A born again Gentile slave girl falls in love with young king Solomon because of the superlative nature of his love for it was better than wine and his holy name was delightful for her to contemplate.
By moral beauty I mean her holiness. Her delight was in him due to his holy heart that had a superlatively strong and unquenchable love in his heart. The love in his heart made him desirable and so also did the love in her heart shown to him reveal the true moral beauty of her heart. Manifest by the feelings she had and the words she said about him.
When she saw him a true and holy love sparked it’s first powerful flame. Knowledge of him lit up in her mind and it was sweet. Also the sense of his love was more delightful than wine.
Here is a woman falling in love with a great type of Jesus Christ, Solomon. Solomon was like Jesus in many ways. Solomon was the most desirable single person alive due to who he was, what he was like and what he would do based on Scripture and prophecy.
Gentiles did the slave labor outside in the sun at the end of David’s reign. They were often sunburnt like the woman in the Song. So a holy Messiah would have nothing to do with a sunburnt Gentile slave girl because she wouldn’t have true love in her heart toward God and His Messiah. Solomon was the 3rd Messiah of Israel.
Yet the young woman in the Song does have love in her heart. A rare and superlative love is in her heart. Its Strong as Death and its jealousy is as cruel as the lake of fire. The love in her heart is a flame above all others. Unquenchable and priceless. Song 8:5-6.
Yet on the outside since she was still sunburnt, what proof or evidence did Solomon have that she did have a holy and true love in her heart?
At Solomon’s first anointing is where she gives him evidence of a supernatural love that was in her heart that was stronger. When close enough to smell the delightful anointing oils on him she says to him,
“Pleasing is the fragrance of your anointing oils, your name is like ointments poured forth, No wonder the maiden love you. Draw me after you, let us hurry!” Solomon’s Song of Songs 1:3-4
The thought of who he is is pleasing to her. Her heart feels good about who he is and what he will do. And her relationship to him as her king. She is pleased with the thought of the name of the holy Messiah (anointed one or in Greek, Christ). She is pleased with God’s anointed Messiah or Christ.
Chapter 1:2-2:6 is the “arousal” phase where her and his affections are roused up. I keep wondering what roused her affections towards him?
I have written much so far about what roused her affections towards him, but not much on why his feelings got sparked towards her.
What she says to him about his name and desirableness. And desire to be as close to him as possible as soon as possible is enough to convince him that she isn’t on the inside what she looks like on the outside. On the outside he see’s a externally beautiful sunburnt enemy Gentile. But due to her expressing her feelings about him in the way that she did was enough for him to have a first date and convinced him that she was morally beautiful and excellent on the inside due to the superlative nature of her love. Holiness being the beauty of a moral heart, which consists in love. Primarily love to God. It’s out of her love to God that she loves His anointed one. The moral beauty of God and the beauty of the king is their holiness. What she said, who she desired and how she desired him was enough to convince him of at least compel him to give her a chance. After her Holy ardent display of affection for him he answers her heartfelt request to take her away with him without haste. And starts it all off by taking her to his chambers.
Any holy Jew would have rejected the Gentile woman. What does light have with darkness and how can two enemies walk together and become Biblically one, it was forbidden. Yes, later in life Solomon had many wives, but this was the first one who more than likely died in childbirth before he married Pharaohs Daughter and then others. But this is young Solomon at his first anointing falling in true love with a born again Gentile who has the love of God in her heart manifest by her love to His holy 3rd Messiah of Israel. Love to a type of Christ proves she has love and faith in YHWH because you can’t have one without the other.
What is it about her that draws out his holy affection and desire for her.
How is love made manifest by the things she felt and said.
