who averted God’s wrath and took it upon Himself on the cross. Rose on the 3 rd day and is coming back for His most lovely Bride (us) whom he died for. This is love! Not that we loved God but that God loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. And lived a perfect life so that his perfect life could be credited to our account. And us treated as if we lived the life of Jesus, then all our good works are just bonus points and rewards in heaven above and beyond heaven itself.
Note.
I say primary goal and motive is her good and happiness because there are other good motives but the primary good motive that is easiest kept in mind is the good and happiness of the object of your affection.
The ultimate goal is God’s glory. You make love to her for God’s glory. You make love to her so that she may see God’s beauty reflected in your feelings and actions to her. God’s glory is His Excellence and Beauty. Simply put, God is glorified or put on display when she feels loved! God is love and love is magnified and praised when you love your spouse! God command you to love. God is seen and delighted in when you show love, oh man to your wife! ” Loving her as Christ Jesus loves” His Bride Ephesians 5:25ff.
The man is the type of Christ Jesus! When the type of Christ Jesus loves, shows love, makes her happy then she see’s the glory of God reflected, imaged or seen in the face of her husband ( in his actions of love). This transforms her from one level of glory to another. 2 Cor. 3:18. Any beholding of the glory of God is transformative.
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