Solomon’s Song of Songs 5:15
“How beautiful you are, my darling!
Oh, how beautiful!
Your eyes are doves.”
Yes, true lovers both have doves eyes. Love “the very Flame of God” written on their hearts focuses their love on upon the other and their eyes are doves. God initiated it all. God chose them to be together before the world began. To Him be the Glory!!
The eyes like doves. They love each other and can’t take their eyes off each other.
Something is similar about a dove and her eyes when he is looking at her.
If you believed who Solomon was, the messiah, king of peace then when you looked into his eyes if you had no fear of the wrath of God it would be because you knew the king had eyes like doves by streams of peaceful and refreshing waters, therefore I treasure his love more than anything else, yeah more than diamonds and pearls.
The eyes. He was looking into her eyes. Like he knew what was on her mind. She had not said anything yet from 1:7 to 1:16 When the bride reciprocates Solomon’s love back to him in delightful praises of his appearance.
“How handsome you are beloved, oh how charming” verse 16.
Clearly When the bride is commenting from her perspective what its like to be in the presence of the one she loves. When she is near him and he is around, her only desire is to please him. This is expressed in the words
“While the king was around, my perfume spread its fragrance.”
She is wanting to draw the attention of the king. In his presence her desire is to only please him. Her mind is on the one she loves, who’s name is like perfume poured out pleasing her every time she hears it. He is the wisest king of peace sitting on the throne of God in Jerusalem 2 chronicles 9:8
Doves eyes can only look forward. They have no peripheral vision. They only have one mate for life so they are faithful and keep their eyes on each other. This is Love. True Godly holy love desires the strictest union with their lover. Keep your doves eyes on Christ first and each other to stay faithful and love one another! His faithful loving Doves eyes on us and our eyes on Him.
To take her eyes off of the one her heart loves would be a diversion and loss which she could not bear, to take her eyes off from the ravishing object of her contemplation, Solomon, the greatest type of Christ alive.
Solomon is the example for Husband to follow. To learn how to love their wife as Christ loves the Church. The bride is the most excellent lover as well and a perfect example of a bride growing into full spiritual maturity, guided by her husband Solomon who had unmeasurable skill in marriage.
- Their eyes are fixed on each other
- Their thoughts are on each other
- It’s their mutual delight to have each other’s eyes fixed like doves.
- They are communicating their thoughts and feelings.
Let me experience His Love and faithfulness and he will adorn my heart with Love and faithfulness like precious jewels adorn the neck of a bride on her wedding day. She is precious and holds much value, and much to be desired. Jewels adorn her neck on Her virgin wedding day! He becomes her adornment and she becomes his glory. Let Christ dwell in your hearts by faith. and John 17:3 and “Dark am I, yet lovely in Christ” Song of Songs 1:5 meditations.
The Father Gave the Son a sinful bride. Unworthy to be redeemed. Yet the Son accepted the gift and paid the Ransom for His bride out of Love to God and His Bride. Death could not stop His love and you can’t purchase it either. You come empty handed to His throne of Grace to receive from Him what Christ has bought for us.
I was just reading this and found it fascinating. We will see His face!! The veil will be lifted at the marriage supper of the Lamb, feasting at His table and Humble at His feet.
Revelation 22:4 they will see His face, and His name will be on their foreheads. 5 And there will no longer be any night; and they will not have need of the light of a lamp nor the light of the sun, because the Lord God will illumine them; and they will reign forever and ever.
Song of Songs they both have doves eyes Song 1:15, 5:12 Christ compliments His Bride How beautiful your are my love oh how beautiful, Your eyes are doves! Speaking of Solomon’s eyes, the King to who peace belongs had pure doves eyes fixed straight on her, His Bride. Solomon the lesser christ, the lesser lover and Christ the greater than Solomon that is is here has even better pure dove eyes fixed on her in that God’s eyes first looked upon us and “we love because He first loved us” So there is a difference between the Eyes of her Husband and her eyes. His eyes are infinitely loving and the overflowing source, He is the giver and initiator of His Love to her, she only need see it and behold His Beauty at the Cross
Song of Solomon 5:12
12 “His eyes are like doves
Beside streams of water,
Bathed in milk,
And reposed in their setting.”
