True Love

How do you know you have true love?

If the person is characterized as continuing peacably in any known sin then you don’t have a true holy love for that person for who they are.

Yes, you may have feelings for them based on looks or whatever but the superlatively strong, priceless and unquenchable love that true believers have is a feeling that has its foundation set on the holiness or moral excellency of the beloved/Beloved. So if someone doesn’t have a hoy life but a wicked one then they don’t have love in them and their heart is hard, corrupt and evil, therefore the person is not truly lovely on the inside. If you think you love someone who doesn’t love God then you may have some sort of feelings or affection for them but its not the same love that the couple have for each other in Solomon’s Song of Songs that comes from God’s Spirit dwelling in you by His Grace due to special union between you and Jesus Christ.

I would say that most people have no clue what the difference is between a love of benevolence and a love of complacency. The love in the Song is both. Most people have only love of benevolence which is a love that desires the good of the object of its affection. A love of complacency is a love or delight in the holiness of the object of its affection. So if the object of your affection has no holiness of heart or as the Bible says a new heart then no one not even God could have a love of complacency in that person but rather a righteous hatred. More on love of complacency.

Many people read Solomon’s Song of Songs and say that the love in the Song is not possible. I agree it is rare but not impossible. Solomon and his first wife had it, then I believe she died.

True love has for its primary foundation the moral excellency of the other person or being. The moral excellency of a being is their holiness. Holiness consists in love to God. So where you see someone denying themselves some pleasure for the will of God, here you see love to God. Not that he is cute or has a good job but that the guy or girl is holy and live a holy life.

Definite red flags

Anyone doing these sins and continuing in them. These are not holy people and will not enter the kingdom of heaven.

1 Corinthians 6:9-11 ⁹Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men ¹⁰nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the LORD Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

So clearly if you have feelings for someone that is either sexually immoral, idolater, adulterer, gay, a theif, greedy, drunkard, slanderer or swindler then its not a true holy love but either lust or a fleeting infatuation. True love to God is first in order to have true love to anyone, including your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend. The world may define love another way then the Bible and then say they love someone. But that love fails, does not have God first and is conditional among many other bad things and usually ends in divorce.

Sexually immoral. The first red flag as to those a true Christian should not have affection for is the sexually immoral. Again if you are a Christian living for God then you will not have true love for a man who is sexually immoral and believes and encourages you to have sex before marriage. You may have some feelings for him for other reasons like he is cute, has money, has a great personality and does nice things but this man if he continues in his immoral belief will not enter the kingdom of heaven. And if you had feelings for this person then I would worry about you as well. Why would you who say you have true love to God be drawing near to a man who continues to believe sex before marriage pleases God or is okay. Run from such a man and run sooner than later! The love you see in Solomon’s Song of Songs is the love of two virgins. Imagine the beauty of such a relationship!! “Do not arouse or awaken love until it desires” Song 2:7, 3:5 and 8:4. Its so important that the Song repeats it 3x. Be very cautious getting closer to a man that doesn’t set moral boundaries.

If you have feelings for someone who is sexually immoral and is continuing in it then your affections where stirred up for him not based on his holy character but from the evil desires within you.

The same goes for an idolater. A true Jehovah witness and Mormon could not have true love in their heart due to unbiblical doctrines of who Jesus is and believing that the Person and work of Jesus credited to your account isn’t enough to get you to heaven, they believe you have to do works to earn salvation as well. Jehovah witnesses, Mormons, Jews and others are all idolaters. The only way to the Father is through the Son of God, Jesus Christ alone. John 14. By the way most people profess to love and know Jesus but don’t.

Adulterers. Those who commit adultery and haven’t repented will not enter the kingdom of God’s beloved Son. Adultery is sex before marriage or sex with someone else while married or sex with someone else when you should not have divorced in the first place and then marry someone else. Biblical divorce is when he has either slept with someone else or has abandoned the relationship. Abandonment is determined by the elders in church discipline as laid out in Matt. 18:15-17. A person may marry again if their husband dies.

True love includes a love of complacency in the holy character of the being loved. You may have and ought to have a love of benevolence to all people including your enemies. Which is a desire for their good. Yet true love when you love a person is because of their holy character because you are holy as well, therefore your holy character is in agreement with their holy character and an emotion of love arises, this is love of complacency. A person with true love in their heart can’t have a true love toward the sexually immoral, idolater nor adulterer! So if you are dating someone who is either of these and you have feelings for them it is not a true holy love.

The Bible has another list.

“But for the fearful and unbelieving and abominable and murderers and immoral persons and sorcerers and idolaters and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8 These people are headed to hell and you will not be reunited with them when you die if your truly are a Christian.

Fearful. Fear of Man. These are people pleasers first rather than living to please God first. They live their lives based on what others think not what God thinks. The fearful are the ones that have their lives structured more on the people around them. They conform to the world rather than Christ. When a person has love to God they will care most about what pleases God rather than man (Acts 5:29). The fear of man is a snare because man is a false god, but the fear of the Lord is safe because he really is God (Proverbs 29:25)

Unbelieving. Many have faith in themselves and not Jesus. All you need to ask is, “If you were to die today, where would you go.” “I hope heaven” they will say or something like it. Then ask, “Why”. Why would God let you into heaven. If they say “I’m a good person or I haven’t done anything really bad.” Then their faith is in themselves and their own good works in order to get to heaven. A true believer believes their own works will send them to hell and their faith is in the fact that Jesus lived a perfect life on their behalf and his perfect life is credited to their account as if they lived his life. Then they get to heaven by faith in what Jesus has done for them. The object of their faith is Jesus. Only a true Christian can have true love in Marriage that puts God first in everything and is guided by Scripture in their decisions.

I suppose I could go on and on in detail about the other characterstics of people who do not have a true holy love to God like the gay, a theif, greedy, drunkard, slanderer or swindler. But clearly these people are off the list. If you have affections for these kinds of people it is not true Biblical love.

It’s not that someone has to be perfect but they do have to have a bent for righteousness.