“The two shall become one flesh.”
The two are one meaning they are like one body. In reality they are not one person they are two so the oneness being talked about doesn’t have to do with their physical bodies but has more to do with their roles.
He is the head (his role is to lead), and she (her role is to follow) is the body they are one flesh similar to how each person’s outer self has a physical head and a physical body with each having their own roles. Before she was a body without a head and he was a head without a body, but when joined in marriage the two became positionally one.
This positional oneness is usually pronounced or declared at the wedding.
Positionally, they are a unit and are one flesh meaning they are to be considered one like the soul and body. The soul and body act as one immediately and in all respects, so also they should act as one immediately and in all respects. Yet, in daily practice that positional oneness won’t be 100% in practical daily life therefore it called positional. Her position or place in the union is to be and act as one with her husband yet she won’t always be selfless. His position and place in the union is to be and act as one with her yet again selfishness, pride, unbelief an other sins will keep him from doing his part.
Factors for greater degree or practical oneness that lead to a complete oneness and beyond. Knowing and delightfully doing the full scope of each other’s role in the marriage. Neither one of them having fear in their obedience. Degree a person is willing to suffer and deny self for the good and happiness of the beloved. Anything that causes disharmony or disunion is being taken care of. Degree of humility.
Having the same mind, will, love, faith and God
Roles. Knowing and acting their God given role in the union.
Does he always do his role? Head
Does she always do hers? Body
Do they know each other’s roles? Head/Body etc.
Preconditions for unity, harmony, happiness and an ever-closer relationship.
Knowledge of God, both saved, same spirit, same mind, same will
Are they saved and do they know God the same?
Must have the same Spirit. Eph. 1:13
1 Samuel 18:1 “After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself.“
28″ So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.29 For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
Love is not contrary to all self-love. Math. 19:19 Edwards
Same spirit and same mind. Two hearts beating as one.
Philippians 1:27 “ stand fast in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel.”
Agreement.
Amos 3:3 “Do two people walk together unless they have agreed“
Same will
Both having the will of God on their hearts (on their minds in their affections). Their will not being their own but God’s. His will is to do God’s will. Her will is to do God’s will.
Special intimate knowledge of each other.
What do I mean by positional oneness?
Positional oneness is what a husband and wife have that are married. Positionally they are one flesh. It is a fact that they are one in a sense and separate in another. One in like-mindedness yet separate people with different roles. He is the head, and she is the body,
Growing oneness. This is when they are acting more and more as one. Those who just got married have quite a bit of learning to do. They must learn their role, then do it. Repent soon. Reconcile differences. As they grow in learning and doing immediately, they get closer and become more one in reality. They are still positionally one yet in true reality they are doing their best but not really fulfilling their purpose in marriage to the fullest until they are practically one.
Marriage is learning a whole lot about God and your spouse. You often hear a husband who has been married say, “She knows me.” She knew something him when they met, dated and were engaged but when the time of practical oneness reaches full maturity then he says, “She knows me.” or “She knows me inside and out.”
There is a mutual love shared, a mutual giving of each other and a mutual possession or ownership of each other. Ownership is implied in the “seal” and seen best in Song 2:16
Let’s look at a truth in marriage that is positionally true but not practically true in reality to the fullest sense. Let’s look at the idea that the husband gives himself to the bride and the bride gives herself to the husband. When engaged the bride gloried in the fact that her beloved was hers and she gave himself to him. She says it this way,
“My beloved is mine, and I am his.” Song 2:16
Oneness in practice.
Now practically speaking, in marriage, on a day-by-day basis doe she somewhat knows what it means to be his then grows in both her understand of what it means to be his and acting accordingly. The degree of practical oneness is dependent upon her knowing and obedience of certain truths or doctrines about marriage. Practically on a day-by-day basis, early on in the marriage, the woman will know too she has to give herself completely to her husband. But will she give herself always and completely right after the wedding? No, but she will get better at it if she has a love, like a flame more powerful than spiritual death and the darkness inside her.
As she thinks about how Israel ought to submit to God so she has a pattern to follow as to how she should submit to her husband for she is his helper, and he is her king.
Love binds or unites together those who are one positionally by a power stronger than darkness. When both have practically given themselves to each other in every way then they are one practically. Sanctification in marriage union is a process of learning, correcting, being rebuked and continuing in the good we know we ought to do.
Surely every woman needs to learn and grow in their love to their husband. So did the bride in the Song. As she learned to give herself completely to her husband she later phrases 2:16 in the reverse order and says first “I am his…” in Song 6:3. because living out the truth better and better that “he/He was hers and she was his/His” increased her love to her husband to the point that she realizes that she has completely given herself to him and says, “I am his, and he is mine.” 6:3 She had failed to give herself to her husband when he knocked in 5:2-4 but learned to live out the fact that she is his by laboring in love, by learning to deny herself and love him sacrificially between 5:2 and 6:3 because she was his. He owned her. She was his precious bride.