This is God complimenting Israel about their faith in the coming messiah. Faith starts in the understanding or mind and includes the will or desires of the heart. The desire must be fulfilled. The desire for God. He is for Me, my desire is for more of Him. He will send the one who is pierced for our transgressions and crushed for our iniquities, they knew Jesus would be a substitute for sinners like them. Dark are they, yet lovely in the hope of the coming Messiah. That he would save them from sin and bring them to a land that He Promised. He will always and forever more continually give me more and more of Him. John 17:3 This is to enjoy God and glorify Him forever.
Their eyes were on Christ looking forward to his coming. They had all kinds of promises of a kingdom and salvation from sin, by the substitute, the Lord their righteousness, because they couldn’t do it on their own. So their doves eyes were looking forward to the coming of Christ the Messiah the Head crusher promised to come Gen. 3:15.
They see each other face to face, they will see His face. And they both have doves eyes!!
Moses, His prayer to God was, “Show me Your Glory” Something was seen, the back parts of God, and something was learned in the mind and felt in the heart. What the Lord Proclaimed about Himself was His Glory and He let His Goodness pass before Moses. Moses understood the Glory of God, the LORD, is One, slow to anger, just etc. God answered His prayer, He showed Moses His Glory and proclaimed His Name! Show me a wretched unworthy sinner your glory and Beauty. May I behold your Glory in the face of Jesus Christ. The face of Moses shined because he was speaking with God. Having a conversation with God. Show me your Glory and then God does it. Moses was changed by seeing, and understanding the Glory of God that God had revealed to him. Moses said show me Your glory and God said I will let my Goodness pass before you. So God’s Goodness must be something to be understood as part of His Glory.
The veil is lifted in Heaven and we will see His face just as He is!
Psalm May I behold the Beauty of the Lord at the cross. His moral excellency on display, His holiness on display at the cross is His Beauty, the Beauty of The Lord consists in Love to God. God is Beautiful. God is lovely. God is love. God looks at us in His Son and say “It doesn’t get anymore beautiful than that for we are one with Christ and Christ is most beautiful in the Eyes of the Father. The Father Doves eye, eyed the Son and saw nothing else more beautiful, the Image of his Son, The Eternally begotten Son with doves Eyes like hers but He roars like a lion and laid down like a Lamb.
Balanced emotions like “Dark am I, yet Lovely in Christ” are similar to what happens when a revelation of Jesus Christ brings conviction of sin to the soul, this light opens the eyes and the dove gets focus again, He draws us by His Love, Jer. 31:3
Exodus 34:5 The Lord descended in the cloud and stood there with him as he called upon the name of the Lord. 6 Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, “The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in lovingkindness and truth; 7 who keeps lovingkindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations.” 8 Moses made haste to bow low toward the earth and worship. 9 He said, “If now I have found favor in Your sight, O Lord, I pray, let the Lord go along in our midst, even though the people are so obstinate, and pardon our iniquity and our sin, and take us as Your own possession.”
I was just thinking and wanted to put this somewhere. So it isn’t edited but I believe it is probably 98% accurate I may have misspoke. So chew on the meat and spit out the bones!
God knows Himself. He has an Idea of Himself, our minds and understandings can contain Idea’s, Ideas communicate truth to the mind and understanding, The holy Spirit of Truth. Reveals God’s idea of Himself to us. God’s idea of a himself reflected in her. God’s idea of His son dwelling in her heart. That Christ may dwell in our hearts by faith. Him in us and our delight is in His love.
To understand our text better let me build some context for you.