1 Her delight in his holiness 2 Her faith in God.
1 Her delight in his holiness made manifest to him by the things he said fired up the flame in his heart for her because they both had the same love in them. The holy feeling she had at the mention of his name gave indication that she didn’t have the evil inside her heart even though on the outside, judging by her outer sunburnt Gentile appearance. Which would indicate a supernatural power in her heart. What she said about his name let him know she had holiness residing in her. What she said convinced him that she had a love of complacency in her heart. When close enough to smell his anointing oils and thinking of who Solomon was, what he was like and what he would do, which was everything included in his name, the thought was pleasing to her. She said to him,
“Pleasing is the fragrance of your anointing oils, you name is like ointments poured forth. No wonder the maidens love you. Draw me after you, let us hurry!” Song 1:3-4
Try this. Smell some really good perfume and notice how you are pleased with the smell. What is the feeling you get. Do it again and notice the feeling. Now think of Jesus, who he is as being God, the One in Authority and The LORD of Lords. These are who He is among many other things. And also think of what he is like He is holy therefore he hates sinners that continue in sin and will punish them forever in hell to vindicate His Honor and who is also gracious and will forgive. When you think of Him, Jesus who was like the Messiah, Solomon, but Greater, do you get the same pleasing and delightful feeling inside as smelling perfume.
Her smelling his anointing oils also meant that the king had arrived. David was blessed to be still alive at the first anointing of Solomon to know that he had a successor on the throne.
What made her desirable other than him knowing her soul relished the reflection of the excellency of the Divine Nature in him? Her delight in his holiness was what beautified her soul and made her immeasurably valuable and of greater worth than rubies. No other woman was more desirable than her. She had a delight in her heart in and for holiness. Her delight was not in evil but in the law of the LORD. This was the first thing about her that attracter her to him and the next thing I see is her faith.
This woman had faith in God. We know she had faith because their were prophesies about Solomon that she had to of believed in order for her to have a holy delight in his name. Faith believes what God says. Love in her heart would cherish and promote faith for love to God promotes belief. We know she had love to God therefore we know she believed in God. “Love beliefs all things” God says, 1 Cor. 13:4ff.
What did God say about Solomon that she believed in order for her to have a delight in his name?
I’m sure that since she had love in her heart that if Psalm 72 was read in her hearing at Solomon’s first anointing that her heart would agree with David’s in all that was said. A persons name consists of who they are, what they are like and what they will do if prophesied about. Solomon was a son of David. Solomon was a son of God for his other name Jedidiah means son of God. Solomon was loved by God and his love would never leave him, therefore Solomon’s love to God would never be ultimately quenched. Solomon would be the greatest king Israel would ever have thus far. Solomon would bring peace with God to both Jew and Gentiles by the going forth of God’s Glory and Name in the temple. Solomon would build the most glorious temple for God to dwell on earth and peace and good will would come to the world both Jew and Gentile would become one. One faith. One God. Same love. Solomon’s kingdom would be established by God. Solomon would be the 3rd Messiah of Israel. Solomon would have God as his Father and Solomon would be a son of God. Solomon if sinned would be lovingly and effectively disciplined by God. Solomon’s throne would be established forever. A theocratic Monarchy. 2 Sam. 7:12-16. All of this and he isn’t even king yet. David is still alive so Solomon is Co-regent king. The soon to be and coming Messiah. Now any single maiden who loved YHWH and would have the newly anointed Christ be their holy king and husband. He was the most desirable Jew alive! Now you know more of why when she thought of him it was pleasing to her. For all intents and purposes she has accepted him into her heart and loves him as king and wants him to be in a closer more intimate relationship with him as soon as possible. So in order for her to be pleased with the thought of him I strongly believe she knew, believed and cherished these things about him in Scripture, more or less. So faith in God is implied in her love to his name. She believed God and Solomon if he knew Gen. 15:6 would know then that righteousness would be credited to her account on the basis of her faith. So here stands the most beautiful woman, with faith in God, is positionally righteous and is pleased with the mention of his name. Then she says to him, “No wonder the virgins love you.”
The reason for their great and ardent affection to the coming king is obvious and right.