The degree of doneness, intimacy and happiness in the union, on the bride’s side, depends upon her ability to consistently and in every way live out the fact that “she is his” and thus give herself to him for she is her beloved’s, and her beloved is hers.
Later she grows even more mature in her love to her husband, and she completely learned to never doubts his love to her and says, “I belong to my beloved and his desire is for me.” Song 7:10 So between 6:3 and 7:10 the bride grows even closer to her husband by not ever doubting his love for her or desire for her good in everything he says and does.
So here in the Song we have a bride not only growing in her understanding of her role to love God and her husband in the marriage but also growing in love to God and her husband. You can see the progress of their union in her words. There is a growing level of trust in his love as time goes by. There is also a growing level of her love to her husband. She learns to reciprocate his love quickly and in every area.
Positionally she is his and she has given herself to him completely and doesn’t doubt his love to her by 7:10. But in 2:16 they are only engaged when she says, “My beloved is mine, and I am his.” It is through thinking of who he is in relation to her and his love to her that draws out her love to him and desire to give herself to him completely. Practical and complete oneness isn’t reached until both spouses know God the same and are fulfilling their Biblical roles in marriage.
He is the young, wise and loving king. He is the one in authority who uses Scripture as his guide. They are practically one when he is a consistently wise leader, and she consistently follows. They are practically one when she no longer usurps his leadership. They are one when he loves her as his own body. He must grow in this ability. They are practically one when she is completely leaning on him, and he is completely doing his role. I’m not talking perfection here but practical righteousness. Or living a blameless marriage not needing rebuke because both know what they ought to do and are doing it and still getting humbler and loving.
So, you have the bride not being his and he was not hers. Then she gets born again and he becomes her king and shepherd of her heart, and she becomes his suitable helper, follower and bride etc. She loves the king and desires to submit in every way, yet she has quite a bit of learning, correcting and possibly some rebuking ahead of her before she has completely given all of herself to him as the authority in the relationship. She was cursed to usurp the man’s role but love to God is stronger than death and the curse so that she learns to submit to her husband better and better as time goes by.
There are many other areas of the marriage that will progress the two closer to complete practical oneness. Like learning to be friends and not enemies. His shepherding skills will get better and so will her following and leaning on him. As she grows in the knowledge of her lover and the experience of his love her trust grows stronger
The two are one.
Jesus Christ and the believer are one positionally. The believer is infinitely lovely in Christ for his love continues forever due to his union with Christ. Positionally the believer is one with God in Christ, yet practically in life this union gets stricter and stricter, happier and more holy. Positionally the believer can only be truly one with their spouse unless they are first united to Christ by faith.
Believers positional and practical oneness seen in
The way they grow in Christ likeness.
Their ideas and doctrines of God get more aligned with the truths in Scripture.
Their doctrine of Salvation
Prayer in Jesus Name
Hollowed be thy Name.
To God’s Glory
Worship in Spirit and Truth
In all the above areas and more the believer gets not so right here on earth. In heaven when we are glorified then we will be practically one.
Positionally sanctified. Every believer is sanctified (set apart) unto God by justification and is therefore declared to be holy and is therefore identified as a saint. This sanctification is positional and instantaneous and should not be confused with progressive sanctification. This sanctification has to do with the believer’s standing, not his present walk or condition (Acts 20:32; 1 Corinthians 1:2, 30; 6:11; 2 Thessalonians 2:13; Hebrews 2:11; 3:1; 10:10, 14; 13:12; 1 Peter 1:2).
Jesus wanted the disciples to act as one as the Father and Son are and act as one.
John 17:11 “Holy Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are...”31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.32 This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.” Ephesians 5:31-32.
A man and woman when married become one. One flesh. What this means is that before they had their own life and now they are one. Similar to how the head and body are one flesh or one physical unit. He is the head in the relationship and she is the body. In him, united to him or joined to him they are one positionally but practically in life oftentimes they won’t act like it. No matter how that act, so long as they are married they are positionally one flesh. Since she is in Christ Solomon or united to him she belongs to him and he belongs to her yet in Song 5:2ff she didn’t act like she belonged to him, therefore not acting as one.
So also, the Christian when they repent of their sins and accept Jesus as the one who paid the penalty for their sins they are joined to Jesus Christ, united to him by faith and in love. Once joined they are considered to be one. This oneness they have with Jesus Christ is not complete. A babe in Christ, most of the time doesn’t act like they are one with Jesus but is learning to get better and better at it. Yet, the believer is one with Christ positionally.
The soul and physical person are one and act like it. The Father and Son are one and act like it. The spiritual heart and physical arm are one and act like it.
A man and woman when married are one but often times don’t act like it.
Similarities between the oneness in the union of lovers and the union of heart and arm or soul and body.
1 Both are united or joined by a power above human ability to stop
2 One leads the other obeys. The heart decides and tells the arm what to do. The husband/Husband or head decides and the wife/bride or body obeys.
3 There is no delay in obedience when one.
4 There is a constancy to their love when one.
5 There is a full scope of obedience when one.
6 There is mutual love and service of one to the other in both.
7 Motions or actions of one affect the other.