This first meeting or conversation between Solomon and his future bride started with her desire to be married to king Solomon, Song 1:2-4
She gives her testimony to the Daughters of Jerusalem in Song 1:5-6 as to why she should not be stared at, even though she was dark and sunburnt like an enemy of God (1 kings 9:20-23.) She was an enemy but now she is born again and doest want to be treated like someone continuing in sin, like a prostitute, she didn’t want to veil herself next to Solomons friends. She want to freely be with Solomon without feeling fear of God’s wrath. Remember David was to kill all God’s enemies. Solomon put all the enemies of God to slave labor. She was in slave labor 1:6 and wants out 1:7. She doesn’t want to be despised and rejected, but should be accepted into Solomons kingdom because she has Love to God on her heart Ez. 36:26 and Song 8:6 Love is “the very Flame of the LORD”.
She knew of Solomon in the past. Enough to know that he had a good character, his name was like perfume poured out. Now in Song 1:7 she asks “him” the one on her mind and in her heart, the king, a good shepherd, the one she loves a question. She wants out of slavery and desires peace and rest in Solomons kingdom experiencing the promises of God. She knows his name therefore she calls out to him. She knows what he is like. He is knows and is fully capable of bringing me into a closer more intimate relationship with God where she can find her peace and rest from meaningless laboring under the sun. The king to whom peace belongs has the ability to reconcile enemies with God. Through the temple. By beholding the beauty of the LORD in the temple. Psalm 27:4
She cries out to the one she loves because she doesn’t know something, so she goes to the one she loves who is a good shepherd to get advice, really on how to live a holy and happy life, but in her words she says,
“Tell me you whom I love, Where do you graze your flock and rest your sheep at midday.” 1:7
He answers her by letting her know what she looks like to him. He says, “if you do not know (where to find peace and rest) you must follow the tracks of the sheep and rest your young goats by the shepherd tents.”
She needed a doctrinal purification process for her soul. From works salvation to faith. God says it she believes it and her faith is credited as righteousness Gen. 15:6
He tells her how to get rest by the shepherd tents, rest from hard labor in the hot sun, by “resting” her young goats by the shepherd tents. He will be by the shepherd tents. We can find Christ by following other mature believers and resting by their tents!! She waisted no time for the days were evil. She hurried Song 1:4 She feared no evil from Solomon and she was quick in her pursuit.
Solomon see’s her desire to be near him and shepherded by him, coming from where she was, she was an enemy of God in slave labor and now she is being shepherd by the wisest shepherd ever!! Her faith is remarkable!! He love unquenchable! Her desire for an ever closer and more intimate relationship is increasing and she doesn’t wait around. God would not want her to wait around. Solomon would be a perfect match for her!
Solomon praises her character, her moral excellencies. There are things similar about her and a mare harnessed to pharaoh’s chariot. He has his eye on her. He has peaceful, refreshing, holy, loving, faithful doves eyes Song 5:12 Since Solomon is complimenting her he must of had his eye on something worthy of praise.
Solomon himself knew what was worthy of praise about and excellent wife who fears the LORD. She gets praise from her husband. Proverbs 31:28-30
This is all context to why Solomon compliments the bride. How did she display eyes like doves in order to be worthy of the praise? Love from God Song 8:6 which includes Knowledge of Him and joy and delight in Him in the communication or illumination of Truth. Knowledge of Solomon, love to Solomon. Every since she tasted the love of God she desired more of it. Best to get it through Solomon, he is perfectly fit to love me as Christ would love the church, “his name was like perfume poured out” Her eyes were fixed on Solomon as soon as she knew enough to love and delight in who he is, a mans name represents who he is. King of Israel, king of kings, King to whom peace belongs, no other king represented God like Solomon did because Solomon had unmeasurable wisdom. 1 kings 4:29
And her description of Solomon in Song 5:10-16 is so glorious that most writers think she is talking about Jesus. She can’t keep her eyes off Solomon. Her eyes were faithful. She thought only of him. He was rightly on her mind. He would be the dream come true perfect husband.