(You got to ask yourself, what is he thinking while she is saying all this? He is coming to the conclusion that she is bold and fearless in expressing her feelings towards him so she must have a superlatively strong love, as strong as death in order to have a love of complacency in her heart for him. You have to understand that she looked like an enemy Gentile due to her sunburn and current slavery for the Jews have now put Gentiles to slave labor at the end of David’s reign. She looked like a woman who did not delight in a holy selfless life but looked like someone who delights to continue living for herself and the pleasures of the world like a prostitute or veiled woman who’s delight is in evil. So from what he was hearing she wasn’t that kind of woman though the stigma at the time was that anyone in slavery was a Gentile sinner and unclean. Yet this woman who from her outer appearance is unholy is saying things that reveal the holiness of her heart to Solomon for only those who have a delight in holiness know what its like, particularly, its better than wine. For his love was better than wine. Love of benevolence, beneficence and complacency. The sense she had of his love upon her heart was delightful. The feeling of it. Having tasted she also knows it’s superlative nature and value. Better than wine. Truly satisfying the soul. The sense of God’s love through her union in love. She loves him as her king and desires him as her husband. She loves him. God put a love to Himself and delight in Himself in her. A principal of love now in a heart that used to have every intent and thought only evil continually. Her intentions and thoughts are now good therefore she is holy with the love of and delight in God in her heart.) ( I keep thinking of more and have to come back. I wondered what’s going on here at a heart level that helps the progressive union of their hearts. Well, she is into him and has him in her heart. In the thoughts of her mind and affections. By her revealing her feelings towards him at the beginning he know has a clearer idea of who she is and what she was like. After being married she lets him know that at his first anointing all she could think about was who he was, what he was like and what he would do, his sweet name. (This is one of her feelings she “stored up for him” 7:3) Which her letting him know what she felt when they first met helps them become even closer. She could of said to him, “In thinking of your name, I got a taste of your love and it was better than wine she said. I desired for you to kiss me over and over again because your love was more delightful than wine. So then Solomon pens the words “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his lips for your love is more delightful than wine.” 1:2 So that we know what was in her heart at the time when they first fell in love. The first words she says to the young king at his first anointing out loud is “Pleasing is the fragrance of your anointing oils, you name is like ointments poured forth.” 1:3
To see virgins that grew up in Israel during David’s reign love Solomon is obvious but for an enemy Gentile slave girl to have a delight in the holiness of a person would be impossible unless she also had the same love or moral beauty in her heart as he did. 8:6-7
This lovely woman has a love that is fearless and strong, he is thinking. How beautiful she is to have a fearless and superlatively strong love, as strong as death. A comparison comes to mind of Solomon later in the Song. It comes after she has continued expressing her ardent, fearless and strong love he compliments her with the sweet words,
“I liken you my friend, to a mare harnessed to pharaoh’s chariots, 1:9.” She is acting powerful, strong and courageous without fear. Her love was strong enough to cast out fear. That love displayed was beautiful to see and Solomon adored the moral beauty of her heart. She was both matchless in internal and external beauty. “The most beautiful of women.”1:8 So all this was beginning to fill the heart of Solomon about her. Her in him, in his mind and heart. This is where he is forming his first impressions of her. In his mind she is the most beautiful woman both inside and out! )
Okay, that was a big parenthesis, long way around to get back to my point. What was it that she said that convinced him that she was morally beautiful on the inside despite all outward appearances to the contrary.
1 Her words manifested the fact that she delighted in holiness. 2 Her words expressed faith in God. 3 Her words revealed the superlative strength of her love that it was “strong as death.” This I showed by letting you know what was in his heart when she said her first words to him. 4 Her words expressed the value system of her heart. His love is better than wine. She delights in spiritual things over worldly because they are better. Her esteem of his love is higher than one of the most highly esteemed wines. He could easily fall for a woman who had her delights straight. Right priorities, values and desires. She wanted him to express his love to her over and over again because it was better than wine.
5 I suppose that’s enough for now. There’s more ways in which the loveliness of her heart is revealed to him in her first words to him that I really haven’t thought through yet for after revealing her faith in God and delight in his holy name, she goes on to say with an ardent and holy affection and desire to have a closer more intimate relationship with him says,
“Draw me after you, let us hurry!”
Love desire union and the closest union of hearts with the beloved, therefore she says draw me after you. Since his holy character is verified she doesn’t want to nor does she need to waste any time. She clearly loves him and has expressed her feelings towards him. And what is his response. The king takes her to his chambers. “The king has brought me to his chambers.” We get context as to his first anointing. He meets the most beautiful born again Gentile slave girl with love in her heart at his first anointing at Gihon where she is close enough to smell his anointing oils. 1 Kings 2 with Song 1:2-4 is the first anointing and David is still alive. In Song 3:11 is Solomon’s second crowning consistent with 1 Chronicles 29:22. So he takes her to his chambers the same day of his first anointing when she is smelling them on the new co. She expresses the feelings she has towards him in words and he takes her away to his chambers.
