What motivates you to love? What motivates you to keep going? To keep doing the right thing in a relationship when the going gets tough?
Let me recommend looking at beauty with a pure heart where ever you may find it!
A Christian friend was telling me the story of him meeting his wife and the great difficulties they overcame before getting married. The troubles were hard and continued for years yet he persevered and with love and wisdom overcame the mountains of difficulty “like a gazelle on the mountain tops,” Solomon’s Song of Songs 2:17, that separated the two from moving forward to an even closer relationship in engagement.
I asked him, “What motivated you to keep going and not give up?”
His answer somewhat baffled me but I knew he had something there that was good and right.
With the biggest smile on his face and sincerity in his heart He said, “Look at that face.” I looked and she was smiling and her face was lovely and beautiful.
Looking at her beautiful face gave him the strength to keep going when the going got tough. Now I knew that true love when sparked by God was strong enough to unite. My friend didn’t get weak and give up but got strength, power and encouragement to keep going by looking at her beautiful and lovely face.
Then I remembered a quote from Jonathan Edwards about beauty. Particularly secondary beauty which is all natural beauty and not a moral beauty. Yet all secondary beauty has a resemblance to moral beauty and is a reflection of it. I write extensively about the beauty of the bride in the Song, if you would like to read more click here. The natural beauty of the bride.
” it is with regard to this image or resemblance which secondary beauty has of true spiritual beauty, that God has so constituted nature, that the presenting of this inferior beauty, especially in those kinds of it which have the greatest resemblance of the primary beauty, as the harmony of sounds and the beauties of nature, have a tendency to assist those whose hearts are under the influence of a truly virtuous temper to dispose them to the exercises of divine love, and enliven in them a sense of spiritual beauty.” (JE The Nature of True Virtue)
So basically since my friend is a Christian and is of a truly virtuous temper, when he looked at his girlfriends beautiful face he would see some resemblance of the Primary Beauty. In seeing this primary beauty he would get a sense of that spiritual beauty. The Beauty of God is His Holiness. The holiness of God consists in His love to Himself or His Son.
So two things happen when a Godly man with a pure heart see’s secondary beauty. They are underlined in the above quote. 1 It disposes him to the exercises of love and 2 Enlivens in them a sense of spiritual beauty.
This sense of spiritual beauty is both understood in the mind and felt in the heart. Love exercises itself in complacency or delight. This is why the smile on his my friends face because of the delight in his heart. He had great delight in beholding the external beauty of his girlfriend. And at the same time he beholds her external beauty he will also get a sense of spiritual beauty enlivened in his mind. It’s that enlivened mind that is now better disposed to love.
A heart disposed to love will overcome any obstacle that separates them from or keeps them from getting closer to the one they love for love is unquenchable “Many waters can’t quench love.” Song 8:7
It is due to the superlative power of love whereby mountains of separation are overcome and whereby foxes that ruin a blossoming relationship are caught. One of the ways love is roused in a lover is when they get a sense of spiritual beauty by beholding secondary beauty.
Her external beauty could excite lust as well which is adultery in the mind before marriage. Which is why I said earlier that the one beholding the beauty must have a pure heart. Otherwise her external beauty is used to satisfy a sinful desire that has self at its center. Where as when a pure heart gets an enlivened sense of spiritual beauty the feeling inside will dispose him to freely give of himself for her good, thus denying himself for her happiness.
Notice also that Edwards mentions that the beautiful “harmony of sounds” can have the same affect on the heart of those who have a truly virtuous temper. So if you would like your heart to be assisted in being disposed to love then delight in the harmony of sounds and get a sense of spiritual beauty from them. Behold beauty if creation where ever you may find it for if your heart is right with God’s then you will get an enlivened sense of His moral excellency reflected in their beauty which will dispose you to love.
Question? So the question arises. When I look at the beauty of my girlfriend or wife how do I know that I am being affected or moved by it in a holy manner or way? Clearly we know that it will do two things. 1 Dispose you to love and 2 it will give you a sense of spiritual beauty.
Love. It will dispose you to love. Love is the souls relish of the supreme excellency of the divine nature inclining the heart to choose God as its chief good.
1 God first. So when you look at the beauty of your wife does it incline you to put God first! Love has God first as it’s primary object of affection, so if you are disposed to love then you will find yourself doing your best to please God in the situation no matter how difficult.
2 High thoughts of God. This enlivened sense of spiritual beauty comes with high thoughts of God and thus a lower view of yourself in relation to Him along with a proper heart response of humility. Generally a sense of true spiritual beauty coming from a sight of secondary beauty may reveal your pride and give you a sense that you are not humble for the sight of spiritual beauty is humbling.
3 Delight. Specifically delight in holiness. A sense of true spiritual beauty that comes when beholding secondary beauty comes with a feeling of delight in holiness. Meaning you will be disposed to a holy life for the joy of it. If you delight in holiness you will hate sin. You will sin less. If you delight in holiness you will delight in the law of God. If you love and delight in holiness you will have deep sorrow for your sin. Which is interesting because you may find yourself in tears of sorrow for you sin as you behold the beauty of your wife. Which comes also with knowing you don’t deserve to have such a precious jewel of a wife, but have her only by God’s grace. A sight of and enlivened sense of spiritual beauty or holiness or moral excellency or love will lead to self denial and self sacrifice for love is not selfish.
I suppose I could go on and on but that seems to be good for now. I mainly wanted to give you guys out there encouragement. To be encouraged that looking at the beauty of your wife isn’t a bad thing but actually beneficial to your soul for God works all things including the natural beauty of the one you love to compel you to love more and be more like Christ, more conformed to His image. Yet if her beauty dispose you to want to sexually gratify yourself then it’s not love but lust. If you get to overly obsessive about her then it’s not love but infatuation and you need to focus more on her inner beauty and character and let that attract you more than her outer.
And to let the women know that secondary beauty is only secondary to the primary moral beauty. The main reason you do your hair or make your face beautiful is to have a better resemblance of God’s moral beauty reflected in the loveliness of your face. Each man is different so ask your man what he thinks is most beautiful and be as beautiful as possible without being obsessive about it and do it for the glory of God and the moral good of your husband. Because the sight of your secondary beauty gives him a sense of God’s moral beauty which puts God’s attributes on display for him to delight in. The sight of which dispose him to love.
Now it is true that when my friend said look at the face, he didn’t mean that her external beauty compelled him to love more but that her face represents all of who she is both inside and out.
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