Solomon was perfect through out the Song, but worshipped other gods and slept with many other women late in his life 1 Kings 11:4
And wanting to not be treated like a prostitute continuing in sin outside a covenant relationship with God. She would often hide herself in shame because she was still sunburnt, meaning she was an enemy of God, She would hide her sunburn so she wouldn’t be judged or stared at either when she was near Solomons companions. She says, to the daughters of Jerusalem
“Do not stare at me because i am dark..” or swarthy scorched by the sun. Song 1:6 because she was in slave labor. And she desires rest, she cries out to the one her heart loves for advice, her doves eyes are on him for advice, She looks with holy love in her doves eyes to ask the one her heart loves where she could find rest,
The shepherd, king, the one her heart loves shepherds her heart by first sweetly letting her know what he thinks of her.
“The lamp of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.”
Single, sound, sincere, clear, unclouded, healthy, good and perfect. Are all words used to describe the lens in which you view God and yourself. Is the idea you have of God right?
Pain when far
Delighted when near.
I am His and He is mine
My one desire is to behold with sincerity of heart the Beauty of the Lord and meditate on the Glories and Excellencies of the cross, With Truth in the mind and the greatest delight in my heart, I held the Glory of God in the face of Christ and am being transformed from one level of beauty to another.
Okay, well His Word is Sweetness Itself. He commands my greatest delight.
Your Beaty Divine
“Behold my Beauty” Are the sweetest words dripping honey. My Lover’s lips dropped the sweetest honey. Christ my Savior and God said,
“Behold my Beauty.” With faithful loving doves eyes I turned from my sin to behold the Matchless Beauty of my Lord and the voice that was speaking to me said, do not fear My Wrath, I am the First and the Last, I lived among you and bore your sin, died and rose again.
My heart pounded with excitement. This is my one desire. My one desire is to behold the Beauty of my Lord. My Lord said “Behold My Beauty”
Saved in 2000 at age 27. Nearly immediately I fell in love with the Song and grew very fast the first two years memorizing large portions of scripture purifying my mind the started chewing on meat to soon and struggled for 12 years and Christ has me on track like always but I just took the long way around and now I love leading others closer to Christ by seeing His love reflected in Solomons love for an enemy slave girl.
I have experienced God's love to me in the Song in ways that words can't express. There are many portion of the Word where she experiences extra ordinary outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God. If you have a burning desire for a close intimate relationship with God by experiencing His Love to you over and over again at greater and greater heights, depths, lengths and breaths then The Song of Songs is where you need to be.
I can help you with this process of Growing in the experience of God's love. As of 7-23-16 I have experienced everything prior to chapter 8. The Song of Song is progressive in experience. Meaning that if you are mature then you can experience the joys and extraordinary outpourings of God's Love shed abroad in your heart.
If you are not so mature then the delights in the first chapter of the Song will satisfy your thirst for experiencing the Love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Many Christian are living in sin because they do not know how to experience God's love and get hooked on Loving Him. It feels good to be loved and to love Him. His burden is not heavy and His yoke is light, Jesus said in Matt. 10:28
I believe God wants to use me to help beautify His Bride through the Song of Solomon.
If you see the book literally you will not understand nor grasp the Love God has for you. If you see the book and the verses in it relating to Christ's love to you then I would love to show you how to experience this Love to the fullest. I will pray for you daily and guide you every step of the way.
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
I grew up going to church but was a hypocrite. I lived my life how I chose but went to church on Sunday because my family went.
Mom and Dad divorced when I was about 5.
About this time I was sexually abused by "Bob" a made up name. This incident changed my life for the worst. I had no clue how to deal with it.
As I got older I grew in my hatred for Bob. I didn't blame anyone of my family because I was to young to know any better. Some of what happened during the abuse was in a bathroom. So overtime I would use the bathroom and look at my private parts that night would replay in my mind. My hatred for Bob would continue to grow each time.
Now I know this only happened to me one night. I can't image the pain other's go through who have had this happen to them over and over. Even as I write this now I cry with many tears for those hurting. God love you even though you may not know it or feel it. Go to Him in your time of need.
I was a really bad teenager. I only cared about myself and not even my family. I always came first in my mind. Even at the expense of hurting others. I was growing in my hatred for God by now.