So this is what sparked a fire in the heart of Solomon who was like Jesus Christ. How much more so does Jesus delight in our expressions of love to Him who is infinitely lovely! Oh how Jesus love to hear the expressions of love coming from our heart! He desires it more than us so we ought to please our Heavenly Bridegroom by taking a delight in his love more than wine. Think of the Father’s love. Think of the love of Jesus Christ. Think of God the Holy Spirit who is love. Take delight in holiness wherever you see it! Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart!” Think upon His name and sense the sweetness of it over and over again. Think above and beyond what you can imagine and ask, yeah, beg for God to pour out His love in your mind and heart. Pray sincerely Pauls prayer in Ephesians 4 and walk by the Spirit of Love until He floods your heart to the fill or capacity of your soul. You can’t open your mouth to wide for the ocean of love is infinite. Deeply desire the joyful holy presence of your beloved/Beloved!!
Other thoughts as I meditated on this text.
So Solomon is a Christ and like Jesus Christ in many ways, no wonder the maidens love him. The desirability of the young single coming holy king is obvious to all even her.
Another way of looking at it is by thinking of Satan and Jesus. Would Satan be pleased at the mention of the name Jesus? Satan may put on an outward show of love of benevolence but really has an evil intent and nor does Satan have any sort of delight in holiness therefore no love of complacency in him. Therefore no love to Jesus or sense of delight at the mention of His Holy Name.
He had YHWH on his side and His love would never leave him. God’s delight in Solomon would never leave him. God’s delight in Solomon is in him being a holy person and had God’s delight in his heart. God’s delight is His delight He has in Himself. God views Himself in the holy Person of His Son and what was, is and always will be an eternal proceeding of love to Himself. Which includes a love of complacency or otherwise said a delight in the moral excellency of the Divine nature or the souls relish of the supreme excellency of the Divine Nature is what was in the heart of Solomon. That delight would never leave God nor Solomon. In Solomon it would, lets say sleep at times, but it would never leave him.
Only those who love God have a love of complacency in their heart. A love or delight in holiness and all holy beings is in the heart of all those who have true love. Her love of complacency in her heart. She is holy and he is holy because both have love in their heart. Love of complacency implies holiness in both the loved and beloved. She has a delight in his name. The newly anointed young king has holy name. What is connected with the 3rd Messiah, Solomon is that he is and will be holy based on Scripture and prophecies.
What she said proved she had a “love as strong as death” 8:6 in her heart. Her love was strong as death. Powerful enough to cast out fear. She is fearless to draw near to a holy king. She has no fear of harm from him because she knows they both have the same holy love in themselves. She is born again and is no longer his enemy.
One might doubt the sincerity of her words and she may be pretending to have a true love to him in order to have a higher status ( him being a king and her a slave) but that doesn’t seem to cross the mind of Solomon. Her motives could be selfish but what she says and how she says it is enough for Solomon to answer her request even though she looks like a child of the devil on the outside she is speaking and acting like a child of God.
2 “Draw me after you.” Put your glory and humility on display so that I’m drawn closer to your heart and act like I am yours. Show love to me over and over again so that I’m drawn ever closer to you my Christ. If she were his enemy would she truly desire to be close, heart to heart, sealed upon his heart and arm? How can two walk together unless they are in agreement and have the same love and faith? Love in her to him compelled her to desire him to do his part in drawing her closer to himself, in the union. All be it currently that of a king to his subject she is really asking him to court her. Love united her to him. Love in her not only compelled her to want possession of him but also communion with him 1:7ff.
3 “No wonder the maidens love you.”
4 “Let us hurry!” Her ardent affection or high degree of emotion made her beautiful in his eyes.
Its like she is the evil and bad girl but has feelings for the good and just cop. Or its like she is Hitler’s daughter wanting to marry and get close to a holy king of Israel. Or like a woman that has an upside down tattoo of a cross on her arm that says “Death to Jesus” and she wants to marry a righteous and holy pastor. Or Rahab the prostitute wanting to be one with the Israelites. The sunburnt Gentile slave looks like a wolf on the outside but is a sheep on the inside.
He see’s her have affection for him and he knows he is holy because he loved God 1 Kings 3:3.
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.