I was going to church and was learned that God was in control. I thought well, if God was in control then He must have let me be sexually abused. I didn't understand this, How could a good and loving God allow this. I hated Him for it. My hatred for Bob grew as well. I was still using the bathroom and memories kept coming back. My heart grew even harder for Bob and God. As far as I was concerned God would have nothing to do with my life so I lived even worse. I thought I would be in jail or dead and I really didn't care, I thought it could be much worse than reliving your painful past over and over again. Little did I know that God's plan later would be to use these events to give me a burning passion for the closest most intimate love relationship with Himself through Christ mainly through the love poem in the Song of Songs in the Bible.
I remember hating Bob so much that the only thing that would relieve my pain was actually thinking he would suffer forever for what he did. I grew so much in my hatred for him that I had to continue to think that he would get even worse than what I imaged before. After some time I would only be relieved of hatred for him unless I thought he would burn in a hotter and hotter hell for all the suffering he put me through.
I never told my mom or family what happened, although I think some of them knew something had happened.
I grew up quite rebellious and even went to jail at the age of 20. I was living the fast life pursuing all my sinful desires and wanting more. It never seemed to be enough. I was quite happy in my sin but I just wanted more of it.
I lived life thinking I would die at a young age, riding motorcycle and living on the edge put me in the hospital many times and I should have been dead.
California at age 26.
I moved to California for a job opportunity at the age of 27. While trying to figure out what radio stations to program in my car, I ran across a RC Sproul talking about "people who have the faith that saves and people who only say that have faith" only the people who have the faith that saves will go to heaven. I thought "I don't think I have the faith that saves because my life was so bad." I searched the scriptures to try to get this faith. I found a church and thought people there could help me get this faith that saves. All along God kept showing me how sinful I was and that I deserved punishment from Him for living my life hating Him.
One weekend I read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John desperately trying to find out how to get this faith that saves. By now I knew that if you had the faith that saves that Jesus would be saving you from a life of sin. I still liked my sin and Jesus sure wasn't saving me from a life of sin, so I rightly concluded that I didn't have the faith that saves.
By the time I got to John, I saw "believe" everywhere. John 3:16 and other verses and wow the whole book was written so that you may believe. John 20:31 "these are written that you may believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name." So at night I would pray "I believe Jesus died for me, I believe, I believe. This was just an intellectual belief. I knew that in history and the Bible that Jesus died for everyone, so I believed it. But this belief did not change my life.
I would go on night after night saying the same prayer only to wake up the next day wanting to fulfill my sinful desires. The prayer wasn't working so I started to word it different each time hoping some prayer would work. After about 2 weeks of this I was fed up with it all, nothing was happening. I still was living in my sin and wanted more of it. A Christian hates their sin and does something about it, and certainly they don't continue to make plans to sin. The prayers weren't working so I gave up. I thought to myself "God, I tried with all my might, I searched the Scriptures, went to church, read the Bible and prayed all to no avail. If Im going to be saved your going to have to do it because I tried."
So I quit praying but still the Bible kept calling me so I read more. 3 Days later I was laying in a tanning bed and God convicted me really hard that I had offended Him by the life I was living. I was so scared of God, where could I run. You can't hide from God. It seemed like forever that I was under these terrors of being punished by a Holy Angry God. This lasted about 10 minutes then this is how I understood it. God let me understand that all that anger that He had for me for all my sin should come my way but He had poured that anger out on Jesus 2,000 years ago. I immediately started weeping an couldn't stop for about 20 minutes. All the sins that I could think of I confessed for that 20 minutes one after another after another, I was so sorrowful and grieved it physically hurt inside.
After I stopped crying I thought that was the weirdest thing that ever happened. I walked out of the tanning salon and stood outside and everything seemed so beautiful, the tree's, the birds, even the air seemed pleasant. Now I was really wondering what was going on.
I pondered all of this as I drove to work that day. I brought my Bible to work and was thinking what am I doing, I want to take my Bible to work so I can read it. As soon as I got to work I started reading my Bible. I couldn't believe what I was reading!! It all was so wonderful. It felt so good to just read my Bible. My client showed up and as I was training them the only thing I could think about was getting back to my Bible. I read all night and slept about 2 hours and was reading again.
I had sinful things in my apartment and I rounded everything evil up and threw it in the garbage. It was weird I was thinking but it felt good so I left it all in the garbage. I called my girlfriend to break it up and she thought I had another girl, I said no, I just think this is wrong we shouldn't be sleeping together. She didn't understand so I told her I was a Christian now and she still thought I had another girlfriend. She said "Im glad your a Christian, so am I" I thought to myself, "I have a strong conviction that sleeping together is wrong and she thought it was okay" I wondered how she could think that. Anyway we broke up.
I kept reading my bible and repenting, there was so much to repent of and I had lived a very sinful life. I was a thief for some part of my life and all the people I stole from kept coming to mind. I owed so much money. I was instantly in debt about $80,000. As I could I paid them back. As of 7-18-2016 I still owe about $25,000 but it sure is a joy to be paying them back.
The first week of being saved a car just about ran me over, they hit me but I wasn't hurt at all. The guy in the car felt so bad. I just looked at him and said "God bless you and have a great day, I am okay" smiled at him and moved on. Now I was really wondering what was going on because I normally would have cussed him out left and right and instead of cussing I blessed him. That was so weird. But again it felt good. I learned to do good by what my conscience told me was good and that it felt good. I got hooked on this feeling good by doing good and did it more often.
About two weeks after being saved I thought of Bob. I immediately prayed for him, something like "Lord help him.." then I stopped praying and said out loud "What am I doing?" I'm praying for a man that I hated my whole life, but it feels good and right, so I did it again. I stopped again midway in the prayer and started pacing around. I was trying to make sense of what was going on and couldn't figure it out. But again it made me happy to pray for him so I did. Bob would often come to mind when I went to the bathroom and each time I would pray for Him. The more I did this the less weird it got. And the greater my love grew for him.
I started memorizing large portions of scripture and this was wonderful because it felt like the words were cleaning my mind and as Proverbs 2:10 "For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul." I wanted more and more of this pleasantness. So I memorized even more and the joy got more and more.
Then this life changing advice came:
A friend from church told me to find a book of the Bible and really understand it. Read through the Bible and pick one and read it over and over and study it and really get it. So I started in Genesis and read through. When I got to Proverbs I really liked it so I thought that would be the book. I started by memorizing all of Proverbs chapter 3. After that I thought maybe there is a better book than Proverbs. So I read on. Then I came to Song of Solomon. I read it with quite some confusion. It wasn't as good as the other books, I didn't know why. So I bought a commentary on it. George Burrowes commentary on the Song of Solomon.
In the commentary I found that George and other saw the book as illustrating God's love to the Church. And not only illustrating it but displaying the Love of Christ better than any other book. This caught my attention big time, because I was having a burning desire for a closer relationship with God and desperately learning about His Love so that I could Love God. You see I had hated Him for so long that God used that old hard heart to spur me on in loving Him. I so much did not want to hate God anymore that I was on fire to learn to Love Him as much and as fast as possible. So here was a book that would help me do that. So I landed on the Song of Solomon. I committed to learning as much of this book as possible.
I memorized the first chapter and would repeat it often throughout the day. I didn't know much of what I was repeating but it sure made me happier and on fire for God. I grew so fast repeating the first chapter over and over again all day, like a dozen times a day at least. It felt so good and I never found any other book that caused me to weep so much. I would often weep everyday just reading it. I was to immature to know what was going on. Even though it hurt to weep so much, I felt like my heart was being cleansed from the filth that was in it by repeating it over and over again so I did. As I read the commentary I understood more and more. What God was doing in me through the Song was greater and faster than any other portion of Scripture so I tended to stay there often. I was so excited about God that I thought it funny that other's in church weren't the same way. Some where happy but it seemed most of them didn't seem to care much about God. They would talk about work, football the weather. The only thing I wanted to talk about was Jesus and God and how can I grow closer to Him.
About this time there was a mission trip to Ireland.
I started to have convictions that I should try to find Bob and witness to him. I kept praying for him but how could he be saved if he hadn't heard the Gospel that has power unto salvation. So I asked family if they had any information. Like me before, my family hated him and thought he deserved hell. After some time I got his name but no location or phone number. Either they didn't know where he was or didn't want to tell me. I prayed some more and then started to get stronger convictions to do something about finding Bob.
So I went on the internet and typed in "his name and child molestation sex offender court" thinking that some court record would have some info leading to where I may find him" I even talked to a private eye and he couldn't help. So I googled some key words and spent hours each day looking through each page. I believed it was God's will for me to witness to Bob. I wanted him to be saved. Really bad. So much so that I thought God would save Bob if I were to witness to him. So I didn't stop searching for him. I kept my computer on each day and went page by page. It took two years to go through about 15,000 pages but I found someone who matched his name in a prison for molesting his grandchildren. I wrote the prison and he wrote back. All kinds of emotions went through my body when I saw his letter from the jail. I didn't open it right away but two hours later God gave me enough courage to face my fears again and I opened the letter. He admitted to being the one who molested me. We wrote back and forth I told him I was angry before but now I was saved and that I loved him and believed God wanted me to talk to him. He read my letters over and over again. I shared the gospel in each one.
I got mad at Bob 2x. Once he said that he love me. I got really angry with him. He didn't love me. That night it was hard to love Bob, I had to call a friend to pray for me to repent, after he prayed I felt greater love for Bob. Then I wrote him back saying "I'm sorry but you can't say that you loved me. You did not love me you lusted after me." He admitted he didn't love as he should have and admitted that it was lust and sinful. Finally some conviction. Yet I only thought he was saying that because I was being nice to him. All his family had left him and he said I was the only "friend" he had.
Wether or not it was true Bob said that he had cancer in his arm and that the help the prison gives was not enough and if he had money he could see a different doctor and get help. I sent him some money and since I was in jail before I knew what it was like to be in there without money, so I sent him money.
About 4-5 months in the economy went down, it was 2008. Work was hard. I still sent him money and I had to work harder. This was a really good lesson for me because I had to "work hard for the benefit of someone who did not deserve it." This was one of the greatest blessing ever because I realized with great certainty that Jesus was in me. This is what Jesus did. Jesus worked his whole life for me and I didn't deserve it!! Christ was in me! This was one of the best feelings ever and it put me in worship for months.
Then a mission trip to Croatia.
Each time I had to leave my business and amazing as it is I was completely okay each time. I am a self employed personal trainer and it is normally absurd to just leave and start over, but each time I had enough work within 2 weeks of coming back. This is a flat out miracle. I trusted God to provide and he did. How many people can start up a business in 2 weeks. Only with the help of God. God was teaching me early on in my walk that as long as I did what He wanted me to do then I had nothing to worry about.
About 3 years saved now.
I Taught the 4 year old's at church Sunday morning for 10 years.
Left my business 2x for mission trips and God miraculously provided when I came back.
I taught 5 x a week plus held a job.
Sunday morning to the kids.
Sunday night with the 5th graders
Friday afternoons at Good News Clubs. Sponsored by Child Evangelism Fellowship.
Friday Nights with the Kids teaching through Pilgrims Progress, I did this 2x
Teaching Monday afternoons at a nursing home. I taught through the Song of Songs once then John, then Romans then back to the Song again! I love the Song of Songs.
I grew up hating God for what happened to me, and now I love Him because He first loved me. My passion is for children to grow up loving God and not hating Him.
My other passion which has become ever greater is to help others see the Love of Christ to His Church in the Song of Songs!!
I would love to help you, just let me know and I will lead you and pray for you.
God demonstrates His love to us in sending His one and only Son to suffer in our place, taking our sins upon Himself so that whoever believes they get to heaven because of what He did for us will not perish but have everlasting life.